


cracknoir

by forkfork, spoonspoon



Category: Miraculous Ladybug, Mystic Messenger (Video Game), Undertale (Video Game), Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: "is it necrophillia if we're both dead", Another one bites the dust, BDSM, Crack, Crossover, Existential Crisis, F/F, F/M, Funny, Fusion, Humor, M/M, Memes, Multi, Psychological Horror, Sexuality Crisis, adrien is sad and limp, back pat the matpat, brendon may or may not exist, crackfic, dan is salty af, dating sim, death threats against sans, dicks that don't glow blue, discomfort, does jumin han is gay, emotions and dick jokes, fourth wall breaks, ladybug is done with everyones shit, like pearl levels of salt, mutual suffering, reassuring back pat, shitpost, wake me up (wake me up inside)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 1950-06-27
Updated: 2017-04-09
Packaged: 2018-07-18 13:35:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 20
Words: 97,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7317337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forkfork/pseuds/forkfork, https://archiveofourown.org/users/spoonspoon/pseuds/spoonspoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>"The One Who Holds the Third Eye. The Writer of Sins. The Master of Beasts. The Creature of the Unknown.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>  <em>Long ago, the four all powerful beings lived together in harmony. Then, everything changed when the Man Who Existed Outside of Time escaped from his prison, held by the dark, never ending chains of The Void. His escape, in turn, created tears in the fabric of reality that caused the lines between the different universes to blur. This, was the beginning of the end. </em></p><p>  <em>And this, was the beginning, of Cracknoir."</em></p><p>Also known as the fanfic we started when we were super sleep deprived and high on Pepsi! Cracknoir is a shitty ass excuse for a fanfic that combined a bunch of fictional universes for no reason other than we could, with a weak plot and way too many dick jokes. It's a literal shitpost, honestly. But hey, some people laugh at it! So you should come laugh with us. Join in on the self depreciation and meme references.</p><p>(And if that didn't sell it to you, there's Papyton.)</p><p>  <b>REWRITE IN PROGRESS. CHAPTERS COMPLETED: 3/20</b></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. wow this is actually a thing

**Author's Note:**

> we have no intro notes other than
> 
> prepare yourself
> 
> **Warning: this fic contains spoilers for Undertale (major), Miraculous Ladybug (major), Mystic Messenger (minor), FNAF backstory (very minor) and Welcome to Night Vale (minor.) Keep that in mind before you read.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well
> 
> Look at that
> 
> We’ve rewritten this goddamn crackfic for no reason other than that we decided why not add some weird ass plot to this shitfest
> 
> If this is your first time ever reading cracknoir, be grateful you didn’t have to experience the original (it’s the second time we’ve rewritten it and it still sucks ass) (we don’t know why we’re trying)
> 
> If you are a returning reader, I have two things to say
> 
> 1\. Why?  
> 2\. I’m so sorry

_ The One Who Holds the Third Eye _

_ The Writer of Sins _

_ The Master of Beasts _

_ The Creature of the Unknown _

_ Long ago, the four all powerful beings lived together in harmony. Then, everything changed when the Man Who Existed Outside of Time escaped from his prison, held by the dark, never ending chains of The Void. His escape, in turn, created tears in the fabric of reality that caused the lines between the different universes to blur. This, was the beginning of the end.  _

_ And this, was the beginning of Cracknoir. _

Stars twinkled brightly in the Parisian night sky, crisp and clear in the early summer air. The Eiffel Tower glittered beneath the moonlight, the looming structure almost as grand as the heavenly bodies above it. A cool breeze filtered through the streets, carrying the scent of blooming flowers and fruits across the city. The citizens of Paris milled about below the splendors of the galaxy above, sleeping soundly in their beds with their loved ones, remaining blissfully ignorant to the true terrors of their world. 

But that’s completely irrelevant, as this story does not take place in Paris. 

Our story begins one late afternoon, in a house settled between the dead and parched hills of California. Two young people, one female, one of unspecified gender, sat together in the living room of this house indulging themselves in the humorous writings of the Twilight fandom. 

“YOU MOLDY SLUT!” The girl read aloud, cackling as she fell backwards to the carpeted floor next to her friend. As they allowed themselves to get lost in the ridiculousness of the story they struggled to contain their hysterics, and after a long span of pure laughter, that the one of unspecified gender suggested their next activity. 

“Okay, enough of the bad Twilight fanfic, let’s read more Undertale fanfic!” The nonbinary teenager exclaimed. The girl’s grin immediately left her face, and she struggled to hide her scowl as she responded. 

“Do we really need to read more Undertale stuff? It’s all we’ve been doing for the past 4.99 hours!” She pointed out, shuddering as she tried to get the mental image of Underfell Papyrus thoroughly fucking Sans out of her mind. The nonbinary child’s joyous mood immediately subdued, and they looked to the ground as they thought of their response.

“B-but it’s  _ Undertale _ ! I wanna read more Sans x Reader fanfic!” They complained. 

“Well sucks for you, you edgy tumblr fuck. We’re gonna read that Voltron mermaid and bird fanfic I’ve been telling you about.” The girl replied. 

“But I’ve never even watched Voltron!” They protested. 

“You should ‘cause it’s good, jump on the fandom bandwagon, kiddo.” 

Now, the Paris paragraph is about to become relevant.

In that moment, in a tower far away in the beautiful, aforementioned city of Paris, a man in a leather mask (kinky shit) was sensing the raging turmoil within the nonbinary teenager all the way in America. 

“Hmmm… their emotions are potent, and although they are far away they have great potential. Although it will be of great personal cost to me, I must travel there at once!” Hawkmoth announced to literally no one except his imprisoned butterflies. Suddenly, his assistant rushed in as if summoned by a telepathic connection, her high heels clicking loudly on the stone floor. The bright red streak in her hair glowed in the faint moonlight, and she was tapping away quickly on her tablet. 

“Mr. Agreste, if I may advise, please turn on some fucking lights. It’s dark in here and the moths probably don’t appreciate it.” She said, not even looking up as she continued to type. 

“First off, you are not to call me by my real name when I am transformed. Right now, I am Hawkmoth!” He yelled, slamming his cane on the floor. Nathalie didn’t even flinch. “Second off, they’re butterflies, not moths! And C, my butterflies love the dark!” 

“Sir, standing all alone in the dark does not make you look cooler. Neither does the mask.” Nathalie deadpanned. “Would you like me to call your plane?” 

“Yes, BRING ME THE BUTTERFLY MOBILE!” *batman theme song plays* She sighed, and wondered for the 377th time why the hell she worked for this man. Tapping a button on her tablet, she stepped out of the room as Hawkmoth was raised into the ceiling on a mechanical pedestal. A hole in the ceiling opened, and the masked man was brought into the night air where a gigantic 747 was awaiting. There was one unique feature about this plane however, as instead of traditional airplane wings, the flying machine was fitted with giant, metal butterfly wings that even flapped as it flew. 

Hawkmoth smiled to himself as he stepped inside the plane’s luxurious interior.The plane instantly took off, looking like a monstrous butterfly as it alighted into the starry sky. Within seconds though, it disappeared as it went into its famed ‘hyper drive’.

Meanwhile, back at the California home, the teenagers’ arguing had only grown more heated. 

“Go fuck yourself!” The nonbinary teenager screamed, her face contorted with rage. The girl gasped and grabbed her chest, staring at her friend with a betrayed look in her eyes. 

“YOU COME INTO MY HOME, EAT MY FOOD, AND READ FANFIC WITH ME ONLY TO SAY THAT?! DON’T TALK TO ME OR MY SON EVER AGAIN!” She shouted, holding her laptop tight against her chest. In the distance, a faint ‘geeettttttt dunked on!!!’ could be heard.

Just then, the butterfly mobile appeared in the sky above the quaint abode, and remained in stasis as it waited in the inky night. Hawkmoth opened the cabin door, breathing in the thin air. He gently plucked a small white butterfly from his jacket pocket, and lightly cupped his hands over top of its smooth white wings.

“Go my little akuma, and darken her heart!” He shouted dramatically, pointing onwards as the now black butterfly fluttered downwards. Neither teenager paid attention, not even noticing as the butterfly phased through the door with methods still unknown to man. By the time the girl had noticed the creature, it was quickly approaching them with each flap of its wings. 

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” She exclaimed, lunging to push her friend to the ground. The teenager cried out a shriek of disgust, punching her in the face and making the girl fly backwards. She watched in horror as the akuma disappeared as soon as it touched the child’s dragon earrings, almost as if it was absorbed by the metal, and suddenly a pink halo was illuminating their face.

“Hello Chara, I am Hawkmoth. Your supposed ‘friend’ doesn’t understand your love for the greatness that is Undertale. I can give you the power to make her see the TRUTH! All you have to do in return, is give me Ladybug and Chat Noir’s Miraculouses.” The man’s honey-smooth voice said, his voice easily audible despite the distance thanks to even more methods unknown to man. 

“JUST GIVE ME A KNIFE AND I’M GOOD!” They shouted, their body being engulfed in black bubbles. Their friend groaned and scooted backwards, wondering how the hell she was supposed to deal with this shit when she had school the next day. Once the bubbles disappeared, the person that was left in her friend’s place was a shitty ass instagram Chara cosplay. 

Her friend, who now was Chara, was wielding a wooden knife and had shoulder length dark brown hair. A floating, slightly holographic flower crown floated on their head, looking identical to the snapchat filter that so many (basic) teenagers used.

“IN THIS WORLD, IT’S KILL OR BE KILLED!” They shouted with glee, stomping their way over to the frightened girl. 

“Oh for fuck’s sake-” She started, before Chara grabbed her by the shirt and shoved her into the wall. (kinkY)

Back in Paris, a young superhero was sleeping peacefully in her bed, when her magical kwami began to shake her awake.

“MARINETTE! WAKE THE FUCK UP, WE GOT AN EMERGENCY!” Tikki shouted, slapping the girl’s cheeks mercilessly. Marinette blinked open her eyes after a few moments, leaping up when the kwami started to approach her threateningly with a needle.

“WHOA WHOA WHOA WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” Marinette shouted,  scrambling out of bed and away from the pink bug.

“I was gonna stab you in the ear if you didn’t wake up. I always thought you’d look pretty with a second piercing anyway.” Tikki said nonchalantly, putting the needle down.

“What’s so wrong that you’d give me an ear piercing to wake me up?!” Marinette demanded, running her hands through her hair in an attempt to tame her bedhead.

“Someone’s been akumatized, and they’re extremely powerful, that’s what.” Tikki explained.

“Oh shit! Well then we gotta go!” Marinette said, getting out of her bed only to fall off and land on the hardwood floor with a thud. She groaned as she pushed herself up, and the kwami floated down beside her, shaking her head in judgement.

“It’s not that simple, Marinette.” Tikki began hesitantly. “Unfortunately, this akuma’s a bit further away than you’re used to.”

“Well where is it then? Another city? Another country?” She shuddered “Oh god, don’t tell me it’s all the way in London. I don’t know if my yoyo can take that.”

“Nope, not in London.”

“Well then spit it out already!”

“She’s in America.” Marinette gaped at Tikki, wondering how on earth she was going to get all the way to America in one night. America had enough fucking problems, couldn’t they just deal with whatever this was themselves?!

“I can’t exactly yoyo my way there.” She scoffed.

“I have a solution. Fortunately, we kwami can teleport you places.” Tikki said innocently, as if this wasn’t news to the girl. It was.

“WHAT?! YOU MEAN YOU COULD’VE BEEN TELEPORTING ME TO CLASS THIS WHOLE TIME AND HAVEN’T SAID ANYTHING?!” Marinette shrieked, eyes wide as Tikki nodded. “I’ve been late so many goddamn times…” She muttered, mostly to herself. Tikki elected to ignore this complaint and instead just grabbed her charge’s hand. 

“That’s not relevant, Marinette! C’mon, we don’t have any time to waste, plus the authors are getting tired of this scene.” Tikki explained, and before Marinette could protest, the kwami closed her eyes. The next thing Marinette knew,  she was being whipped through time and space. 

They were traveling at the speed of light (citation still needed, will keep you updated), and Marinette gazed in wonder at the swirling haze of the Time Vortex. As they flew, a blue british police box whizzed by their faces, disappearing into the clouds within seconds. 

“Tikki, why was there a police box in this wormhole?” Marinette asked with the cock of an eyebrow, craning her neck to look back at the mysterious blue box.

“No time to explain! Just an old friend of mine.” Tikki said with a shrug, still overly calm about the scenario at hand. Before Marinette could inquire further, the two were suddenly dropped onto the grass covered ground outside the California house.

Marinette leapt up, stumbling slightly as the blood rushed from her head, and had to hold her arms out to steady herself. With the quietness of a mouse she approached the house to peer through the window, and gasped as she saw a pink-haired teenage girl being pinned against the wall by a person of indistinguishable gender. The girl was struggling slightly, but didn’t seem to be all too alarmed by her current situation at hand. What was more alarming however, was the wooden knife the nonbinary teenager was holding to the girl’s throat. 

“Tikki! Transform me!” Marinette shouted, the start of her magical girl transformation. Tikki rushed into her earrings and the familiar bright pink light radiated through the windows as she was transformed into Ladybug. The two people stopped fighting, and both blinking in confusion at the sudden flush of light. Suddenly, the spotted heroine smashed through the window and startled both teenagers.

“What the hell?! You could’ve just opened the door!” The pink-haired girl complained as shattered glass flew everywhere, glaring at Ladybug despite still being pinned to the wall. 

“Oh, um, sorry.” Ladybug apologized, gazing sheepishly around the living room. Before Chara could react however, the second of many windows was shattered (thanks Papyrus) as Chat Noir joined the party.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake man!” The girl groaned, rolling her eyes dramatically. Ladybug felt a twinge of sympathy for this poor girl, despite knowing her miraculous cure would undo all of the damage in the end.

“Sorry to keep you waiting, m’lady. Traveling through a wormhole is quite exhausting.” Chat greeted his partner, giving her an over-exaggerated wink. Ladybug groaned, already tired of the cat’s flirting, and decided to just ignore him and get on with the mission. Honestly, her ass still hurt from falling out of bed, and she just wanted to catch this damn akuma as soon as possible so she could go back to sleep. Ladybug he shot out her yoyo in an attempt to pull Chara away from the girl, but unfortunately, the akuma dodged the attack at the last second, and the yoyo instead hit a large candy jar resting on the counter. The jar shifted across the countertop, before tipping over the edge and smashing onto the ground. 

“You guys are paying for this, y’know.” The girl said dryly.

“Don’t worry, we gotchu fam.” Chat said, finger gunning at the person they were SUPPOSED TO BE RESCUING. 

“hOW dARE yOU!” Chara shouted, turning everyone’s attention back to them. “yOU rEALLY tHINK yOU aRE aBOVE cONSEQUENCE?! wELL i’LL sHOW yOU cONSEQUENCE!” The authors visibly cringed at their capitalization choices, and suddenly, a deep rumbling reverberated throughout the building, and the heroes stumbled as they tried to get their balance. The girl, having been released from Chara’s grasp, quickly ran out of the room and into her bedroom, slamming the door shut with a loud bang. 

And she was never seen again. 

good riddance

Chara laughed maniacally as a great hole was opened up in the floor, ripping apart the hardwood paneling and carpet of the house. Ladybug and Chat Noir screamed as they felt themselves being sucked into the black void, and despite their best efforts, were quickly plunged into complete darkness.

~~

Ladybugs eyelids fluttered open as she slowly rose into consciousness, and once she sat up and surveyed the surrounding area she realized,  _ oh fuck, I don’t know where I am.  _ Soft sunlight filtered down from the hole they had presumably fallen down, and the ground was littered with bright yellow buttercups. Chat Noir was sleeping soundly in the bed of flowers, and Ladybug was so out of it, she kicked him to wake him up. The cat leapt up, gasping as he looked at their surroundings. 

“Okay, NOW where are we?” He asked, glancing around the dark cavern wildly.

“You really expect me to know?” Ladybug replied, raising her eyebrows. She put her hands on her hips and tapped her foot in annoyance. 

“Well well well, look who we have here.” A high-pitched, whiny ass voice said from behind them. The heroes whirled around towards the source, and gasped as they saw a little gremlin flower smiling up at them. “Hi! I’m Flowey, Flowey the flower!”

“Oh… oh hell no… Ladybug do NOT touch that flower! He’s a little bitch!” Chat Noir spat out, stumbling backwards away from him in a panic. “I know where we are. I’ve been on tumblr enough to find everything out I never wanted to know about…” He paused for dramatic effect, because he’s Adrien fucking Agreste and he does things like that. “UNDERTALE!” Flowey gasped, and his sweet smile twisted into a malicious grimace, fangs protruding from his flowery lips.

“Oh, so you know what’s going on here don’t you? Well, things are different than you’re used to. This new Chara has changed lots of things! It’s kinda weird honestly, I think there’s even some Youtubers down here!” Flowey said. Chat Noir narrowed his eyes in confusion.

“How do you even know what a Youtuber is?” He wondered aloud.

“How else would I keep myself entertained when no one falls down the hole?” Flowey replied, the tone in his voice suggesting it was the most obvious answer in the world. “Zoella’s my favorite Youtuber!”

“How the hell do you even hold a phone to watch that? And, wait, why are you even watching makeup tutorials? You’re a fucking flower!” Ladybug retorted, strangely bitchier than she would have been if the authors had written her correctly.

“Well, you’re a fucking mutant insect!” Flowey spat back.

“Shut up, you garden weed!”

“Damn savage.” Chat muttered under his breath. Ladybug was seriously contemplating smashing her foot right into the flower’s shit-eating grin, but Chat held her back. “C’mon, let’s just go. This little asshole isn’t going to help us at all.” Ladybug frowned but allowed herself to be led out of the opening, and into the ruins.

The duo began their stroll through the dusty purple cave, Ladybug letting Chat lead the way since he apparently knew where to go. They passed numerous small monsters, all of which Chat expected to get some kind of shocked reaction out of Ladybug, but she kept a stony expression the entire time. 

When you have to deal with butterflies literally possessing and turning people into supervillains that looked like the rejects of Panem, you get pretty used to weird shit, so it stops surprising you. That’s why Ladybug was not startled by the monsters they were encountering, as nothing phased this girl anymore. 

As they continued to walk through the ruins, Chat continued to search for any sign of the motherly Toriel to guide them to her home.

But nobody came.

“We need to find our way out of the ruins. Hang on, if my memory from watching Jacksepticeye’s runthrough (why the fuck u lyinnn) of this is right, then that means we need to go into the basement of Toriel’s house.” Chat said, looking around for any sign of the cozy home.

“Who’s Toriel?” Ladybug asked.

“She’s the most lovely goat mom ever who EVERYONE calls a furry, even though she’s NOT a furry, I PROMISE!” Chat explained in clear annoyance, making Ladybug snort. 

“You mean like how you’re supposedly not a furry?” Ladybug asked with a raised eyebrow.

“I told you for the 22nd time, I AM NOT A FUCKING FURRY!” He shouted. Ladybug just snorted and continued onward, shaking her head to herself at his denial. As they continued to walk, eventually they came across a small house nestled within the crumbling purple columns.

“I’m guessing this is it?” Ladybug asked, her arms crossed across her chest.

“Yep! C’mon, let’s see if Toriel baked a butterscotch pie!” Chat said with a cheer, busting open the door without even knocking. C’mon Chat, you may have been homeschooled but you have better fucking manners than that. What if Toriel had been showering or some shit? That’d be the real life Undertail tag, and neither of them wanted to see that. 

Well...

As the duo looked through the house, they realized it was completely empty. Only the faint scent of butterscotch pie remained the air, closer to that of a wishful memory. Chat looked around in confusion.

“Where is she?” He questioned. Ladybug shook her head, not knowing the answer to that, and grabbed his arm as she dragged him to the stairs. “B-but the pie!” He wailed, struggling against her hold to try and go to the kitchen.

“No time kitty, we gotta get to Chara so we can get the hell out of this place. You said the exit to the ruins was down the stairs, right?” She asked, her extremely strong grip starting to make his arm go numb. Chat nodded, his eyes wide.

“Y-yeah, you’re right. It is down the stairs.” He said, wondering where on earth Toriel could be. He had really been looking forward to meeting her. She could be like the mother he no longer had…

Sucks for the kitty boy.

Ladybug led him down into the dark tunnel of the exit, and when they reached the large and opulent doors, they found they were unlocked, as if they were simply waiting to be opened. Ladybug went to open them, but before she could, Chat Noir grabbed her arm to hold her back.

“We might have to fight monsters out there. Are you ready?” He warned, gulping nervously.

“We fight magical supervillains on a daily basis, you turd. I think we’ll be fine.” She replied dryly, and shook off his touch to open the doors.

The huge door opened with a loud creak, opening into a winter wonderland. Snow fell lightly from the sky, landing on the imposing pine trees softly. The air was colder out there, and both heroes were grateful for the protection their suits offered them. As they padded out quietly into the clearing, they saw a path for them to take. Silently they walked down it, the doors banging as they shut behind them.

As they strolled, they eventually came across a small bridge with what seemed to be a fence in place to keep them from crossing. Unfortunately, the bars were set too far apart to keep anyone out. Ladybug shrugged and went to cross through it, but Chat grabbed her arm again.

“Wait.” He said, looking around with wide eyes. “There’s supposed to be another character that shows up here.” 

“Who is that supposed to be?” She asked, crossing her arms and tapping her foot impatiently.

“This guy, or well, skeleton, is called Sans. Generally, this is where we first meet him. And then after that, we meet his brother Papyrus!” Chat explained eagerly, looking for any sign of the pun-dropping skeleton in question. Ladybug frowned, wondering why this weird ass situation sounded familiar, but then her eyes lit up with recognition.

“Oh… those names sound familiar! Is… Is this that video game with, like, the sex toaster, the scaly lesbians, the two furries, and the homoerotic skeleton that’s obsessed with spaghetti? And the one who loves puns?” She asked. Chat gasped with delight at the fact that she had heard of the game.

“Yep! That’s Undertale! We’re in the Underground!” Chat said excitedly, clapping his hands together with enthusiasm. Ladybug sighed again, but before she could respond, they heard a loud groaning coming from across the bridge behind a sentry station. Forgetting their previous hesitation, the two quickly crossed the bridge, and warily made their way over to the source.

An awkwardly tall emo boy was lying down on the ground, seemingly not caring that he was lying in freezing cold snow, staring blankly into the sky while a skeleton wearing a sweatshirt poked him with a stick.

“kid. kid c’mon. you gotta get up.” The skeleton said, poking the boy’s side.

“Ugh, why should I? We’re all gonna die anyway. Life is pointless.” The boy said in a british accent. Neither of them had noticed the fancily dressed superheroes yet.

“yeah yeah, i know, but we have a skeleTON of things to do today!” The boy groaned and Chat Noir stifled a laugh, and Ladybug smacked her face with her hand.

“Oh god, not another one.” Ladybug muttered. At the sound of her voice, both of the stranger’s heads snapped up to face them, only just now registering their presence. The boy didn’t say anything, just groaned again and returned to his existential crisis. The skeleton however, smiled and approached them, not looking surprised by their presence. Chat was bouncing up and down on his toes like a kitten, very excited about whoever the sweatshirt wearing monster was.

“wow, um… frisk… you look different.” The skeleton said as he approached, giving Chat a confused look. “trying out the leather huh?”

“Oh! I’m not Frisk! I...um… someone’s just messing with the game files and me and my lady here got thrown into the game. I’m Chat Noir! And this is Ladybug!” Chat said, coming up with the semi-lie on the spot.

“oh. nice to meet you then. i’m-”

“Sans! The skeleton!” Chat cut in. Sans gave him an odd look, and Chat blushed as he realized his eagerness was off-putting. “Sorry, I kinda know what’s going on.” Sans shrugged, and held out his hand to Ladybug who was standing in the corner still utterly perplexed as to what was going on.

“hey, lady, don’t you know how to greet a new friend?” He said. Chat squealed at the outstretched hand.

“Oh oh oh, I know this! Ladybug, shake his hand!” 

“kid, you’re kinda freaking me out  _ tibia honest _ .” Sans said. Chat stopped bouncing, eyes widening as he got the pun. He then squealed even louder.

“Finally! Someone who can appreciate  _ purrfect _ puns like I do!” He said excitedly.

“This is it. This is my hell.” Ladybug muttered under her breath. This was the beginning of Ladybug’s internal torment.

“Mine too.” The brown haired boy chimed in. Ladybug looked up to the heavens for mercy.

“I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve this… well actually, it’s probably all the phone stealing. Shit, I really need to stop doing that.” Marinette mused, shaking her head to herself. “Anyways… I’m sorry for all the phone stealing, please have mercy on me!” She begged some unknown heavenly force.

“Already tried that. Didn’t work.” The boy said. Finally, he got up from his metaphysical reflection and approached the group. “Hi guys. So my name is, [Dan.]” As he said his name, he gestured with his hands what seemed to be air brackets around his name for some unknown reason. What is this, 2009? Ladybug’s eyes widened as she finally recognized the boy.

“Dan? As in, Dan and Phil Dan?” She inquired. Dan nodded.

“Yeah, Phil’s my best friend.” (no homo)

“Oh wow, I’ve seen some of your videos and they’re really funny!” She said cheerfully. “Speaking of Phil, where is he anyway?” Suddenly, as if on cue, they heard a voice shout in the distance. 

“HUMANSSSSSS!” They heard someone screech. Sans sighed and they all looked to the distance as a figure, or rather two, became visible.

A taller skeleton, with a large chest covered by an armored crop top and only armored underwear for bottoms along with large boots came running in, with a very tall and lanky black-haired kid riding on his back. Chat Noir gasped in delight as he saw the skeleton arrive, and as he slowed the black-haired boy jumped down and the duo approached the group. Dan and Ladybug stared blankly at them, before just lying down in unison on the ground to think about their hells.

“It’s a terrifying world we live in, isn’t it?” Dan deadpanned.

“Yep, it sure is.” Ladybug replied.

“ARE THERE HUMANS HERE?!” The tall skeleton asked excitedly, looking back and forth at Ladybug and Chat Noir. His gaze fell on Chat and he stared at him, seeming confused. “THIS ONE SEEMS LIKE SOME SORT OF LEATHER CLAD CAT HUMAN HYBRID. HOW PECULIAR.” He turned to Sans. “WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?” His brother just shrugged in response. Wow. He was of no help at all.

“I MUST CAPTURE ALL THE HUMANS NYEHEHEHEHEHEHEH!” The tall skeleton announced. Phil eagerly nodded in agreement.

“Aren’t those two humans?” Chat asked, looking between Dan and Phil. The tall one glanced at both boys.

“Nope!” Dan said quickly.

“Then what are you?” Phil asked his friend.

“I’m you but stronger.” Dan replied, and Ladybug winced at the cringey meme reference. She could somehow tell that this fanfic was going to test her patience more so than any akuma ever had. 

She could already feel her will to live withering away.

“WHAT ABOUT YOU TWO IN THE SKIN TIGHT SUITS? ARE YOU HUMANS?” The tall skeleton demanded.

“Um… we’re... CGI?” Chat said uncertainly. The crop-top wearing monster narrowed his eyes in suspicion, before breaking out in a grin.

“OH. WELL ALRIGHT THEN. I SUPPOSE IT’S TIME FOR INTRODUCTIONS.” He announced, waving his arms around dramatically. “I AM THE GREAT PAPYRUS! MY FAITHFUL COMPANION PHIL AND I ARE OUT TO CAPTURE A HUMAN SO UNDYNE WILL LET US INTO THE ROYAL GUARD!” Papyrus said in a strident voice. Phil just nodded along.

“Oh, ok, that’s great and all, but by any chance have you seen a homicidal teenager wearing green sweater wielding a wooden knife pass through here? Unknown gender, goes by the name of Chara?” Ladybug asked, standing up again.

“oh shit. this better not be another genocide run.” Sans muttered, before looking back to the duo. “no, we haven’t seen them, but i know where you can find them.”

“WE’RE GOING TO ASGORE’S CASTLE AREN’T WE?!” Chat Noir practically screamed in excitement. Everyone gave him a blank stare.

“well, yeah.” Sans said awkwardly. “but first, it’s getting cold out, so how about we go back to our place in Snowdin and we’ll get some food and talk this whole thing out?” Sans suggested. Although Ladybug was impatient to catch up to Chara, she couldn’t deny the kitten eyes Chat Noir instantly pulled on her, and reluctantly she agreed.

“c’mon dan, we gotta go.” Sans said to the boy who was still lying on the ground, contemplating the pointlessness of his existence.

“Hrnnnggggh. Five more minutes.” He grumbled.

“nope, sorry kid, we’re leaving now.” Sans said. When Dan still didn’t move, Phil walked over and grabbed his arms, while Papyrus grabbed his legs. And with that, the group trudged their way into the snowy pine trees, and Ladybug couldn’t shake the feeling that she was getting involved in some really really deep shit. 

Goddammit, what had her life come to?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so that was slightly less of a shitfest
> 
> we only rewrote this so we’d stop continuing wanting to orphan it rip our memey asses


	2. Spaghetti

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ladybug is done with everything, everyone's favorite fish bitch makes an appearance, Dan still isn't mentally stable, and kitty boy gets some time alone with his favorite skeleton.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second chapter has been rewritten... and it's still complete shit

_ After the escape from his prison, The Man Outside of Time attempted to create a gateway between the universes. His first attempt brought him in contact with The Storyteller. Between them, a deal was struck: The Storyteller would lend his assistance in creating more gateways, so long as he lived to tell the greatest tale in the entire universe. The Man Outside of Time agreed to help make this happen.  _

“follow me, i know a shortcut.” Sans said as he led the group into the dark forest. Ladybug and Chat Noir followed, while Phil and Papyrus hoisted Dan up and half-dragged half-carried him through the secret route that disobeyed pretty much every single fucking law of science. 

After only a few short seconds of walking, they emerged from the shadowy tree line and found themselves standing in the middle of quaint town that looked reminiscent of something you’d see in a Hallmark Christmas movie. It was a small town, blanketed in piles of soft snow and softly illuminated by candles and colorful string lights. Some of the townsfolk stood around a large Christmas tree in the center of town, the green branches adorned with numerous small ornaments and a bright star on top. 

“Oh. My. God. WE TOOK THE SHORTCUT!” Chat Noir squealed, jumping up and down in excitement at this revelation. Sans just shrugged, looking rather uncomfortable, and led the way to the quartet’s house. Phil and Papyrus were still carrying Dan, and they grunted with the effort as they dragged him towards the largest house in the tiny town. Once they were inside, Dan was unceremoniously dropped to the floor, groaning as he picked himself up.  

“HOW ABOUT I MAKE SPAGHETTI FOR EVERYONE?!” Papyrus quipped, stepping into the small kitchen. Everyone else hummed in agreement, not having eaten since before we wrote the first chapter, but Sans shuddered at the words. A single, cerulean tear fell down his cheekbone as the words played over and over in his mind. Spaghetti. Spaghetti.

_ Spaghetti. _

They only ever had spaghetti. Nothing else. Ever. Just spaghetti. For all eternity.

The short skeleton regained his bearings and began to hum the tune of ‘The Sound of Silence’ (that’s ‘hello darkness my old friend’ to you uncultured fucks) quietly to himself. Dan instantly joined in, being the meme that he was. They were very out of tune. Ladybug wondered if she could hang herself with a spaghetti noodle.

After a collective murmur in agreement from the group (minus Sans and Dan,) Phil followed Papyrus into the kitchen, skipping cheerfully like a joyous school boy. Chat hurried after the duo to assist in making what was bound to be a delicious meal. Sans made his way up the stairs to take shelter in a room with rainbow strobe lights projecting out from under the door, making it look like some sort of blindingly bright, gay disco ball was on the other side of the door. 

Ladybug was still just awkwardly standing in the middle of the foyer, and when Dan’s groan of emotional pain caught her attention she looked over to see him sprawled out on the couch, completely still. She awkwardly shuffled over and sat down next to next to him, not breaking the silence, assuming he’d probably resumed his existential crisis.

“So…” She began, and he blearily opened his eyes to look up at her. “How’d you and Phil get stuck down here?” She asked, hoping she could break him out of his trance. For a moment, Ladybug thought Dan hadn’t heard her, since he hadn’t bothered to move or open his mouth to speak. But suddenly he sat up, staring at the wall instead of meeting her eyes. He took a deep, shuddering breath, seemingly to steady himself, and Ladybug wondered if this was a painful memory. 

“I… I think Phil and I were were hiking. Pokemon GO had just come out the day before, and we wanted to play, you know? Then we just came upon this random hole in the ground, and there was a Pidgey near the edge. Phil and I went for it, and suddenly the ground just collapsed out from under us and we fell in. We’ve been stuck here ever since.” He explained, continuing to stare at the wall. Ladybug raised an eyebrow at him.

“You risked your life… for a Pidgey?” She deadpanned. For someone with a gaming channel, she thought he’d be better at fucking Pokemon, the game that 90% of 11 year olds play, than that. Dan moaned and hid his face in his hands. 

“Don’t remind me. I have so much regret.” He said, his voice muffled from behind his hands. They dropped back down to his lap, and Ladybug saw that his expression had turned from one of regret, to one of anger. “I knew going outside was a bad idea and tried to tell Phil this, but noooooooooo, he said we needed to get some ‘sunshine’. Well, look where we are now! There’s no fucking sun in the Underground!” He yelled, gesturing wildly to express his annoyance. Ladybug bit her lip and tried to think of a response that would placate the poor emo boy.

“I’m sorry. That... must’ve been hard for you to adjust to.” No shit, Labydug. “If it makes you feel any better, Chat Noir and I are trying to find a way out of here, too. So I understand what you’re going through.” Dan laughed bitterly at that.

“Wow, we’re saved! It’s not like me, Phil, and everyone else down here haven’t been trying to figure that one out forever!” He scoffed. Ladybug glared at him, getting sick of his shitty attitude.

“Listen here bucko, I save Paris on a daily basis from magical supervillains possessed by fucking butterflies. The person who brought us here is one of those magical supervillains. I think I know what I’m doing.” She said, poking him in the chest for emphasis.

“Butterflies?” Dan asked, knitting his brows in confusion. Of all the weird shit he’d seen in the Underground, evil demon butterflies was one of the weirdest. That, and Aaron. He shuddered at the thought.

“Yes butterflies. Evil butterflies. We call them Akumas.”

“And where do the evil butterflies come from?”

“Well, there's a guy called Hawkmoth-”

“SWEET JESUS MOTHERFUCKING CHRIST ON A BICYCLE HE’S A FUCKING MOTH?! THAT’S TERRIFYING!” Dan yelled, cutting her off. He scrambled backwards of the couch and onto the floor with a thud.

“Um… not really. He’s more like a weird old man who’s super overdramatic, and has probably never seen the light of day. He also wears a tight leather mask, so make of that what you will.” Ladybug explained.

“Kinky.” Dan commented dryly. From a room over, Phil gasped in shock.

“THIS IS AN E RATED GAME, YOU GUYS! Stop using dirty words!” He called from the other room, earning a roll of the eyes from Dan. Apparently, Spoon realizes as she rewrites this chapter, Dan is a dick when he’s having an existential crisis.

Will the fourth wall breaks ever stop, you ask? The answer is,  _ over my dead body. _

Meanwhile, there was a flurry of activity in the kitchen as Papyrus, Phil, and Chat all made (attempted to make) the (seemingly) simple dish of spaghetti. 

“STIR IT FASTER, CGI!” Papyrus shouted at the leather clad boy as he hovered near the pot of heating tomato sauce. Chat blanched and began to move the spoon so fast the sauce began flying out of the bowl in all directions, a large amount of it straight into Phil’s face. He let out a small hamster squeak and frantically started wiping away the scorching tomato goop, staining his skin so it was slightly pink. 

Heh. Danisnotonfire, but now Phil is. 

“NYEHHHH! NOT LIKE THAT!” The skeleton cried, reaching over to snatch away the spoon and stop the mad cat.

“Uhh, guys! You're making a mess!” Phil said nervously. Nobody paid any attention to his warning, instead jumping in surprise when Sans suddenly materialized in the room.

“looks like things are getting saucy in here,” He said with a wink, smearing some sauce on the floor with the toe of his slipper. Ladybug began screaming internally, barely resisting the urge to scream externally as well.

“I swear to  _ God _ ,” she threatened, seething with anger. “If I hear one more pun from EITHER of you-”

“Let’s hope this spaghetti doesn’t turn into a _ cat _ astrophe!” Chat called out triumphantly,  interrupting Ladybug and causing her to stare at the entryway to the kitchen blankly for a moment, before she began to scream externally as well. Dan just laid back down on the floor, groaning loudly to himself. Apparently, the two of them were in similar situations: eternally being tortured with shitty jokes by their pun-loving partners in crime, and being stuck in a perpetual state of being, as the Kool Kidz call it, ‘so done’.

“i gotta admit, kid, that was pretty humerus .” Sans said, finger gunning at Chat. Ladybug stormed into the kitchen, where Phil was currently drawing cat whiskers on Chat’s face with a sharpie, and she pushed her way past the skeletons towards the two boys. Chat glanced up and suddenly his face was filled with fear, and Phil quickly darted out of the way. Ladybug grabbed his leather tail, pulling him towards her, and lifted him up with one arm before promptly throwing him out the open window. Away he flew, just like her will to live. 

“MEOWWWW!” He screeched as he face planted into the snow. Meanwhile, Sans was dying of laughter in the corner, and the badass bug bitch™ whirled around to face him.

“YOU WANT ME TO THROW YOU OUT THE WINDOW, BONE BOY?!” She threatened, taking a step towards him. He stumbled backwards, throwing up his hands and briefly flashing his eye at her in self defense.

“whoa, don’t  _ bug out _ on me here. i think i’ll pass. i don't have as high of hp as your friend, and unlike cats, skeletons don't always land on their feet.” He said casually. Ladybug sighed and forced herself to relax, trying to be slightly less aggressive. What had gotten into her? Was this because she was so sleep deprived, or were the writers really just  _ that bad _ ?

“Fine.” She said, crossing her arms and glancing to where Papyrus and Phil were gaping at her. Dan, meanwhile, hadn’t moved.

“CGI INSECT! YOU ARE SO STRONG! YOU SHOULD JOIN THE ROYAL GUARD WITH ME AND PHIL!” Papyrus suggested brightly. “OF COURSE, WE HAVE TO FIND A HUMAN FIRST!”

“The Royal Guard?” Ladybug asked curiously. “Who are they?”

“They capture humans and protect the underground! Undyne is their leader, she's pretty cool. Once we find a human, she'll let us join!” Phil explained eagerly, waving his hands around as he spoke. Ladybug gave him a pointed look at the word ‘human’, to which he put a finger to his lips and went “shhhhhh,” very obviously. She just rolled her eyes.

“Who’s this Undyne? Is she gonna be our friend or-” Before she could finish her question, Ladybug was cut off by what sounded a little girl’s panicked screaming outside. Her superhero instincts kicked in and she leapt out the window, frantically searching the area for the attacker and their victim. Everyone rushed out after her, completely forgetting the spaghetti cooking on the stove. The only two who stayed inside were the ever lazy Sans, and poor Dan who was still lying on the living room floor contemplating insignificant existence.

Once outside, the group saw that said little girl was actually Chat Noir, and was being pinned down by the silver boot of a fish-like warrior. She was a tall woman with tealish-blue scales that shimmered slightly reddish in the light, hefty knights armor and a slicked back ponytail. In her gloved hands was glowing blue spear, aimed straight at his chest. He cried out again, but by the look on his face Ladybug could tell it was a scream of excitement.

“UNDYNE OH MY GOD MY WAIFU-” He was interrupted when she thrust the spear down at him. Chat struggled out of her hold and rolled out of the way just in time, then cried out “I’M JUST A MAGICAL CGI CAT BOY PLEASE DON’T HURT ME!”

“No, Undyne, don’t hurt them!” Phil shouted, waving his arms and rushing over to throw his arms around the woman’s waist  from behind. She stumbled backwards in surprise, and prepared to fight back, but then relaxed when she realized who was behind her. Papyrus and Ladybug rushed after him and to Chat’s defense. Undyne sighed, before looking up to see Ladybug, and narrowed her eyes.

“There’s MORE OF THEM?! Papyrus, what is with you and  _ humans  _ these days?” She screeched, raising her glowing spear at the spotted heroine.

“No, uh, I'm CGI too!” Ladybug stammered, one hand hovering over her yo-yo. Papyrus nodded frantically.

“Papyrus, you captured TWO HUMANS?!” Undyne yelled, her eyes widening in disbelief. She didn’t dare lay a hand on either of them, knowing Sans could and would end her if she did, but still didn't trust the two new humans. Especially since they were sort of the Underground’s greatest enemy, and with the exception of Dan and Phil, everything she’d been taught to hunt and hate.

“UNFORTUNATELY, NO. AS YOU CAN CLEARLY SEE, THIS IS AN INSECT, AND A MAGICAL CAT BOY!” Papyrus explained, gently tugging her away from the heroes in question. Undyne snatched her arm away, but still stepped backwards. “BUT WHEN I DO FIND A HUMAN, I ,THE GREAAAT PAPYRUS, SHALL CAPTURE THEM WITH MY AMAZING TRAPS! NYEHEHEHEHEHEHE!!” He cried out. Undyne sighed, muttering something to herself about the color of their souls, but let it go for the time being, seeing as she wouldn’t be able to fight them here. Her spear vanished from her hands.

“Fine. Don't think this is over, punk.” She said through gritted teeth, glaring at Chat, and disappeared into the treeline. He and Ladybug breathed sighs of relief, and she walked to his side to help him up and out of the snow. 

“Father was right, it is dangerous outside.” He said absentmindedly. Everyone turned and gave him confused stares and he just shrugged in response, having realized what he said and trying to play it off as nothing.

“WELL, WHO WANTS SPAGHETTI?!” Papyrus asked after some silence. The three humans wordlessly nodded in agreement, and they all made their way back inside where Dan was finishing up setting the table. Sans was sat in his spot at the table snoring while Dan slaved away, as per fricken usual. The damn skeleton didn’t do anything. Ever. It drove Dan and Papyrus insane.

“Oh, well look who’s back. While you guys were out there having your little ‘discussion’, I had to finish cooking the spaghetti to make sure this whole house DIDN’T BURN DOWN!” Dan said, clearly very annoyed. “I set the table as well, YOU’RE WELCOME!”

“Damn, no need to be so salty.” Ladybug murmured. This writing was shit, and nobody was in character, and Ladybug was kinda sick of it. “You literally just boiled pasta and set plates on a table.”

“Oooooo you’re gonna need ice for that burn!” Chat Noir said. Dan just sighed, nodding and taking a seat at the table.

“We had a bit of a situation, as you may have heard. Undyne just tried to kill us, so I think we have an excuse.” She explained as she joined him. His expression turned sympathetic, and he nodded in silent apology.

“Speak of the devil and she shall come.” He replied, his voice lacking any sense of emotion.

“Okay, how about we start dinner?!” Phil butted in, ever the peacemaker of the group.

“Dinner? Isn’t it like 3 a.m.? How long have we even been down here?” Ladybug asked, suddenly realizing how long ago it must have been when Tikki threatened to stab her in the ear and woke her up. Exhaustion weighed in her bones and she felt the whole day’s events hitting her all at once.

She’d been thrown through a vortex against her will, broke into some poor girl’s house, lost to an akuma, suffered through puns, and watched Chat Noir almost get killed before her very eyes. Needless to say, this day had been a wild ride for her. 

“well, according to the edit history on this document, Fork and Spoon wrote the part about you falling down here a little over a week ago. time usually doesn’t work normally in fanfiction.” Sans explained, suddenly conscious again. “but considering this is a rewritten chapter, it's technically been over six months.”

“So I literally haven’t eaten or slept in a week, maybe even longer.” She grumbled to herself, her eyelids drooping as Phil set a heaping plate of spaghetti in front of her. She mouthed a silent thanks, and began to twirl some pasta around her fork with fervor. Spoon felt really bad for poor Ladybug, so she wrote her a coffee to drink.

Phil and Papyrus eagerly awaited her and Chat Noir’s reactions as they each took a bite of the pasta. Their faces immediately scrunched up as the flavor hit their tongues. The taste was… indescribable.

“SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK? HAVE THE GREAT PAPYRUS AND HIS NON HUMAN SIDEKICK PREPARED A SATISFYING MEAL?” He was practically shaking with excitement. Ladybug tried not to gag.

“I think it’s perfect, it’d be im _ pasta _ ble for it to be any better.” Chat said with a toothy grin, and Dan and Ladybug exchanged annoyed looks.

“heh, good one kitty.” Sans smirked and took a bite of the spaghetti without even flinching. Chat gazed at him with curiosity, wondering where the food went, but decided not to ask.

“That’s my nickname for him…” Ladybug mumbled, louder than she’d meant to. A shit eating grin played across Chat’s face, and he leaned close to her with slitted eyes.

“Jealous, m’lady?” 

“Ha, oh yeah, I’m totallyyy jealous. I’m turning green with envy!” Ladybug said, sarcasm dripping from her voice. Chat’s smile fell slightly at her utter insincerity, but he hid it with a fake laugh.

“IT’S OKAY THAT YOU’RE JEALOUS LADYBUG. YOU CAN JUST DATE ME INSTEAD!” Papyrus declared, causing Chat Noir and Ladybug both to choke on their food, even more so than they already were. It wouldn’t be the last time for either of them. Sans patted Chat Noir’s back as he coughed his lungs out, and Dan did the same for Ladybug. After a few moments the coughing had died down, and the duo were left gasping for breath.

“Date you?! What?!” Ladybug shrieked, taking gulp of her coffee, mentally thanking Spoon for the gift. You’re welcome, bugaboo.

“I’LL TAKE YOU ON A DATE! IT IS OBVIOUS YOU ARE MADLY IN LOVE WITH ME AND MY SPAGHETTI!” Papyrus declared. Ladybug held back a sigh, figuring this probably wasn’t the weirdest thing that had happened that day, and Dan reassuringly patted her shoulder.

“Is there any way I can get out of this?” She whispered to him once conversation picked up between everyone else.

“It’s a rite of passage, we all have to go on a date with a skeleton at some point down here.” Dan explained in a hushed voice. “It’s not that bad, really!” 

“So is he gonna have to go on the date also?” Ladybug asked, jerking her thumb towards the leather furry seated next to her

“Probably, yeah. Like I said, we all have to date a skeleton, and Papyrus tends to ask everyone out.” Ladybug nodded at this, biting her lip as she pondered the situation at hand. While a little narcissistic and probably clinically insane, Papyrus  _ had  _ defended she and Chat from a fish woman with a pointy stick and made them dinner, so she probably owed it to him.

“Well… I suppose I should just get it over with. We need to get to the next boss fight before Chara does.” She declared, then turned to Papyrus. “So, when do you wanna have this date?” Papyrus’ head whipped towards her and his face broke out in an even bigger grin than he usually had, somehow. 

How does a skeleton grin, anyways? They don’t exactly have cheeks, or mouths. Just another unanswered question by Toby Fox, on the list with who the hell W. D. Gaster is and what exactly happened at the end of the genocide run. Seriously, when you think about it, the whole sell your soul dealio made no sense. How the fuck is Chara still alive, anyways? Frisk “awoke” them?? No, they’re fucking dead. And why does Flowey getting a soul automatically make him Asriel? Like, where did his body come from? Physically, he’s still a flower. Why doesn’t he just become a flower with a soul? How did he even absorb the souls? And why doesn’t Sans just teleport into the Ruins to see Toriel? Or kill Frisk the second he sees them killing? If he really does remember timelines, doesn’t he see this shit coming?

The Undertale fandom is still confused. More at six.

“LET’S HAVE IT RIGHT NOW!” He declared, and Phil nodded in agreement. Ladybug blanched, her eyes widening before Papyrus gasped. “OH WAIT! I MUST CLEAN MY ROOM FIRST. HOW ABOUT IN FIFTEEN MINUTES?” 

“Uh… Okay, yeah. Sure. That sounds good.” As she spoke, voice full of surprise and confusion, she didn’t notice the blonde next to her gazing at her with melancholic eyes. The leather cat ears on top of Chat’s head drooped downwards, and Sans gave him a sympathetic pat on the back. 

“GREAT! PHIL AND I MUST GO NOW AND PREPARE!” Papyrus announced. And with that, the duo stood up and left the table, going upstairs towards what could only be assumed to be Papyrus’s room. Since everyone was pretty much done with their meals, and it seemed no one else in this sorry lot would do it, Ladybug resigned herself to picking up the plates of spaghetti and washing them in the sink.

“thanks, LB.” Sans said, before vanishing yet again. Dan retreated to his sofa crease, leaving only Chat and Ladybug standing in the kitchen. She focused on scrubbing the spaghetti sauce off the plates, which was much harder than it sounded as the tomato goo seemed permanently stuck to the white porcelain. Chat approached her slowly, his head still low. 

“So… you and Papyrus huh?” He asked, picking up a plate to help and keeping his gaze glued to the sink. Ladybug glanced at him, and snorted with laughter.

“What are you talking about, chaton? You really think I actually like him?” She asked, struggling to contain her giggles. “Yeah, right, I’m just going on the date with him because I don’t think I really have any other choice.” Chat Noir looked at her with surprise, before his face broke out in a grin.

“Awwww bugaboo! I knew you’d never betray me like that! You’re in loveee with me!” Chat cooed, making a kissy face at her like they were in kindergarten. Her hands stopped scrubbing the dish as her sour mood returned, and the last string of her patience snapped. The plate fell into the sink and it’s a wonder it didn’t shatter, and the shrill noise echoed off the kitchen walls. A week of no sleep, food, and water, along with dealing with puns and going through more weird shit than anyone should have to deal with had put a lot of strain on Ladybug’s mind, and this last joking flirtation was what finally made her lose it. 

“Did you just say, ‘betray you’?” She said in a deathly quiet voice. Chat’s grin fell away from his face as he stared into her cold gaze. He swore his whole life flashed before his eyes in that moment.

And damn what a sad life that was. 

“Um… yeah?” He squeaked in fear.

“For the LAST TIME, you furry: We. Are. Not. TOGETHER!” Ladybug shouted, pulling her yoyo off her hip as she moved into an attack stance. Oh, how she wanted to kick his ass in that moment. She wanted to kick his ass so bad that that snarky look would rather stay in a Mexican prison with a roommate named Buffalo Bill before going back to Chat’s face. 

“B-but my Lady!” Chat tried to protest, feeling as if his heart was shattering into a million pieces. She waved a hand to silence him. 

“Chat, no! I have had no sleep, and only weird spaghetti to eat. I am more than done, I AM 150% DONE and I do NOT need any more of your bullshit flirting right now!” She snapped. Chat shrank back from her anger, his leather ears flattening against his blonde head.

“I-I’m sorry Ladybug, i-it was just a joke!” He said in a pleading tone. She rolled her eyes, putting her yo-yo back in its place and turning back to the dishes.

“Just-just go. Please. I need a minute to myself.” She said without looking at him. His heart constricted and he held back a whimper, and he silently stalked out of the room mumbling “I’m not a furry…”

Walking into the living room, Chat spotted Dan on a laptop scrolling through Tumblr. Dan didn’t even glance up from his meme blog as the sulking boy made his way over, clearly not wanting to be bothered. Looking around the rest of the small room, Chat spotted Sans standing in the corner doing… nothing. He was just staring at the wall it seemed. But as he approached, Sans broke out of his trance and immediately noticed Chat’s dour mood.

“hey, kid, you okay?” Sans asked with concern. He was sort of the guardian angel of this universe, and even if it wasn’t Frisk, it was his job to help any human that was in trouble. Chat glanced up from the mottled red carpet, and saw that the skeleton’s expression was sincere.

“Um, well, to be honest… not really.” He said with a sigh. Sans placed his bony hand on Chat’s arm, and jerked his head towards the door.

“let’s talk outside.” Sans suggested. Chat nodded and suddenly they were outside and in the cold and snowy night. “okay, tell me what’s wrong.”

“I don’t wanna annoy you with my dumb problems.” Chat mumbled, kicking at the snow with his boot.

“it’s not like i’ve got anything else to do.” Sans said with a shrug, then frowned. “well, yeah, actually i do. but i don’t really feel like doing it. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ ”

“Well…” Chat bit his lip as he pondered how much to divulge to the skelebro. “I just kinda got rejected by Ladybug.” He said with a sigh. “I mean, I shouldn’t be so down, it’s not like my first girlfriend turned into the moon or anything.” 

“that’s rough, buddy.” He replied, disregarding the moon comment. “so i’m guessing she doesn’t like you back?”

“No, she doesn’t.” Chat said, then sighed. “I’ve loved her ever since I met her, but she just doesn’t feel the same way. And today I was teasing her about us being a couple and she yelled at me and said we weren’t together so I needed to stop acting like it.”

“don’t worry, you’ll get over her, kid. besides, there’s plenty of skeletons in the sea, amiright?” Sans said with a wink. Chat Noir just sighed. 

“Yeah, I guess so.” He said with resignation. They looked around as snow began fluttering down from the sky, the bright white flakes like cherry blossoms petals in every anime ever.

“are you cold, kid? i don’t exactly need my jacket, so if you need to you can borrow it.” Sans asked with a concerned look. Chat glanced at Sans in surprise, and then smiled slightly.

“Nah I’m, fine. The suit is magic so I don’t feel the cold with it on.” He explained. “Thanks, though. I appreciate it.”

Sans hummed in response, and brushed at some snow on said hoodie. “what’s with the suit and the mask, anyway?” He inquired after a moment of silence.

“Well, I’m a magical girl, right? Gotta keep the identity a secret, for safety reasons and such.” Chat explained with a grin. The skeleton nodded in understanding. 

“so i’m guessing chat noir isn’t your real name?” He asked, Chat Noir nodded. “well if you don’t mind me asking, what is your real name then?” 

Chat regarded the skelebro in silence for a moment, pondering whether or not to tell him the truth. Then, he figured that Sans wouldn’t  have any reason to reveal his secret (and would probably be too lazy to tell anyone, anyways), so he went with his gut.

“My name’s Adrien Agreste.” He said, flashing Sans his model smile. “But you can’t tell Ladybug, though, she doesn’t want us to know each other’s identities.”

Sans shrugged for the 457th time. “i won’t, kid. i’ve got no reason to.” 

Adrien nodded in thanks, then gasped suddenly, causing Sans to raise an eyebrow at him. “Oh! Speaking of my identity, Plagg must be getting pretty tired of holding the transformation for this long."

“who’s plagg?”

“My kwami. He’s what turns me into Chat Noir. He’s basically a tiny anthropomorphic cat god that’s a rude little shit.” Chat explained.

“hmm. he must be pretty tired then, maybe you should de-transform.” Sans suggested. Chat pondered the thought, glancing around to see if anyone was listening in. 

“Yeah, but, the thing is, Plagg loves cheese and is gonna be wailing and howling for Camembert the minute I release my transformation.”

“is that some kind of fancy-ass french cheese or something? because we don't have any of that. but we do have parmesan for the spaghetti if that'll work.”

“I guess so.” Chat said, sighing as he looked down at his ring, the green paw still glowing strongly. He released his transformation and was bathed in a bright green light, and within seconds, a fatigued Plagg fell into Adrien’s outstretched bare hands.

“OHHHHHHH MY GODDDD I THINK I’M DYINGGGGG!” Plagg moaned. “You were transformed for sooooooo longggggg! I’m gonna need so much Camembert to recover from this.” The kwami wailed, before hoisting himself up into a sitting position and looking around. “Um, where the hell are we?”

“It’s a long story.” Adrien said, waving it off. Plagg suddenly noticed Sans, jumping slightly and letting out a small shriek.

“WHO THE HELL IS THAT?!” he demanded.

“i’m sans, sans the skeleton. nice to meet you, um, plagg was it? never met a kwami before.” Sans introduced himself with practiced calmness, not bothering to bring out the whoopie cushion since the creature looked frazzled enough already. Plagg narrowed his beady eyes before turning back to Adrien.

“You have a lot of explaining to do.” Plagg told him. “But we’ll talk about it another time. I need cheese. Now.”

“You’re gonna have to make do with parmesan because there’s no Camembert here and there’s no way for me to get any.” Adrien told him. Plagg sighed, resigning himself to a lack of his favorite delicacy. He didn’t respond and Adrien sighed, turning back to Sans to ask him to grab the cheese. But before he could, a bottle of powdered parmesan materialized in the air and fell right into the skeleton’s outstretched hand, leaving Adrien and Plagg both gaping.

“How did you do that?!” They asked in unison.

“ ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯” Was Sans’s only response. The skeleton handed the bottle to the kwami, who looked at it with disgust before phasing inside it to begin munching on the cheese. Adrien left him to it, and looked back towards his new friend. He held out his arms, gesturing to his new self.

“So, um, hi? This is me as Adrien!” He said awkwardly. Sans narrowed his eyes, staring at the logo on his shirt.

“what’s an ‘undertale’?” He asked. Adrien suddenly realized he was still in his pajamas, which consisted of a t-shirt with the title of his favorite video game and ladybug patterned pj pants. Blushing furiously, he crossed his arms over his chest and put out an air of fake confidence. He refused to be ashamed of his awesome night wear.

“Um, it’s just a video game I like. Nothing important.” He said hastily, glad he hadn't worn the shirt he had with Sans’ face on it.

“huh, cool.” Sans said with a shrug. “you know, your disguise is pretty shitty. you look exactly the same pretty much, and your voice isn’t any different either.” Adrien gasped, before scratching his head nervously.

“Oh, um, crap, really? I mean, I’ve been Chat Noir for a while now and no one’s figured me out, so I thought my disguise was pretty good.”

“you live in a city of idiots.” Sans said nonchalantly. Just then, Adrien’s phone buzzed as he received 134 notifications from probably a week ago, half from Nino and the rest from his other concerned classmates, all wondering where the heck he was. “those from your friends?” Sans asked.

“Yeah, they all wanna know where I am. Wanna see a photo of them?” Adrien replied, shoving his phone into Sans’s bony palm. If there was one thing besides Ladybug and croissants he loved in this world, it was showing off the only four friends he had to other people. Sans took it, glancing down at his lock screen.

“That’s Nino, he’s my best bro. That’s Alya, she’s the head of Ladyblog which is a blog dedicated to Ladybug. And me of course,” he said, pointing to the individuals. “And that’s Marinette. She was my first friend actually, she’s our class president.” Sans stared at the photo of Marinette, his smile seeming strained.

“are you fucking kidding me?” he muttered to himself, to low for the boy to hear. He hated being the smartest one in the game sometimes. Clenching his teeth, he handed the phone back to the blonde. “they look like cool friends. that marinette girl’s really pretty, huh?”

“Yeah, she’s super cool and smart, but I think she doesn’t like me that much. It’s really weird, whenever I try to talk to her she gets all nervous and stutters, and tries to leave as quick as she can.” Adrien said with a furrow between his brow.

“maybe she likes you?” Sans asked, silently hoping he’d get the hint.

“Nah, I don’t think so. And besides, I don’t really think of her that way. She’s one of my best friends, you know?” Sans didn’t have brain cells but if he did he would’ve lost about 983 of them in that moment (citation needed.) He decided not to say anything, for the sake of Ladybug/Marinette’s privacy, but it pained him greatly to do so. Suddenly, he realized that Adrien was shivering, his nose and cheeks slightly pink and his teeth chattering. He slid out of his winter jacket and draped it over the taller boy’s shoulders. Adrien startled and whispered a quiet “thank you…” before shoving his phone back into his pocket.

“you’d better transform soon, kid. can’t have you getting sick from this cold, and we don’t know when ladybug will be done with her date.”

Plagg made a noise of protest and Adrien nodded. “That’s a good idea. I will in a little bit, but it’s nice to be back to normal for a little while.”

“hey, i’ve got something i have to take care of real quick. don’t wait for me.” Sans said, and disappeared behind his house. Adrien watched him leave and pulled the jacket tighter around his body, blinking snowflakes out of his eyelashes.

“What, are you fucking gay?” Plagg asked, snickering. He punched Adrien in the shoulder with his tiny cat paw. “Kid, he’s a skeleton.”

“Wha- Plagg! I don’t like him!” Adrien said defensively, batting his kwami away from him.

“I’ve seen your Tumblr.”

“STOP KINKSHAMING ME!”

Sans heard none of this as he brushed away some snow on the ground with his slipper clad foot, revealing a metal trapdoor. He got down on his knees and pulled a silver key out of his pocket, then pushed it into the lock and turned it until he heard a click. As silently as possible, he pulled in open and started making his way down the ladder.

When he reached the bottom, a cloaked figure was already there waiting for him. The figure heard the clank of the metal door slamming and turned, his eye flashing orange and then blue beneath his hood before fading.

“the experiment…” Sans began. “it worked.”

**“** **_Excellent_ ** **.”**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LOLZOR CLIFFHANGER HAHAHAH
> 
> okay hello this is Spoon coming at u with the updated notes section and DAMN i never realized the sequence with sans and chat was that long i suffered reading it i'm sorry


	3. Papyrus Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ladybug's date takes an unexpected turn and Gaster's true plans are revealed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we are still walking the fine line between finishing this goddamn rewrite and orphaning this shit entirely and honestly i don't know which option would be better -fork

_Now working together, The Man Outside of Time told The Storyteller about all the different universes, and where he needed to go. The Man Outside of Time was in search of two legendary artifacts that when used together, gave a person the power to both create, and destroy anything in existence. With this power, he would destroy the universe which had imprisoned him in the void, and create a new one that he could shape and bend to his will. These legendary artifacts were known as: The Miraculous Stones._

Ladybug huffed as she continued to wash the dishes, scrubbing furiously at a splotch of stubborn spaghetti sauce as her anger started to gradually ebb way. She'd asked Chat Noir to leave her alone after their fight, and now she was regretting it, because doing the dishes with gloves is fucking _gross_ and washing them was harder than Viktor Nikiforov at the banquet after the 2015 Grand Prix finals. She'd given her previous remarks some thought and decided she shouldn't have yelled at her partner, but he'd kept being annoying and pushing her to her limits, so she decided he partially deserved it. After the last of the dishes were put away she stormed into the living room, where Dan didn't even bother to acknowledge her presence. It wasn't clear whether he just didn't care, or if he was too absorbed in whatever dank memes he was searching for to notice.

“OH LADYBUG, WE ARE READY FOR YOU!” A sing-song voice called from upstairs. She sighed, resisting the urge to throw herself out the window. Dan waved her towards the stairs without looking up from his laptop, and with bared teeth she made her way over and started to drag herself up the steps.

The dark-haired girl approached the door, and just as she was about to knock on the smooth, wooden surface it opened to reveal a smiling Phil. He held it open further, gesturing for her to step in, and she obliged while scanning over the room.

The first thing Ladybug thought was that this room reminded her of every twelve-year old’s dream room, or the room that Chat Noir probably had. The rug in the center of the floor was adorned with flames around the edges, and was sat next to a large red race car bed with a smaller attached car bed on the side. A small table littered with action figures and an oversized hamster house was pushed up against one wall, with a small, orange creature with beady eyes inside. Ladybug stared at it and it stared back, and Ladybug’s world came crashing down around her as she realized, that this was no ordinary hamster.

A black skull flag adorned the adjacent wall, along with a bookshelf containing many titles such as Peekaboo with Fluffy Bunny, The Amazing Book is Not on Fire, and a whole set of Buffy the Vampire Slayer DVD’s. In the opposite corner there was a box of bones, God knows who's, and an ancient looking computer.

Papyrus stood proudly in the center of the room, scarf flowing heroically in the nonexistent breeze. “SO,” he began. “HOW DO YOU LIKE IT?”

Aw shit, Ladybug. You've gotten yourself into a pickle now. You have to lie, and make it convincing. Picture Alya yelling at you for forgetting your backpack. You need an excuse.

“Um… it's… rad?” She said hesitantly.

_Fuck._

Phil gasped and latched onto Papyrus’ arm. “Did you hear that Papyrus? She likes it, she likes it!” Ladybug rolled her eyes, at least glad they didn't see through her awkward lie. (a/n TOO GOOD FOR THIS WORLD TOO PURE)  
  
“Yeah, uh, it's cool. So are we gonna start this date or what?” She asked, folding her arms across her chest.  
  
“WE ALREADY STARTED THE DATE!” Papyrus declared. Ladybug narrowed her eyes and looked at Phil, still latched onto the skelebro in the center of the rug. 

“Uh… Phil? Are you gonna just stay here and chaperone, or..?”

“YES OF COURSE HE WILL!” Papyrus snapped, startling the girl. Phil gave her a look like it was the most obvious answer in the world. “WE ARE NEVER APART! GOING ON A DATE WITH ONE OF US IS THE SAME AS GOING ON A DATE WITH BOTH OF US!” Papyrus shouted.

“Uh… It’s going to be a little hard to go on a date with more than two people, you know?” She said, awkwardly shrugging. Okay, well. This fic was weird enough already, but now she might be in a polyamorous relationship with a skeleton whose age she was honestly confused about (oh god, was this pedophilia?) and actual Phil Lester

What weirdness would the authors throw at her next?

“We can fix that!” Phil said gleefully, holding out his hand to the skeleton. “Papyrus, fuse with me!”  
  
“WOWIE… OKAY! THE GREAT PAPYRUS, WILL FUSE WITH MY BEST FRIEND PHIL!” 

This, apparently.

  
Ladybug watched in abject horror as the duo began doing some absurd combination of DDR dancing and the Cha Cha Slide, before a bright light lit up between them engulfing everything in the room in white. After a few seconds it subsided, and Ladybug opened her eyes to find a truly terrifying sight. The person in front of her still looked like Phil, but he was now wearing Papyrus’ crop top, cape, spandex short shorts, and knee high bright orange boots. 

So _this_ is what Homeworld thinks of fusion.

  
Suddenly Dan wandered into the room unannounced, and stopped dead when he saw the monstrosity standing before him. Whatever he was planning on doing was immediately forgotten and he turned to leave, singing “Fuck this shit I’m out” as he walked out the door. Ladybug wanted to run out of the room after him screaming, but she held her ground, determined to face whatever was in front of her.  
  
“Uh… Where did Papyrus go?” Ladybug asked hesitantly.  
  
“WE’RE RIGHT HERE!” Phil shouted at Papyrus-volume. Ladybug’s eyes widened and she stumbled backwards.  
  
“W-w-what do you mean, ‘we’?” She asked in a shaky voice.  
  
“IT IS I, THE AMAZING PHIPYRUS!” Phipyrus shouted.  
  
“Oh god. I think I'm gonna pass out.” Ladybug groaned, clutching her stomach. This was the weirdest thing she'd seen in her entire life, and she honestly felt like she was going to be sick.

“BUT YOU WOULD MISS OUR DATE!” Phipyrus protested, sounding somewhat saddened by her response. She balked at them, wondering how the hell they expected her to be handling this so casually.

  
“THIS IS WRONG ON SO MANY LEVELS!” She screeched.  
  
“DAN AND SANS CAN DO IT TOO!” Phipyrus informed her, and she held a hand up to stop them.

  
“That is a mental image I did not need.” Ladybug replied, shuddering violently. “Fine. Let's just do this. What do we need to do to complete this ‘date’?” She asked, going into superhero mode to deal with this mental trauma. If she could handle kissing Chat Noir, this was nothing.

  
“OH, I SNAGGED AN OFFICIAL DATING RULEBOOK FROM THE LIBRARY!” Phipyrus announced, grabbing a book from his pocket. How did it fit? Who knows. “OKAY, SO... THIS HERE SAYS THAT STEP ONE IS TO ASK YOU ON A DATE. LADYBUG, WILL YOU GO ON A DATE WITH US?”  
  
“I thought we were already on a date?” She asked, furrowing her brow in confusion.  
  
“I’LL TAKE THAT AS A YES! THE NEXT STEP SAYS TO WEAR NICE CLOTHES TO SHOW YOU CARE!” He paused, looking her up and down. “THAT BRIGHT RED SUIT, IT’S CLOTHING! YOU WERE ALSO WEARING THAT EARLIER! COULD IT BE... YOU’VE WANTED TO DATE US SINCE THE VERY BEGINNING?!”

Ladybug began to wonder if she could use the bones in the box in the corner to knock herself out cold so she didn't have to deal with this bullshit.  
  
“Um, sure yeah totally.” She said indifferently.  
  
“OH MY GOD, THAT IS AMAZING! YOUR DATE POWER IS INCREASING!” Phipyrus shouted, pointing to a floating blue bar that had materialized above his head, and was now filling up.  
  
“Dating...power? No- you know what, not even gonna ask, let’s just keep going.” Ladybug declared, taking a deep breath and straightening herself out.  


“OH BUT YOU HAVEN’T WON YET! PHIPYRUS HAS NEVER BEEN BEATEN AT DATING, AND NEVER WILL. YOU SEE, WE CAN WEAR CLOTHING TOO! WE ALWAYS WEAR OUR ‘SPECIAL CLOTHES’ UNDERNEATH OUR REGULAR CLOTHES, JUST IN CASE SOMEONE ASKS US ON A DATE!”  
  
“Special… clothes?” Ladybug feared what Phipyrus was going to say next. What the ever loving fuck could he mean by _special clothes_? The way he was talking made it seem like he was talking about lingerie or some shit.

Oh god, Phil Lester in lingerie was definitely not something her asexual ass wanted to see. _Oh god oh god oh god please no._

“YES, OUR SPECIAL CLOTHES!” He ran out of the room and in a fraction of a second he was back, wearing a completely different outfit (if you could call it that) than before. “BEHOLD!” He said proudly. “OUR SECRET STYLE!”  
  
Phipyrus had suddenly changed into a similar crop top as before, except this one had the words ‘Cool Dude’ emblazoned across the front. A backwards cap was now smushing down the fringe that should've died in 2009, and he had a pair of basketball shorts on instead of the spandex short shorts he had been wearing before. But, perhaps the weirdest part of the outfit, were the two giant basketballs in place of shoulder pads on the shirt. The whole ensemble didn’t seem very comfortable, and it certainly didn’t make Phipyrus look like a ‘cool dude’, but Ladybug figured flattery was the best method for ending this date as quickly as possible.  
  
“WHAT DO YOU THINK?!” He asked excitedly.  
  
“Um… it looks great?” Ladybug said, smiling awkwardly as she forced the words through her teeth.

“OH MY GOD, A GENUINE COMPLIMENT!” He gasped, not catching on to the glaringly obvious lie. “YOU’RE TOO KIND. BUT THIS DATE CAN’T PROGRESS ANY FURTHER UNTIL YOU FIND THE SECRET POWER WITHIN THIS OUTFIT!”  
  
“Are you fucking kidding me? What is this, a mini game?”  
  
“PRECISELY!” Ladybug groaned and scanned over the fusion, searching for anything strange about his personage, but at first glance there didn't seem to be a pickle out of place. She had always been good at spotting things (a//n haha get it, spotting... It’s 3 am help)(other a/n ba dum tss), and it didn’t take the girl long to see that Phipyrus’ hat was slightly askew, as if something was hidden under it. Grinning at her victory, she pointed to the red cap with confidence.  
  
“There’s something out of place with your hat.” She declared.  
  
“OH MY GOD YOU GOT IT RIGHT?! GREAT JOB!” He yelled, his voice brimming with enthusiasm. Slowly, a mischievous smile grew across his face as he brought his hands up to the hat. Gradually, he lifted it off his head to reveal nothing other than...  
  
An entire plate of Delia Smith pancakes.  
  
“Oh for fuck’s sake!”  


  
Sans was still in the lab underneath the house, talking hurriedly to a cloaked figure. He knew Adrien would come looking for him soon, and he didn’t want the kid to see anything he wasn’t supposed to.  
  
Standing in the bunker, Sans glanced around at the numerous posters depicting the CGI cat and bug superheroes. The images were airbrushed to perfection, the city of Paris gleaming behind them, with the words ‘Miraculous’ stamped beneath their forms. Sans grinned at the familiar tv poster, having seen it dozens upon dozens of times whenever he went into the lab. And that wasn’t the only one. There were at least 12 other images of the kids adorning the lab walls. What the hell, Gaster? That’s a little fuckin’ weird. You have random pictures of these two teenagers you’ve never met hanging in a secret room underneath your house where you hide so everyone thinks you don’t exist. Seriously dude, get a life. You’re worse than Hawkmoth at this point.  
  
“so like i said, they’re safe and at the house.” Sans returned his attention to Gaster, who was hunched over a machine and fiddling with a clump of multi-colored wires. He didn’t even turn to face his son when he gave his response, clearly more interested in whatever the hell he was doing than Sans’ report.

Ya got daddy issues too, snas. Welcome to the fucking club.  
  
“And have you earned their trust?” He inquired, not as enthusiastic about all of their hard work finally paying off as Sans would’ve thought he would be.  
  
“uh, i think so? i mean, adrien revealed his identity to me, but marinette hasn’t spoken to me much other than when she was threatening to throw me out the window.” Sans said, tapping his bony fingers together nervously. “she’s with phil and pap right now.”  
  
“Phil?” Gaster raised a browbone. “Have you still not gotten rid of the other humans yet?”  
  
Sans took a deep breath into the lungs he didn’t have. (a/n if he can have a mcfucking glowing blue dick he can breathe)  “the youtubers are still here too, yeah.  i’m still not sure how we’re going to send them back. but what i still don’t understand how marinette and adrien don’t realize it’s each other, like, come on hawkdaddy-”  
  
“You are trying to change the subject.” Gaster pointed out, his words so cold they felt like shards of ice. “We decided that we were going to dispose of the humans so as not to endanger ourselves. Yet, because of you and Papyrus’ emotional attachment to them, you still haven’t done your duty.”  
  
“they're not hurting anybody, and undyne could care less about them.” Sans grumbled, his eyes locked on the ground so he wouldn’t have to see his father’s disappointed glare. “what does that have to do with the miraculouses?”  
  
“You may have their trust, but do I have yours?”  
  
The words hit Sans like a slap to the face. So _that's_ why he didn't care, Gaster was more concerned whether or not Sans was going to stay loyal to him than if everything was going smoothly.

Ha. Of course. The man only ever thought about himself. Typical.  
  
“da- gaster,” Sans started, a twinge of annoyance in his voice. “i haven't forgotten why we're doing this. i won't get too attached, i’ll get the miraculouses and this'll all be over, okay?”  
  
“Promise?” He grimaced and visibly flinched at the word, and Gaster must have noticed judging by the smug look on his face. God, Sans fucking hated this man.  
  
“yeah, whatever. i hate to pa- _tell-_ a you but adrien’s waiting for me, and i’d much rather be talking to him than you.” Sans walked over to the ladder and began climbing, the bars getting colder as he got closer to the surface.  
  
“Gayboy,” Gaster whispered to himself as he watched his son leave the bunker.  
  
By the time he was back to the front of the house, he was only met with the gentle fluttering of snowflakes in the air. Adrien and his kwami were nowhere to be seen, probably having retreated back to the warm house long ago. It was only then that Sans realized he must’ve been down in the lab for a good 20 minutes, even though he’d told his friend he’d only be a moment.

Sans groaned, rapping his knuckles against his skull harshly and cursing himself out. Great, now he’d need an excuse for why he’d been gone for so long, and the kid was gonna have Sans for ditching him.

Wait, he could just say he fallen asleep. Yeah, that worked.  
  
Sure enough, when he went inside he saw Adrien sat on the loveseat with Dan, back in his stripper suit. The blue hoodie was still draped around his shoulders, however, and Sans realized he’d forgotten he’d even given it to the kid. Dim light illuminated the two boy’s faces ae they sat hunched over Dan’s laptop, gazing at the screen in awe.  
  
“I never thought I would find another who shared my passion for memes,” Dan breathed his words full of awe. Upon discovering that he had a tumblr, Chat had decided to show him his own.  
  
“It's not just a passion, it's a lifestyle.” The blonde boy replied, scrolling further through his past blog posts.  
  
“much wisdom.”  
  
“wow.”  
  
Sans suddenly felt a pang of jealousy watching the two of them together, but pushed it away as soon as it appeared. Where the hell had that come from? He shouldn’t be jealous, not of Dan. He didn’t have any reason to be. Not at all. Adrien and Dan, they were just friends, nothing more.

  
...and so were he and Adrien.  
  
Suddenly, Ladybug came running in from the other room, making a beeline for Chat Noir. She grabbed his and yanked him off the couch, earning a pained cat screech from the boy. Ladybug took his place and grabbed a fistful of Dan’s shirt and effortlessly hoisted him into the air, brown eyes meeting blue.  
  
“Why the HELL did you let me do that?” She growled, narrowing her eyes till they were merely pinpricks of rage. Dan squirmed in her grasp, now coming to the realization that the seemingly harmless bug woman was scarier than he’d originally thought.  
  
“It can't have been that bad. When I did it, it was actually kind of fun!” He whined, somehow managing to untangle Ladybug’s fingers from his shirt, and plop back down on the couch. Ladybug sighed, bringing a hand up to cover her face.  
  
“Yeah well, I bet you only liked it because you got to go out with Phil at the same time.” She muttered. Dan gasped, clearly offended by the statement.  
  
“For the last time, I'm not gay!” Dan shouted, throwing his arms in the air in frustration. Ladybug couldn’t help but snicker.  
  
“Don't worry bro, I put up with this bs too.” Chat began, resting an elbow on Dan’s shoulder. “She likes to call me a furry. But hey, I think she’s just jealous because my looks are _furr-ific_ .”  
  
Dan blinked, not even responding to the pun. He lived with Sans for a year and a half and Phil for eight, puns were practically just white noise to him at this point.“Wait, you're not a furry?”  
  
Ladybug could only sigh in response to Chat’s offended screeching.  
  
“So… I'm sorry about earlier, can we move on from that?” He asked nervously after he had collected himself. The only answer he got was a roll of her eyes, which he was crossing his fingers meant she’d forgiven him. He never got his answer, though, as just then Sans wandered into the room, having realized that he had been standing outside eavesdropping for far too long. He strolled over to the couch and plopped down on the floor next to Ladybug, giving the trio a shit-eating grin.  
  
“Oh! Sans, you're back.” Chat said, suddenly remembering why he'd come inside in the first place.  
  
Sans chuckled nervously. “just had some uh… errands i had to run. sorry about the bad timing.”  
  
“Wow Sans, you're really working yourself to the bone.” Chat replied instantly, even throwing in a saucy wink. _Hot and ready._ Ladybug and Dan’s eyes immediately met.  
  
“Suicide pact?” She suggested solemnly. He nodded in agreement.  
  
Sans smirked. It was nice having someone who actually appreciated his puns. Dan, Phil and Papyrus all had the exact same annoyed reaction whenever he cracked a joke, and Grillbu was more of the strong silent type. (a/n I accidentally typed Grillbu and it's funny as fuck so I'm leaving it there)  
  
“that's one i don't think i’ve used myself. again, good job kiddo.” (update 2/14/17: he’s a fucking liar)  
  
For a moment, no one said anything, unsure of what else to add, and the final word ‘kiddo’ hung in the air like a cloud. Then, at the same moment, Chat and Sans both realized that something was off. “Kiddo.” Chat repeated out loud, and the pieces started coming together. “Frisk. They should have fallen by now.”  
  
“fuck, you're right. we gotta find them, they might be able to fix this.”  
  
“Find who? Oh god, how long have we been here anyway?!” Ladybug gasped, clasping her hands over her mouth as she remembered their original mission. They were down here chasing an akuma, and here she was, getting distracted by gay skeleton freaks and spaghetti for fucks sake! “The akuma, Chat! It's still out there!”  
  
“Oh shit,” The kinky catboy said with a groan, letting his head fall back onto the couch cushions in exasperation. “We have to get rid of that, don't we?”  
  
“Yeah, we kinda do.” Ladybug offered him a hand, which he accepted and she pulled him to his feet. “Sans, Dan, it was nice to meet you guys but we really have to go. Besides, I think we've overstayed our welcome.”  
  
“no, uh, you can't leave!” Sans said, his mind reeling with panic. No matter what, he couldn't let the duo out of his sight.

And, if he was being honest, he didn't want Adrien to leave so soon.  
  
Ladybug gave him a confused look. “Why not?”  
  
“uh- uhhh… undyne!” Was the first response he could think of. “she's still looking for you guys. i’m sure you could probably bench press dan here, LB, but nobody stands a chance against her.”  
  
“So what are you suggesting we do?” Chat asked, his expression just as puzzled.  
  
“what if we all came with you? she'll back off if pap is there, but probably not if you're alone.” Sans suggested. Dan groaned at his words, letting his head go limp and slam into the coffee table.  
  
“Does that mean we have to go outside? That's how we got into this mess in the first place.” He grumbled, sounding genuinely upset by the idea of leaving the house. Ladybug placed a hand on his back in a hopefully reassuring gesture, because that’s the only physical contract we ever get in this fic.  
  
“Don't worry, tumblr will still be here when you get back. And, if we catch the akuma, you and Phil will get to go home anyway.” Dan hesitated for a moment, before nodding and rising to his feet.  
  
“Phil! Papyrus!” Dan called through the wall, hoping it was thin enough that the sound would reach them.

Unfortunately for them though, Phipyrus came bounding down the stairs instead, the plate of Delia Smith pancakes from earlier still in his hands.  
  
“Oh my god,” Chat exclaimed in horror, taking a step back from the fusion in fear. Ladybug buried her face in her hands, mumbling something about being traumatized, while Dan sighed and made a noise of agreement. Sans just continued to grin.  
  
“hey phipyrus, haven’t seen you in awhile.” He commented casually, earning an excited wave from the fusion.  
  
“HELLO SANS!” Phipyrus shouted in reply, his joyous tone brighter than Fork and Spoon’s futures.  
  
“Can you guys please separate before you give us all nightmares for the rest of the week?” Dan requested dryly.  
  
“What the hell? You guys can fuse?!” Chat shrieked, green eyes like saucer bowls.  
  
“yeah, we don’t know why but phil can only fuse with papyrus and i can only fuse with dan.” Sans explained. “sorry phipyrus, but i think you’re freaking out the kids; plus we got stuff to discuss, so can we get phil and pap back?” He made sure to deliver the question gently, knowing the fusion had inherited his brother’s sensitivity. Phipyrus looked bummed out by the request, but reluctantly nodded. Suddenly, a flash of light blinded everyone in the room, and once it faded away Phil and Papyrus were standing in Phipyrus’ place in front of them. Ladybug was hit by another wave of nausea and she had to latch onto Chat’s arm so she didn’t fall over and pass out.  
  
“That’s… that’s the weirdest thing I’ve seen in my entire life.” Ladybug said finally, still struggling to wrap her head around what she had just seen. Chat looked just as disturbed, but more so confused. He was clearly deep in thought, brows knitted together, when he finally gathered the courage to speak.

  
“So… if one of you two eats something, and you unfuse, whose stomach does it go into?”  
  
Phipyrus just beamed. “I DON’T HAVE A STOMACH!” He said proudly. “OR ANY INTERNAL ORGANS!”  
  
Ladybug was about to ask a follow up question when she realized how far off topic they had gotten, and mentally kicked herself for letting them get distracted from the impending danger yet again. “Hey, I’m serious. We have to stop the akuma before anything bad happens, or before any other universes somehow get stuck down here.”  
  
“hi serious, i’m-”  
  
“Sans I swear to fucking god I will throw you off a cliff. We’re running out of time so we need to hurry.” She replied sternly. “It’s been too long, and things have gotten pretty weird down here already. There’s no telling what could happen.” As she said the last part, she glared at Phil and Papyrus, who were playing slide in the corner.  
  
“how long have you been down here?” Sans asked.  
  
“Looks like it’s been a little over two weeks, but then again this is still the rewrite.” Ladybug muttered. “If Fork and Spoon would stop getting distracted by their goddamn Pinterest boards and actually write this fic we might’ve been out of here already.” (a//n DAMN NO NEED TO CALL US OUT LB)  
  
“Then there’s no time to waste.” Chat agreed. “We’ll find the akuma, de-evilize it, and leave.”  
  
“alright then, let’s get going. come on dan, you’ve been on that computer for too long now.” He gently tugged at the device on Dan’s lap, and suddenly the boy snapped it shut and pulled it close to his chest. Sans stared at him blankly, clearly taken aback by his response.  
  
“I can’t abandon my responsibilities as an internet cult leader!” He spat, clearly offended. “There are memes to be reblogged!” Sans just sighed and gently coaxed the laptop out of Dan’s fingers, until he eventually groaned and let go completely.  
  
“Okay so what’s our game plan?” Ladybug asked, drawing the attention of the entire group.  
  
“Well, Undyne is our next boss fight, so we’ll have to prepare ourselves for that if Phil and Papyrus can’t find a way to get us out of it.” Chat informed her. “We’re definitely going to need to get some items.”  
  
“i know a few places in waterfall where we can get you some food and equipment.” Sans added, actually being helpful instead of lazy for once. He turned to Chat. “you ever heard of temmie village, kid?”  
  
If Papyrus’ booming voice hadn’t broken Ladybug’s eardrums already, then the noise of excitement that Chat made at Sans’ question definitely did. “YOU’RE KIDDING, RIGHT?” He squealed, gaping at Sans. “We get to see Temmie too?" The skeleton chuckled.  
  
“yeah, we’ll head down there and get some temmie flakes, and gerson can probably get you some good armor. i don’t know how well the catsuits will hold up against undyne’s spears.”  
  
“Our suits are magical, unless you have something more powerful than an ancient quantic god’s magic than I don’t know if it’s worth the trip.” Ladybug sneered, placing her hands on her hips.  
  
“we’ve got cloudy glasses.” Sans retorted.  
  
“oH SHIT!” Was Chat’s response.  
  
“Um, okay then? What about all of you guys? We all need protection.” Ladybug asked, gesturing around the room and giving a pointed look to the lounging Dan and smiling Phil.  
  
“No, we’re okay. Undyne likes us! She won’t attack us!” Phil explained cheerfully.  
  
“YES, THERE IS NO REASON FOR UNDYNE TO ATTACK DAN OR PHIL. THEY AREN’T EVEN HUMANS! THEY ARE YOUTUBERS WHICH IS A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THING!” Papyrus yelled, his obliviousness as blatantly obvious as his lack of fashion sense. 

“Well in that case, Chat and I aren’t humans either! We’re CGI, _remember_ ?!” Ladybug snapped back, getting tired of all the damn yelling.  
  
“Oh for god’s sake, just get the damn armor!” Dan shot back, his patience wearing thin since he didn’t have his distraction anymore. Ladybug pondered this, and reluctantly agreed with him.  


“If agreeing to get the armor will stop us wasting our time arguing, then fine. Let’s just get going.” Ladybug said with a sigh. She turned to Sans, “You know the way to Waterfall?”  
  
“yup.” He replied with a wink. “in fact, i even know a shortcut.” Sans then proceeded to lead the way out of the house, and after a moment's hesitation, everyone else followed like ducklings following their mother. Except in this case, the mother was a skelebro in a hoodie and the ducklings consisted of two cgi superheroes in spandex suits, one spaghetti-loving skeleton, and two awkward boys with emo haircuts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also we came up with a new idea for the next ACTUAL chapter, not a rewrite and it's worse than you can imagine trust me


	4. WHY ARE WE STILL MAKING THIS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they go to tem village
> 
> so yeah

The eclectic group emerged from the shadows, hesitantly making their way into the luminescent cave. The air was cold and dank (a/n google it that’s gramatically correct), and a faint dripping echoed around the stone walls. The walls themselves were lit up with crystalline blue patterns, the gems in the ceiling glowing dimly and giving the entire area an ethereal look. The faint whispering of an echo flower could be heard in the distance, too faint for the group to make out the words but present enough that their footsteps on the hard ground weren’t the only sounds breaking the silence.

“my buddy gerson has a shop around here.” said Sans, who was walking at the front of the group with Chat. The two of them knew their way around Waterfall by heart, Sans because he worked there and Chat because he is complete Undertale garbage. (Just knew about the game from Tumblr MY ASS.) “he sells those glasses i was telling you about. not at a bad price, either. only 30G.”

“Um, I don’t think Ladybug and Chat Noir have any money though.” Phil commented as he skipped along beside Papyrus. 

“eh, i’ll just pay for their stuff.” Sans said. 

“You don’t have to do that.” Ladybug said gently. Sans just shrugged and winked at her.

“anything for a friend, right?” (a/n we were going to put in a pun to ruin the moment but we couldn’t think of one so i guess here’s the calm before the storm)

(lol foreshadowing)

The six walked through Waterfall, chatting happily amongst themselves. Every so often Chat would find himself gawking at something he recognized, including an old piano and melancholic ghost whom Phil and Papyrus tried desperately to cheer up to no avail. While Sans found his new friend’s enthusiasm about the things he never thought to appreciate refreshing (and dare he say kind of adorable,) Ladybug only grew more and more irritated and was starting to give up hope that they were ever going to find the akuma.

She began pondering what life would be like if they really did end up staying stuck in the underground forever. She’d never be able to see her best friend Alya again, never wake up to the sweet scent of something being made in her parent’s bakery, never see Adrien again… as much as she loved Chat, she was starting to become more and more annoyed by his constant puns, and having Sans there was only making it harder on her.

“How much longer is this fucking walk?” she grumbled as they left Napstablook’s house. Phil gasped and opened his mouth to call her out on her choice of language but Chat spoke first.

“Lighten up LB, Gerson is actually right over here. We’ll buy what we need, stop at Temmie village, and get the akuma.” he said, his tone playful but still reassuring. She felt her mood ease a little bit as they approached a small hole in the cave wall. Sans pushed to the front of the group and walked in first.

“heya gerson, long time no- what the fuck?”

Where the tortoise-like monster would normally be sat a brunette boy who was twitching nervously. He startled at the sound of Sans’ voice, then narrowed his eyes to stand up and poke the skeleton in the chest.

“Oh god, the hallucinations are getting worse.” He said, his wide eyes scanning over the entire group. He gasped slightly when his gaze fell upon Dan and Phil, who had a similar reaction. 

“MatPat?!” The power duo said at the same time. 

“What the hell are you doing here?!” Dan asked after everyone had gathered their wits. 

“I have no idea! One day I was just in my house writing the script for another theory when the floor just fell out from under me! When I woke up I was here!” MatPat said with a wild and frightened tone to his voice. 

“dan, phil, you know who this guy is?” Sans inquired to the two boys. 

“Yeah, he’s another Youtuber! I have no idea how he could’ve gotten down here though.” Phil explained quickly while Ladybug, Chat, and Papyrus watched with confusion. 

“Wait, if you guys are here does that mean… oh no, this is real?!” MatPat asked, appearing as if he was having a mental breakdown. 

“Unfortunately.” Ladybug grumbled, earning her a glare from Chat Noir as she contemplated her current plight. 

“Then you’re Sans, right?” MatPat asked the hooded skelebro. 

“uh, yeah?”

“In that case I have a really important question for you,” Chat Noir groaned as if he already knew what Mat was going to inquire about. 

“Are you formerly Ness?” MatPat asked in a gravely serious tone. Chat buried his face in his hands while Dan cringed, and Ladybug just wondered what the fuck was going on. (a//n much like Winter from ch. 1, throwback kids) 

“kid, i’m just some shitty earthbound fan.” Sans said with a shrug. MatPat’s face fell slightly, his shoulders sagging as his unrealistic theory was proven wrong. But then he brightened up, remembering his motto. 

“But that’s just a theory, a GAME theory!” He quipped with a grin, earning confused stares from the entire group. 

“seriously who the hell is this guy?” Sans questioned, turning again to the two emos. Then he shook his head when they offered no response, and turned back to the eccentric man. “never mind that, this timeline is more fucked than i thought. can we buy some stuff from you or not?” 

“Oh yeah of course! Whaddya need?” And with that the group made the transaction, and left the shop within a few minutes to continue on their way. 

Chat took the lead, and showed the group the secret passageways in the next room over. He nudged a mushroom with his foot and suddenly the ground lit up, lighting a path for them to follow. He effortlessly made his way through the labyrinth and down to the pathway to Temmie village, once again leaving Sans baffled as to how he knew his way around the underground so well.

Eventually they made their way into a narrow corridor, sparsely lit by the glowing flora that had surrounded them previously. After a few minutes of walking, the corridor opened up into a normal sized room, where several extremely odd creatures seemed to be waiting for them. 

Ladybug had never seen a creature like this, almost like a dog-cat hybrid that had grown a head of hair and was wearing a sweater. These little ‘things’ were gathered all around and chattering excitedly amongst themselves. When they saw the group approaching however, they all stopped and stared. Chat gasped, a huge grin growing on his face, before he began squealing while jumping up and down.

“OH MY GOD IT’S THE TEMMIE’S!” He yelled, gasping as he basked in their utter adorableness. Sans and Papyrus seemed unfazed, while Phil was reacting similarly to Chat and was muttering something about wanting to keep them all for himself, while Dan was in the corner talking to a mushroom for some reason. Ladybug meanwhile, just continued walking forward without any visible reaction whatsoever. 

“hOI!! im temmie!!! and dis is my friend… temmie!!!” One shouted as they approached it. Chat squealed again, resisting the urge to cup up the creature and hug it tightly. Then, they approached the next one. 

“hOI!! im temmie!!! and dis is my friend… temmie!!!” 

“hOI!! im temmie!!! don forget my friend!” Then the group came upon the last one creature. 

“Hi. I’m Bob.” The last one said in a perfectly calm voice, causing Ladybug to stare blankly at it for a moment before sighing and shaking her head. Sans didn’t comment on the strange creatures, instead just leading the way into a place labeled ‘Tem shop’. As they stepped into the warmly lit shop, the entire group expected another temmie to be sitting behind the counter, but someone entirely unexpected was there instead. 

“Hi guys! Welcome to, the Tem Shop! Story time: help Tem pay for colleg!” Yelled an extremely cheerful man. 

“Okay what the fuck is Thomas Sanders doing here?” Ladybug wondered aloud. Thomas just continued to grin, his joy never waivering. 

“I don’t know, but I don’t mind! The Temmie’s are really nice, and they need help to pay for colleg, so BUY TEM FLAKES!” He shouted, throwing a fistful of weird flakes into the air that fluttered down upon the mostly unamused group. (a/n headcanon: temmie flakes are LSD)

“who on earth is this dude?” Sans asked. 

“Temmie Sanders.” Chat muttered under his breath, earning him a withering glare from Ladybug who had been done with his shit for a long time now. 

“OH MY GOD IS THIS A HUMAN?!” Papyrus screeched loudly, finally recognizing an actual human as a human for the first time ever. 

“Actually I am a Disney Prince, Honorary Temmie, and a Crystal Gem!” Thomas replied quickly. Papyrus sagged in disappointment, and Phil patted his arm comfortingly. 

“that still doesn’t answer my question. are you another youtuber?” Sans inquired. 

“Actually he’s a popular Viner who recently got a Youtube channel.” Dan answered, strolling in several minutes later than everyone else. 

“WHAT IS THIS ‘VINER’ YOU SPEAK OF?! DO YOU WORK WITH VINES!? AND FLOWERS?!” Papyrus inquired. 

“better not trust any flowers.” Sans muttered. 

“A viner is someone who makes funny videos that are only a few seconds long!” Thomas answered the skeleton kindly. 

“so like a youtuber, but with less work?” Sans questioned bluntly. Thomas’s smile left for the first time since they’d arrived, and he shrugged while glancing away. 

“I guess so.” He said sadly. 

“No no don’t think that! You’re amazing! You are a literal cinnamon roll!” Chat chimed in, hating seeing his senpai so sad. Thomas brightened up at this, and beamed at the cgi cat boy. 

“That is the best compliment I’ve ever gotten in my entire life!” He exclaimed. 

“Let’s not forget why we came down here. Now are we gonna get some Tem Flakes or not?” Ladybug said, interrupting the touching scene. 

“Sure! Tem Flakes are 3G, Tem Flakes on sale are 1G, and expensive Tem Flakes are 20G!” Ladybug hummed, pondering the choices laid out before her. 

“Well Sans, you’ve already spent a lot of money on us as it is, so maybe you should just go ahead and buy the one’s on sale-” She stopped speaking when she glanced at the chalkboard, listing the benefits of each product. Her eyes widened as she read the benefits of having Tem Flakes. 

All Tem Flakes only healed 2 HP.

“WHAT THE HELL?! TEM FLAKES ONLY HEAL 2 HP?!” She screamed, slamming her fist down on the table and making Thomas jump back. She huffed, and whirled around to face the perpetually smiling face of the hooded skeleton that had brought them there. “Why the hell did we come here if Tem Flakes only heal that much?! We don’t have much time!” She demanded, pointing her finger in his face. 

“well, i thought chat would want to visit tem village. just look at him, he seems like he’s having fun.” He waved his arm towards the blonde boy, who had once again gotten distracted by a Temmie who appeared to have broken out into hOIVS! Ladybug just snorted and crossed her arms, stalking out of the shop. 

“Fucking gayboy.” She muttered as she left the Tem Shop. The group reluctantly followed after her, Chat Noir giving Thomas an apologetic glance as they left. 

“‘scuse me, lady, could you tone down the attitude?” Sans said, his tone clipped.

“Well excuuusseee me bone boy! It seems like I’m the only one who actually cares about saving our asses!” She snapped back. Sensing her rage, Papyrus moved to stand in front of Dan and Phil in a protective gesture.

“what’s so bad about this akuma anyway? they’re chara, right? whatever damage they cause, frisk can just reset and fix.” Sans said with a shrug.

“Yeah, and it doesn’t look like they’re doing a genocide, or else Papyrus would be dead already!” Chat added in. Sans nudged Chat hard in the shoulder, glancing back at Papyrus pointedly. When he realized what he had said, he covered his hand with his mouth and gasped. Thankfully, Papyrus was more focused on the two Youtubers than the blonde boy and didn’t hear the slip.

“I don’t know…” Dan said, chiming in. “If there’s someone running around the underground and they’re dangerous, we should do something to stop them before anyone gets hurt.” Phil and Papyrus nodded in agreement.

“THANK YOU! See, Dan is the only smart one around here,” Ladybug exclaimed, glaring at Sans. “Come on, let’s keep walking, we’re only wasting more time arguing.” She resumed walking, and didn’t stop to wait for Sans and Chat when they hesitated to follow. After a few seconds, they hurried along to catch up with the group.

“you don’t know frisk.” Sans said defensively. “they’ve saved all of our lives a million times over. our best plan is to find out where the hell they are, and get them to reset.”

At those words, Ladybug whipped around, fingernails digging into her palms and face the color of her suit. “I may not know much about Frisk, but you don’t know SHIT about the akuma! I have to deal with these things practically EVERY DAY!”

“What’s wrong LB? Normally you’re a lot nicer than this.” Chat asked worriedly. 

“I’ve been stuck in this weird ass place for several weeks now. I have not slept, I have barely eaten, I CAN’T FUCKING PEE IN THIS SUIT, and I HAVE WITNESSED THINGS NO ONE SHOULD EVER SEE! I am just a LITTLE stressed out right now!” She was practically tearing her hair out, her face filled with unadulterated rage. Everyone shrank back from the girl, and she stormed ahead while they all hastily followed. 

They kept walking, and Sans and Ladybug kept bickering. He made a few puns in an attempt to lighten the mood, but that only seemed to anger her even more. Something was off though, it felt as if something was more wrong than it already was in this crazy universe, and Chat just couldn’t put his finger on it. Finally though, Chat realized what had been missing the whole time. Gasping, he reached out and grabbed Ladybug’s arm, pulling her to a stop. She turned around and gave him a furious glare, but her expression softened when she saw the worry in his eyes.

“WHAT HAPPENED? WHAT HAS INTERRUPTED OUR JOURNEY?” Papyrus asked, looking at Phil with a confused expression. He just shrugged, not knowing either.

“If I remember correctly, we should have seen Undyne at least three times already.” Chat said quietly. Everyone in the group tensed, a feeling of unease permeating the air. Dan and Phil looked at each other worriedly, and Sans’ browbone furrowed. “This bridge right here, she should be here too. And monster kid too.”

“So… what happened to her?” Whatever rage Ladybug had been feeling had now been replaced with discontent and anxiety. Phil stepped forward to offer his opinion.

“We should keep walking. She’s gotta be here.” The boy was optimistic as always, and Sans tried to be the same even though he had a strange feeling that they wouldn’t see Undyne at all. 

At least, he hoped they didn’t have to.

After a few moments of quiet, Ladybug started leading the team forward again, determined to face whatever had gone wrong. They came across the bridge, the rickety wood breaking the heavy silence with its creaking. The air seemed to shift the closer they got to the waterfall, filling with dread and giving everyone a sense of foreboding. Something had happened, and whatever it was it meant nothing good for their future. 

What felt like an eternity of walking eventually passed, and every step resounded off the walls in a harmonious rhythm that was acting as the anthem to their doom. They came to the spot, the very spot where normally Undyne would drive them to their inevitable reset, only to find…

Nothing.

“Where is she? She’s supposed to be here!” Chat asked, glancing around in a frenzy. 

“Who?” Ladybug inquired, utterly puzzled as to why her partner was panicking. 

“Undyne! This is where we would have to battle her!” He pointed to the top of the cave, where a rock extended into a sharp tip. “She would be standing right there waiting for us.” 

“I’m sure she’s around here somewhere, let’s take a look around.” Ladybug suggested. They all nodded and stepped around, searching for any trace of the badass fish warrior. A few minutes passed to no avail, and Ladybug was beginning to consider a plan B, before Papyrus called out in confusion. 

“I THINK I FOUND SOMETHING BUT I’M NOT SURE WHAT IT IS!” He shouted, standing in the corner. Everyone rushed over, their footsteps echoing throughout the cavern, and they all gasped as they what it was that Papyrus had found. 

It was a pile of powdered dust, along with a long spear that looked suspiciously like Undyne’s favored weapon. Chat and Sans instantly knew what it was, along with Dan and Phil who had been informed as to what it was by Sans himself. Ladybug had no idea what the substance could be, but judging from her companion’s reactions, it wasn’t good. Papyrus meanwhile, was completely clueless as to what was going on. 

“SO? WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?!” He asked when no one spoke. 

“it means we need to find frisk so they can reset all of this.” Sans declared, his smile seeming strained. Chat nodded in agreement. Ladybug gave her partner a confused glance, and he leaned over and whispered into her ear to fill her in. 

“Monsters turn into dust when they die. That’s Undyne’s remains.” He said gravely. Ladybug’s breath hitched as her eyes widened, as the full gravity of the situation settled in. 

“Shit! In that case we gotta get the akuma as soon as possible!” Ladybug exclaimed, running her hands through her pigtails in worry. 

“No, Ladybug, Sans is right. We may be able to stop the akuma but Frisk can make it so they never even existed. They are the only one who can undo all of this. They shouldn’t be that hard to find.” Chat said in agreement with the skeleton. 

“How do you know you can find this Frisk kid? My Miraculous Cure should be able to fix everything, we just have to find out where this false Chara went and boom, everything’s fine!” She said in argument, placing her hands on her hips. 

“Trust me, Frisk is the one we need.” Chat insisted. 

“Fine then, if this Frisk kid is such a miracle why don’t you just go and find them yourself!?” Ladybug yelled, fed up with the indecision. 

“You’re saying we should split up?” Chat asked, his mouth set in a tight line of concern. Ladybug sighed and ran her hand through her hair again. 

“Yeah, I guess that’s what I am saying.” She said with reluctance, not wanting to be separated from the only familiar person in this world but not seeing any other option. 

“she’s got a point kid. we could probably cover more ground if we split the group up, and i wanna find frisk too.” Sans added in. Chat looked down at the ground, his expression melancholic as a tension settled over the group. 

“Fine. Then that’s what we’re gonna do. Who’s going with me to find the akuma and who’s going with them to find Frisk?” Ladybug asked to the team. 

“I agree with Ladybug on this one, I think we should get rid of the danger as quickly as possible.” Dan said, walking over to where she was standing opposite Chat and Sans. Everyone looked expectantly at Phil and Papyrus, who seemed conflicted as to what to do. 

“I...I’m sorry Sans, but I also think Ladybug has the right idea.” Phil said, not looking away from the pile of dust on the floor. He eventually broke his gaze, and joined Dan and Ladybug. Papyrus looked at everyone, puzzlement filling his expression. 

“I STILL DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT’S GOING ON, BUT I THINK I’LL JUST GO WITH PHIL!” The skeleton declared, stepping over to Ladybug’s group. Ladybug and Chat Noir stared each other down, neither breaking gaze as they prepared to separate even though they were partners. 

“well… it looks like we have this settled then. we’ll meet you guys at asgore’s after we find the kid. you ready to go?” Sans inquired, looking to Chat Noir. Chat was still staring at Ladybug, his eyes filled with sadness. But then, he broke away to look at the skeleton.

“Yeah, let’s go. Good luck guys.” He said as they turned around and walked back the way they came. Ladybug watched, resisting the urge to run and hug her partner as she knew it would only make the situation awkward and painful. 

Sans gave Papyrus one last look. “stay with phil, bro. and don’t be afraid to fuse if you need to.” He nodded, and the four faced forward and made their way through the dark tunnel to Hotland, each group unsure as to when they would see the other again. 

“you okay kid?” Sans asked, noticing his slumped posture. 

“Yeah I guess, I just hope they’ll be alright. Ladybug and I normally don’t separate when we’re hunting for akuma.” He said despondently. Sans felt sympathy for the boy, and figured out what would cheer him up.

“hey kid, wanna take the shortcut?” He asked. Chat brightened at that instantly, his depressed expression turning into a smile. 

“Oh totally!” He responded excitedly. Sans beamed and took his hand, leading him into the darkness onto a path only the skeleton knew.

Meanwhile, the other group was just making their way into the heat that was the Hotlands. 

“Oh god why is it so hot here?” Phil complained as they were washed in a wave of heat. 

“Tell me about it.” Dan groaned, fanning himself with his hand. 

“I DON’T HAVE SKIN!” Papyrus chimed in cheerfully, causing everyone to glare at him. Dan glanced to Ladybug, noticing she seemed perfectly fine in the scorching temperatures.

“Aren’t you hot in that suit?” He asked. 

“The suit is magical and protects me from all extreme temperatures, so no I’m actually fine.” She replied. 

“What’s the deal with the suit anyway? You haven’t taken off the mask the entire time you’ve been here, isn’t it uncomfortable?” Phil inquired. Ladybug shrugged. 

“Not really, I wear it to hide my identity.” 

“Well what is your identity?” Dan asked casually. Ladybug gasped, covering her earrings with her fingers instinctively. Dan just gave her a curious look. “What? It’s not like we’re gonna tell anyone.” 

“Sorry sorry, it’s just that, well, Chat doesn’t know who I am and I don’t want him to know.” She explained, breathing slowly to calm her racing heart. She kept her identity under lock and key, and didn’t take to anyone finding it out lightly. 

“Why doesn’t he know? You guys are partners right? Don’t you trust each other?” Phil inquired. 

“Yeah of course we do! It’s just… I just have my reasons.” She said, biting her lip and twirling her hair nervously. “But now that I think about it, Tikki’s probably really tired from holding the transformation this long.” 

“WHO IS THIS ‘TIKKI’? ARE THEY A HUMAN!?” Papyrus asked, chiming into the conversation for the first time. Ladybug giggled.

“No, she’s what allows me to turn into Ladybug. She’s a kwami which is basically a tiny quantic god.” Ladybug explained. The trio gaped at her.

“A quantic god?” Dan asked in disbelief. 

“Yep! She’s thousands of years old, but even then she’s not all powerful. Her magic isn’t unlimited, which is why I’m concerned that she might be getting tired. I’ve been transformed for a long time.” 

“Maybe you should give her a break?” Phil suggested. She pondered the idea.

“Hmm… maybe. I trust you guys not to tell anyone, but she needs cookies to recharge. Do any of you have any cookies by any chance?” 

“Oh yes totally because I just happen to pack cookies with me all the time when I’m walking through a magical underground land filled with monsters.” Dan replied sarcastically, earning him a punch in the shoulder from the red-clad girl. 

“I HAVE SOME COOKIES ON ME!” Papyrus declared triumphantly, pulling out three cookies from god knows where, and handed them to Ladybug. She furrowed her brow and scrutinized them carefully, curious as to where on earth the morsels could’ve come from, but then shrugged, determining that they were most likely fine. 

“Thank you very much Papyrus, these should do fine.” Taking a deep breath, and looking around at the odd trio that for some reason she trusted, she released her transformation and was bathed in a bright pink light, and Tikki collapsed into her outstretched hands. The kwami’s eyes were half-closed, and Marinette waited for her to collect herself. Glancing up, she saw the whole group staring at her. 

“What?” She asked.

“Your disguise sucks,” Dan said dryly. “You look exactly the same as you did before.” 

“My disguise does not suck! My best friend has an entire blog dedicated to Ladybug and she still hasn’t figured out it’s me so I gotta be doing something right!” Marinette protested. 

“Well, your best friend must be blind then because that mask does nothing.” Marinette sneered at him and turned her attention to the pink kwami, who was beginning to stir. 

“Tikki? Are you okay?” She asked worriedly while the trio gazed in wonder at the small creature.

“Marinette, why were you transformed for so long?” Tikki asked weakly, her small voice hoarse. She opened her eyes fully and looked around, confusion settling across her features as she took in the odd scene before her. “Wait. What’s going on?” 

“Well, it’s a long story. Right now we’re on our way to get the akuma and I decided it would be okay to give you a break. Here, I have some cookies for you, but I’m sorry if they’re not the best.” Marinette apologized, handing the pink bug one of the morsels. 

“OH MY GOD THAT THING IS ADORABLE!” Phil exclaimed loudly, his expression one of pure wonder as he stared at Tikki. Tikki glanced up in surprise, and gently floated out of Marinette’s hands to face the black-haired boy. 

“Hi! I’m Tikki, Marinette’s kwami! Who are you guys?” She asked in her cartoonish voice, nibbling on the cookie. 

“I’m Phil and it is so nice to meet you!” He said cheerfully. “The skeleton here is Papyrus, and that guy over there is my best friend Dan!” Phil said, pointing to the other guys respectively. Papyrus smiled when he was introduced, meanwhile Dan was gazing at Tikki in abject horror. 

“HOLY SHIT THAT BUG IS HUGE! PLEASE TELL ME THAT’S NOT A MOTH!” Dan yelled, backing away from Tikki with crossed fingers, and quickly ducked behind Phil. Tikki groand and rolled her eyes, taking a deep breath to calm herself. 

“I. Am. Not. A. Bug.” She said in a deadly serious tone, making Dan shrink further behind Phil. The kwami flew over right to his face, causing the boy to jump back as she came nose to lack of nose with him. “I have been holding that transformation for weeks now, and I am doing everything in my power not to pass out, so please, unless you want to face the wrath of a god, don’t ever call me a bug again.” Tikki’s voice was lethally quiet, a surprising amount of venom induced into her words for her small stature. 

It was silent, and without a word Tikki floated back over to Marinette and resumed her happy nibbling. Marinette looked at the others with wide eyes, mouthing an apology to Dan who seemed about ready to pee himself with fear, and then continued forward onto their search for the false Chara.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the crack ship is next chapter oh god help -spoon


	5. THE FUCKING COLLARBONE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kiss kiss fall in love!  
> ~Fork

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we would say sorry for not updating in a while but honestly this is fucking ridiculous and i don't think any of you missed it 
> 
> we're not sorry
> 
> AND WE HAVE PLANS FOR A SEQUEL SUCKERS (brendon urie's gonna be in it ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°))

Even though Chat knew what was coming, the sudden teleportation still caught him off guard. When the cold Snowdin air suddenly hit his face, a wave a nausea overcame him, and he had to take a minute to regain his balance. Sans had taken them back to his shared house, and they were standing near the front entrance. After taking a few deep breaths, Chat straightened and turned to his friend.

“So… how are we gonna find Frisk? The underground is huge. They could be anywhere.” Chat asked, curiosity piqued. Where he expected Sans to shrug, instead the skeleton hesitated before sighing and meeting his eyes.

“well, we don’t have time to just go searching for them, so we’re gonna need to get some help.” He said, rubbing his hands together nervously. “i can trust you, right kid?”

The boy stared at him in surprise. After playing the game himself, Chat could usually figure out where they were headed or what they were going to do next, but this odd behavior was throwing him for a loop. “Yeah, of course.” He replied, nodding firmly.

Sans held out a hand, bony palm facing towards the sky. The porcelain bones glowed a faint blue, and in a flash of light a small, silver, skeleton key (ahahHAHAHAH) suddenly appeared. The light faded, and he reached out to Chat, who gingerly took the key as if it were a fragile jewel. He examined it for a moment, turning it over in his hand, and then raised an eyebrow to indicate his confusion.

“it’s time you learned the truth.” Was all Sans said to the wordless question.

 

Chat jerked his head back up to fully look at Sans, and made a small noise somewhere between a gasp and a squeal of excitement as his mind leaped to the conclusion of what he must mean. Sans stared at him and shook his head as the boy practically shook with enthusiasm.

“i take it you already know where we’re headed, then?” He grinned and nodded, his eagerness being enough to help Sans relax a little and smile as well. He motioned for Chat to follow, and the two walked behind the house. Sans bent down and unlocked the trapdoor, and pulled it open. Sans stepped back, gesturing for the boy to go through first, and Chat went down into the unknown. 

After climbing through the darkness for a few minutes, the narrow hole he was moving through began to become lit again. Slowly, he reached the bottom, and gingerly stepped onto the smooth stone floor. He was hesitant to turn around, lest his suspicions about what was here be correct. His plan was to wait for Sans to come down as well, but then a voice called out behind him.

“Who on earth are you?!” A deep voice shouted. Chat whirled around, and almost screamed with joy when he saw who was behind him.

There was a dark figure towering in the room, his height making it so he had to bend down beneath the low ceiling. He was wearing a long dark cloak, the cloth rippling as if it were made of living shadows. He was a skeleton, not unlike Sans and Papyrus, but this man had two long cracks running along his skull; one that started from his left eye and ran to the top of his head, and another that connected his right eye socket and his mouth. A black, almost blood-like goo oozed from the fractures, shining under the bright fluorescent bulbs overhead. Thanks to endless youtube theories, fanart searches, and hours spent reading fanfic there was no doubt in Chat’s mind as to who this person was.

This was none other than W.D. Gaster. 

“Ohhhhhhh myyyyyy godddddd!!! It’s you!!” Chat squealed loudly, clapping his claws together in excitement. Gaster raised a brow bone and slowly approached him, their enormous height difference (a/n almost a full foot thanks tumblr) (a/n who has time to figure that shit out) becoming more apparent as he got closer. Gaster loomed over the boy, and he looked like a small, giddy child compared to the cloaked man.

“Adrien Agreste…” Gaster said in recognition, his voice almost a growl. Chat swore that for a second he saw a faint purple glow in the mysterious man’s dark eye sockets, much like how San’s lit blue when he was angry.

Oh. OH SHIT.

“whooooooaaaa gaster, let’s calm down okay? i brought him down here, he’s a friend.” Sans said, rushing over and putting himself in between the two figures. 

“Why have you brought him here, my son? Do you not remember our agreement?” Gaster asked in a deathly quiet tone. 

“OHHHHHHHH SHIT! WELL THAT EXPLAINS A LOT!” Chat yelled, throwing his hands in the air as the fandom’s theory was confirmed. The two gave him a blank stare, but Chat ignored them in favor of this revelation. 

“I NEED TO CALL MATPAT, LIKE, RIGHT NOW!” Chat exclaimed, reaching for his baton that also acted as a cell phone. Sans stopped him by grabbing his hand.

“not right now, maybe later, okay?” He said, giving Chat a serious look and squeezing his hand. The boy gulped and put it away, suddenly aware of the angry glint in Gaster’s empty eyes. 

“NO! No one, especially not that ‘youtuber’, needs to be made aware of my existence. Is that understood?” Gaster asked, his sockets boring into Chat’s face. 

“Uhhhh okay sorry sir!” Chat yelped, taking a step back nervously. Gaster sighed and squeezed the bridge of where his nose would be if he had one. 

“soooooo now that that’s out of the way and no one died, we need some help pops.” Sans said, breaking the awkward silence. 

“What could have happened that made you so desperate for my help, that you broke your promise and brought one of the outsiders here?” Gaster asked, sitting down in a nearby chair that Chat hadn’t noticed before. 

“Well-” Chat started to explain but was cut off by Sans waving a hand in front of his face.

“let me do the talking.” He said, pushing the boy back. “apparently when chat and ladybug showed up down here, an akuma that’s like chara came with them. now i originally didn’t think this would be a big deal but we just found undyne’s dust by the waterfall, and so now we think that this false chara is doing a genocide run. so basically we need to find frisk so they can reset and make everything go back to normal.” Sans explained. 

“Doesn’t Frisk always reset on their own eventually?” Gaster inquired. 

“Well, yeah, but people could get hurt in the meantime!” Chat interjected, ignoring Sans’s orders. 

“So?” Gaster asked without concern or emotion. 

“So people could die! It’s better to reset as quickly as possible to make sure no one suffers!” 

“I have died my fair share of times, I have even been erased from existence, child. And I am still standing.” Gaster was clearly growing impatient with Chat’s morals. 

“That doesn’t mean it’s okay to just let others suffer when you have the power to stop it!” Chat was getting angry right back at the scientist, unafraid even though he knew Gaster could kick his ass if it came to a fight. 

“yeah dad, he’s right. that’s… that’s pretty fucked up. they could hurt me, or chat, or even paps, and you’re willing to just let it happen?” Sans contributed, moving to stand in front of Chat again protectively.

“I DO NOT CARE WHAT HAPPENS TO CHAT OR PAPYRUS!” Gaster bellowed, causing Chat to flinch and reflexively throw his hands up to protect himself. Sans didn’t move, he just stared at his father, his eyes empty like a bottomless void.

“what’s that shitty science thing you used to say? ‘past performance does not guarantee future results?’ doesn’t that apply here?” Sans was shouting too now, and he stood there with his jaw clenched, seething with anger. “he’s your own son!”

“See what you are doing, Son?” He taunted, standing up from his seat and closing the distance between them. “You are doing exactly what I said you would. Letting your emotions cloud your judgement. Have you forgotten about the exp-”

“I DON’T CARE ABOUT THE GODDAMN EXPERIMENT ANYMORE! JUST ACTIVATE THE MACHINE AND DO A DT SCAN, OR I’LL DO IT MYSELF!” Sans’ eye was blindingly blue now, and his fingertips glowed the same shade. Chat could practically feel the anger and tension floating in the room… or maybe it was the hum of magic from the two monsters standing in front of him.

Gaster studied his face, his expression unreadable, before silently stepping aside and gesturing towards a large object cloaked by a purple sheet.

“Fine, do what you wish, just remember our agreement.” Gaster said quietly. With heavy breathing, Sans unclenched his fists and stepped towards the object, swiping the cloak off and letting it flutter to the floor. Sans began punching random numbers into the interface of the machine, and Chat watched with fascination as it lit up and began making a series of beeping noises. 

(a/n we’re lazy so we’re not describing the machine… and letting you use your IMAAAAAAGINAAAAATION)

Gaster coughed and he turned around to look at him, but then the colorful posters on the wall behind him caught his eye. He barely registered their cartoony appearance, turning to look at Sans once again, when what was on the posters fully hit him. 

He whirled around, and gaped as he stared into a picture of himself and Ladybug hanging on the wall. They were in front of a zoomed out image of Paris, standing side by side behind the giant words, ‘Miraculous’ written in a loopy font. Beneath the title were the words ‘Tales of Ladybug and Chat Noir’, and floating beside both of them were Plagg and a small pink creature that Chat assumed was Ladybug’s kwami. Before he could inquire about the poster though, Sans spoke.

“okayyy, it’s scanning, let’s see here… oh fuck.” Sans’s eye sockets widened as he watched a series of numbers run across the screen, his already white bones somehow turning paler. 

“What is it?” Chat asked worriedly. Sans didn’t respond, turning away from the machine and muttering something to himself about three different sources of determination. Before Chat could say anything, Sans grabbed him by the arm and teleported them out of the room, not even bothering to give Gaster a goodbye. 

Chat fell to the ground as they landed in Hotland, his head swimming from the suddenness of the transport. He squeezed his eyes shut in an attempt to calm his roiling insides, breathing slowly as the nausea gradually faded away. Once he felt better, he opened his eyes and looked around to see what was going on, and saw Sans darting around in a state of panic. 

“FRISK! FRISK WHERE ARE YOU!? WE REALLY NEED YA KID! FRISK! OH SHIT FRISK!!” He shouted, looking in every corner of the small area they were in. Chat stood up, and grabbed the skeleton by the shoulders to stop him dead in his tracks. (a//n ayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy) 

“SANS! CALM DOWN! What the HELL is going on?!” He demanded, staring into the terrified skelebro’s face. Sans stared at him for a moment, before sighing and leaning into his hold. 

“there were three of them, three different sources of determination. i didn’t think the real chara was the one who killed undyne, i thought it was just the akuma! apparently i was wrong.” Sans said in a hushed voice, his body trembling. 

“So you’re saying the real Chara’s here too?” Chat asked for clarification. 

“yeah, that’s what it looks like. if the real chara’s doing a genocide run then that means frisk won’t be able to reset, and that means we’re royally fucked because chara won’t reset till everyone’s dead, if at all.” Chat seized up, the full gravity of the situation hitting him all at once. 

“Um, what do we do then?” He asked nervously. Sans didn’t respond, his small body shaking like a leaf in Chat’s arms. It took the boy a moment to realize Sans was crying, despite not having eyes. He kneeled down and carefully moved his hands from Sans’ shoulders to spine, wrapping his arms around his small figure and holding him tightly. Sans shook as Chat stroked his back and shushed him, burying his skull in the boy’s chest.

“Hey… we’ll figure something out, I promise.” He whispered, trying to soothe the panic stricken skelebro who was still clinging to him like at any moment he could be swept away by the wind and lost forever. Sans nodded and looked up at Chat, tears still trickling down his skull. Chat wiped one away with a gloved hand, stroking his cheekbone gently.

“frisk can’t reset… there’s nothing i can do.” he croaked. Chat shushed him again and squeezed tighter.

“Ladybug was right… the miraculous cure will put Frisk back in control. It’s the next best thing to a reset. We’ll catch up with her and everyone else, and we’ll be fine.” Sans took a deep breath and they stood in an embrace for an unknown amount of time, reassuring each other with their gentle physical presence. 

(a/n update: i’m hungry and fork cant give me shitty fast food over skype halp)

As Sans was pressed up against Chat’s leather-clad abdomen, a loud grumbling that was reminiscent of a mythological dragon roared in his ears. He jumped back, startled as to what the noise could’ve been, before he noticed Chat blushing. 

“Sorry, I guess I’m just a little hungry.” He said sheepishly.

(a/n y’all are gonna suffer with me and that includes chat)

“WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!” He almost shouted, staring at Chat’s stomach in confusion and horror. The boy self-consciously shielded his torso with his arms and chuckled nervously.

“Oh, it’s… it’s a human thing. Can we just go get food?” He asked, running a hand through his already messy hair. 

“sure, the mtt inn has some good grub, and I think we could both use a bit of a break. c’mon, let’s go.” Sans awkwardly grabbed Chat’s hand, getting ready to teleport to Mettaton’s hotel, when suddenly he was interrupted by the sound of someone behind them.

The coupled turned, and were met with a small spinach can with big googly eyes and mouth, a knife in one hand and a fork in the other. It suddenly started shouting at the two of them in a high-pitched, childlike voice.

“ARE YOU HUNGRY?” It sang in a british accent, waving the utensils towards them. “YOU LOOK TO BE A BIT HUNGRY!”

“what the fuck? is this another youtuber, chat?” he raised a brow bone, and turned to look at Chat, who was quivering with fear. 

“Uh, sorta. We have to go though. Right now.” Chat tugged at Sans’ bony arm, urging him to leave.

“why? it’s just a cute little puppet, what’s it gonna do?” 

“JUST TRUST ME WHEN I SAY WE HAVE TO LEAVE, RIGHT NOW!!!” Chat cried out, and hearing the sheer terror in his voice was enough for Sans. He teleported, and suddenly the two were standing outside of MTT resort, a faint orange glow from through the glass doors pouring over them. Still hand in hand, they walked into the building.

-

Meanwhile, Ladybug was being traumatized for the 2nd time. 

“HOW’S IT GOING DARLINGS?! MY NAME IS PEWWWDIEPIEEEEE!” Said a blonde man in a swedish accent, clad in knee high, pink leather, high-heeled boots. His outfit was practically identical to Mettaton’s EX form; he had the leggings, the white gloves and everything. To be honest, Ladybug thought he looked like a wannabe twink version of Jagged Stone.

“Why? What did I do to deserve this?” she inquired to the gods above. The group was staring in shock at the famous youtuber in front of them, the man flaunting his skin tight leggings proudly. Ladybug was trying to cover her eyes while Dan and Phil couldn’t stop gaping, meanwhile Papyrus looked simply confused.

“What on earth is going on?” Phil asked with wide eyes. 

“Why the hell is Felix here?! And in Mettaton’s outfit of all things!” Dan exclaimed, unable to tear his gaze from the provocatively posed gamer. 

“I have no idea, but I look FABULOUS!” Felix shouted, dancing to the music that was blaring in the room. The group had been wandering through Hotland until they came upon a giant white building in the middle of the magma-filled region. Papyrus claimed there was nothing to fear inside, but even with that reassurance the group still warily made their way through the glass doors into the blessedly cool laboratory, but not before Marinette re-transformed into Ladybug.

After strolling into the humongous room, they had been greeted by a very startled dinosaur-lizard hybrid wearing glasses and a lab coat who went by the name of Alphys. She informed them that she wasn’t there to attack the group, and had actually been watching them on surveillance cameras for the entirety of their journey and wanted to help them in their mission. Then she mentioned how they would have to watch out for her human-killing robot, but before they could discuss things further, the swede had burst through the wall wearing his provocative raiment, interrupting the conversation at hand.

Now they were at a standstill, unsure if the gamer would let them proceed or not. 

“Look, this may be the second weirdest thing I’ve ever seen but we really need to get going.” Ladybug said, not wanting to waste any more time. 

“W-wait! You guys can’t leave! What am I s-supposed to do with HIM!?” Alphys asked, gesturing wildly to Felix who was currently practicing a series of high kicks. 

“Whoah! I can kick my legs so high! I can finally kick Jack’s ass all the way back to Ireland!” He announced, effortlessly lifting his leg to his head. 

“This is most definitely NOT a human…” Papyrus muttered to himself, seemingly deep in thought. 

“Wait, do you mean Jack’s here too?” Dan questioned. Felix finally stopped his cheerleader moves, seeming to sense the worry radiating off of everyone within his vicinity, and turned to the gaggle of weirdos.

“I...I’m not sure, even though I haven’t seen them I have a weird feeling him and Mark are here too.” As if these were cursed words, suddenly another rumbling shook throughout the building and two more figures broke through the walls. 

“DID I HEAR SOMEONE SAY JACK?!” 

“I HEARD MARK’S NAME!” The two figures were that of a man with green and brown hair, and a man with red and black hair accompanied by a pair of glasses. They were both adorned in similar Mettaton costumes as Felix was, but their colors matched with their corresponding hair colors. Everyone stared in shock at the two men for a moment, before the new arrivals faced each other and lit up like christmas trees.

“JACK!” The man with red hair shouted.

“MARK!” The man with green hair shouted, his voice tinged by a thick irish accent. 

“WHERE THE HELL ARE WE?!”

“I HAVE NO IDEA!” The two men ran and hugged each other tightly, while everyone else watched uncomfortably. Then they separated and spotted Felix with his leg in the air, and they both tackled him in a group hug. 

“YES WE’RE ALL HERE!” Jack shouted gleefully, tripping slightly in his green high-heeled boots. 

“Whoa whoa whoa! Who the HELL are you guys?!” Ladybug shouted, breaking up the joyful reunion. They all separated and looked around in surprise, finally noticing the small group that was watching them. 

“Top of the mornin’ to ya laddies, my name is Jacksepticeye.” The green-haired man said in a similarly sexual tone as the one Pewdiepie introduced himself with. 

“And my name is Markiplier…” The red-haired man added in, also in a provocative tone. 

“Okay, what are you guys doing here?!” Dan demanded. The trio all looked at him in unison, and their faces lit up. 

“Dan! Phil! Nice to see you guys again!” Mark said cheerfully. 

“FIRST YOU’RE IN MY TUMBLR TAG AND NOW THIS?! GODDAMIT!” Felix shouted, staring the two boys down and gesturing wildly to express his frustration. 

While all this was occurring, Chat Noir and Sans had just arrived at the restaurant for food.

The couple strolled into the dimly lit dining area, numerous patrons murmuring quietly as they ate their meals. The smell of roasting meat and steaming vegetables wafted throughout the air, candlelit dinners proceeding as if the outside world wasn’t running amok with intermixed universes. As Sans led Chat between the many tables, Chat saw two familiar seeming men having an intense discussion over their meal. One was extremely tall even sitting down, and had quite the impressive beard. The other was still tall but not nearly as tall as his counterpart, and had jet black hair and square glasses perched atop his nose. They both waved to Sans as he walked past, and the skeleton just gave them a confused look in return. 

“What the hell are Rhett and Link doing here?” Chat muttered to himself as they passed the table, giving the duo an awkward smile. After a few seconds they reached their table, which was right in the middle of the room. Chat was hyper-aware of everyone’s gazes on them as they sat down, feeling their eyes boring into the back of his head. Chat awkwardly picked up a menu, and his eyes almost bulged out of their sockets when he saw a specific item.

“They have Camembert here?!” He asked, looking at Sans with wide green eyes. 

“they do?” He glanced at the menu in the boys claws. “huh, i guess so.” 

“Plagg could eat some of that… as much as an ass of he is I think he kinda deserves a break.” Chat said, biting his lip as her pondered this decision. Sans waited patiently as the boy thought, and then eventually came to a decision. In a flash of green light Adrien detransformed, earning startled glances from the other patrons in the room, and Plagg collapsed onto the table in a dramatic small heap. 

“OH MY GOD YOU KINKY SHIT YOU NEED TO LET ME HAVE A BREAK MORE OFTEN!” Plagg shouted rather loudly, earning glares from everyone else. 

“Shhhh be quiet Plagg, we’re in a restaurant!” Adrien hissed. 

“Do you think I give a shit if we’re in a restaurant? I COULD DIE!” Plagg insisted, raising his voice again. 

“No you couldn’t, you’re a quantic god remember? Anyway calm down, the reason I released the transformation is because they have Camembert here and thought you deserved a snack break.” Plagg instantly perked up at this, floating up to Adrien’s face with an excited smile. 

“Really?! Oh it’s been so long since I’ve had Camembert! I miss it so! I promise I won’t complain while you’re detransformed this time if you get me some of my delicious cheese.” Plagg pleaded, his eyes as wide as saucers. Adrien pretended to consider it, just to make the little shit suffer more, before smiling in resignation.

“Fine, I’ll get you some camembert.” 

“HOORAY!” Plagg squealed, doing a backflip in the air. 

“But you have to promise to be quiet the entire time we’re having dinner, okay?” Adrien asked, not wanting his asshole of a kwami to ruin his date. Plagg stared him down, and then glanced to Sans before glancing back at him, a shit-eating grin on his tiny face. 

“I suppose I can do that.” Plagg said in an overly-innocent tone. Adrien sighed and figured that was the best he was going to get out of the creature, and leaned back as the waitress came over. 

The waitress seemed to be some kind of humanoid-sheep hybrid. Her wooly hair was styled into some kind of extremely fluffy bob that was shockingly pink, while the rest of her was covered in trim, cream colored fur that was especially fine around her face. She had gigantic, watery blue eyes that were fixed on Sans while her mouth was fixed in a bright smile. 

“Oh hiya Sansy! It’s been such a long time since I’ve seen you here!” Her sky blue gaze traveled down to Plagg who was settling himself neatly on a napkin. She gasped and grinned even wider. “Oh. My. God. You are the cutest thing ever!” She squealed to the kwami. Plagg looked up, his expression a mix of annoyance and pleasure.

“Um, wow, been a long time since someone called me cute. Thank you!” He said with a smirk, floating up to face her. 

“Golly! You are so sweet! What kind of monster are you?!” She asked gleefully. Chat gave Sans a confused look, who just replied with “¯\\_(ツ)_/¯”. 

“Oh, um, I’m not technically a monster I guess. I’m a quantic god!” Plagg said, seeming to enjoy the attention he was being given.

“Even better!” Then she seemed to remember her job, and diverted her attention back to the customers. “So Sansy, who’s this cutie?” 

“this is adrien.” Sans replied. A puzzled expression crossed the sheep’s face.

“Wait, where’s Hope?” She asked, concern etched on her countenance. Sans stiffened, and turned to her with an awkward smile.

“Um, that’s the wrong fic Bo.” He said tensely. Bo straightened up in surprise.

“Ah shit.” She said, before shaking herself off and resuming her grin. “Sorry about that, what’ll you have to eat?” They ordered and Bo walked away, leaving Adrien with even more questions. 

“What was that all about?” He asked, wringing his hands nervously. 

“nothing to worry about, just a friend of mine from another fanfic.” Sans explained casually. 

“Well who’s Hope?”

“um…” If the skeleton could sweat, he would’ve been in that moment. “don’t worry about it.” Adrien frowned but let the subject drop, getting the feeling like it really was nothing to worry about. 

“Well, uh, anyway, I’ve been meaning to ask, why were there posters of me in that secret room you had?” Adrien asked, thinking back to the glossy photos of him and Ladybug. Sans’ grin seemed strained, and his brow furrowed worriedly. 

“uh, well, hey! i’ve been meaning to ask, how do you know so much about the underground?” Sans asked, abruptly changing the subject. Adrien’s frown deepened and he crossed his arms, determined not to let his question be brushed aside. 

“I asked first.” He stubbornly stated. Sans sighed and awkwardly scratched the back of his neck, before leaning forward and resting his elbones (a//n ha, get it, elbows and bones? I’m not funny rip) on the sleek wooden surface. He seemed to be battling with some inner turmoil, his mind a whirlpool of secrets and half-truths that was so dark it seemed an impossibility for all of them to see the light of day. Finally, he sagged in resignation.

“Fine. I’ll tell you. The reason those posters exist is because in my universe…” He paused, reluctant to utter the truth. “Because in my universe, you and LB are characters on a french TV show called Miraculous Ladybug.” Adrien blinked, letting the news sink in but not being entirely surprised by it. The incidents in his life that occurred, all the comical moments and romantic coincidences and conflicts all seemed perfectly orchestrated by that of an invisible god that Adrien now knew was the writer. But then a terrible thought occurred to him.

“Wait! What is the show rated?” He asked, suddenly worried about his tumblr. 

“it’s a kid show but for some weird reasons a bunch of teenagers and Alphys watch it.” 

“Oh, thank god!” Adrien said, letting out a breath of relief. 

“I answered yours now you answer mine, how do you know so much about the underground?” Adrien bit his lip, unsure of how Sans would react to realizing that his fate was determined by the will of anyone with ten bucks to spare and a computer. 

“Well, um, about that… please don’t freak out.” Adrien begged, not wanting a panic attack to occur. 

“kid, i’ve been through 3.57 genocide runs in my life. i think i can handle whatever you have to tell me.” 

“Uh, well, like how you said I was a tv show in your universe, in my universe… you’re from a video game!” He blurted, not being able to stand the tension any longer. Sans didn’t react at first, he simply continued staring straight ahead with his permanent grin. After a few seconds, the smile seemed to grow more strained and his eyes narrowed slightly, and his fingers clenched the tablecloth in a death grip. 

“a… video game, you said?” He hissed through clenched teeth. Adrien nodded hesitantly, worried the skeleton might explode. “so… this whole time… all the resets… all the genocide runs… are because of some fucking 12 year old with a computer?!”

“Sans, are you okay?” Adrien asked warily. 

“do i look okay to you kid?!” He questioned, one of his eyes twitching. 

“God I knew this wasn't a good idea.” Adriens stated, awkwardly scratching his head. 

“my whole life… everything i’ve ever seen or done… is just a computer program!” 

“Well to be fair you could look at all of life that way depending on your personal beliefs-” 

“no offense but please shut up.” Sans said. He was silent for a moment and Adrien sat there awkwardly, twiddling his thumbs, until Sans spoke again. “well, um, lemme guess, frisk is the protagonist?” Adrien just nodded. “heh, figured, kid wouldn't have the power of resets for nothing. am… am i a main character at least?” 

“Oh boy, Sans, you are everyone's favorite character in the entire game. I can't tell you how much fanart and headcanons and fanfic has been made about you.” Sans perked up at this, his strained smile relaxing a tiny bit. 

“i am? well that's good to know, at least people like the puns.” It was awkwardly quiet for a moment, neither sure what to say next. Then, Adrien came up with an idea.

“You… You wanna see a bit of gameplay? There’s a ton of videos on YouTube.” Sans blinked in surprise. 

“um, sure. sounds interesting.” Adrien took out his phone and pulled up with favorite let's play of the game ever, Jacksepticeye’s. He queued up the episode involving Sans, figuring it would just confuse the skelebro even more if he had to explain Toriel. And then with shaky fingers, he handed the phone over and sat quietly as Sans watched. 

As the skeleton stared at the screen, Bo came back with their food and placed it in front of them. She looked as if she wanted to say something to Adrien, but ultimately decided against it. She gave a small smile to Plagg when he dived into his Camembert head first, and left a few seconds later. 

Adrien ate, and after a few minutes Sans finally put the the phone down, his expression unreadable. 

“i-i think i need to get out of here.” He said, throwing some gold on the table before jumping out of the chair and running out of the restaurant at full speed. Adrien leapt out of his own chair, picking a dozing Plagg up by his tail earning him a string full of curses, and bolted out of the building at top speed. Once outside, Adrien whipped his head around, looking for any sign as to where Sans could’ve gone. It wasn’t hard to spot his bright blue jacket, contrasting brightly to the orange hue of Hotland. 

Running over to him, Adrien slowed his pace seeing that Sans had now laid down on the ground, face first, seemingly completely oblivious to his surroundings. 

“Sans? You okay?” Adrien asked warily. 

“oh, hey. yeah i’m just doing what dan does at times like this, and i’ll admit, it helps. he may be salty as hell but he does have some sense.” 

“So you’re having an existential crisis?”

“kid you just told me i don’t exist, what do you expect?” 

“Okay fair point.” Adrien stood there silently for a moment, having no idea what the hell to do to help the skeleton. Going with his instincts, he laid beside him and awkwardly hugged him as best he could, just trying to be a reassuring presence. (a/n SHIPPPPP) Sans melted into his touch, leaning slightly into the tol boy’s arms. 

They were now extremely close, and Sans could feel Adrien’s soft breath on his face despite not having any skin. Adrien was absentmindedly stroking Sans’s arm, fingers light as a feather on the porcelain bones. EVen though he could barely feel his touch, Sans appreciated the gesture anyway. Peridot eyes gazed into black voids, becoming lost in the swirling sea of onyx. Their faces unconsciously moved closer, nose and lack of nose practically touching. (a//n we might as well be writing voldemort x harry fanfic) Adrien’s eyes widened as he realized the intimate position they were in, and his cheeks flushed bright red. Sans just continued to grin.

In that moment, Sans’ thought process went something like this.

‘welp. i’m not real anyway, so i’ve got nothing to lose. fuck it! i’m gonna kiss the cat boy.’

And so Sans leaned in, gently pressing his teeth against Adrien’s plush petal lips (a//n how the fuck does sans kiss in fics he has no lips). And so they, as the kool kidz call it, ‘made out’ beneath the burning sky of Hotland, things gettin’ steamy between them. 

(*cough cough* chat’s gonna bone the skeleton)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> now go to church you filthy sinners


	6. lots of emotions (and dick jokes!)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> exactly what the title says
> 
> we sacrificed sleep for this

“So… If we’re still being honest here, I’m kind of disappointed that it didn’t glow blue.” Sans groaned at the boy’s question, and began to explain for the fifth (sixth?) time that Adrien’s expectations for his genitalia were highly unrealistic.

“kid, no…. that’s not how this works. this is a semi-realistic fanfic, not tumblr.” Sans said with waning patience as they made their way out of the MTT Inn for a second time, so that they could grab Plagg from where he had been having a conversation with Bo. The kwami had gotten bored once Adrien and Sans had begun making out, (as the kool kidz call it) and left to go find the kind waitress so his charge could sate his libido in private.

“Semi-realistic my ass, you and Pap can fuse with youtubers for fuck’s sake. And besides, all the fanart shows-”

“that’s exactly it. fanart. not the real stuff.”

“Well you’re not real either so I think it’s entirely possible for your skele-dick to glow blue.” 

“excuse me, but you’re a fucking children’s tv character so you shouldn’t be talking about anything like this, little boy.” 

(a/n kinky)

The pair continued walking through Hotland, their conversation eventually moving on from the topic of magical appendages, much to Sans’ relief. After a few minutes of silence passing between the couple, their hands clasped together and swinging gently between them, they both realized that what they were doing was entirely unnecessary. 

“Wait, shit, we have a serious situation to deal with. We gotta get back to the group.” Chat said, pulling his hand (albeit reluctantly) from Sans’ soft grip. 

“oh, you’re right, crap. wanna take a shortcut?” He said, smiling kindly at his lover. He winced as Chat’s responsive squeal broke the sound barrier. (citation needed) 

Within seconds they were in front of Alphys’ lab, the building splendid in it’s sparkling clean grandeur. Chat gaped, having never seen the place from a first person point of view, and immediately ran inside without waiting for his bone friend (a//n heh heh). 

Sans caught up and walked through the doors just in time to hear Papyrus yell out,

“WHERE IS MY BOYFRIEND?” 

“YOUR WHAT?!” Sans shouted, his eyes widening, a flicker of blue appearing in his left socket. Everyone whipped around, startled by the sudden announcement of the couple’s presence. Walking to the group, Sans shoved his way to the front and found the very strange sight of the Holy (or should he say horny) Trinity of Gamers turned Erotic Robots, who were currently having a competition to see who could kick their leg the highest, with Chat immediately joining them. But even that wasn’t enough to distract Sans from the damning words his brother had said. 

Papyrus and Phil were currently standing near the edge of the group, Pap’s eyes on the floor while Phil rubbed his arm comfortingly. Sans made his way over to his brother, shoving Dan into Ladybug when the youtuber was in his way. 

“OW! FUCK YOU SANS!” Ladybug yelled.

“i’ll pass lb, i’ve already had my share today.” Sans said casually, not even paying attention to them as he zeroed in on his target. Meanwhile, Ladybug and Dan looked at each other in horror as they were each traumatized a third time with the mental image those words entailed. Finally, he reached Papyrus.

“it’s mettaton, isn’t it paps?” He said in a low voice, completely ignoring his past statement. “i told you, he’s not worth it. he only cares about himself.”

“No no! I’ve talked to Mettaton before and he’s not that bad, I promise!” Phil said, jumping in to defend his best friend’s boyfriend. 

“phil, this doesn’t involve y-”

“EXCUSE YOU BUT PHIL IS JUST AS INVOLVED IN THIS AS I AM!” Papyrus shouted, finally gaining a bit of courage to stand up to his older brother. 

“Damn savage.” Chat muttered under his breath, before returning to examining the beauty that was Felix’s legs. Suddenly, a high-pitched woman’s voice was heard echoing throughout the corridor.

“Felix? Are you using my high heels?” Marzia asked, too far away to be seen. 

“NOT THIS TIME!” Felix yelled, throwing his leg up above his head proudly. 

But Sans really didn’t give a shit about them at this time. 

“but why didn’t you tell me, paps?” Sans asked, his voice less harsh and more hurt as his rage lessened. 

“I… I TOLD YOU I LIKED HIM. AND AFTER HOW YOU REACTED…. I KNEW THIS IS WHAT WOULD HAPPEN SO I JUST DIDN’T MENTION IT AGAIN!” Papyrus explained, frustration in his voice. Sans stared at him a moment before sighing, letting the rest of his anger fade away. 

“how long have you guys been together?” He asked in a defeated tone. Papyrus’ browbone lifted in surprise, before a small smile crossed his face. 

“174 days.” (a/n daaaaaamn spoon and fork back at it again with the oddly specific numbers) Sans let out a low whistle, his grin becoming less strained. 

“damn, i didn’t know you guys were that serious.” He awkwardly scratched the back of his neck.

“He’s not a bad guy Sans, trust me, I care about Papyrus as much as you do and would’ve done something if Mettaton was bad.” Phil said, his voice dripping with utter sincerity like the cinnamon roll he was. 

Dan gave his old friend an annoyed looked as he said this, quietly starting to hum “Hello Darkness My Old Friend.’ Ladybug hummed along, reassuringly patting her new friend’s arm.

“i know you do kid, sorry for brushing it off like you didn’t earlier.” Sans apologized, hands in his hoodie pockets. He was about to continue on to say something else, when Chat Noir appeared out of a nowhere. 

“Wait! So when Mettaton gets back from wherever he is can you send him my way, because I have a VERY important question to ask him!” 

“KID NO!” Sans shouted, grabbing Chat’s tail to drag him away.  
“I JUST WANNA KNOW IF HIS DICK glows ORANGE!” Chat protested, yanking his tail back from Sans’ hands. Ladybug and Dan shared horrified and confused looks once again.

“kid no, trust me, pap’s never done anything like that before-”

“Actually, there’s a reason I’m not around Pap every Tuesday at 4 pm!” Phil pointed out cheerfully. “That’s the time I spend with Dan!” The brunet boy nodded solemnly, not seeming too pleased with the arrangement, and Ladybug gave him another pat. *pats dan* its ok bb. The room fell silent.

“...what.”

“Well, it all started soon after Paps and Mett started dating!” Phil said, gazing into the distance like a thought bubble in a cartoon would appear. It didn’t. 

“You see, since I never leave Paps’ side I was always with them on their dates, and Mett never said anything about it so we figured he was fine with it. Then one day, Mett talked about ‘doing the do’,” Dan facepalmed in the background at Phil’s euphemisms for sex. “And he asked if I could leave. Papyrus didn’t want that, so he suggested we fuse into Phipyrus and see what Mettaton thought of that.” 

“i’m guessing it didn’t go well?” Sans said dubiously. 

“He said something along the lines of, ‘FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY NEVER DO THAT AGAIN!’ so yeah, not very well. So instead, we arranged a thing where once a week I would stay at the house while they had their date and I would spend time with Dan!” Phil finished, smiling widely.

“Even Mettaton has limits.” Chat commented dryly. 

“I DON’T HAVE LIMITS! OR INTERNAL ORGANS!” Papyrus announced in a proud voice. Phil grinned and patted his friend's shoulder. 

“Wait, if you don’t have internal organs, why do you have dicks?” Chat asked, earning himself a punch in the arm from Sans. 

“STOP ASKING ABOUT DICKS!” Sans yelled, beginning to see why Ladybug was so frustrated all the time. 

“https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2k0SmqbBIpQ” Said Sans, shaking his head.

“I always knew he was gay.” Ladybug whispered to Dan with a laugh. 

“Well, I mean, he doesn’t wear the leather for nothing.” Dan replied with a shrug. 

“Um, g-guys? Sorry to interrupt, b-but I need your help.” Alphys shyly broke in, clearly confused as to what the hell was going on like the rest of the readers. Everyone stopped arguing and turned to face the scientist, the chaos calming for a moment. 

“What can we do for you, Alphys?” Ladybug asked, glad to change the subject from dicks since she wan’t getting any/ (a/n lol she gei)

“Uh, it’s stupid, but… in all of this confusion I f- forgot to watch Undyne fight the human, so… C- can you go to her house and ask her h-how it went? And say hi to her Youtuber friends for me?” Everyone gasped at the request, but thankfully kept their mouths shut at the risk of Sans gaster blasting them if they told her the truth. 

“yeah, sure alphys, no prob. we’ll go do that.” Sans said, forcing himself to keep his voice calm. He’d seen enough genocides to know that Alphys would be crushed by the news, and decided the best course of action would be to protect her as long as possible. 

Ladybug awkwardly stood up from where she was sitting next to Dan, and made her way over to the smol lizard woman. Figuring the poor creature had had a weird enough day, she hugged Alphys tightly just because, well if she was being, she just really looked like she needed a hug. Alphys stiffened in surprise at first, before relaxing into the heroine’s hold. After a few seconds of embracing, Ladybug let go and gave Alphys a smile before going to follow Sans out of the building. But before they could leave, a voice called out.

“See you later brooossssss!! We’re gonna go set up a game show! It’s gonna be greattttt.” Felix said, waggling his eyebrows in an attempt to appear seductive and utterly failing. 

“Oh god.” Ladybug muttered before following Sans out of the building, not looking forward to what the Erotic Robots had in mind. 

Sans led the group through one of his many, ‘shortcuts’, and within seconds they were all standing in front of Undyne’s house. Which was shaped like a fish for some goddamn reason. They all stood stoically, no one prepared to knock on the door and have to explain to whatever youtubers were staying with her that she had met her untimely demise at the hands of a homicidal nine year old demon child. 

But since Papyrus didn’t know any of this, he bounded forward and knocked on the door. 

Several seconds of tense waiting followed. The air felt electric with potential as the time passed.

Then, they heard the sound of a door unlocking and the group all simultaneously held their breath as the door slowly creaked open, revealing none other than two girls. One blond woman with short hair holding a beer and another [insert current hair color]ed woman holding an xbox controller. 

“That’s it, I’m done!” Dan said, throwing his hands up in the air and went to walk out before Ladybug stopped him with her arm. 

“Wow, Jenna! Hannah! What are you guys doing here?!” Phil asked cheerfully. 

“Well I’ve been playing Elder Scrolls for the past seventeen hours and Hannah here’s been getting drunk off her ass.” Jenna said, gesturing to her companion. “We’ve been waiting for Undyne to get back but she hasn’t showed up yet, have you guys seen her?” 

“Um, can we come in? I think you better sit down for this.” Ladybug asked hesitantly, wanting to handle the situation as delicately as possible.

“I LOVE CHAIRS!” Papyrus announced with pride. Everyone gave him a well-meaning smile.

“Sure! I was just about to cook something so you guys will get to see My Drunk Kitchen in action!” Hannah said, opening the door further to allow the entire group to spill in. 

“Oh god, alcohol and cooking? Sounds like a recipe for disaster!” Chat said, finger gunning at Sans in a poor attempt to lighten the mood. 

“look, i love your puns but not right now kid, okay?” Sans said quietly, his tone serious. Chat gulped and nodded, quickly walking ahead to lay provocatively across the grand piano.

“Enough you watered-down Deadpool.” Ladybug said dryly, having seen those finger guns every day of her life when working with him and being very ready to break his fingers. 

Everyone gathered around the large table that dominated the space, exchanging uncomfortable glances as Hannah began to bustle around the kitchen in her drunken stupor. They had no idea what she was making, but none were too worried considering she cooked drunk on a regular basis. 

“So, what was it you guys wanted to talk about?” Jenna asked once everyone had settled in. 

“wait, first, who are you guys? no one ever fucking tells me anything around here so i’m very confused right now.” Sans asked with underlying anger. 

“Oh, sorry, I’m Jenna Marbles *insert squeaky toy noise here*! I’m a youtuber, and Undyne and I play Elder Scrolls together.” Jenna replied cheerfully.

“And I’m Hannah. Hannah Hart. I cook and I’m gay!” Hannah chimed in, tossing a beer to Sans from the fridge. 

“i see why you’re all friends.” Sans commented dryly. Ladybug opened her mouth to continue with what she was going to say, when suddenly, Hannah started making inhuman noises and the fire alarms started blaring. Everyone leapt out of their chairs and looked to the kitchen, to see that a fire had begun blazing atop the stove.

“SHIT SHIT SHIT!” Hannah yelled, dancing around in a panic.

“AW HELL NO I DON’T DO FLAMES PHIL ALREADY SET ME ON FIRE ONCE!” Dan shouted, making a beeline for the front door. 

“It was an accident!” Phil protested, guilt and panic in his voice. 

“Did somebody say Panic!” A man with an abnormally large forehead shouted as he crashed through the window, seemingly appearing from thin air.

“BEEBO?! IS THAT YOU?” Ladybug shrieked with glee, her face the happiest it had been the entire fic. 

“NOT RIGHT NOW, BRENDON URIE!” Jenna yelled, her voice filled with annoyance. 

“Fine, I’ll go! Just make sure you close the goddamn door on my way out!” He shouted, throwing his hands in the air and marching out dramatically. Everyone was silent for a moment after he left, the fire alarm blaring continuously like some sort of disjointed and cacophonous harmony. 

“um, guys, i think we should get out of the house now.” Sans commented, moving towards the front door. 

“Nah, we’ll be fine. Undyne’s house catches on fire at least once every pacifist run.” Chat said casually, still lying across the piano, feeding himself grapes. 

“shut up, kid. and please get off the fucking piano.” Sans said, jerking Papyrus towards the exit by the arm. Finally, after several minutes of letting the inferno grow, the group made their out of the house and into the cool night air. Everyone took deep breaths, savoring the sweet clean air on their ragged throats. 

“Wait, where’s Jenna?” Ladybug asked, looking back towards the house with concern. 

“I’M RIGHT HERE!” Jenna shouted, bursting out of the front door with an xbox wrapped protectively in her arms. 

“You risked your life for an xbox?” Dan asked. Jenna nodded, clearly not seeing anything wrong with doing that. “I have gained so much respect for you.” He continued, thinking of his precious laptop. 

“Ah shit, Undyne’s gonna be pissed we set her house on fire.” Hannah said, watching as flames began to pour out the windows. 

“Probably not. She was fine when Frisk did it.” Chat informed her. 

“Who the frick is Frisk?” Phil inquired, continuing his trend of refusing to swear. 

“phil, i’ll explain everything, but not right now. we still have an akuma to catch.” Sans said, clearly growing impatient with the groups lollygagging. 

“THANK YOU! FINALLY! BONE BOY HAS SOME BRAINS!” Ladybug shouted, finally feeling as if someone actually gave a shit about their situation for the first time in this whole fic. “C’mon guys, let’s go.” 

“hannah, jenna, thanks for having us. napstablook lives right next door so you can head over there, he’ll let you hang out.” Sans said, gesturing in the vague direction of the ghost’s house. 

“Wait…. NAPSTABLOOK IS HERE?!” Dan exclaimed loudly, his face filling with glee. 

“Not right now Dan, you can see him later.” Ladybug said gently, leading him away by the arm. The group made their way along the path, Sans taking them through his special shortcut as per frickin’ usual. After what felt like hours but in reality was only minutes of walking through Hotland, they finally came across what seemed to be a giant commercial kitchen where the three gaming youtubers turned Erotic Robots were waiting for them. 

“Heyyy laddies, glad you could join us!” Jack greeted them as they walked in. The trio was all posing dramatically, with Felix lying across the kitchen counter with his leg in the air while Mark agnd Jack posed with ultimate sass. 

“How much more of this shit do I have to put up with before I’m allowed to go home?” Ladybug asked no one particular. 

“We’re gonna have a cooking show!” Mark announced. “But first…” 

“EPIC RAP BATTLES OF THE UNDERGROUND!” Two men shouted in unison, walking out from the shadows. 

“Wow, even Peter and Lloyd are here! I love their channel!” Chat said gleefully. “Epic rap battles of history is the BEST!” 

“you know what, not even gonna ask.” Sans was really starting to relate to Ladybug, you know, what with being as the kool kidz call it ‘so done’. 

“First, we have our first competitor, the lead singer of the band Twenty Øne Pilots, Tyler Joseph!” Peter announced. “Oh, and Josh Dun because he’s also here.” Then from the shadows yet again (gee how many youtubers does the shadows hold?), Tyler Joseph walked forth into the middle of the kitchen, with Josh following behind him on a moving platform with his drum set on top (ya know, the one from ‘Heathens?). 

(a/n no not that one. we didn’t listen to heathens. whaaaat. what’s twenty one pilots. #thecliqueisgoingtojailparty)

“So, who’s gonna be your competitor?” Lloyed asked. Dan raised his head valiantly, stepping forward as he recognized what he had to do. 

“I VOLUNTEER AS TRIBUTE!” Dan announced, meeting Tyler Joseph in the middle of the room. Tyler looked slightly confused as to what was going on but didn’t ask any questions. Ladybug meanwhile, was fangirling over one of her favorite bands. But then she snapped back to attention at Dan’s volunteering, and joined the rest of the gaggle of weirdos as they did the mockingjay hand sign from ‘The Hunger Games’ in unison. 

“GODDAMIT! Why do you guys have to show up in EVERYTHING I do?!” Felix yelled in an exaggerated tone, clearly not that annoyed by it. 

“¯\\_(ツ)_/¯” Was all Dan replied. 

“TYLER JOSEPH! VS. DANISNOTONFIRE!” The epic rap battles of history voice boomed out from the heavens. Josh started the beat on his drums, and Ladybug shyly made her way over to stand closer to where he was drumming so she could watch. Tyler grabbed the mic that appeared out of nowhere (much like Brendon Urie earlier), and after a deep breath, began the rap to Heavydirtysoul at 3.67 times normal speed. 

“White boy can rap.” Felix muttered under his breath, an impressed air to his tone. 

“THE VIEWS!” Mark shouted. 

“THE RATINGS!” Jack accompanied him, both posing dramatically with their legs in the air. 

After a few seconds of very intense rapping, Tyler finished his segment and it was now Dan’s turn. Everyone looked at him expectantly. 

“Okay guys, I had this self-roast planned for a video but I guess now is a good of time as any to use it.” Dan said, grabbing the mic nervously. “Josh! Gimme a beat!” Josh began a steady beat on his drums. 

“Wow, Dan usually hates audience participation. I’m impressed.” Phil commented. 

“YOU’VE BARELY TALKED TO ME IN A YEAR! I’VE CHANGED!” Dan yelled. 

“EVERY TUESDAY AT 4!” Phil shouted back. Dan sighed and shook his head, before facing the mic again. 

“A month without uploading he comes back with a tag,  
That no one even tagged him in  
He’s not a challenge to drag.  
So prepare for an attack,  
And by that I mean cringe,  
‘Cause this motherfuckers ‘bout to get  
Dragged by his fringe!” 

“First things first, you’re freakishly tall  
It’s weird you look like a noodle.  
You’ve got hair that was cool in 2007  
And wet you just look like a poodle” Somewhere in the distance someone yelled ‘Hobbit!’

“Throw in a really annoying posh voice and,  
Yup! That’s Dan.  
You’re what would happen if Winnie the Pooh  
Fucked Slenderman!” A chorus of ‘oooo’s resounded throughout the room. Everyone watched with bated breath. 

“You procrastinate making videos, ‘cause being judged is scary  
You’re so close to being forgotten, the hate’s imaginary - woah  
The only reason you get views is you’re another white guy  
That people ship with his friend cause they think it’s kawaii .•°*(/) * ^ *)/)” The entire group looked to Phil, who was posing with peace signs and a big smile along with Papyrus who was doing the same. 

Suddenly, another voice sounded from the heavens.

“Reasons why dan’s a fail (yay)!” 

“Oh? I’ll give you some.” He said in a low voice. Dan sucked in a huge breath,

“You never tweet you overeat all you do is cry and sleep  
You’re jokes are shitposts and memes with no originality - uh huh  
Your family’s sad your flopped your law degree at university  
And anything embarrassing that's from your past you just delete!” He rapped with extreme quickness, making everyone’s eyes widen in surprise. 

“Damn! White boy can rap!” Felix commented. 

“You were vegan for like three weeks then what you missed the meat?  
Wow I’m so impressed by your clear moral integrity  
You try so hard to be peaceful and diplomatic  
But can’t make toast without tumblr saying you’re problematic” He continued, his speed rivaling that of Tyler Joseph. 

“I could go on there’s more if I check  
There’s more things on this list than chins on your neck  
On your birthday you joked you were a quarter way to death  
100? yeah when getting out of bed makes you out of breath!” Another chorus of ‘oooooooo’s sounded throughout the room. 

“So your celebrity crush was j-law but now it’s evan p - mhmm  
Wtf even is your sexuality  
It’s hard to put you in a box when you keep it so blurry-” Josh and Tyler and Ladybug all finger gunned and went ‘ayyyyyyy’ at that reference. 

“I think it’s just to hide that you’re secretly a furry!” 

“I’M A FURRY!” Chat yelled cheerfully. 

“I FUCKING KNEW IT!” Ladybug called back. 

“I’m joking… Obviously.” Dan said, coughing awkwardly. 

“WHAT’S A FURRY?!” Papyrus asked innocently. 

“nothing you need to know about paps.” Sans said quickly. 

“Oh c’mon, I think Chat ruined him with the orange dick question.” Ladybug said, earning herself a glare from Sans. 

“EVERYONE SHUT UP I’M NOT FINISHED YET!” Dan said, giving the group an annoyed look. 

“Okay that went deep  
Repress it? yup  
Before I start crying let’s wrap this shit up!” 

“I’m gonna go and masturbate, then cry into a slice of pizza,  
Shout out to the other youtubers especially ryan higa  
A cringe compilation mixed with cultural appropriation  
Met with no depreciation it’s the youtube nation!” 

“Click subscribe, if you wanna watch 4 videos a year - or 3  
To see my last one from 10 years ago just click over here - fail  
So leave a comment with your reaction you can call me a liar  
Cause you just witnessed the roast of danisnotonfire!” 

*insert Dan’s ending video explosion sound effect* 

Everyone just stared at the boy for a moment, before erupting into screams of ‘OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH’S’ and gave him a round of applause. Tyler hung his head in defeat, accepting he would never be as good as the noodle, while said noodle curled up in a ball on the floor and began crying. Phil broke away from Paps for a second to help Dan to his feet, giving him compliments on how good his rapping was. 

“DAAAAAAAMN DANIEL!” Shouted Chat. “BACK AT IT AGAIN WITH THE HIGH QUALITY CONTENT!” 

“Well I think we all know who won that!” Mark said, looking at Dan. Felix was crying in the corner at Dan and Phil taking over yet another thing of his. In the distance which they couldn’t see, Onision was applauding loudly. 

“Ya know what, let’s just start the cooking show.” Felix said, finally getting up from his corner. “Muffet! Ro! You guys can come out now!” Appearing from nowhere yet again (seriously how many people does the void hold) a giant spider-woman appeared, accompanied by a small brunette woman. 

“Hey guys! It’s Ro! Welcome to another Nerdy Nummies!” Ro quipped cheerfully. She turned to the purple spider lady standing beside her with a huge grin across her face. “Today I’m here with a VERY special guest, my new friend Muffet!” She pointed to the spider, who smiled and waved one of her eight hands at the nonexistent camera. “And I’m also here with all of these people, who I won’t name individually because that would take forever!” Ro continued, gesturing to the weirdos. 

“Nice to meet you, dearies! Ahuhu~” Muffet said, two black fangs shining in her mouth as she spoke.

“So today we are gonna be making some of Muffet’s delicious spider donuts!” Ro said. 

“Made by spiders, for spiders, of spiders!~”

“You’re a cannibal?!” Dan asked, horror on his face. “I already don’t like where this is going.” 

“This feels strangely familiar.” Phil commented, and the other emo boy nodded in agreement. Meanwhile Ladybug was having a conversation with Tyler and Josh, and she was barely managing to contain her fangirling. Chat wondered if she had a tumblr and just didn’t tell him about it. 

He bet she did.

He vowed he would find it. 

“So are you guys ready?! Let’s get started!” Ro said, twirling her finger in her signature move. Ladybug glanced up and saw what was going on, and her face instantly brightened even more. 

“We’re baking!?” She squealed, jumping up and down at the thought of doing something familiar. Ro gave her a surprised look, before smiling gently. 

“Yeah we are, do you know how to bake?” Ro asked. Ladybug glanced around and saw Chat was distracted by making out Sans, and she cringed internally before looking back to Ro. 

“Yeah, I live in a bakery actually!” Ro’s face lit up with a huge grin. 

“Oh my god! That’s great! Muffet, did you hear that? She lives in a bakery!” Muffet turned, her smile as bright as the morning sky. 

“That is going to be really useful for our cooking session! C’mon let’s get cooking! Ahuhu~” Muffet said, dragging Ladybug into the kitchen. The trio worked to bake the actually delicious-seeming spider donuts, finishing in minutes. In the meantime, Tyler and Josh had wandered over and begun conversation with Phil and Papyrus, and were clearly very confused as to why Papyrus was shouting. 

“This was great Ladybug. Let me know if you ever need anything and I will do my best to help you, ahuhu~” Muffet told the girl. 

“Thank you, this is the most relaxed I’ve been this whole time.” 

“No problem! Us bugs gotta stick together, right? Ahuhu~” 

“um, ladybug, hate to interrupt your bonding but i think we need to go.” Sans broke in, having finally stopped making out with Chat Noir. Ladybug groaned and turned to face the skelebro.

“This is the first time I’ve been truly happy during this whole fucking fic. Can you please give me five more minutes?!” Ladybug shouted. 

“no. you said it yourself, we need to go catch the akuma. so say goodbye to your friends and your little band because we are DUN here.” Chat finger-gunned when he heard Sans’ pun, while Papyrus began screaming. Sans grabbed Ladybug’s arm with surprising strength and yanked her away from the kitchen, and led everyone out and towards the castle to continue on their way. Everyone in the group followed behind them, saying goodbye to the weird cast in the MTT’s kitchen. 

And even though they’d all been through some pretty weird shit, they were all filled with determination to reach their goal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we didn't make up that rap in case you've been living under a rock and were wondering where it came from  
> y'all can watch it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xACdTzmyaQI
> 
> ALSO either the next chapter or the chapter after is gonna be the FINALE and it's gonna be epic and also shit so prepare yourselves
> 
> -spoon


	7. miles has good manners and that's what matters miles has good manners and that's what matters miles has good manners and that's what matters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Get ready for a shitfest of feels and revelations and new levels of done

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally only supposed to be one chapter... what have we done...

The group traveled through the rest of Hotland, traversing through the thick, hot air. Ladybug was yet again grateful her suit protected her from the harsh temperatures, and so she led her group valiantly. Eventually they reached what Sans called ‘The Core’, a labyrinth of wire-lined hallways that Chat led them through with ease. Ladybug had realized early on that Chat didn’t just like this game, but rather held it on a pedestal of god-like worship, and so she trusted that he knew where they were headed. 

The entire time they walked, Sans never left Chat’s side, the two giving each other so many flirty-looks even Papyrus could tell they were eye-fucking each other. Sans even slapped Chat’s ass at one point, earning himself a surprised ‘meow!’ from the blonde. It made everyone in the group, especially Ladybug, want to gag. Sure, she held no romantic feelings towards her partner whatsoever so there was no jealousy in seeing their relationship, but it was still disturbing to know her best friend had sex with a skeleton who didn’t even reach 5’0 in height. 

Eventually, after an eternity of endlessly pacing through the near-identical corridors of The Core, they reached the other side. Phil and Papyrus let out duel cheers while Ladybug and Dan groaned in relief, both hoping they would reach the castle soon so they didn’t have to witness the horror that was Sans and Chat. But as they kept walking, instead of coming across the castle, they came across a small, cozy, familiar looking house. 

“What’s this place? Aren’t we supposed to be at the castle?” Ladybug asked, wondering why she recognized the cottage. 

“We’re almost there. This, Ladybug, is New Home.” Chat said in a dramatic tone, his face not as excited and overjoyed as it usually was. After staring at the house a few seconds longer, Ladybug finally realized why it was so familiar.

“This place looks just like that home in the Ruins!” She exclaimed, feeling proud of herself for figuring it out. 

“Yeah… it does.” Chat said sadly, his head hanging low as he trudged through the doors. Looking around, Ladybug noticed the entire home seemed to be an exact replica of that in the ruins, with the one difference being everything was in monochromatic grey, giving the whole place a dreary feel. The only color she could see, was a vase of bright yellow flowers that stood out like crimson blood against white snow. She was about to comment on it, when the dam of Chat’s emotions burst and he broke into tears.

“ASRIELLLL! I’M SORRY I COULDN’T SAVE YOU!” He sobbed, curling into an infant position on the floor. Sans knelt down and rubbed his back, while everyone else just stared awkwardly at him. 

“CGI! WHAT’S WRONG? WHY IS LIQUID STREAMING FROM YOUR FACE?” Papyrus inquired, his expression one of worry.

“I-I-I couldn’t save him! Poor goat child only wanted his s-sibling back!” Chat said brokenly, continuing to sob into Sans’ jacket. 

“hey guys, why don’t you go explore the house and see if there’s anything useful while i calm him down?” Sans suggested, his underlying message of ‘get out’ clear as day. They all nodded and Papyrus and Phil immediately headed towards the kitchen, while Dan and Ladybug walked towards the bedrooms. 

In the corridor leading to the bedrooms, even more golden flowers adorned the area. She didn’t know why, but the flowers gave Ladybug an uneasy feeling for some reason, and tried not to look at them as the duo turned into the first room.

Walking in, it was easy enough to see that it was a children’s bedroom. Two small beds were pressed against each wall, the one on the right having a box of dusty toys in front of it, clearly not having been used in a while. The one on the left had nothing but a child’s drawing of a flower, the frayed paper wilting from age. Two white boxes wrapped with bright red bows sat in the center, their newness contrasting with the age prevalent in the rest of the room. Ladybug and Dan gave each other wary glances, before hesitantly walking towards them. 

“Should we open them?” Ladybug asked her friend. 

“Um… I think so, there could be something useful inside.” Dan responded after a moment of thought. Ladybug nodded and knelt down in front of the first box, carefully opening the lid to reveal none other than a heart-shaped locket. Frowning, she lifted it out of the present and showed it to Dan, who seemed equally confused. Handing it to him, she scooted over to the next present and repeated the process, gasping in surprise when she pulled out a razor sharp knife. 

“Aw yeah, now this I can put to use.” Ladybug said with a smirk, running her gloved hand along the edge. 

“Please tell me you’re not going to snap and go on a killing spree, because I would really like to go home and you’re kinda my only chance for doing so.” Dan inquired, no hint of concern whatsoever in his tone. 

“Nah don’t worry, I want to go home also and I kinda can’t do that if Sans murders me for killing his boyfriend and/or his brother.” She stood up and found a convenient loop in the knife, and strung her yoyo in it so the weapon could hang at her hip. Then she took the locket back from Dan and held it up for the two to scrutinize. 

“Chat probably knows who this belonged to.” Ladybug stated.

“Knowing him he probably does. You think he’s recovered yet?” 

“Maybe, let’s go see.” They walked back out to where Sans was still holding Chat tightly to his chest, but after a moment they realized it was because the couple was… as the kool kidz call it “making out.” Ladybug let out a noise of disgust and turned away, while Dan patted her back comfortingly. 

“Can you guys please stop trying to suck your lips and lack of lips off for one second! We need to ask you something!” Ladybug shouted, squeezing her eyes shut to get the horrid image out of her mind. The kissing grunts stopped as both men faced her, and Dan tapped her shoulder to let her know it was safe to look. 

“Sorry LB, what’s up?” Chat asked with complete nonchalance, as if it was totally normal for him to kiss a skeleton. Swallowing back her shudder of disgust, she fixed her cold blue gaze onto her partner.

“We found this knife and this necklace while we were looking around, and were wondering if the necklace is worth keeping.” She explained, holding up the locket and pointing at the knife on her hip. Chat’s eyes widened, his lips parting to form a small ‘o’, and before she could move, Sans snatched the locket out of her hand and was holding it out to Chat.

“i think this would look really good on you.” Sans said in a flirtatious tone, winking at his boyfriend. Chat blushed fiercely as a small smile crossed his face, and nodded as he turned around to let Sans put it on. Ladybug resisted the urge to hit one of them in the head with her yoyo. 

“WE DIDN’T FIND ANYTHING EXCEPT THESE TWO KEYS!” Papyrus announced as he and Phil paraded back into the foyer, ruining the moment. Sans frowned at his brother for a split second before his expression smoothed out back into his usual cheshire grin, and he took the keys from Papyrus and put them in his pockets.

“oh well paps, ladyboobs and dan here found a knife and a locket that has a really high defense, and i’m pretty sure that’s the best we’re gonna get out of this place.” Sans said with a shrug. At the nickname, Ladybug made a noise of indignation and went to grab her knife, but Dan held her back. Sans wasn’t concerned as she bristled with anger. 

“So are we continuing on?” Phil asked, either ignoring or not noticing the murderous rage in Ladybug’s eyes. 

“Yeah, I know the way to Asgore’s castle from here so let’s go!” Chat was suddenly joyful again, leaping to his feet and leading the way down the stairs and into the basement. Everything was quiet as they walked, Chat leading again, fingers intertwined with Sans. Phil and Papyrus skipped in the middle, their joy radiating off of them in waves, while Ladybug and Dan kept to the back. Their footsteps bounced off the walls in echos, the smell of dust filling everyone’s nostrils. 

After what felt like years of walking, the group finally reached a grand corridor with actual color and bright light streaming in through giant windows. Their feet pattered lightly against the tiled floor, and Sans appeared pained at this location. Chat seemed to somehow know what was wrong, and rubbed his back gently as a form of reassurance. And finally, FINALLY, they reached a pair of large doors that could be none other than the entrance to the throne room. When Ladybug went to push through the doors, more than ready to get this over with, Chat held her back. 

“What the hell?! We need to go through!” Ladybug said in a demanding tone. 

“I know, just wait a minute! I need to warn you about what’s inside.” Chat said, his tone grave. Normally no one would pay much attention to the kinky cat, but they had never heard his voice this serious and therefore decided to shut up. Everyone stared at him expectantly. 

“This is the King’s castle. King Asgore to be specific. As some of you may know, long ago, two races ruled over Earth: Humans and Monsters.” As he spoke, seemingly out of nowhere gentle music started playing. “One day, war broke out between the two races. After a long battle, the humans were victorious.” 

“TONIGHT WE ARE VICTORIOUS! CHAMPAGNE POURING OVER US! ALL MY FRIENDS WERE GLORIOUS! TONIGHT WE ARE VICTORIOUS!” Brendon Urie sang, materializing out of thin air. 

“GODDAMMIT NOT WHEN I’M MONOLOGUING BRENDON URIE!” Chat yelled, glaring at the singer. Brendon Urie frowned. 

“Fine, whatever, I’ll just head back to Snowdin and get drunk then.” He huffed, crossing his arms and walking away. 

“If you decide to retell the history of some band please film it!” Ladybug shouted after him. He gave no sign that he heard her, much to her disappointment. Chat took a deep breath, sighing in exasperation. 

“Can I continue now?” They all nodded and the gentle music magically started up again. “Okay! So anyway, the humans were victorious. They then sealed the monsters underground with a magical spell-” 

“Can you please get to the point?” Ladybug interrupted, arms crossed in annoyance. 

“Fine! The point is that there’s a magical barrier trapping the monsters down here that requires seven HUMAN souls to break. Asgore, the King of the Underground and who we’re about to meet, has six of them. Wanna know how he got them?” Chat asked angrily. Ladybug nodded with wide eyes, sensing she was about to be told something terrible. “He killed six children who had fallen down here.” He said in a low voice. Everyone except Sans gasped, not expecting to hear of murder. 

“Children?!” Ladybug shrieked.

“[temporary replacement until Spoon fixes this gif]?” Dan asked.

“Yeah, children. Now do you get why I’m saying Asgore’s dangerous? He’ll do whatever it takes to free his kind. So we need to be careful.” Now the group was more subdued, understanding the caution they needed to take if they were going to make it out of this situation alive. Ladybug gulped and stepped forward, Chat not stopping her this time, and held her hand to the door. 

“You guys ready?” She asked, glancing back at the weirdos and one friend she was traveling with. 

“¯\\_(ツ)_/¯” Sans replied. Ladybug resisted the urge to deck the skelebro in the face, and with a heaving sigh, opened the gigantic door, and they all strolled in.

As they stepped in the room and their eyes adjusted to the different light, the first thing they all noticed was the carpet of golden blooms spread across the floor. The patches of sunlight that broke through the ceiling reflected off their yellow color, giving the room a warm glow. An overwhelming sweet scent of buttercups permeated the air, soft and refreshing after the dust and dirt of the caves. Then, once they could all see properly, the people looked towards the throne.

Instead of a grand King seated at the golden chair like they all expected, instead they saw a person in their early twenties that seemed like a clone of Troye Sivan with a lot more freckles, lounging across the chair. A giant goat man was seated in front of them, one white-fur covered leg propped on the person’s lap, and they were currently coating it with what seemed to be some sort of purple goo. Meanwhile, a very tall goat woman in a purple dress was scolding the giant goat man, and he was shrinking away from her in fear. 

“...what the fuck.” Sans said after a moment of silence. 

“Oh my god is that Miles!?” Ladybug shouted in excitement, her face spread in a huge grin. The person glanced up from where they were spreading the purple hair dye on the goat leg, a smile growing on their face. 

“Yaassss queen slayyyyy!” They yelled in reply, making Ladybug squeal. The two goat people looked over, seeing the group for the first time. Chat then proceeded to squeal in an even higher pitched voice than Ladybug. 

“MOM!” He yelled, running over to the goat woman before anyone else could stop him. 

In that moment, Toriel had no idea who this cat boy was, but figured since she’d taken care of a lot of children over the years this one probably just slipped her mind. 

So she just went with it. 

“Hello my child!” Toriel said cheerfully, making Chat’s face light up with joy. 

“Oh my god we found you! We had no idea where you were because I thought you’d be in the Ruins but you weren’t but now you’re here so yay!” Chat said, the words spilling out of his mouth in a rush. “Wait, why are you here instead of the Ruins?” He then asked, cocking his head to the side to convey his befuddlement. Toriel sighed and glared at the goat man seated on the ground, and he shied away. 

“After years of cowardice, I decided to put a stop to my ex-husband’s mission to kill every innocent child that falls down here once and for all.” She said, giving Asgore serious side-eye. 

“But Tori! I was just trying to free the monsters-”

“YOU DON’T KILL CHILDREN NO MATTER WHAT!” She roared at him, making his eyes go wide. “AND DO NOT “TORI” ME, DREEMURR!”

“Whoa whoa whoa, let’s calm down everyone.” Dan said, strolling towards the throne. 

“I CAN BE CALM!” Papyrus shouted at the top of his nonexistent lungs, causing everyone to wince and cover their ears. Phil touched his shoulder to make the skeleton relax. 

“Can someone please explain what’s going on here?” Phil asked for everyone. Sans would’ve asked himself, but at this point he had given up on trying to explain whatever the fuck was going on. 

“Well, I dunno who you guys are but all I know is that I’m the new King here, and I’m dyeing this beautiful goat man’s leg hair purple.” Miles answered, purple goo all over their shirt. “He has the best leg hair I’ve ever seen!” Everyone gave Asgore a questioning look and he just shrugged.

“I was too busy being yelled at by my ex-wife to notice them come in here.” He said, gazing at Toriel fearfully. “But I don’t think I could get them off the throne even if I wanted to so I’m just going to let them remain here for now.” 

“Um… okay then. Anyway we need to get back to the matter at hand. Have any of you seen a teenager with dark hair, a yellow and green sweater, a bloody knife, and a holographic flower crown on their head run through here?” 

“bITch! wHAT Did yOu saY aBOUt mE?!” The Chara akuma shouted, the shadows coming together to form them. 

“Oh yeah, she’s here too.” Asgore said. 

“mY PRonouNS ARE theY/THem!” Akuma-Chara hissed, floating to the center of the room. 

“Thank the fucking lord we finally found the akuma!” Ladybug shouted, feeling tears spring to her eyes in relief. She began to weep with joy, and Dan joined her as they realized they were close to going home. They clung to each other as waves of happiness through them at the prospect of getting away from this madhouse filled them with determination. 

“Uh, LB, we kinda need to defeat the akuma remember?” Chat said, awkwardly separating the new best friends. 

“Oh-oh yeah, sorry, just got a little emotional there.” Ladybug apologized, wiping a tear away with her glove. She unhooked the knife from her yoyo string, and gripped it in her hand as a weapon. Chat gave her an odd look, clearly not approving of her murderous intent. She stared him down, but eventually had to relent to his steely gaze. 

Reluctantly, she handed the knife to Dan and Chat gave her an approving nod. She unhooked her yoyo from her hip and gave it several twirls, while Chat took out his baton. Akuma-Chara gave them a feral smile, and suddenly dozens upon dozens of bloody knives appeared behind the possessed person. Chat Noir and Ladybug blanched, before the hellfire rained down upon them, causing them to dodge to and fro. 

Ladybug flipped back and forth, automatic instinct guiding her movements, as her eyes searched for the akumatized object. As she looked, she heard Dan screaming in the back as he dodged the knives and she knew she had to hurry, lest her only friend here get chopped up. Eventually her gaze fell upon a pair of black dragon earrings the teenager was wearing, and she realized they had a strange glow to them. 

“The Akuma!” She called out to her partner. “It’s in her earrings!” Ladybug turned to look at Chat, but didn’t see him standing just behind her where he had been a few seconds before. Instead, he was right next to Akuma-Chara, with his elbow resting on her (a/n tHEiR) shoulder, a shit eating grin on his face. 

“Chat?! Are you seriously FLIRTING WITH THE MOTHERFUCKING AKUMA?” She yelled, frustration clear in her voice. She looked at Sans, who just shrugged.

“If I learned anything from the long-ass tutorial in the ruins, it’s that you NEVER have to fight- just act. If you talk or flirt or joke or whatever, Toriel will come and fix everything.” He replied proudly. His boyfriend seemed impressed with his morals.

“I have to do what now?” Toriel replied, a confused look on her face. But Chat didn’t answer: he was too busy talking to the demon child cosplayer.

“sO yEaH, iT’s CaLLeD EChOtALe aNd iT’s On tUmbLr AnD SAnS iS REALLY HOT IN IT-” they were cut off by a sound of disgust coming from Ladybug. (a//n as we write this we are both currently in Echotale cosplay just so ya know, our instagram is @snasandfrick if you wanna check us out lol self promotion hahahahah go back to the fic)

“Oh god, not you too!” She groaned, looking to Dan for emotional support only to see he had the exact same horrified look on his face.

Chat just chuckled and shook his head, turning his gaze back to the akuma. “You can link me it later. Hey, those are some cool earrings, can I try them on?”

“yEaH, oF CoUrSE!!1!” They took out each earring and placed them in his outstretched palm. He held one up to look at it in the light, pretending to be interested before forcefully throwing them both at the ground and stomping on them with a triumphant look on his face.

“YOU THOUGHT!!! BITCH YOOOOOOOU THOUGHT!!!” He screamed, fist pumping the air and jumping up and down. Akuma-Chara gave him an annoyed look before she floated back down to the ground, and dark bubbles engulfed her entire body. A black butterfly floated out of the shattered remains of the earrings, and with her mouth agape Ladybug pretty much just chucked her yoyo in the butterfly’s general direction. By some miracle (a//n haha get it?) it managed to hit the butterfly, and her yoyo swallowed it up for a few seconds before popping back open to let the now snow white butterfly float away. Everyone watched with awe as the delicate creature flitted away towards the open windows. Sadly no one noticed the bright blue bug zapper in its way before it was too late. 

The butterfly fell dead to the floor. 

“well, that ruined the moment.” Sans commented dryly. 

“Hey everybody what’d I miss- what the heck?!” A brown-haired child wearing a blue sweater with two purple stripes suddenly walked in the throne room, their face remaining deadpan despite the shock in their voice. Behind them another brown-haired child wearing a green sweater with a single yellow stripe followed, except this child’s body was slightly see-through, and they floated rather than walked. The blue wearing child was holding a boot, inhabited by a very pissed-off looking Flowey. 

“OH MY GOD FRISK WE FINALLY FOUND YOU WE’VE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU FOR TWO MONTHS OH MY GOD THIS IS A MIRACLE DO YOU WANNA SEE MY COSPLAY OF YOU I HAVE PHOTOS ON MY PHONE!” Chat practically screamed in one breath, the speed of his words comparable to that of the rap in Heavydirtysoul. 

“oh no not this bitch again.” Sans said, staring daggers at the ghost Chara. 

“Oh, hello comedian.” Chara said with a grin. The ghost began to approach Sans, the two having an intense glaring contest, before Frisk grabbed them by the foot and yanked them back.

“Okay everybody let’s calm down. This is a pacifist run, REMEMBER?!” Frisk said, giving Chara a pointed look. 

“if this is a pacifist run, explain why we found undyne’s dust in waterfall?” Sans asked, his tone filled with venom. 

“Hey guys did somebody say Undyne?!” Jenna said as she walked through the door of the throne room at that exact moment, dragging Hannah behind her by the arm. 

“Uh sorry dude that wasn’t me.” Chara said with a shrug, looking just as puzzled as Frisk. Sans frowned in confusion, and turned his gaze to Flowey. 

“well, if it wasn’t chara… flowey what the fuck?” 

“WHY DOES EVERYONE BLAME ME FOR ALL THE SHIT THAT GOES WRONG HERE IN THE UNDERGROUND?!” Flowey shouted, trying to get out of the boot but failing. 

“Well, from what kitty boy told me when we first fell down here, it seems like you cause a lot of the trouble here.” Ladybug commented. 

“DO YOU WANNA FUCKING GO YOU MUTANT INSECT?!” Flowey screamed, attempting and failing yet again to jump out of the boot. 

“Bitch I will turn you into a fucking salad so don’t you threaten me!” Ladybug replied, stepping forward threateningly. 

“Please don’t eat buttercups, I know from experience that’s a really bad idea.” Chara warned, stepping in front of Frisk and the angry weed. 

“Uh can we please get back on topic here because now I’m curious, if Chara didn’t kill Undyne then who did?” Dan asked, stepping into the wobbly circle of people that had formed. 

“UNDYNE’S DEAD?!” Jenna, Hannah, and Papyrus all shouted in unison. Dan paled as he realized his slip, and him and Ladybug exchanged glances of ‘oh shit’. 

“Goddamn jesus christ on a bicycle I fucked up.” Dan muttered. 

“THIS GAME IS PG!” Phil scolded. 

“This game hasn’t been PG for a while.” Chat muttered, giving Sans a flirtatious look. 

“shut up kid we’ll fuck later.” Sans said quietly, glaring at his boyfriend. Ladybug winced and stepped closer to Dan and further from Sans. “anyway back to the subject at hand, so if chara didn’t kill undyne and flowey didn’t kill undyne, then who killed her?” 

“Sans, what the hell are you on? I’m not dead!” Undyne shouted as she walked in the throne room with complete nonchalance. Everyone gaped and stared at her in shock, all of them thinking they were seeing another ghost besides Chara. This fic’s so goddamn weird maybe they were. 

“YOU’RE ALIVE?!” Ladybug, Dan, Phil, and Sans all shouted at once while Chat went to hide behind his boyfriend for protection. 

“Yeah of course I’m alive, why wouldn’t I be?” Undyne seemed just as confused as the rest of them. 

“B-b-but we found your monster dust in Waterfall!” Chat squeaked, trying to crouch behind his much shorter beau and utterly failing in doing so. 

“Oh sorry, that was me! I spilled some flour while I was walking!” Ro chimed in as she and Muffet strolled in to join the shitfest that was the throne room (damn it’s getting really crowded in there). 

“Damn it’s getting really crowded in here.” Hannah said as she was squished between the badass fish warrior that was Undyne and Jenna. 

“IS IT GETTING HOT IN HERE? OR IS IT JUST ME!?” Mettaton EX said, strutting into the room with his leg held high, followed by Jack and Mark who were dragging Felix across the floor who seemed to be pouting. 

“MY BOYFRIEND! YOU HAVE RETURNED!” Papyrus shouted with glee, him and Phil running over to the robot to hug him. Mettaton had given up on getting rid of Phil long ago, except for Tuesdays at 4 (after all, even he has limits), so he just sighed and embraced them both. Papyrus grinned and gave Mettaton a quick peck on his metal lips, while Sans sighed and wished for the sweet release of death. 

He began to hum the tune (you know which one we’re talking about at this point) and was joined by Ladybug and Dan. It was the only time Ladybug could say she pitied Sans rather than hated him. 

Then everything went quiet, and an awkward silence stretched over the group. Then, it was shattered by Jack shouting with joy. 

“OH MY GOD IT’S FLOWEY!” The irishman yelled, leaping over the genderless child and landing in front of them. 

“Who the hell are you?” Flowey asked, his voice dripping with disdain. 

“Top of the mornin’ to ya laddies, my name’s Jacksepticeye!” Jack said, bowing as he spoke. 

“Uhhh why do you guys have the same voice?” Frisk questioned. Flowey and Jack both paused, and blinked in surprise as they gazed at one another. 

“We… we do?” Flowey said, listening very intently to the sound of himself. 

“Oh god, that is my voice!” Jack said, eyes widening. 

“THAT’S BECAUSE YOU DO THE BEST VOICES FOR UNDERTALE!” Chat shouted, still trying to hide behind Sans despite the fact that Undyne wasn’t even paying attention to him. “Now that I think about it, Papyrus sounds a lot like you too…” Jack glanced towards Papyrus, who was still in a hug with Mettaton and Phil and not paying attention to whatever was going on. 

Meanwhile, Ladybug was huddling in the corner while Dan attempted to comfort her as this chaos ensued. Chara noticed the two, and floated over to see what was going on. 

“Hey, bug girl, you okay?” Chara asked, standing over where she and Dan were kneeling on the ground. 

“Okay? Am I okay?” Ladybug said, turning towards Chara with a twitching eye. “I’m fine.” She said in a very not fine voice. 

“She’s not fine.” Dan clarified. “What she means is: I've been stuck down here with cat boy for almost TWO WHOLE MONTHS and I've barely slept or eaten except for some shitty ass spaghetti made by my ex best friend's SKELETON BOYFRIEND'S brother who can't fucking figure out what a human being is and tried to have a threesome with a robot whore and ACTUAL PHIL LESTER who is somehow down here too with Dan and a bunch of other Youtubers including Thomas Sanders who tried to rip me off and Pewdiepie who visually sexually assaulted me, and not only that my entire group is refusing to help me GET RID OF THE DAMN AKUMA because they're trying to find some kid called Frick or something I have no idea because whatever they can do is somehow going to be better than my miraculous cure AND not only do I have to deal with furry boy's cat puns I have to put up with FUCKING SKELETON PUNS and literal skeleton fucking ugh at least Dan is cool but I just wanna go home.” 

Ladybug looked up at Dan in surprise. 

“Wow, you literally just read my mind.” Ladybug commented. Chara gave Ladybug a shocked stare.

“And I thought I had it bad.” They muttered. “Look, I’m gonna try to give you some comfort even though I suck at that kind of thing. I’ve been dealing with this shit for a long time so I know how you feel and I’m very sorry you’ve had to go through this.” And with that, Chara awkwardly floated away. 

Back at the main group, they were all chatting amicably when suddenly a tall cloaked figure burst through the two grand doors, shoving his way through the crowd. Everyone gasped in surprise and Ladybug and Dan quickly ran back over to rejoin the group, watching as the figure stopped in front Sans. 

“I’ve had enough of this nonsense! Sans, I demand to know why you haven’t gotten me the Miraculouses yet?!” Gaster boomed, his strident voice wrapping everyone in a cloak of fear. Sans didn’t know how to respond, just glanced to Chat in fear, and Gaster noticed their intertwined hands. 

“You… you… you TRAITOR!” He shouted in a perfect rendition of Kylo Ren’s voice. And before anyone could make a move, Sans was lifted off the ground and flew back into a wall, and crumpled into a heap on the floor. Chat screamed and was going to run over to his side, but he turned around and saw a giant blaster being formed out of thin air. Without thinking, Chat leapt in front of his boyfriend and was blasted against the wall, the bricks crunching behind his back. The boy let out an agonizing scream before falling to the ground, his body limp. 

Everyone stared in shock. 

Chat didn’t move.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lolzor cliffhanger XD


	8. THE MOTHERFUCKING FINALE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final showdown happens...
> 
> Guys, Gals, and Nonbinary Pals... this is it. This is 100 pages of pure shitpost
> 
> I hope you enjoy, this has been a wild ride

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It seems like just yesterday Spoon and I began writing this giant shit post of a fic at 1 am at a sleepover, and boy oh boy has this been a wild ride. We hope you enjoy and laugh your ass off, because we sure did while writing this. 
> 
> please just send this to your friends with no context whatsoever we need more views on this fucking masterpiece
> 
> -Fork

Sans screamed. 

“OH MY GOD CHAT NO!” He said, his voice cracking on the last syllable. Sans leapt up from where he had fallen against the wall, and rushed over to the limp (heh like his DICK!! BURN) cat boy. He cradled his head in his lap, his permanent grin tight with worry. Gaster had lowered his blaster, gazing in surprise at the superhero who had just sacrificed himself for his son. Everyone waited with bated breath to see if he would wake up, or if he would become a martyr for their cause.

“What the heck? I can take like ten of those hits on a pacifist and be fine. And I’m like, nine or something.” Frisk said, their facial expression unchanging. They glanced towards Chara. “How old am I?” Chara just shrugged. 

At that moment, Chat started coughing weakly to indicate he was alive, and most of the people there breathed a collective sigh of relief. Most meaning not Ladybug.

“Oh! I have some spider donuts here he can have!” Ro said, tossing one to Sans who caught it without looking (MLG 360 NOSCOPE GET REKT 420 BLAZE IT N00BS). Sans gently led it towards the boy’s mouth, and he weakly took a bite as he rose into consciousness. His eyes shot open and he sat up as his wounds healed, fully recovering in seconds. 

“Goddamit why did you have to heal him.” Ladybug said bitterly to herself. 

“what the fuck?! he was DYING lb, i mean i get you’re salty but that’s fucked up even for you.” Sans said, glaring at her while Chat gave her a wounded look. 

“Ohhhh I said that out loud didn’t I?” She said, eyes widening as a blush rose to her cheeks.

“Yeah, you did unfortunately.” Dan answered. 

“You don’t really mean that, do you my lady?” Chat asked in a quiet voice. 

“I’m really sorry no I didn’t mean that I’m just way overtired!” Ladybug replied in a desperate attempt to explain her bitchiness. 

“Son, take the Miraculous off of him NOW!” Gaster demanded, beginning to float up to the ceiling. Chat glanced fearfully at Sans who still was holding him, wondering if he should scoot away. Sans frowned at the scientist. 

“I don’t care about the miraculouses anymore. the deal’s off!” Sans announced. 

“Can someone please explain what the hell is going on? Who’s this douchecake and why does he want our Miraculouses?” Ladybug inquired, gesturing to Gaster. 

“now you know how i’ve felt 87.6% of the time.” Sans commented. 

“Sans? What deal? What’re you talking about?” Chat asked, his voice barely a squeak and eyes as wide as saucers. 

“don’t worry chaton, nothing you need to worry about.” Sans said, trying to comfort his boyfriend. 

“OH I’LL TELL YOU! IT’S STORY TIME BITCHES!” Gaster yelled. 

“Oooo story time?!” Thomas Sanders shouted excitedly from the corner, while Matpat stood next to him trembling in fear but also taking notes. 

“When did they get here?” Phil wondered aloud. Thomas and Matpat just ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯. 

“Stop interrupting me you peasants!” Gaster boomed. “Anyway, so as I was saying. The reason you are all here has to do with the fact that I want Ladybug and Chat Noir’s Miraculouses. So me and my son here made a plan to transport you to our universe, so he could gain your trust and steal them when you weren’t looking.” Gaster explained. 

“I-is that true Sans?” Chat asked, tears threatening to spill over his eyes. 

“Duh, why else would he have stuck with your whiny ass this whole time?” Everyone gasped at the rude nature in which Gaster spoke, including Ladybug this time, and she unhooked her yoyo from her belt as anger rose within her. 

“Look you watered-down Voldemort, Chat may be an annoying whiny bitch, and a furry, and a necrophiliac, and more,” 

“Gee thanks LB.” Chat murmured. 

“But he’s still my partner… and friend.” She added reluctantly. “And I won’t stand for ANYONE insulting him. So if you say one more word, I will personally yoyo your ass back into the void where it can rot for the rest of eternity!” Ladybug threateningly stepped closer to the skeleton, her yoyo spinning faster with each turn. 

“Aw do you really mean it bugaboo?!” Chat asked with a wide smile. 

“Don’t make me regret my decision to defend you.” She said dryly. He nodded and stood up, going to move to stand next to his partner, before glancing back at Sans.

“We’ll talk about this later.” He said. 

In that moment, 

Sans knew, 

he fucked up. 

 

Chat Noir walked next to Ladybug and pulled out his baton again, and they both got in a fighting position. Gaster laughed, the noise making chills run down everyone’s spine as it reverberated throughout the room. 

“Fine.” He huffed in a perfect Thanos impression. “I’ll do it myself.” Lights flashed as six floating skeleton hands appeared, surrounding him like weapons prepared to strike. Ladybug gulped as she prepared to face this worthy foe with just her and her partner, but was surprised when another warrior stepped forth from the crowd. 

“You guys don’t mind if I help, do ya?” Undyne asked, pulling her spear from her back. Ladybug nodded while Chat held back a squeal at the thought of his waifu battling with them. 

“HOLD ON GUYS I GOT HELP!” Jenna announced as three beings in suits of armor walked in. “Here we have my dog warriors. Paesh, Cermet, and Marpel.” Two of the dogs were wearing the greater dog armor, except for Marpel who was just there because he is an small angry cermet. The dog warriors joined the group of heroes as they prepared to face their foe, when suddenly another bright flash of light burned their retinas and Phipyrus came bounding forward to join them. Everyone in the battle group, including Gaster, held back a sigh. 

“You guys ready?” Ladybug asked, glancing to her weird comrades. They all nodded silently, except Phipyrus who let out an enthusiastic ‘YEP!’

“Alright… Let’s go just me and you, let’s go just one on one, um, two three four shit, never mind let’s just go!” Ladybug said, beginning to sing the Steven Universe song ‘Stronger than you’ but stopping herself. Gaster laughed and the battle began, blasters appearing out of midair and shooting every single person from different angles causing them to jump around and dodge. 

Meanwhile Miles, Asgore, and Toriel were still around the throne, but this time Toriel was getting her legs dyed purple.

“Chat! How do we beat this guy if he’s not an akuma?!” Ladybug yelled, flipping to dodge another blast. 

“I don’t know! There isn’t a Gaster battle in the game, but I’m thinking we might be able to Act our way through this?” Chat said, trying to shrug but failing as he almost got hit. Basically, nothing was working and everyone was on defense having no idea how to battle this douchecake. Undyne was throwing spears but Gaster deflected them with ease, Phipyrus was attempting to throw bones at him but it was a pathetic attempt, everyone was proud of him anyway. The three dogs just barked. 

Ladybug glanced back and saw Dan and Sans both leaning the wall casually, and remembered an important piece of information Phipyrus had told her what seemed like several chapters ago probably because it was. 

‘Dan and Sans can do it to!’ 

Her eyes lit up with an idea. 

“Sans can you help out a little?!” Chat asked before Ladybug could voice her idea. 

“sorry kid, you probably know i only have 1 hp so i’m not that good of a fighter.” Sans said with a shrug. 

“BULLSHIT! I’ve done your fight before and it is the hardest in the game!” Chat shouted back, annoyance growing within him. Sans stiffened, and Chat quickly regretted his words as he realized the implication of them. 

In that moment,

Chat knew,

He had fucked up.

“you’ve… done a genocide run?” Sans asked in a deathly quiet voice. Chat Noir gulped, but Ladybug interrupted before this could turn into something that needed couple’s therapy. 

“Look guys, now is not that time to be arguing. Dan, Sans, you guys can fuse right?!” She shouted, doing a backflip over Chat’s head as she dodged another blast. 

“Unfortunately.” Dan replied in a sour tone. 

“And if you guys fuse, that will make you guys have a higher hp and fighting ability right?” She inquired, pulling Phipyrus out of the way of a blast with her yoyo. 

“oh god i think i see where you’re going with this.” Sans said with a sigh. Him and Dan gave each other strained looks, before sagging with resignation and looking back to Ladybug. 

“Fine! We’ll fuse goddamit!” Dan shouted, stepping over to the skelebro. Phipyrus’ head swiveled as he turned around, watching with excitement. Ladybug and Chat Noir sadly didn’t have that opportunity, and could only listen as the fusion occurred. 

Looking at one another with pain in their eyes, Dan and Sans both began doing the macarena very reluctantly, and a light began to glow in between them. Everyone was blinded for a few seconds, and when their vision came back, they were greeted with a slightly shorter Dan wearing a blue hoodie, white t-shirt, basketball shorts, and bunny slippers. 

“Oh god it’s worse than we remember.” Dans stated. The fusion sounded just like Dan, except he now had an American accent rather than a British one. 

“I’M TALLER THAN YOU NOW!” Phipyrus shouted gleefully, bouncing towards them and showing that, yes, Phipyrus was much taller than Dans. 

“CAN IT PHILLIP!” Dans shouted, already seeming annoyed with his existence. 

“Uh, GREAT YOU GUYS FUSED BUT CAN YOU HELP US OUT A LITTLE?!” Ladybug shouted, almost getting hit. 

“Oh yeah!” Dans raised his arm, and several gaster blasters appeared behind him. Suddenly, instead of the usual blue beams, memes began shooting out of it. 

“Why am I not surprised.” Ladybug stated dryly as doge hit Gaster straight in the face, screaming ‘wow’ when impact was made. More doge noises sounded every time they hit Gaster, with saying such as ‘very battle’ and ‘much blaster’. 

Sadly, it didn’t do much but annoy Gaster and Ladybug both. 

“...That’s your attack?” Chat commented, his emotions unclear. Then a look of excitement was on his face. “Oh my god, imagine what Dan and I’s fusion would be like! The memes… the memes would be…

“OVER 9000!” Dans screamed, aiming another doge blaster at Gaster, who was still looming above them. Again, the memes had no effect on him.

“Oh god no, CHAT! There is NO WAY IN HELL YOU ARE FUSING WITH ANYBODY!” Ladybug replied, her tone much similar to one of a stern parent scolding their child.

“You know, we could probably fuse.” Chat said, more seductively than he had intended. Ladybug shivered, full of discomfort.

“Pathetic…” Gaster mumbled. “You don’t stand a chance…. Might as well finish you off.” Suddenly six portals appeared out of nowhere, circling him. There was a flash of light and suddenly strange, horrifying creatures so scary that Spoon was too lazy to come up with a canon appearance began pouring out, baring their fangs and charging towards the group.

“AH SHIT, IT’S THE GODDAMN LIBRARIANS!” Ladybug cried out, bracing herself to attack at full force, knowing full well how deadly the elusive creatures could be.

“What are you talking about? Whatever those things are, they’re DEFINITELY not human.” Chat replied, clearly confused but also ready to fight.

“Oh my god, have you not heard of Welcome to Night Vale?” She sighed and shook her head in disbelief, getting ready to explain the plot when a librarian grabbed her by the arm and yanked her to the ground, pinning her down and making an attempt to snap at her face with it’s twisted yellow teeth. She kicked it right in the stomach with all of the strength she could muster and it flew off of her, hacking as it tried to steady itself. No matter what Chat did the creatures wouldn’t go down, so he decided ‘screw it’ and did something he knew was a stupid idea.

“CATACLYSMAAA!” He shouted, summoning the ball of destructive energy that he held within his fist. What is this, the french dub? Before he could work out a plan of what he should use his once in a transformation power on, a librarian came at him and without thinking he touched his hand to it’s horrible head and it disintegrated.

“You seriously just wasted your goddamn Cataclysm on a librarian!?” Ladybug asked incredulously. 

“Sorry! It was an accident!” He yelped before being punched in the face by another librarian. 

“LUCKY CHARM!” Ladybug shouted, summoning her power of creation and throwing her yoyo in the air. She was severely disappointed when an MTT brand guide to couple’s counseling fell into her hand. “Fuck you Tikki.” She muttered to her kwami, knowing what she wanted her to do. She threw the couple’s counseling guide off to the side, and continued to fight, now upset since she only had five minutes left. 

It was beginning to seem a bit desperate, when suddenly Chat came up with an idea. 

“Ladybug!” He cried out, while smacking a librarian across the face with his staff. “We have to fuse! We can’t fight these things on our own!’

“WHAT?! No way, I am not fusing with anyone, thank you very much!” She replied, disgust in her voice. But as more and more of the feral creatures began materializing around them, she realized that fusing with her furry friend was probably what this had to come to.

“Ah shit, okay! But JUST THIS ONCE!” She called out to him hesitantly. He immediately turned to face her, taking her hands in his and leading them in some kind of shitty attempt at a salsa dance. He was probably being really racist without even meaning to.

“Chat what the fu-” She was suddenly cut off by a flash of bright light, and the two were merged together into one being, none other than the cartoon character Catbug.

Because we /had/ to make that fucking pun.

Everyone in the room stared at the small creature, anxiously awaiting to see it’s first attack. But after a few seconds of silent contemplation he screamed, almost shattering the eardrums of everyone watching and probably the fucking barrier itself honestly. (Citation needed.)

There was another flash of light, and the two fell to the ground, back to normal. Chat had a shit eating grin on his face, and Ladybug was shivering with horror.

“I KNOW YOUR TUMBLR!” Chat cried triumphantly. “I KNEW YOU WERE STEVEN UNIVERSE TRASH, I FUCKING KNEW IT!!”

“I KNOW YOUR TUMBLR! AND THAT YOU’RE ADRIEN AGRESTE, AND WHAT YOU DID WITH SANS!” Chat blanched, and then his grin returned as he sifted through his own memories of their short time being fused. 

“YOU’RE MARINETTE! AND YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON MEEEE!” He sang, being the little shit that he is. 

“NOT ANYMORE BONE BOY! I will never be able to look at you the same way again after seeing a first person point of view memory of you having sex with HIM!” She shouted, pointing towards Dans who was confused. “I mean the Sans part of you.” She clarified. 

“I told you his dick wasn’t blue.” Chat said with a smirk. 

“Um, hello, we’re supposed to be fighting?” Gaster broke in, awkwardly staring at the two superheroes. 

“Can you just give me a minute? I think I might have PTSD from that experience.” Ladybug said, laying back down against the flowers. 

“No! That’s not how this works!” Gaster said, raising his blasters again. 

While this was occurring, Chara had run over to Thomas Sanders who was vining everything, making improv theme songs about what was occurring. 

“Hey Thomas, want help with a vine?” They asked cheerfully. 

“Sure!” He replied with joy, turning the camera to face them. Chara just smiled sweetly as their eyes darkened and their face slowly began to melt, creepy music playing behind them as they got closer and closer to the camera, black goo dripping from their eyes and mouth. Thomas screamed and fled the scene, running out the throne room and back to Tem Village where it was safe. 

“Chara! How many times do I have to tell you, don’t do the drippy face thing at people!” Frisk yelled at them. 

“What? I was bored and he got it on film!” Chara said with a shrug. Frisk walked over, leaving Flowey on the floor near the doors, while he let out a string of curses in anger. Frisk reached Chara, and the two turned around to see that the battle had come to complete pandemonium. 

Ladybug was screaming because of her memories as she dodged, Chat was grinning like a madman as he mentally went through her tumblr, Dans looked like he was contemplating suicide and Phipyrus was posing dramatically with Mettaton and the Horny Trinity. All while Toriel was getting her leg hair dyed purple by Miles. 

Frisk just gave Chara the ‘look’, and they shivered. 

“No! We are not doing what you think we should!” Chara shouted, backing away from their companion. 

“But I think it’s the only way we can stop the fighting!” Frisk protested, grabbing Chara’s hands in their own and pulling them close. 

“No! You hate it, I hate it, it’s not a good idea!” Chara continued to yell, trying and failing to free themselves from Frisk’s grip. 

“But it’ll stop the fighting, we can guarantee it! Pleaseeeeee? I’ll let you kill someone on the next neutral run.” If Frisk showed emotions, they would be giving Chara puppy eyes. Chara bit their lip, before sighing in surrender. 

“Fine! We’ll do it! As long as I get to pick who.” Chara said, side-eyeing Phipyrus. 

“No major characters.” Frisk said. 

“Are you serious!?” They stared into Frisk’s expressionless -_-, and sighed. “Fine, okay, no major characters.”

“Yay! You ready?” And with that, Frisk took Chara’s hand and began to spin them in a dance, and two moving in familiar synchronization as light grew between them. Everyone stopped fighting, even the librarians, so they could see who was fusing now. 

They were all filled with discomfort at the sight of Chisk. 

“No… not this!” Chat said, trying to cover his eyes. 

But it was too late, the image of Chisk’s ._. expression with their cold, dead eyes, staring into his soul, judging him for his every action, was burned into his mind forever. He didn’t even notice as his and Ladybug’s timers ran out, both of them detransforming into their civilian selves. Tikki and Plagg didn’t even complain about their hunger, as they were so disconcerted by Chisk they could only stare. 

Even Gaster couldn’t look away from the horror, and he slowly lowered his weapons and floated to the ground as even he was filled with discomfort. 

“I… I can’t do this. Not with… THEM here!” He yelled in frustration, gesturing to the awkward child. Then, as if this couldn’t get any more weird, two figures materialized from the shadows and walked forth. 

One was Alphys, and she was trembling and held her head low as she strolled to the center of the room, clutching an object to her chest. 

The other figure, was a tall young man with curly hair and shockingly green eyes, who was giving everyone a slow clap and looking around appreciatively. 

It was none other, than KickThePj. 

Dans instantly unfused at the sight of Dan’s friend, and Sans just looked around in confusion as Dan tried to get to his feet. Marinette began to smile at the sight of one of her favorite youtubers, before frowning as she wondered why he was here. Adrien had no fucking idea who this guy was, and looked to Marinette for any hints but she was ignoring him as usual. 

“Well done, well done! This was just fantastic! You were all so amazing, so full of emotion and drama!” PJ said as he walked to the center of the room. Almost as if on cue, Mettaton kicked his leg into the air at the word ‘drama’, followed by the Horny Trinity. 

“PJ, what are you doing here?” Phil asked, a glance towards him making Marinette realize he and Papyrus had also unfused. 

“Glad you asked Phil! I’ve been watching you all this entire time, and might I say, it has been one harrowing ride!” He said, waving his arms out in a flourish. Adrien and Sans flushed, wondering if he literally meant the ‘entire time’. 

“Um, di-did you see… everything?” Adrien asked with a stutter, his face a bright red.

“Oh, yes I did.” PJ replied, his eyes acting as windows to the horrors he witnessed. “Don’t worry, we won’t keep it in the final cut.” 

“The final cut of what?” Marinette asked. 

“Of my brand new short film of course!” He announced, raising his arms in the air triumphantly. Everyone stared at him silently for a moment, before the shock settled.

“YOUR WHAT?!” They all shouted at once. PJ’s eyes widened and he took a step back. 

“What do you mean, ‘your film’? Was this all a prank?!” Dan demanded, his gaze manic. 

“Umm… not exactly?” He squeaked. 

“you have some explaining to do.” Sans stated in a low voice. PJ shivered, before straightening himself up and facing the group head on.

“Well… it’s kinda a long story that involves good ol’ Gaster here!” He said, patting the scientist on the arm. Everyone turned their glares to him and he shrunk beneath their anger. Then they all looked back to PJ expectantly. He coughed to clear his throat.

“Right, well, um, you see, it all started a little over a year ago…” He began, staring into the distance as if a cartoon thought bubble would appear. It didn’t. “I was sitting in my office, editing another video as usual, when a portal ripped through space and time right in front of me. So naturally, I thought, ‘why not go inside?’, and so I stepped through and was brought to the Underground here in Gaster’s lab.” 

“I was very confused when a human male walked through my portal which was supposed to be connected to Ladybug and Chat Noir’s Paris.” Gaster continued, picking up the story. “After some brief screaming, we both calmed down and PJ explained who he was and what he did, and even showed me some videos of his. I then realized with his creative mind and my own personal genius, he could be a valuable asset in obtaining the Miraculouses from the french cartoon Sans was so enamored with. So I informed him of my mission and we made a deal.” 

“The deal was that if I assisted him in building his machine, he would let me film everything that occurred and use it to make a new movie!” PJ said, breaking in so he could add his say. “The first time we tested the machine however, it opened in my universe again and that is how Dan and Phil ended up here.” 

“I told you it wasn’t my fault!” Phil exclaimed to Dan, who was clenching his fists as he glared at PJ.

“Now without Frisk resetting, there was no way we could get you two back to your own universe. So we just figured we would just leave you till the plan was complete.” Gaster explained.

“BUT THAT WAS A YEAR! A WHOLE YEAR!” 

“Yeahhhh... Frisk took a little longer than we expected.” Gaster said with a shrug. “But eventually PJ and I got the machine to work, and were able to contact Hawkmoth in Miraculous Paris.” 

“SO YOU ARE WORKING WITH HIM!” Marinette shouted, her expression getting angrier by the second. 

“Yes, our deal was that after I studied the Miraculouses and found the source of their powers, I would give them to him to use however he wished.” Gaster said. “So after we made the deal with Hawkmoth, it was only a matter of waiting for the right person to be akumatized. I informed my son of this plan, and explained that I needed his assistance to gain your trust to get the Miraculouses.” He finished, glancing at the blue-hooded skelebro.

“YOU WERE USING ME?!” Adrien shouted at Sans, his peridot gaze filled with hurt. Sans winced and held his head low, unsure of how to respond. 

“...yeah, but i swear it was only in the beginning! then i found out how amazing you are-”

“NO I DON’T WANNA HEAR YOUR LIES!” Adrien hissed, tears beginning to stream down his face. 

“well, don’t make me the bad guy! you did a genocide run!” Sans countered, his eye flashing blue. 

“I LOVE RUNS!” Papyrus interjected, totally oblivious to the drama occurring. “UNDYNE AND I TAKE THEM ALL THE TIME!”

“Yeahhhh… we do… so, um, Alphys, how are you involved in this?” Undyne asked, looking worriedly at the small lizard woman. Up until this point no one had been paying much attention to her, but now everyone’s gazes fell onto her petite frame and she clutched the box she was holding even tighter against her chest.

“I- uhh- I-” she stuttered nervously. “P-PJ needed someone t-to film, so… Dr. Gaster asked if he c-could use my cameras…” She said hesitantly. “But I didn't want to, I swear! I did it in exchange for this….” She held up the object in her arms, and everyone could see that it was a Black Butler box set. Undyne’s eyes widened when she saw it.

“You… you lied to all of us… for Black Butler?” Undyne asked quietly, her expression unreadable. Alphys nodded nervously. “CAN I BORROW THAT WHEN YOU’RE FINISHED?! THAT IS AMAZING I’M SO PROUD!” She yelled, running over and hugging the small scientist tightly. 

“You lied to all of us, for fucking yaoi?” Dan questioned in a deathly quiet tone. 

“Look who’s talking Mr. ‘I have a Free! Body pillow’.” Marinette said dryly. 

“That’s not relevant!” He protested. 

“It’s totally relevant!” She retorted. 

“dad? why didn’t you mention pj?” Sans asked, his expression puzzled.

“That was not relevant.” He said, clearly trying to avoid the conversation. 

“i think it was pretty fucking relevant!” Sans yelled, his eye flashing a brighter blue as he stepped closer to his father. 

“Nope. Not at all. Not relevant.” Gaster said, becoming very uncomfortable with this turn of conversation.

At this moment

Gaster knew

he fucked up. 

“I-I can’t believe you made me suffer through this hell for THREE months, for a FUCKING SHORT FILM!” Marinette shouted, finally gathering her thoughts enough to form a coherent sentence. PJ shrunk back as Marinette began to stomp towards him, her face bright red with unadulterated rage. 

And in that moment,

PJ knew,

He fucked up.

Before he could run, Marinette let out a swift kick and he cried out as she hit him right in the family jewel’s. (a//n heyyyy jewel ;)) She nodded in satisfaction as he curled into himself, going to lie in a fetal position on the floor. She walked back over to Dan who high-fived her, both of them very pissed. 

(A/n just kidding jewel doesn't read this anymore)

“She… She kicked the PJ.” Chat said, his eyes wide. 

And because that youtube username prophecy came true, Dan randomly caught on fire.

Even though he's not on fire but like...shhh it's funny 

“AAHHH WHAT THE FUCK!” He screamed, running around as his pants flamed. Marinette, Phil, and Papyrus all started screaming with him, while Chara disappeared for a moment before coming back with a cup of water (Chisk had unfused while everyone was distracted, much to their collective relief). Chara handed the water to Phil, who quickly doused his best friend instantly putting out the burning flames. 

“WHY DID THAT HAPPEN?!” Dan shouted, staring at the smoking remains of his jeans which were now shorts. 

“because the authors thought it would be funny.” Sans commented, giving Spoon and Fork serious side-eye. We responded outside of the computer with ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯, and he just shook his head, clearly not amused by our fourth wall breaks. “adrien, i’m really sorry. i swear i didn’t know about the whole pj thing, gaster only told me about his plan to get the miraculouses and i regret ever going along with it.” Sans said, his voice dripping with sadness. Adrien scrunched up his face, before turning away.

“I… I can’t believe you lied to me this whole time. I don’t know what was real and what wasn’t. I-I’m sorry Sans, I think we need to end this.” Adrien said, tears leaking from his eyes. Sans breathed out a sigh, and if he had tear ducts he probably would’ve been crying as well. 

“i… i guess it’s for the best.” He muttered, before teleporting over to Frisk who gave him an awkward pat on the shoulder. 

“Aw Sans, it's okay. I'm gonna reset, and you're not gonna remember any of this. And then you don't have to feel bad!” They said cheerfully while Character and Flowey just stared.

Oh, if only they fucking knew. 

Adrien stared at the spot where he stood for a moment, before turning to Marinette. “Hey, um, Marinette, you still got that crush on me?” He asked awkwardly, wanting to be distracted from the memory of his ex-boyfriend. 

“Oh hell no, not after seeing you make out with a skeleton. Sorry cat boy, you’re cute but a little too kinky for my taste.” She paused, before her eyes lit up with an idea. “Speaking of….” She pulled out her phone and began dialing a number rapidly, and everyone watched as she held it up to her ear to see who she was calling. 

“Hey Alya... Yeah I know I’ve been gone a while, I’ll explain it all later. I just wanted to tell you I no longer have a crush on Adrien… yeah I know, there’s good reason I promise… yeah I’m sure… speaking of which, remember that crush you had on me in 6th grade?... yeah is that still relevant?... It might be? I can take you out to ice cream when I get back to Paris… where the hell have I been? Um, really long story, I’m gonna need to tell you in person. Okay...okay then cool! I’ll text you when I get back. Later bae!” She hung up the phone, and noticed everyone (well except PJ who was still crying on the floor), was gaping at her. 

“What? A girl’s gotta keep her options open right?” She said with a shrug. The group nodded in agreement, and then stood awkwardly as no one knew what to do next. Luckily, a loud noise coming from one portal Gaster left open shattered the silence and the group watched as two men practically fell out of the rip in time and space. 

The first person was a hispanic man wearing a lab coat with a full head of beautiful, beautiful, dark hair. He stood up hastily before gazing around the room in surprise, biting his lip as he tried to comprehend what was going on. The second man… well for some reason, no one could find the right words to describe the second man’s appearance. It seemed as if every time they look away for even a second, they couldn’t remember what he looked like. The man in the lab coat helped the second man up, and he looked around the room before breaking out in a huge grin.

“Hey everyone! How’s it going? And what are you all doing in our living room!?” He said, his voice rich and deep. 

“I HAVE A LIVING ROOM!” Shouted Papyrus proudly, earning himself pat on the arm from a very impressed Phil.

“Honey, no, this isn’t our living room.” The lab coat wearing man said to his companion in a gentle tone. 

“What do you mean Carlos? Of course it… oh wait, it’s not. This must just be another shared hallucination with all of the citizens of Night Vale. I think they had one scheduled for today.” He said, eyes widening as his grin grew. Then he gasped as his wandering gaze fell upon Papyrus. “PAPYRUS! I haven’t seen you in forever!” Papyrus looked very confused.

“I HAVE NO IDEA WHO YOU ARE!” He exclaimed, his tone as happy as ever. 

“Oh it must have just been a mind wipe then. But wait, if you’re here then that means…” He looked around some more, before gasping again at the sight of Sans. “Sans! Hey buddy I haven’t seen you since high school! And look at you, you became a skeleton! Good for you! Do you still want me to call you Ness?” 

“THEORY CONFIRMED!” Matpat screamed from the corner. Sans sighed and rubbed his face tiredly.

“uh not right now cecil. but hey, it’s good to see ya, kid! w-what are you doing here?” Sans said, giving Matpat a glare from the corner of his eye. 

“I don’t know, I thought this was our living room but Carlos just told me otherwise-OH MY GOD YOU HAVE TO MEET CARLOS MY AMAZING BOYFRIEND! EVERYONE! THIS IS CARLOS MY BEAUTIFUL BOYFRIEND AND HE IS A SCIENTIST WHO STUDIES SCIENCE!” Cecil shouted, shoving Carlos in front of him like a trophy (a//n heh… trophy? Get it? *sobs*). (a/n “a letter about regrets, about mistakes…” *gross sobbing*) Carlos just awkwardly waved. Cecil then spotted Gaster, and he gasped again. “Oh hi Gaster! What’re you doing here?!” Cecil asked, his joy never wavering. 

“Uh hello Cecil. Hello Carlos. Um… it’s kind of a long story.” Gaster said with a shrug. 

“OH MY GOD ARE YOU CECIL PALMER?!” Marinette shouted, jumping up and down excitedly. 

“Last time I checked. I’m not sure, the Sheriff's secret police might’ve given me a new name by now, but that’s unlikely.” Cecil said nonchalantly. 

“I LOVE your radio show!” She exclaimed, her face split with a huge smile. 

“Awww thank you! Are you a resident of Night Vale?” He asked, furrowing his brow in puzzlement. 

“No, I’m just someone from another universe who can intercept the radio waves.” She said without thinking. Cecil nodded in understanding. 

“Wait, can someone please explain what the hell is going on here?” Adrien requested, having no idea who this ‘Cecil’ was or why he had apparently known Sans in high school. Gaster sighed, rubbing his face before answering. 

“When I’m not living in a secret bunker underneath my sons’ house, I live in a town called Night Vale, which is where Cecil and Carlos are from. Cecil is the host of the bi-monthly radio news show there, and Carlos is a scientist.” Gaster explained. 

“wait, you have ANOTHER PORTAL?! to NIGHT VALE?!” Sans chimed in. And someone (you know who) appeared from the shadows, preparing to sing before running away out of fear of Jenna, who has giving him extreme side eye. (You're welcome shipping trash). 

“Uhhhh… it wasn’t relevant.” Gaster said. 

“i’m getting real fucking tired of that explanation pops.” Sans groaned. They began to bicker, everyone adding in complaints as PJ continued to cry on the floor.

Meanwhile, Frisk and Chara stood at the edge of this chaos, speaking in hushed voices to each other. 

“I think we need to reset, this is too crazy.” Frisk whispered to their ghost buddy.

“Honestly, I agree. This thing has gotten way out of hand.” Chara said.

“NO! Please don’t reset! This is even more entertaining than Zoella!” Flowey plead, a bucket of popcorn and 3D glasses having magically appeared in front of him and on his face. 

“You watch Zoella? But you’re a flower.” Phil said, looking at the yellow bloom in confusion.

“Are you trying to enforce gender roles on me because I CAN WEAR MAKEUP IF I FUCKING WANT TO, VOLDEMORT!” Flowey shouted. 

“No no! Not, um, that’s not what I meant at all. I-I’m just gonna go back to Papyrus.” Phil said, wandering back to his best friend. Chara and Frisk watched him go, before returning to their conversation.

“So anyway, if we do reset, can we PLEASE do a genocide run next time?!” Chara asked, their red eyes wide and innocent. 

“No! Never again!” Chara slumped in disappointment. Frisk sighed after a moment, hating seeing their best friend so sad. “No genocide run, but I’ll let you kill one NON MAJOR character.” 

“Can it be Jerry?!” Chara requested, their manic smile returned.

“Fine.” Frisk agreed, their face still the epitome of expressionlessness. 

-_-

“hey kiddo, what’re you and that little shit talking about?” Sans asked, strolling over away from the chaotic discussion that was still occurring in the center of the room. 

“Resetting.”

“thank the good lord.” 

“DID SOMEONE CALL ME?!” Metatton shouted, sticking his leg in the air while the Horny Trinity copied him. Sans didn’t even turn around to face the sex toaster. 

“kid. please reset. LIKE NOW. RIGHT NOW. I DON’T KNOW HOW MUCH MORE OF THIS I CAN TAKE.” Sans’ voice was full of Panic!

(No. nO BRENDON URIE)

Frisk sighed, and without letting anyone know, they reached for the reset button with trembling fingers. 

“i better not fucking remember any of this.” Sans muttered, right as Frisk pressed the fateful button.

“Well, I hate goodbyes, so… See you later, everyone.” Resetting always made Frisk sad, even when shit got as weird as this. Plus there were four Mettaton’s in this timeline, and no one needed that. 

Everything was lost in torrential darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DON'T DESPAIR! THERE WILL BE AN EPILOGUE TO THIS BEAUTIFUL TALE! It will be uploaded tomorrow at 4 because why the fuck not (tomorrow is tuesday at this current date)
> 
> ANDDDDDD THERE'S GONNA BE A SEQUEL! 
> 
> We have officially made this a series so subscribe to it to be updated when we upload the first chapter of Cracknoir 2! (which is probably gonna be pretty soon) 
> 
> Thanks so much for enduring this fuckery with us, we don't know why any of you like it but please just spread this giant disease of a fic to everyone you know


	9. The Epilogue because we can't let this go just yet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> what happened after the reset

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's tuesday at four my dudes

Epilogue

After Frisk reset, everything went back to normal.

Or so it seemed.

Everyone involved was sent back to their respective universes with no memory of what happened. Except for Frisk, Chara, Gaster, Flowey, and poor Sans. 

Sans wasn’t exactly happy with this knowledge, but there was nothing he could do about it. He just dealt with it, like he did with all of his memories of past timelines, the pacifists he wishes he could re-live, the neutrals, and the horrifying genocides. 

Gaster remained part time in Night Vale, continuing to work on his portal but with less vigor than before. Frisk and Chara refused to speak of what they witnessed, and acted dumb when Sans complained of his memories during their next neutral run. 

They also acted dumb when they saw Papyrus’ room was covered in Dan and Phil merchandise. 

Although the skeleton had no memory of his friendship with the emo boys, Papyrus found himself drawn to their Youtube channel and quickly became obsessed. Sans felt sympathy for his poor brother, and bought him everything he wanted from their store. How did they ship to the underground? That's not relevant. Which was why instead of reading papyrus Fluffy Bunny every night as his bedtime story, he read TABINOF, Papyrus’ favorite book which he now loved with all his heart. And it was also why his ‘special clothes’ now consisted of a cropped Dan and Phil cherry blossom japan tee shirt instead of his ‘cool dude’ shirt. 

Marinette and Adrien somehow held onto the knowledge of each other’s identities, they just didn’t remember how they found out. Marinette also never knew why she had stopped liking Adrien, she just knew she could never think of kissing him without wanting to puke. 

Which was why she was now in a wonderful and fulfilling relationship with Alya. 

Meanwhile, Adrien spent more and more time alone these days. His mind never seeming to be able to stray from thoughts of Undertale. Undertale posters adorned his walls, and underneath all his shirts he wore MTT brand clothing. He probably played the game through twenty different times. He never slept anymore, his dreams haunted by empty onyx sockets and cold bone lips. 

He was only 15 years old. He loved Sans so much. Every night he prayed to Sans, thanking him for the life he had been given. “Sans is love,” he'd say. “Sans is life.” Natalie heard him and called him a faggot. She was obviously jealous of his devotion to Sans. He called her a cunt. She slapped him and sent him to his room. He was crying now, because his face hurt. He goes into his bed and it is very cold. 

During his sleepless nights he sat, bleary-eyed, in front of his fluorescent computer screen reading the same stories over and over, their beautiful words burned forever into his memory. Tears would stream from his eyes as his chest soared with warm feelings, clutching a blue hoodie as he read Sans x Reader fanfic. 

He cried because there was no Sans x Reader fanfic for a male reader. 

(Don't worry Adrien I'll write u some- Spoon)

Nino eventually got too weirded out and stopped hanging out with him.

He didn’t need Nino, he had Sans. 

((He also had a serious problem.))

His father never saw the tears. 

Meanwhile Dan and Phil were doing great in London. They eventually came across a new game called Undertale, and decided it would be a good thing to let’s play for their gaming channel. 

But as they played, Dan got more and more weirded out by the sense of deja vu he gained every time he saw Papyrus or Sans on the screen. Phil meanwhile loved the character Papyrus with all his heart. Dan wanted to stop playing Undertale. Phil wouldn’t let him. 

One day, Sans walked into Papyrus’ room and saw he was watching another Dan and Phil video. He grinned to himself, glad to see his brother so happy (and not in a relationship with Mettaton). But as he got closer to the computer screen, the place where his heart would be if he had one skipped a beat. 

Papyrus was watching Dan and Phil’s Let's Play of, you guessed it,

UNDERTALE

*intro noise*

Sans fled Papyrus’ room, and hastily climbed down into the bunker beneath his house. A tall cloaked figure was facing a machine, pressing buttons left and right as he scanned for something Sans didn’t bother to wonder about. Because…. It wasn't relevant. Breathless, Sans tapped his father’s shoulder, and Gaster turned around.

“What is it, son?” Gaster inquired. Sans blinked, gasping as he caught his breath.

“dad… i hate to say this… 

but the universes are still connected.” 

DUN DUN DUNNNNNN!

The end

“the fuckin what”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH MY GOD ANOTHER CLIFFHANGER what do you expect from us at this point


	10. ACT TWO: IT'S TIME FOR CRACKNOIR 2 (THE SEQUEL)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Several months after the events of Cracknoir, everyone is back to their daily lives with no knowledge of what occurred in the Underground. Yet, one day, when a mysterious new movie that he has no memory of making appears on PJ's channel by the name of 'cracknoir', the group is sucked back down to the place they tried so hard to escape. Relationships will heal, heart's will be broken, skeletons will be boned, and new love will bloom.
> 
> And fucking fusion man, that too. Why? Not relevant.
> 
> If you are for some reason reading this and haven't read the first one, you will be more confused than you probably should be. That's okay! Confusion is healthy! But, seriously, go read the first 'cracknoir' or else nothing will make sense (not like it usually does anyway)
> 
> (updates every tuesday at four ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) (probs not let's be real we don't got a schedule for this shit)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the sequel to cracknoir which we originally had as a separate work but we realized that it would just be easier to have them all in one fic so just consider this Act Two I guess? So yeah if anyone's subscribed sorry for all the notifications rip
> 
>  
> 
> Y'all are in for a wild ride bitches
> 
> (we're sorry we swear at you all the time, we just cuss a lot but really if you read this then we love you)
> 
> ((jk no one's reading this let's be real))
> 
> tw for underage drinking (a lot of it holy shit), major character death, and ryan ross.

“...What the FUCK is this?” PJ muttered, staring at his computer screen with wide eyes. The youtuber had woken up that fateful morning like usual, and after making himself a cup of tea, had opened his laptop to find hundreds of thousands of youtube notifications. That was something that only ever happened when he uploaded a new video. Now normally this would be a common thing, but he hadn’t uploaded a new video in a week. In fact, he’d been planning on filming one that day.

But a quick check on his channel revealed that he had indeed uploaded something. And something it was indeed. 

Somehow, a new film by the name of ‘Cracknoir’ had randomly appeared under his name sometime in the night. It was almost 2 hours long, and the only words he could think of to describe it was, ‘hella weird’. 

Not only did he have no memory of uploading this, PJ had no memory of ever even filming it. What was even more confusing, was the fact that a multitude of his youtube friends were in it. Dan, Phil, Jenna Marbles, Hannah Hart, you name them, they were there. 

And even WEIRDER, it all took place in the Underground from Undertale, with the characters themselves playing major roles. So that along with two superhero teenagers from a show called ‘Miraculous Ladybug’, made the whole thing seem utterly impossible for PJ to achieve unless he had an actual hollywood film budget and dozens of copyright licenses. 

Just as he finished the film in it’s entirety, his tea having gone cold long ago, his phone began to buzz with dozens and dozens of texts and calls. Currently calling, was none other than Phil Lester. 

Oh boy did he have some questions for them. 

“Hello?” PJ asked as he answered. 

“Um, can you please explain what on earth this new film of yours is?” Phil asked, not even bothering with a hello. 

“WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS THIS?!” He heard Dan shout in the background. 

“Okay okay calm down! Now, I don’t know if you’ll believe me but I swear, I have no memory of ever making this. Can you please tell me when we filmed it? Because I don’t remember doing any such thing!” It was silent for a moment.

“OH GOD! SANS AND THE CAT BOY ARE MAKING OUT!” He distantly heard Dan shout. 

“That’s what the kool kidz call it.” He faintly heard Phil reply, before it was quiet again. “Thing is, we don’t remember ever filming it either.” He finally said. 

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON’T REMEMBER? YOU’RE THE MAIN CHARACTERS!” PJ shouted, panic! starting to rise in his chest. (NO NOT YET)

“HOW DO YOU NOT REMEMBER FUCKING FILMING IT?!” Dan shouted back, the phone apparently now being on speakerphone. 

“Okay fair point,” PJ conceded. “But if you don’t remember filming it, and I don’t remember filming it, how are we all there?” 

“Mind control.” Dan answered dryly. 

“Well there are other youtubers there as well, maybe they know what this is?” Phil suggested. PJ nodded and then remembered they couldn’t see his face over the phone. 

“That’s a great idea! Should we just do a group skype call to see?” 

“Yeah that’s a good plan, I’ll start it so just pick up, okay?” And with that, Phil hung up and PJ waited for the skype call with bated breath. 

Meanwhile, in a friendly desert community where the sun is hot, the moon is beautiful, and mysterious lights pass overhead while all the citizens pretended to sleep, a certain radio host was discussing something of great importance with his scientist boyfriend. 

“Oh Carlos! I told you it was a good idea! Look how many views the video has gotten!” Cecil shouted, pointing to his laptop which had ‘cracknoir’ playing on mute. Even though PJ was known for creating amazing content, his views generally averaged only around 150,000-200,000 views. But this video had already reached the 1,000,000 mark, and was quickly rising. 

“Okay I’ll admit, hacking into PJ’s computer to upload his hidden video file of cracknoir was a good idea, but I still don’t think bringing them all back to the Underground for a reunion party is what we should do.” Carlos replied, holding back an exasperated sigh.

“Why not?” Cecil demanded.

“Well for starters, they don’t remember this ever happening.” Carlos pointed out. “So I think bringing them all to the Underground using my portal machine would freak them out a little. I mean we haven’t even asked Sans if it’s okay to bring everyone back down there!” 

“I’ll admit you are right about that one. It would be rude to throw a party at someone’s home without asking them first! So I’ll just call him right now!” Before Carlos could inquire as to how Cecil would go about doing this, Cecil pulled out his cell phone, rapidly solved the ancient demon summoning hieroglyph that appeared any time he unlocked the device, and dialed in the number and held it to his ear.

“Um, hello? Sans? Hey buddy! It’s Cecil! Cecil Palmer? From high school? Oh you know who I am, I know you’re just messing with me… Yes I can still tell when you’re lying. So anyway, Carlos and I here were just talking about throwing a reunion party for everyone involved in the whole cracknoir dealio a few months back, ya know, just to relive old times! What? That’s a horrible idea? Why! Well, yeah I know your ex boyfriend is gonna be there, but we all have to deal with stuff like that in our lives. I think this would be a really good thing for everyone involved. Think of all the friendships that were made! I bet Papyrus misses Phil, huh? Oh wait so he doesn’t remember? But you do?...not relevant? Okay then. But c’mon, even without memory of what happened Paps probably feels a lost connection… He’s obsessed with their youtube channel? THAT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE!... Yes I promise it’ll only be for one night. And I’m sure once everyone’s back in the Underground all their memories will return… YES! Okay, don’t worry about transportation, I’ll take care of that. Don’t ask how. Carlos has ways. Okay! See ya later!” And with that, Cecil hung up while Carlos gaped at him. 

“It’s all taken care of! Sans said it would be fine! And he even remembers what happened, which took a lot of explaining off of my shoulders. And saved Fork a whole lot of typing! Yes, I know you’re there authors. Yes, I know you’re controlling our every move. Could you do me a favor and make Carlos run his hands through his hair?” 

Fork and Spoon decided to oblige, and Carlos ran his hands through his luxurious hair seductively, biting his lip gently. Cecil squealed.

“YES JUST LIKE THAT! Thank you!” Carlos stared at the palms of his hands in shock, and then looked to the heavens to see if he could catch a glimpse of said ‘authors’. And although he couldn’t see them, he could feel their presence. He could almost hear the click clack of the keyboard typing every single thought and move he made. 

He decided he wanted to go back behind the fourth wall. 

“Moving on, Carlos, we can communicate with everyone through the portals right?” Cecil inquired. 

“Um, yeah we can. All at once too, which is convenient.” Carlos said, his heart still beating quickly from the realization of his false existence. He felt himself falling into an existential crisis but decided to not become Dan Howell that day, and pushed the thoughts away.

“Great! I’ll just explain that the video was indeed real and that they’re invited to a reunion party. Can you do it now?” Carlos blanched at being put on the spot, and fumbled for his notes. 

“Um yeah just give me a few minutes and I’ll let you know when we’re ready to go.” 

During the interim, everyone was screaming on the youtuber skype call. 

“WHAT THE FUCK PJ? DID YOU LIKE, KIDNAP US OR SOMETHING?!” Jenna yelled. “Also where did you get that dog armor because it was really cute and I kinda want to get it for my dogs.”

“I’ve told you guys! I have no memory of ever making this film. I don’t even remember uploading it! It just appeared on my channel!” PJ insisted.

“Well there’s gotta be someone who can figure this out.” Phil said. Everyone was quiet for a moment, before an aha moment was reached. “Wait! Matpat! Wanna take a shot at this? I mean I know it’s different from video game theories but you’re familiar with this kind of thing.” 

“MY TIME HAS COME!” Matpat shouted excitedly. “In fact, I just found this torn notebook in my inventory today, and it has a bunch of notes that seem related to this whole thing.” 

“Well that’s convenient.” Phil commented.

“It’s mind control guys. This is all a test. They want to see if we can figure it out.” Dan said. 

“Okay Dan, that’s enough X-files for you.” Phil responded. 

“It’s never enough.” Dan whispered into the mic, filling everyone with discomfort. 

“Um anyway, so Mat just get back to us when you have that theory finished-”

“DONE!” Matpat shouted triumphantly. 

“Well that was fast.” Thomas Sanders commented. 

“I’ve had to cover FNAF, I’ve gotten really good at this.” He said, his voice low and filled with comment war flashbacks. “So after reviewing my notes, I have determined that not only is Sans canonically Ness-” Everyone groaned in unison. “And that the next three Five Nights at Freddy’s games are confirmed, what happened was that after the film cut off, Frisk and Chara fused to form a horrible combination called Chisk. This fusion made everyone so uncomfortable the fighting stopped. After that PJ walked out and explained that he and Gaster had been working together to make this whole thing happen. PJ wanted to make the ultimate film, while Gaster wanted the Miraculouses from the two teenage superheroes. Then stuff happened, like Ladybug getting so pissed she kicked PJ in the balls-”

“Wait what?” PJ interrupted. 

“It’s part of the theory, just keep on listening. So after several things that aren’t important happened, Frisk decided it had all gotten too weird and reset sending us all back to our proper universes without any memory. Then, somehow today, that video file got uploaded from PJ’s computer due to that scientist guy from Night Vale hacking in and doing it himself. BUT THAT’S JUST A THEORY! A GAME THEORY!” It was silent for several minutes as the group pondered the theory. 

“...Mat what the fuck are you on?” Felix asked, shattering the quiet. 

“Yeah seriously bro, that’s even crazier than thinking Sans is Ness!” Jack chimed in. 

“How did you even come up with that? There’s like, no evidence.” Mark added. 

“I told you guys! I found these notes and they’re all in my handwriting! I bet I knew I would need these to figure out what happened. I’m so smart.” He said smugly, a triumphant grin on his face. 

“Can we kick Mat out of the call? I think he’s gone off the deep end.” Miles requested. 

“Damn, Miles does NOT have good manners.” Dan commented offhandedly. 

The group continued to bicker amongst themselves, when suddenly a tearrible (a//n I MADE THIS BY ACCIDENT AYYYYYYY) ripping sound was heard on all ends, and a tear in the universe became visible next to each youtubers head. 

“WHAT THE EVER LOVING FUCK?!” Dan shouted, the one who cussed the most as always. 

“Hello!” A familiar voice called from the hole in the universe. “I’m Cecil Palmer, radio host of Night Vale! Now although you don’t remember, we all met before in the event I’d assume you are all discussing. Yes, I mean that wonderful masterpiece of a film, cracknoir!” 

“Wait, you were there?” PJ asked, leaning closer to the tear to get a better look. It was odd, it was as if someone had torn a hole in the fabric of reality and all that was behind it was static. 

“Yes! My boyfriend Carlos and I showed up after the video ends. Now I bet you’re all wondering…” Cecil paused for dramatic effect. Everyone waited for the answers they so desperately craved with bated breath. “What does Carlos look like? Well, let me tell you. His HAIR! Oh my goodness listeners, do NOT get me started on his hair-”

“Um, sorry to interrupt Mr. Palmer, but we’d actually like to know why we can’t remember filming this movie?” Thomas said shyly. 

“Oh, sorry listeners, I always get carried away when talking about Carlos. Anyway, the reason you can’t remember is because…” And Cecil delved in to explain exactly what Matpat had just said moments ago. Everyone gasped as he finished his spiel, and Matpat was the first to speak. 

“I WAS RIGHT YOU CAN ALL SUCK IT!” Mat shouted. 

“Well damn, that was a hella plot twist.” Miles commented. 

“...as unbelievable as it is, we are being spoken to through a literal tear in the fabric of reality, so I totally believe you.” PJ said while everyone murmured in agreement. “So… why have you contacted us?”

“Because I want to organize a reunion party down in the Underground involving everyone who was involved!” Cecil answered cheerfully. The entirety of every single person listening gaped. 

“WHAT?!” The entire cracknoir group shouted at once. 

“What do you mean a reunion party?!” A girl shouted. All the youtubers froze, the voice not belonging to one of them. For some reason, the voice struck a chord in Dan even though he had no idea who it belonged to.

“I mean you all come back and hang out together like old times!” Cecil quipped. 

“Will Sans be there?” Another boy’s voice asked hesitantly. 

“Oh shut up you furry.” The girl replied.

“Yes, yes he will be Adrien.” He responded in a gentle tone. 

“Wait, who the hell else is talking because I thought it was just the skype call of us youtubers?” Dan asked, a nagging sensation pulling at the back of his mind. 

“Oh yeah, forgot to mention, this is broadcasting not just to you youtubers. This is also broadcasting to Chat and Ladybug over in Paris!” The name Ladybug struck another chord in Dan, and he remembered seeing himself and the Ladybug girl bonding over how done they were with everyone. 

“Fuck this shit I’m out!” Jenna sang, leaving the skype call. “Please remove this hole in reality from my room!” And with that, Jenna was gone. 

“I’m gonna leave too.” Hannah said, hanging up and presumably being disconnected from the tear. 

“Um, I gotta leg hair video to film so I’m also gonna go.” Miles said, before disappearing into the void. 

“Yeah I might join them ‘cause this is pretty weird-” Mark began.

“Wait Mark don’t go!” Jack pleaded. “You gotta come to the party with me!” 

“Well… if Jack’s gonna be there, then fine I’ll come along.” Mark conceded.

“I better go along and make sure you two don’t wind up dead.” Felix said dryly. “Also, I want those high heels.” 

“Great! So is everyone who is still here gonna come?” Cecil inquired brightly. Everyone paused as they considered their options. Satisfy their burning curiosity? Or live with unanswered questions forever. “Oh, did I forget to mention you’re all going to get your memories back when you show up there?” 

“Do we even want our memories back?” Dan questioned dryly. 

“Probably not!” Cecil quipped cheerfully. “But your burning curiosity will distract you from any sort of normalcy in your life until you go down to the Underground so you don’t really have a choice!” 

“He’s got a point.” Thomas stated. Everyone murmured in agreement. 

“So it’s settled then! We’re all going to the Underground! Carlos, fire up the machine!” Without warning the thundering noise of gears grinding together sounded, and another tearing sound ripped through everyone’s eardrums. It felt as if the air was electric, the floor opening like a giant mouth. They all screamed as they fell, empty noise swirling in the air as they were sucked into an endless void of darkness and terror, traveling through space and time itself. 

Then, they blacked out.

~  
When Marinette awoke, she was lying in a cushion of golden flowers. 

Her head ached, her bleary eyes sticky as she blinked them open. Her mind swirled with fuzzy memories as she tried to recall what just happened, and unfortunately it didn’t take much for the conversation she had through the rip in the universe to come back to her. 

It was as if she had been dunked in cold water, because the second she knew where she was, she was wide awake and trying not to hyperventilate.

She was back in the Underground.

Although her memories of cracknoir still hadn’t returned, just being in the place where she had experienced so much trauma filled Marinette with Panic! She leapt to her feet and looked around, and jumped back when she saw the flowers littered with several other sleeping figures. 

Marinette spotted Adrien first, curled around a blue hoodie and sucking his thumb. She rolled her eyes and lightly kicked him to wake him up. He groaned and yawned as he rose into consciousness, and his wide green gaze locked with hers before he gasped, remembering where they were. 

“Oh-oh my god! Marinette! We’re-we’re-”

“In the Underground again… unfortunately.” Marinette said in an annoyed tone. She glanced at the other sleeping forms, all beginning to stir.

The next one to wake up was Matpat, eyes wide as he drunk in the sights of the underground with a wide smile. He didn’t even pay attention to Marinette and Adrien. But, as if he was the catalyst, all the other youtubers rose after he did. Jack, Mark, and Felix had all landed right next to each other, and stared at each other with wide eyes as they got their bearings. Dan and Phil were helping each other up, and PJ was running his hands through his hair and murmuring things to himself. 

For some reason, Marinette had a strong urge to punch PJ in the face, but refrained. 

Adrien stood up beside her, his gaze sweeping for a second before returning to the ground, disappointment etched across his features. A wave of exasperation washed through her for reasons she did not know, even though it seemed like her subconscious did. As she watched the youtubers situate themselves, blue eyes locked with brown and she felt a jolt. 

She remembered watching the film, and was surprised by the friendship she had seemingly struck up with Dan in that time. Even if she didn’t remember it (yet), she felt a connection with this boy, intrinsically knowing he was her only source of comfort in the craziness that was cracknoir.

But then the moment passed as Adrien slung his arm around her shoulder, trying to erase his disappointment at not seeing Sans.

After an awkward silence, someone finally spoke.

“Well, um, hey everybody,” PJ said uncertainly, “I guess the reason we’re all here is because of me, so even though I don’t remember it, I just wanted to say I’m sorry I got us all into this.” Everyone nodded and began to murmur acceptances, but Marinette couldn’t ignore her urge to deck the pretty boy in the face.

“Wait until we get our memories back, then apologize.” Marinette said, wringing her hands absentmindedly. “I don’t know why, but even though I love your videos, I have a very strong urge to kick you in the balls right now.” PJ blanched while Dan and Adrien snorted with laughter. 

“I just got a horrible feeling of deja vu when you said that,” PJ said with wide eyes. “Um, anyway, I don’t think we’ve properly met. I presume you’re Ladybug and Chat Noir?” 

“Yeah, that’s us,” Marinette replied. “But since we’re in civilian form you can just call me Marinette, and him Adrien.”

“Right, got it. Well, as you probably know, I’m PJ. And this is Dan, Phil, Felix, Mark, Jack, Mat, and Thomas.” He said, pointing to the respective youtuber as he said their name. Marinette and Adrien waved awkwardly. “I think we should try to move into the Ruins. Y’know, go through the game like normal till we find Sans and Papyrus?” He suggested. The group agreed and walked through the beginning of the game, but it was only a few seconds of silence before they were greeted by the familiar face of Flowey. 

“Hi there! I’m Flowey the- oh god the cat boy’s back.” He said, beginning with his usual spiel before he spotted Adrien. He groaned. “Goddamit, a ton of youtubers show up and NONE of them are Zoella? Does the universe just hate me?” Suddenly, a flashback washed over Marinette as she recalled her and Flowey’s first meeting, and the argument that quickly ensued. 

“Ah, so we meet again you garden weed.” She said, crossing her arms and stepping forward. Flowey’s frown deepened as he saw her. 

“Oh. It’s YOU.” He said, practically growling the word. “It’s horrible to see you, mutant insect.” 

“Can you please chill your leaves you little shit.” Adrien said.

“Fuck off you bdsm furry.” 

“STOP KINKSHAMING ME!”

“Please stop!” Phil interrupted, startling everyone. “Flowey, I know you don’t like us, but we’re all pretty confused right now so can you please just let us go through to the Ruins?” Flowey huffed, but he couldn’t deny Phil’s politeness. 

“...Fine. Just go. And next time you all decide to come down here for a visit, see if you could bring Zoella with you?” 

“We’ll see what we can do.” Felix said brusquely, effectively ending the conversation as he and his harem of Jack and Mark pushed their way through, leaving everyone else to follow like ducklings. 

The eclectic group pushed their way through the crumbling purple buildings, looking for the kindly goat woman at every turn. They passed Froggits and Whimsums galore, none daring to approach the large group of humans. Their footsteps echoed off the walls as they strolled through the hall, the smell of must filling their nostrils. 

Eventually, they came across Toriel’s cottage, looking just as cozy as ever. Warm orange light filtered through the windows, the scent of cinnamon floating through the air. Adrien suddenly flashed back to the first time they were there, the empty halls echoing with the ghost of the mother he hadn’t seen till the end of their journey. 

They all paused for a moment, before Adrien stepped forth and knocked on the door, four taps in quick succession as he bounced with excitement. The group waited with bated breath, reaching to try and hear the soft fall of the goat woman’s footsteps. And after a few seconds of tense waiting, the door creaked open to reveal the smiling face of the former Queen of the Underground. She gasped when she saw the multitude of people there, where she had been expecting a lone child. 

“Oh! Hello! This is… um, this is a surprise! I-I did not expect there to be so many of you!” She stammered, wondering how the hell she was supposed to feed this many hungry people. Some of them might have to learn how to like snail pie. Maybe they could draw straws. Toriel coughed and regained her bearings. “I am Toriel. Caretaker of the Ruins. I suspect you all fell down here?

“Kind of, it’s a long story.” PJ said. “But right now we need to leave the Ruins and go to Snowdin, could you by chance tell us how to get there?” The truth of the matter was, PJ and almost everyone (*cough cough* except mark) else there knew exactly how to get to Snowdin, but bursting into Toriel’s house and shoving their way down to the basement seemed rude and a recipe for disaster, so they decided to just ask politely. 

Toriel’s face darkened at the question. 

“Why would you want to go out there? It is a dangerous place.” She said in a low voice, blocking the door with her large frame. 

“Lady, there are like nine of us here, including two literal superheroes. We appreciate the concern but I think we’ll be fine.” Mark said, gesturing to the people he was surrounded by. Toriel squinted as she scrutinized the group, clearly unimpressed by the lanky teenagers, the awkward meme, the cinnamon rolls, the gaming bros, the conspiracy theorist, and the crazy filmmaker. 

“Mo-I mean Ms. Toriel, please, we can handle ourselves I promise. We really need to get through.” Adrien pleaded, his jewel-tone eyes the size of the moon at nine in the afternoon (hehehe hey shipping trash). Toriel stared him down, her bottom lip quivering, before she finally sagged in resignation. 

“Fine. I suppose you will be safer in large numbers, and I really do not have enough space to accommodate nine children.” No one bothered to correct her that most of the people there were grown ass adults (not that any of them acted like it). She opened the door and moved out of the way, and they all followed her as she made the long trek through the basement corridor. 

After an eternity of trudging through the dusty hall, the silence weighing heavily on them like water, they finally reached the large doors. Toriel stood in front of it, her intimidating figure towering over even the tallest of their group (take a wild guess. Hint: it's the one who has referred to himself as a noodle in a rap). Toriel sighed deeply.

“Here we are. I suppose it would be pointless to try and stop you, so let me just give you a warning. Since you are all humans, you must be wary of Asgore. He has killed many humans before, and he'll try to do the same with you all. Be on your guard, my children.” She paused, thinking over something. “And in case we ever meet again, may I please know your names?” Her expression was soft. 

They all blinked in surprise at the request, knowing that that wasn't something Toriel ever did in the game. 

“Oh yeah of course! I'm Adrien!” Adrien said cheerfully, his face glowing with joy. Toriel grinned back and nodded. 

“Um, I'm Marinette.” 

“What a pretty name!” The goat woman exclaimed. Marinette gave her a small smile and stuttered a thank you. 

“I'm Thomas!”

“Felix.”

“Jack! Or Sean! Either works!”

“Mark.” 

“I'm Phil! And this is Dan!” The duo waved in unison as Phil introduced them. 

“I’m Mat, or Matpat, master theorist and Five Night’s At Freddy’s expert, at your service!”

“And I'm PJ. Thank you for your kindness, Toriel.” PJ said, stepping forward as leader of the group. Toriel’s smile turned sad, but still remained on her face, and she reluctantly stepped aside to allow them passage from the Ruins. With hesitant fingers, PJ opened the door and walked through first, followed by the rest of the group who all waved as they passed the goat mom.


	11. Spin the bottle wink wonk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group gets alcohol and Cecil comes up with a party game
> 
> Good fucking job Cecil
> 
> Trigger warning: Ryan Ross

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WE'VE BEEN PLANNING THIS FUCKING CHAPTER SINCE LIKE CHAPTER 6 OF CRACKNOIR 1 SO YOU FUCKERS BETTER ENJOY IT
> 
> Also we're sorry it's not tuesday at 4

“Jesus christ on a bicycle why the fuck is it so cold here?! This is worse than London!” Dan complained as they walked through the snowy forest. 

“Dan, please chill.” Felix said sassily. 

“Heh, chill,” Adrien giggled. “Get it? Like, the snow?” He continued. Everyone stared at him for a moment, and in one swift motion Marinette punched him in the face and into the snow. As he lay on the ground, groaning in pain, a boner arose from his pant (thanks bullysquadess). But then it disappeared. (bye bullysquadess). No one said anything and just continued to walk, pretending as if the incident never occurred. 

Eventually, after a bit more walking, the group came across the BRIDGE.(a//n spoon and i have been screaming bridge for the past two minutes send help always). They all stopped, unsure if they should wait for the person who was supposed to show up or just go on through. Adrien’s heart was pounding out of his chest as he glanced around, hoping to catch any glimpse of his knight in shining armor. After a few seconds of waiting however, nothing happened, so PJ led on through the bars too wide to block anything from coming in. 

They approached the hot dog stand Sans usually preoccupied in this part of the game, and Marinette, Adrien, Dan, and Phil. all stopped as the memory of their first meeting returned. Marinette and Adrien recalled seeing Dan lying face first in the snow as he had an existential crisis, while Sans poked him with a stick. And then how Phil rode in on Papyrus’ back like the skeleton was his trusty steed. 

Phil felt a stab of loss in his chest as memories of his best friend began to unearth themselves from his mind. 

No one else noticed however, and continued moving forward. It took forever to traverse the array of deactivated puzzles and ice fields, Adrien squealing each time he recognized an area. After an eternity of mindless snow fields, the group finally saw the warm lights of Snowdin. 

And standing in front of the welcoming sign, was none other than a slouched skeleton in a blue hoodie.

Adrien’s breath caught in his throat when he saw Sans, and every single memory that had still been hidden by the depths of his mind came rushing to the surface. Every word, every kiss, every touch, and every fuck (the panic! references are unreal) they ever shared played in his mind’s eye, and he felt like throwing himself in his boyfriend’s arms. And he would have too, if he hadn't also remembered their terrible breakup. 

Also, much to their dismay, everyone else's memories instantly returned at the sight of Sans the skeleton. 

Welp, there went Marinette’s already tentative friendship with Adrien. 

Sans looked up as they approached, noticing the blonde boy before anyone else, the same sort of sadness in his eyes as in his own. He pushed the thought from his mind, knowing he had a greeting to get through, and pushed off the sign to stroll towards the gang. 

“hey guys, how's it going?” He asked in as casual a tone as he could manage, his gaze purposefully staying away from Adrien. 

“Pretty good considering we were sucked down here from some kind of otherworldly vortex.” Dan said without humor. 

“yeah, i suppose that would throw anyone outta sorts. so, um, do you all remember who i am? if not then this is gonna be awkward to explain.”

“Unfortunately.” Marinette grumbled. 

“well, that's convenient. it's, uh, good to see ya ladybug.” Sans had no idea what the fuck he was doing. 

“The feeling’s not, mutual bone boy.” Marinette said, earning several snorts of laughter from everyone there. Sans grimaced.

“oh, i was just trying to be nice, ladyboobs. i’m hating every second of this.” Everyone could see the pain in his empty eye sockets. He looked around, and his gaze fell on Dan and Phil who couldn't stop gaping. “hey guys, long time no see. everything going well with youtube i hope?” 

“Uh yeah it's been, um, good I gue-”

“Where's Papyrus?!” Phil said, interrupting Dan. Dan frowned at him, giving Marinette an exasperated glance out of habit before remembering he hadn't seen her in several months. Marinette gave him a small smile of encouragement. 

“paps is over at the house. he...he’s missed ya, kid. he’ll be excited to see you.” 

“So he remembers what happened?” Phil questioned, his blue eyes filled with excitement. 

“um… not exactly. when he sees ya i’m sure everything will come rushing back, but even if he doesn't know he feels something’s missing.” Sans said awkwardly. 

“How can you tell?” Phil inquired.

“uhhhh…” Sans tried to think of a non creepy way to say this. “well, uh, he kinda has a new obsession with your guy’s youtube channels.” They both blinked in surprise. 

“How much of an obsession?” Dan asked warily, hoping this didn't tread into phanfiction territory. He had sudden and horrible flashbacks to the first time he experienced “The Hat Fic”, and prayed to higher powers that Payrus’ innocence hadn't been ripped away from him yet. And then he remembered. 

Every Tuesday at four. 

“his favorite book ever is tabinof. he reads it every night now, instead of fluffy bunny.” Sans said dryly. Dan and Phil both made noises of ‘oohhhh’ and nodded. “so… let’s get a move on then.” Sans led the way to Grillbu’s bar (a//n yes we know it's Grillby’s but we misspelled it as Grillbu once in the first fic and it's funny as fuck), everyone grateful for the warmth the cozy atmosphere provided. 

Grillbu stood behind the bar, his flaming body flickering with relaxed joy. In front of him was none other than the person who came up with this hellish idea, Cecil Gershwin Palmer. He turned around and smiled widely when he saw them walk in, and got off his stool to walk over to them. 

“Hi guys! Great to see you all made it! Carlos and I were starting to get worried and thought the machine might’ve malfunctioned, accidentally sending your atoms across the universe with no hope of being put back together!” He said cheerfully. Marinette was the only one not weirded out by his casual tone. She knew this shit.

“So… What's this ‘party’ supposed-” Marinette was cut off when a strident voice roared through the room. 

“PHIL?! IS THAT YOU?!” Papyrus shouted, standing in the doorway with a gaping mouth. Sans stood behind him, his grin not seeming strained for the first time since they all reunited. Phil’s face lit up like a Christmas tree.

“PAPYRUS!” He shouted back, before the two of them took off towards each other, practically in slow motion. 

Actually, Marinette noticed they were literally running in slow motion. 

She had been here for not even an hour and was already done with this shit. 

After a very long time of slow motion running, most of the group having gotten drinks from Grillbu in the meantime, Phil and Papyrus finally reached each other. They hugged tightly, and before anyone could stop them, a flash of light blinded everyone in the room, and when it faded there was everyone's worst nightmare.

“WE’RE BACK!” Phipyrus boomed. Sans stared in shock, not expecting this turn of events at all. Marinette gaped in horror, the fusion even worse in the flesh than in her memory. She glanced to Dan, and saw he had very little reaction, rather just chugging the cocktail Grillbu had mixed for him in one gulp. 

“For the sake of all of our collective sanity, please warn us next time you're going to do that.” Dan requested, taking a swig of the beer Grillbu had handed him. 

“SORRY!” Phipyrus said. Suddenly, the door slammed opened again and Marinette prepared for another traumatizing event, but was pleasantly surprised to see the small figure of Frisk and Chara standing in the doorway. 

“SANS! Where have you been?! I have been waiting by the hot dog stand for TWENTY FOUR MINUTES! And also I think I gave Toriel a panic attack, so… Maybe go tell her a few jokes or something.” They said, crossing their arms across their chest as they stormed towards the bar. Chara floated behind them awkwardly.

“kid, she won't come out of the ruins. nothing i can do about it, but i’m sure she's fine.” He said with a ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯, feeling bad for his friend but knowing he couldn't do anything about it. 

“How come you don't just teleport into the ruins?” Chara asked accusingly, brushing some imaginary dust off their sweater out of habit. Sans noticed the movement and shivered, pushing the horrifying mental images of the last genocide out of his head. Not as horrifying as Chisk, but…. Ya know. 

“that’s…” he struggled to think of a response to Chara’s inquiry. Why didn’t he just teleport to the ruins to see Toriel? “It’s, uhh… not relevant.” he said finally, remembering the excuse his father so often used. What a dick.

“Oh, um, just out of curiosity, where are the Temmies? I miss them!” Thomas asked, finally speaking up. As if those were summoning words, as soon as Temmie left Thomas’ mouth, a deep rumbling reverberated throughout the room. The entire gang looked up, their eyes searching to find the source of the danger. The rumbling continued to increase in noise, but nothing could be seen. The glasses on the bar counter shook, and the entire ground felt as if it was moving. 

The rumbling had grown to a roar, hands moved to cover their ears in an attempt to shield them from the terrifying noise. The group were all grabbing onto the bar to keep their balance, except for Sans who just stood there casually. And then, when it seemed like the noise couldn't get any louder, a jolt shuddered through the building causing everyone to stumble, and the front door started stretching as a person from the outside pressed against it. They all watched in fear as the wood creaked more and more, the lock not being able to hold back whatever was coming for them any longer. And then the door burst open, and what came through was a humongous wave of…

Temmies. 

At least 123.6 Temmies. 

The shaking stopped and a chorus of ‘hOI’s!” Sounded throughout the room. Thomas, Adrien, and Phipyrus squealed, the cinnamon rolls rushing over to say hi to the small creatures. Marinette blinked several times, and without saying a word, she strolled over to where Dan was leaning against the bar and took his beer, finishing the drink in one swig. Once the bottle was empty she slammed it down on the counter, Dan and her sharing a look of apathy. 

When they turned back to face the scene, they saw Adrien holding a Temmie on his head, Thomas surrounded by like 6 Temmies, and Phipyrus carrying at least 10. 

They both turned back around and Dan ordered two more beers from Grillbu, passing the second to Marinette without a word. It was silent for a moment, as the two drank the alcoholic beverages in hope of forgetting what was going on.

“Thanks.” Marinette finally said, shattering the awkward quiet. 

“No problem, I have a feeling we’re gonna need as much alcohol as Grillbu will give us if this keeps going on,” He replied. “There’s gotta be at least four Temmie’s there.” 

“...I guess.” Marinette said in response. She didn’t know what else to add to the conversation, seeing as there were clearly more Temmie’s in the room than Adrien had friends. Plus, she hadn’t remembered Dan was her friend up until five minutes ago, let alone talked to him in months, and not remembering your best friend for several months does not a good friendship make. (a//n even though that’s technically not grammatically correct I’ve heard it used as an expression before I swear). So Marinette didn’t exactly know what to chat about, like, ‘hey how was getting sucked into the vortex of another universe?’ 

(Ass asss asss ass ass ass ass ass ass)s (a//n i don’t know why the fuck i typed this i think school fried my brain send help)

“Um… so we’re still friends right? Because I don’t think I can handle this shit alone.” Dan asked awkwardlu. 

“Oh definitely, I think I’ll die if I don’t have you to help me deal with this fuckery.” Marinette said with a smile. 

Meanwhile Thomas was still talking to the Temmie’s, the majority of whom who had more or less cleared out and gone back to Tem village leaving only 3.2 remaining. PJ and Cecil were deep in conversation, their hand movements rapid and wild. Matpat was busy taking notes of everything while Felix, Jack, and Mark were having a drinking game. A game in which each time Dan and Phil showed up in their respective tumblr tags, they took a shot. Frisk and Chara were eating french fries in a booth, chatting amicably. Phil and Papyrus had finally unfused, much to the relief of the patrons in the bar, and now Adrien was standing uncomfortably since Marinette had abandoned him. She felt bad and was going to invite him over by her and Dan, but then she watched as his gaze locked with Sans’. 

Dan and Marinette watched with horror as the silent encounter between the ex’s grew from uncomfortable, to less awkward, to straight up sexual. Sans smirked and winked at the boy, who blushed profusely and ran a hand through his hair. Marinette just face-palmed herself, and Dan patted her shoulder. 

“Do you need a hug? You look like you need a hug.” He asked. She just nodded and let Dan hug her, hiding her face from the eye sex going on in the middle of the goddamn bar. She was pretty sure neither had even had anything to drink yet, and already flirting was commencing. This was gonna be bad. 

Then, without warning, the door burst open yet again. Everyone’s head whipped towards the person, his dark cloak swishing in the winter wind. He strolled in the room, his towering figure casting long shadows across the ground, and the group gasped as they recognized him. 

It was none other than the douchecake himself, W.D. Gaster. 

“Not this fucktwad again.” Marinette murmured, earning a small pat on the shoulder from Dan. 

Gaster’s empty gaze searched the room, before his sockets locked on the curly-haired ‘leader’ of the group, PJ. He sighed deeply, before approaching the filmmaker. 

“PJ… PJ… I know we were separated quite suddenly but I thought we left on good terms. Why would you bring the humans back here? Are you intentionally trying to destroy my life?” Gaster inquired, his voice filled with resignation. PJ blinked in confusion. 

“Um, actually, Gaster, it-it wasn’t me it was-”

“I did it!” Cecil announced cheerfully. Gaster narrowed his eyes in confusion. 

“Cecil, what are you doing here? And why have you brought these humans back?” 

“I wanted to organize a reunion party!” He quipped in response. Gaster sighed, face-palming himself in a way that made Marinette sympathize with him. One thing she could relate to him on was how done he seemed to be. 

“Why in the world did you think that would be a good idea?” Gaster inquired. Cecil just shrugged, and Gaster sent a pleading look to Carlos which obviously was asking, ‘why did you let him do this?’. Carlos just ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯, and then ran a hand through his hair seductively. Goddamit Spoon. 

After a few moments of stare-down between the two, Gaster just sighed again, and sat in the barstool besides the charismatic radio host. The party then seemed to resume, with quieter volume than before. It was only a few minutes of this uncomfortable small talk before Cecil was fed up with the mood.

“Am I the only one who thinks this has gotten a little dull?” Cecil asked loudly, drawing the attention of the whole squad. 

“That’s one word for it.” Dan muttered. 

“Because I sure do!” Cecil said, ignoring Dan’s comment. “I think we should all play a game!” Carlos stood in the corner, shaking his head like he knew what Cecil was going to suggest next. 

“Oh god this doesn’t sound good.” Marinette groaned into Dan’s shoulder.

“What kind of game?” Jack asked, glancing up from his phone. 

“A wonderful game PJ and I just came up with!” Cecil said. 

“I have no idea what he’s talking about.” PJ said. 

“Of course you do! Fork said so!” Cecil replied.

“Who the hell is-”

“Not relevant!” Cecil said brightly. Gaster nodded in approval. “So anyway, this game is like spin the bottle-” Everyone gave a collective groan, “But instead of kissing… WE GET TO FUSE!” 

“AH FUCK NO!” Marinette and Dan shouted at the same time, glancing at each other in surprise at their unison, before shrugging in acceptance. They’ve seen weirder things. 

“um, cecil, i don’t think everyone here is comfortable with fusion.” Sans said. 

“Did I say they have a choice?” Cecil asked in a lower tone, shadow-like tentacles manifesting from his lower spine, arching around him like a mutant pair of wings. The squad gaped in terror, Cecil’s bright attitude contrasting so much with this dark threatening aura he was now giving off. 

The group wasted no time in gathering in the center of the bar on the floor, Cecil dropping one of Dan and Marinette’s several empty beer bottles in the center with one of his tentacles. Then, in the blink of an eye they disappeared and the cheerful radio host was back, sitting in between PJ and Gaster. 

The circle consisted of Cecil, Carlos, PJ, Gaster, Sans, Papyrus, Marinette, Adrien, Dan, Phil, Matpat, Thomas Sanders, a single Temmie, Frisk, Chara, Felix, Jack, Mark, Undyne who no one had noticed was here until now, and Flowey who had just sprouted up from the ground and was sitting besides Frisk. 

“Hmm, I think this circle is missing someone…” Marinette pondered aloud. The group watched her with curiosity as she took a deep breath, “If you love me let me-”

“GOOoOOOOoOOooOOOOOOO!!!!1!!!” Brendon Urie sang as he materialized out of thin air besides Marinette. 

“Hey Brendon.” She said casually.

“Hey Mari.” He responded. “So we playing spin the bottle?” 

“Yeah, but with fusion instead of kissing. I thought you’d wanna join.” 

“Yeah I’m down.” He said with a shrug. “You got alcohol?” Grillby threw a beer towards the singer, Marinette ducking as he caught it without looking because they were just that cool. Obviously. Adrien gaped, astounded by their koolness, hoping one day he would be one of the kool kidz. 

“Okay! So everyone ready?” Cecil inquired. They nodded. “Coolio, so the rules are you have to stay fused for at least fifteen seconds, then after that you can break the fusion whenever you want. So, Sans, you’ll go first!” Sans groaned. 

“goddamit cecil.” The skeleton muttered, recalling when he played the exact game in high school so long ago. He took the bottle, and everyone watched with pounding hearts as he spun. Marinette was trembling, really not wanting to play this game considering her prior traumatic experience with fusion. The bottle slowed, and everyone gasped as it landed on none other than… Matpat. 

“FUCK MY ENTIRE LIFE!” Sans shouted while Matpat cheered. 

“LANGUAGE!” Phil and Papyrus shouted in unison, almost as if they were still fused. Sans groaned, knowing that Cecil would probably literally kill him if he refused. Reluctantly, he stood up and him and Matpat met in the center of the circle. They stared each other down, Matpat’s eager eyes boring into Sans’ cold dead ones. Mat would finally get the answers he had strived to know for so long. Sans pulled his leaden hand up in a handshake, and Mat returned it eagerly. The bright light blinded everyone in the room, and when it finally faded, they were left with someone who looked just like…

Ness. 

“ARE YOU FUCKING- OH MY GOD- NOO- YES- SHITTTT!” Ness shouted, Sans and Mat struggling for control. 

“NESSSS!” Adrien shouted, eyes widening in surprise. 

“Lol!” Cecil said out loud. He turned to Carlos, clearly proud of himself. “That’s what the kool kidz call it right?” 

“No honey.” Carlos said gently. Cecil pouted while Ness continued to scream for five more seconds, before they unfused in another flash. Sans was on the ground, panting for breath. Mat looked like he had just found out the meaning to life. Maybe he did. Probably not ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯. 

“I WAS RIGHT!” Mat shouted in glee. 

“i hate you cecil.” Sans said with a glower, before they both returned to their seats. 

“Nahhhh you love me!” Cecil said with a smirk. 

“you’re pushing my limits bucko.” Sans said dryly. Cecil shrugged, and then pointed to the next person to go. It was Matpat. As he spun the bottle, Sans prayed to the gods that he wouldn’t have to go through that again. The gods decided to be generous, as the bottle slowed and landed on none other than Brendon Urie. 

“Holy fuck you guys are gonna have the most angelic voice ever.” Adrien said in awe. Brendon and Mat shrugged, before standing up to meet in the middle. 

“By the way, I’m Mat, nice to meet you!” Matpat said in way of introduction. 

“Nice to meet you too Mat, I’m Brendon. You a singer?” 

“Used to be, I wanted to be on Broadway but then I got into Youtube.” 

“Hm, nice. Let’s get on with this.” They shook hands and the light filled the room, and when it faded, the group was left with none other than goddamn Ryan Ross. 

(a//n actually if you look up a photo of ryan ross he literally looks like a fusion of matpat and brendon idk why)

“OHHHH MYYYY GODDDD!” Marinette shouted, clutching her head. “TRIGGERED!” She yelled, hiding her face in Dan’s shoulder.

“Why what’s wrong- OH SHIT!” Ryan Ross shouted, staring at himself in horror. 

“SING! PLEASE SING!” Adrien pleaded. Ryan looked wary, but decided to try it. 

“The men all played along to marching drumssssss!” He sang. The voice that came out of his mouth was so beautiful, so heavenly, so otherworldly, that it made every single there, even Sans who didn’t have tear ducts, burst into sobs. They continued to sing ‘Behind The Sea’ for several more seconds before time was up, and they separated. Mat and Brendon looked at each other for a second, before Brendon held out his hand. 

“Hey, you wanna join my band?” He asked. And Mat was like, 

“Yeah that’s cool.” Mat replied, before looking around in surprise. “Wait this is a bar not a music store!” Marinette let out a snort and Brendon looked at her, his eyes filled with horror as he realized he had become Ryan Ross. 

“We never speak of this.” He hissed at her. She stopped laughing instantly and nodded, completely serious and understanding of his mood. Then they sat back down and it was onto the next person. After that several people went, Undyne and Papyrus fused which apparently was not a new thing to them, along with Cecil and Gaster who everyone was terrified of, Dan and PJ which PJ liked but Dan didn’t, then Phil and PJ in which they both garnered the same amount of excitement, Felix and Dan which neither of them enjoyed, and then Mark Felix and Jack when Mark’s spin landed in between his buddies. When the horny trinity combined, they formed none other than an identical replica of Mettaton. While the Mettaton fusion kicked his six legs dramatically, Papyrus just kept whispering to himself ‘that’s not my boyfriend that’s not my boyfriend’ while Phil comforted him. Eventually, it was Temmie’s turn. 

“oH hOI! it is…. tEm turn, yaYA!!!” The small creature stepped forward and stared directly at the empty bottle, it’s cold, soulless eyes boring into it when suddenly it spun on its own. Everyone gaped in horror as Temmie used her newly discovered power. The bottle continued spinning, it’s pace quickening, spinning faster and faster as Temmie laughed maniacally. Eventually it spun so fast, it tore through the fabric of time and space itself, the horrors of the universe flooding out. Everyone screamed until there was nothing left but void. Then it stopped on Flowey.

“OH FUCK NO!” Flowey shouted. Temmie glared at Flowey with her soulless gaze, and Flowey shrunk back in fear. “Okay okay I’ll do it!” He conceded. The two creatures met in the center, not even bothering to dance because Temmie just began to vibrate, and then they combined in a bright light. What was left, was Temmie wearing a dark sweater. 

Suddenly their innocent expression distorted, the skin on their face re-molding itself into something utterly horrifying. Their sweet smile turned into a menacing grin, much like Flowey’s, several twisted fangs poking out from their mouth. Their eyes seemed to be melting out of their sockets, now tinted faintly red. “IN DiS WORLD,,, ITS hOi…” They began in a voice similar to Temmie’s own, only more psychotic. “OR GOODBOI.” they finished, voice suddenly deep and rasping as their face fell apart. Then they unfused, Temmie still vibrating and Flowey screaming, rushing to hide in Frisk’s sweater.

“OH MY GOD, IS THAT WHAT HAVING A SOUL IS LIKE?!” He practically screeched. A chorus of ‘no’s’ followed after. Flowey trembled while Frisk patted his head gently. Cecil looked around, unsure if he should continue the game after that experience, but then figured it was fine. Now, it was none other than his own turn. Excitedly, he spun the bottle around, everyone watching as it moved. It slowed and landed on the guy who had been fusing the most today, PJ. 

“Oh my god this is gonna be great.” PJ exclaimed while Cecil squealed like a little girl. They leapt up, and began to ballroom dance with one another with no hesitation. But mainly just majestical twirls while Carlos watched with fascination. Then, instead the usual white light, the room lit up with a bright purple. Once it faded, an actual fusion was standing in their place. 

At first glance, it seemed like he was identical to PJ, but upon closer inspection the group spotted what seemed to be a third eye underneath his curly fringe. The third eye was purple, along with his right eye. Only his left eye remained PJ green. Very intricate and detailed tattoos slithered along PJ’s arms, as if they were alive in their own right. 

“CJ!” Adrien yelled, pointing at the fusion triumphantly. 

“kid, please stop. that one wasn't even good.” Sans said, holding back a sigh. 

“So you mean my other ones were good?” Adrien said with a smirk, making Sans sigh more. The CJ fusion looked around the room, his gaze filled with that of wonder. 

“I feel like I know all the secrets of the universe…” He whispered in wonder. 

“Do you have any cool powers?” Adrien asked, clearly not that impressed by his declaration of newfound knowledge. 

“Umm… We have no idea.” CJ said in a voice that was almost exactly like Cecil’s, but had a British accent. 

“Why don't you try to move that glass over there?” Thomas suggested, pointing to an empty pint glass that sat on the end of the bar. CJ shrugged and looked at it, his brow furrowing in concentration. A strange buzzing seemed to light the air, and everyone felt the hairs on the back of their necks stand up as electricity permeated the oxygen molecules they breathed. And then, very slowly, the pint began to move across the bar and everyone kinda gasped in surprise. 

Then the pint shot towards the edge and everyone prepared to hear the shatter of glass, but were startled when a glowing tentacle shot out from CJ and caught it. No one even reacted really, the whole Temmie scenario desensitizing them to that sort of thing. 

The tentacles now surrounding CJ were like Cecil’s shadowy ones, but these were more vibrant and colorful. They rippled in the air, the colors changing constantly as the light refracted off the shiny, iridescent surface. CJ looked at them in surprise, while Gaster and Matpat seemed as if they were mentally taking notes on the mystical appendages. 

Then, in another flash of purple CJ unfused, leaving a very dazed looking PJ and Cecil. 

“That was… Very interesting.” PJ muttered, sitting back down on the smooth wood floor. Cecil glanced around to see who hadn't gone yet, and his gaze fell onto Marinette who was trying as hard as possible to not be seen. 

“Marinette! You haven't gone yet!” Cecil said cheerfully. Marinette sighed, wrapping her arms around her legs as she tried not to panic. 

“Please Cecil, I really really don't want to do this. I don't like fusion.” Marinette pleaded, her blue eyes wide. 

“Awww, come on!” He pleaded. “Everyone here has to do it at some point! It's not that bad.” Cecil pushed the empty bottle towards her, a silent invitation to take her turn.

“Well…” She started, looking up at Dan with nervous eyes, desperate for an excuse to get out of this. He just sort of shrugged, not really knowing what to say to her. Cecil seemed pretty determined. “I… I guess I'll spin.” Marinette said finally, grabbing the neck of the bottle. She hesitated, glancing up at Cecil before taking a deep breath and spinning. And the bottle landed on….

Adrien.

Marinette felt her heart plummet in her chest, the memory of the last time she fused with the blonde washing over her. She felt panic rising within her, her breathing becoming shallow as the fear and trauma she had gained from that fusion flashed through her head once more. 

“No, not again…” She murmured, beginning to rock herself back and forth as Adrien’s tumblr flashed through her mind’s eye. She felt someone rubbing her back reassuringly, and glanced up to see Dan was looking at her worriedly. 

“Mari, it's okay.” He said gently. “You don't have to do anything you don't want to.”

“Um actually she does. It's not fair to everyone else if she doesn't fuse with someone!” Cecil quipped, earning himself a glare from Dan. 

“Alright, fine.” He replied, looking back at Marinette as he stood up and took her hand to pull her up as well. “She'll do it with me.” Marinette looked at him in surprise. “Only if you're okay with that of course.” He added in quickly, realizing his haste. 

“Um, yeah, I-I’m okay fusing with you, but only if you're fine with it.” She stammered, relief flooding through her. 

“I wouldn't have offered if I wasn't.” He answered, turning to face her so the two could get ready to fuse. “Besides, it's only a few seconds, and I don't have any traumatic memories about skeletons.” He joked, giving her a reassuring smile. She laughed a little bit as Adrien hid his face and Sans simply pretended not to hear them. 

The two were frozen for a moment, before assuming the classic ‘awkward middle school slow dance’ position. Sans began to whistle ‘Hello Darkness My Old Friend’, deeming it appropriate for the moment, and the rest of the squad began to hum along. Marinette and Dan stiffly stepped around the circle, attempting to make themselves relax to their theme song, and eventually, after a few painstakingly quiet minutes, a bright light lit up the room. Everyone shielded their eyes, and once it finally faded, the person that was left was the most adorable cinnamon bun anyone had ever seen. 

The fusion that stood in the center of the circle was by far the best fusion of the night. They had short black hair, the style similar to Dan’s, and it was messy in a cute kind of way. Their eyes were giant and doe-like, the color a soft chocolate brown. They had a small button nose and pert chin, along with a sad dimple and a happy dimple on either side of their face, and their figure was very slender and willowy, at least 6’0 in height. And, in a completely sensible way, they had no distinguishable gender, rather just the perfect blend of girl and boy. They were wearing an oversized pastel pink sweater, paired with black sinny jeans and a pair of converse.

“Damnnnnnnn!” Adrien shouted in surprise, an impressed expression across his countenance. 

“Actually, that’s a pretty good name.” They commented, their voice carrying a british accent, looking down at themselves in surprise. The entire squad stared in shock at the amazing combination, no one expecting Dan and Marinette to work so well as a fusion. Phil was the first to move, a huge grin on his face as he stood up and ran over to Damn, squishing their cheeks in between his hands. 

“YOU’RE PERFECT!” He shouted in joy, Papyrus bouncing up and down excitedly behind him. Damn blinked in surprise at the face touching, before hesitantly removing Phil’s hands from their cheeks. Phil’s eyes then widened, and his smile grew. “OH MY GOD I’M TALLER THAN YOU!” He squealed. Damn rolled their eyes, and then paused before whirling around to face Adrien. 

“Then that means… I’M TALLER THAN YOU, KITTY BOY!” They announced, fist pumping the air. Adrien sighed in exasperation, standing up to prove them wrong before gasping as he realized they were indeed one inch taller than him. 

“Wowwww…” Adrien groaned, sitting back down while Damn laughed. 

“Ya know the fifteen seconds are up, right?” Cecil chimed in-

“WITH A HAVEN’T YOU PEOPLE EVER HEARD OF!” Brendon broke in, everyone giving him looks of confusion while Cecil finger-gunned in understanding. 

“Oh, really? That’s… That’s weird. This actually isn’t so bad. I-I think I kinda wanna stay like this, at least for now.” Damn said, running their hands through their beautiful hair. Carlos did the same. Rip. Cecil bit his lip as he pondered their request, because even though they still had one more person to spin, the duo seemed really happy being fused. 

“Okay fine!” He huffed. 

“Yay...” Damn said quietly, before sitting back down in between Phil and Adrien. Cecil then pointed to Chara to spin next, but no one noticed at first because they were all smiling at Damn. 

And in that moment, everyone was a little bit bisexual.

“Um, ahem, can everyone please focus on this very important game and stop staring at Damn?” Cecil requested. 

“NOPE!” Papyrus and Phil said in unison, before returning to grin at Damn. Damn began to blush and hid their face in their hands at all the attention, Marinette’s shyness shining through. A chorus of ‘awwww’s’ sounded throughout the room, including Fork and Spoon's. 

“c’mon guys we’re almost finished with the game, we gotta pull it together for one more turn.” Sans complained. Finally, everyone’s gazes turned away from the cutiepie, much to Damn’s relief, and Cecil again pointed at the next person to go. 

Chara sighed, and reluctantly held out their ghostly hand and spun the bottle. Everyone watched anxiously, breath quickening as it slowed, the neck getting closer and closer until it landed on none other than…

Frisk. 

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” The whole group shouted at once, cowering in fear at the thought of having to witness Chisk again. 

“SPIN AGAIN! SPIN AGAIN!” Sans demanded. Chara was laughing hysterically while Frisk -_-.

“Fine, fine, calm your skele-tits.” Chara said, before spinning again. This time no one wanted to take their eyes off the bottle, and a collective sigh of relief sounded when it landed on Flowey. 

Then everyone realized how horrible of an idea that was. 

“This doesn’t seem like a good idea.” Gaster muttered. Chara grinned widely while Flowey shook violently, his trauma from fusing with Temmie still fresh in his mind. But, he trusted Chara, so the two slowly met in the middle. 

“Um… I can’t dance so how’s this gonna work?” Flowey asked. Chara shrugged, before pointing to his vines. Flowey wrapped a vine around Chara’s ghost arm, and they walked around the circle 3.8 times before the bright light filled the room. 

They were left with none other than goddamn baby Asriel. Because apparently that’s what happens when Flowey gets a dead human soul. Or wait… does that only happen when he absorbs all the monster souls? How did he even do that? WHAT THE FUCK TOBY I NEED ANSWERS HNNNNG.

The smol goat child blinked twice and looked around, taking in his surroundings. He was in a room with a few familiar faces (Frisk, Sans, Papyrus and Gaster) and a few other strangers. Suddenly realizing that all eyes were on him, he realized how rude he was being. “O- oh! I didn’t even introduce myself.” He said, giggling nervously. “Howdy! I’m Asriel, who are all of you?”

After a few seconds of stunned silence, Damn was the first to speak. “Oh, um, hi Asriel, I’m Damn.” They said, staring at him with a confused look on their face. They leaned over to Adrien, who they didn’t notice was blinking back tears. “Dan and Marinette know him from Tumblr…” They began, voice soft. “There’s so much sad fanart. Am I supposed to be sad?”

If Adrien heard them speak, he didn’t say anything. He just stood up, cautiously making his way over to the goat bab. He took Asriel’s face in his hands, looking into his curious eyes with his teary ones. Then something snapped, and he hugged Asriel to his chest, sobbing loudly.

“ASRIELLLLL!!!!! I’M SO SORRY I COULDN’T SAVE YOU!!!!!” He cried, brushing tears away. Asriel awkwardly tried to untangle himself from Adrien’s death grip, but it was no use; there was no way he was letting the boy go.

“Oh my god Adrien, are you seriously that obsessed?” Damn groaned, suddenly salty. “Let the kid go, you’re freaking him out!” Adrien reluctantly pulled away, and Asriel sniffed adorably when he saw his teary face.

“Aw shucks, don’t cry!” He said, sniffling again. “If any of you cry, I’m gonna cry!” Adrien made the feels noise (a/n you know… the noise you make when something is adorable and sad??? That one??? Fork knew so you probably know. Let’s be real we’re all trash here) when suddenly he unfused, and Flowey and Chara fell to the floor.

“Ugh, that was DISGUSTING!” The flower ground, brushing himself off with his little leaf hands. “That’s enough having a soul for one day.” Chara just floated back over to Frisk, seemingly unfazed by the whole dilemma. 

Adrien continued to sniffle, sitting back down besides Damn who just gave him an annoyed look. The happy mood was gone, and Cecil could tell the game wasn’t going anywhere from here. 

“Oookkaaayy I think that’s enough fusion for the night! Who’s up for drinks!” Cecil suggested. Everyone cheered and went over to Grillbu, who handed out numerous pints before giving a death glare to Sans who was about to guzzle a ketchup cocktail.

“This is going on your fucking tab.” Grillbu said in a low voice. 

Sans shivered and passed out, falling from the bar stool and onto the ground. Rip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DAMN IS MINE AND SPOON'S CHILD WE LOVE THEM SO MUCH YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND WE'VE BEEN WAITING SO LONG TO WRITE THEM


	12. we can't think of a chapter title so we're just putting this instead by panic! at the disco by fall out boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> we're too lazy to write a summary by panic! at the disco
> 
> Also #uriepat is real  
> #damn is amazing  
> #why are we adding hashtags  
> #we've stopped giving a shit about this fic  
> #that happened awhile ago  
> #like two months ago

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chara is a cute bean and Frisk can be a dick

“Summer of 2009. Dan meets Phil and he’s like “Yo, this guy knows about youtube.” And Phil’s like “Yo, I do know about youtube.” “That’s great... can I have some editing tips?” and Phil’s like “Yeah that’s cool.” And then he’s like “Yo this is twitter not youtube!” And then they met in Manchester. So Phil is wearing a flannel, an MCR t-shirt, and skinny jeans. Phil’s playing drums for some fucking reason- oh wait that’s wrong shit.” 

“Um, where is this going?” Adrien asked when Brendon Urie paused his monologue. 

“SHHHHHH!” Damn shushed him, covering his mouth with their hand, and then waved for Brendon to continue. 

“And then they start making a video together, and then they’re like “oh let’s make a q&a video.” It was like ‘AmazingDan, Phil is not on fire, and fucking truth or dare.” Then Dan said to Phil “Yo we gotta change this shit up. Yo we’ve done all these q&a videos, let’s do shit on the radio.” And so Phi’s like “Yo, that’s dope. But we need to be invited to have the radio show!” Because they hadn’t been invited and Phil’s a singer. Phil’s like “Yo I got a soul voice.” And Dan’s like “Wait how do you have a soul voice?” And he’s like “Yo watch this: YEAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAH” And Dan’s like “Oh my god that sounds like soul.”-

“Um, as much I hate to interrupt this, that didn’t happen.” Damn interjected. Brendon frowned. 

“Well I don’t fucking know the history of Dan and Phil! I’m gonna get a drink.” And with that, Brendon teleported out of the booth they were all sitting in and next to the bar. 

“Can you get me one?” Damn requested. Brendon nodded and grabbed a pint glass, tossing it towards Damn through the air. Adrien watched, expecting there to be a horrible shattering noise as beer spilled all over, but gaped as Damn caught it perfectly in their hand with no spillage whatsoever. Adrien desperately wanted to be one of the kool kidz. 

While everyone was drinking merrily and having a good time, Cecil went over to see Carlos working on a machine in the corner. 

“What are you doing over here all alone? Why don’t you join the party?” Cecil asked, snaking his hands around his boyfriend’s waist. 

“I don’t really like to drink, also I really need to get this machine working properly lest we want another cracknoir situation on our hands.” He said, pointing to the strange remote on the table. Cecil nodded, petting Carlos’ hair. 

“Oh my sweet amazing scientist, that’s great. I’m so proud.” Cecil cooed, running his fingers through the silky tresses. Carlos looked up from his work for the first of the night, and noticed Damn’s existence for the first time. He was glad Dan and Marinette found a good fusion pairing. And then, as he continued to scan the room, his gaze fell upon a small slightly see-through child standing alone in the corner, absentmindedly picking at a basket of french fries. 

“Cecil honey, who’s that?” Carlos asked, pointing to the child. 

“Oh, um, I think that’s Chara. I don’t know much about them, other than that they’re a ghost.” Cecil replied, frowning in confusion. 

“Why are they sitting alone? I thought they were friends with that Frisk kid.” They both looked to Frisk who was currently being sanswiched by Sans and Papyrus, about to be challenged to a ketchup drinking contest between them, Sans, and Brendon Urie. For some fucking reason. 

“I think Frisk is a bit preoccupied. Why don’t we go talk to them instead?” Cecil suggested. Carlos looked at his work longingly, but knew he should probably take a break. So they stood up and made their way over to the ghost child. Chara looked up in surprise as they approached, their red eyes narrowing. 

“For the last fucking time, I’m not doing a genocide run.” Chara groaned. Cecil and Carlos both gave the child confused looks, not understanding what they meant. 

“Um, we don’t know what you’re talking about, but we don’t think you’re doing a genocide run.” Carlos offered awkwardly. Chara blinked in surprise, before shrugging. 

“Then why are you over here?” They questioned. 

“Well, um, we just thought you looked kinda lonely.” Carlos said gently. Chara looked taken aback, 

“Da fuq? You mean you don’t hate me like everyone else here does?” Cecil and Carlos both gasped. 

“No! Of course not! Why would we hate you?” Cecil asked, his face filled with sadness as he slid next to Chara in the booth. 

“Because whenever Frisk does a genocide run, I get a little too into it and sometimes take control. So everyone blames me for the murders even though Frisk is the one who starts it.” Chara grumbled. 

“Aw that's not fair! It's not your fault! Everyone gets a little too into murder sometimes!” Cecil exclaimed with a sympathetic expression. Chara looked confused. 

“Ummm… That's not the reaction I usually receive, but I'll take it.” They said with a shrug. 

“So… why are you a ghost?” Carlos inquired when the silence got too stifling. Chara raised an unimpressed brow at the scientist. 

“Long story short, I had a dumbass idea and committed suicide by buttercups.”

“Oooo buttercups? That's a bad way to go.” Cecil said, hissing through his teeth in sympathy. “Monstrous creatures, buttercups are.” He muttered, shaking his head. At this point Chara had given up trying to understand what the hell Cecil meant. 

“Even though most of the time I don't mind being dead, it's sometimes annoying. Like how I can't even eat these goddamn French fries because it would just fall right through me.” They said, mostly to themselves. Carlos and Cecil nodded in understanding, quiet lapsing over the group yet again, before Cecil snapped his fingers as his eyes lit up with an idea. 

“I got it!” He exclaimed, making Chara and Carlos raise a brow. “Carlos, isn't there the spare body clinic beneath the dentist office back in Night Vale?” 

“Um, yeah I think so. Why?” 

“Because if we all just went there, we could find Chara a body for them to inhabit and be alive again! Then they would be able to eat Grillby’s French fries. Yes authors, I refuse to say Grillbu’s like you both so want me to.” Cecil said, smirking at Fork as she wrote in the middle of Spanish class, and Spoon who is now reading this after LITERALLY writing an argumentative essay about Frisk. We have issues. Carlos ignored Cecil’s words, keeping his personal promise to remain behind the fourth wall. Chara just wasn't paying attention. “So Carlos, you think that's a good idea?”

“Um what?” He stuttered, having tuned out his boyfriend while he was breaking the rules of writing. “Oh, the body thing, yeah I suppose that could work. I could open a portal to Night Vale real quick, and then the three of us head over to the spare body clinic and get Chara a body to inhabit.” Cecil squeaked over the fact that Carlos approved of his idea. 

“Yay! What do you think, Chara? Do you want a body?” He asked, leaning close to the child. Chara blinked, not expecting this night to end in them getting a body of all things. If they had a body, they would no longer be tethered to Frisk. They would be able to go where they wanted, see what they wanted, eat whatever they wanted, even kill whoever they wanted. 

They could eat chocolate again.

They could eat CHOCOLATE again.

THEY CPULD EAT CHOCLALTE AGAIN ADFJSRJGDTKHDGGJFDJG

“YES PLEASE!” Chara shouted, their face lighting up at the thought of their favorite sweets. Cecil clapped while Carlos laughed at their enthusiasm. The trio stood up and made their way towards the exit, and looked back to see if anyone was paying attention to to their departure. 

The three noted with surprise that Damn still hadn't unfused, and apparently Phipyrus had reappeared and the two fusions were having a drinking competition. Adrien, Jack, Mark, and Flowey were all cheering on Damn, while Sans, Felix, Undyne, and PJ all cheered on Phipyrus every time a shot was taken. Brendon Urie and Matpat were singing Death of a Bachelor together, while Tyler Joseph and Josh Dun played piano and drums respectively as background music. When had they gotten here? It's not relevant. Gaster was drinking his sorrows away at the bar, seemingly ranting to Grillbu about his sucky ass life, and Grillbu looked like he really didn't give a shit. And Thomas Sanders was sitting with Temmie and Frisk in the corner, seemingly vining everything as he chatted with his friends. 

“They won't miss us if we’re gone for a few minutes.” Cecil conceded, and the other two nodded in agreement before they left the bar. Once outside, Carlos opened a portal with the remote he had been tinkering with all night, and the trio made their way into Night Vale.

Chara looked around with curiosity as they walked through Night Vale, surprised by how normal it looked. From the stories they had heard, they were half-expecting Night Vale to just be a black hole or some shit, but it just seemed like a normal desert town. With a few sacrificial circles here and there. 

Carlos and Cecil led them to the dentist office, bright lights shining out indicating it was open even though it was the middle of the night. The trio walked in, and were greeted by a small woman with completely black eyes tapping away at a computer. She half-interestedly glanced up.

“Welcome to the Night Vale Dentist office, do you have an appointment?” She drawled. 

“No, but-”

“Then you're going to have to make one and come back. Go home, call your mother on the phone and discuss your new job, then go to bed and cry into your pillow for 45 minutes as you ponder the meaning of life and then go about your life as usual until one day a messenger eagle drops your appointment time on your doorstep.” She explained in a monotonous tone. Chara’s brow furrowed in confusion.

“Oh, we’re not here for the dentist. We need to head down to the free body clinic.” Cecil said. The woman blinked in surprise, and looked to Chara before nodding in understanding. 

“Oh okay then, go down the elevator to your left. You'll have to do a blood ritual to get it to move.” She said, turning back to her computer. Carlos and Cecil nodded while Chara wondered what the hell kind of town this was, and followed them into the elevator. 

One blood ritual later, involving the appearance of Cecil’s tentacles, the trio made it down to the body clinic. It pretty much just looked like a morgue but the bodies were inexplicably fresh. Carlos led Chara around, showing them the child bodies that were available while Cecil scrolled through his tumblr. At first, none interested the child as none felt right, until they came across the last drawer. 

“If you don't like this one that's completely understandable, you just might have to make do with an adult body instead.” Carlos said gently. Chara nodded, preparing for disappointment , and slid open the body drawer. 

Chara gasped as the next body rolled out. It was of a child in similar age to their own, with chin length brown hair, had rosy cheeks despite being dead, and was wearing a green sweater with a single yellow stripe. 

“That looks just like me!” Chara exclaimed in surprise. Carlos peered down and began to chuckle. 

“Oh that's funny, I guess those doubles we didn't recognize were just from different universes.” Cecil perked up from his phone at the word double.

“Kill your double!” He said without thinking, before blinking and going back to normal. 

“What the hell do you mean ‘double’?” Chara inquired. 

“It's… A long story. Either way this child is identical to how your body was when you were alive, how convenient is that!?” 

“Pretty convenient.” Chara muttered, giving Fork and Spoon side-eye for their laziness. “So, um, how do I do this exactly? Do I just go in the body?” 

“Sorta, Carlos and I will perform a bloodstone circle to bind you to the body properly but after that you'll be alive again!” Cecil said as he walked over. Chara nodded, staring at their clone who looked as if they were just sleeping. They thought over what they were doing, Frisk was practically their best friend when they weren't doing genocide runs. Would they be mad at Chara for this? Chara was unsure if the risk was worth it.

But then again, 

Chocolate. 

That instantly made up the child’s mind, and without another thought they dove into the body. Cecil and Carlos took this as their cue, and began the fated ritual. 

Meanwhile, everyone at Grillbu’s was having a great time. 

“So you're the only member of Panic! At the Disco right?” Matpat asked Brendon, the two taking a quick break from entertaining the party with their heavenly singing. 

“Actually, we just got a new member. It hasn't been announced.” Brendon replied, a smug grin fixed upon his countenance. 

“Oh seriously? Who is it?” Mat asked. Brendon stretched, leaning back nonchalantly.

“You know my wife, Sarah?” Mat nodded. “Well, she plays a mean kazoo.” 

Matpat blinked a couple times, before taking a swig of beer. 

“Um, well, congrats man. I'm sure that'll sound… Interesting.” He said through his teeth. Just then, a ringing sounded and Brendon pulled out his phone.

“Hello? Oh hey babe! How's it- what? Wait, why? ...You need room to explore your creativity? But don't you wanna talk about this? Oh c’mon, I can't be the- fine. Yeah yeah it's fine, whatever. Yeah I gotta go, later.” He hung up and took a huge swig of his beer, and ran a hand through his hair. 

“What's wrong?” Mat asked, sensing his anger. 

“Sarah quit Panic!” He huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. “She said she needed ‘room to explore her talents’.”

“Aw I'm sorry bro,” Mat said, patting Beebo’s shoulder. Beebo nodded, grateful for his friend, before snapping his fingers as an idea came to him. 

“Wait!” He shouted. “You! You can sing! Why don’t you just join Panic!” Matpat shrugged, figuring Youtube wasn’t gonna last him forever. Especially not after he gave the Pope Undertale. 

“Yeah that’s cool.” He said casually. Brendon cheered. 

“HELL YEAH! Let’s go perform a song to christen you as the new member of Panic! At the Disco!” The two leapt to their feet, and after snapping violently at Tyler and Josh to get back to their instruments, they began to loudly sing Girls/Girls/Boys. 

At that same moment, Damn and Phipyrus and Undyne were seeing who could chug a beer the fastest. So far they were on the tenth beer. Each. 

A benefit of fusion was that if it was a fusion of two people, it combined their alcohol tolerance. Dan and Marinette could both hold their alcohol very well, so Damn had an extremely high tolerance themselves. And even though Phil and Papyrus’ individual selves weren’t champions in holding their liquor, Phipyrus could still handle a lot. And although Undyne wasn’t a fusion, she didn’t become Undyne the Undying during a genocide run for no reason. 

“CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG!” The group surrounding them shouted. At this point, numerous bets had been made. Not money bets. Fusion bets. Felix had bet PJ that if Phipyrus chugged faster, he would have to fuse with Temmie... suffice to say PJ really hoped Damn or Undyne would win. 

“COME ON! CHUG FASTER!” Adrien shouted, encouraging Damn with all his might. 

“I KNOW YOU’RE IN THERE PAPYRUS! I KNOW YOU CAN DO THIS! REMEMBER OUR HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATION PARTY?!” Sans screamed in equal volume to his ex. 

“YOU FUCKING PUSSY! IF YOU LOSE TO THE TWINK FUSION I WILL TEAR YOU TO BLOODY PIECES! I HAVE MY IPAD RIDING ON THIS!” Flowey roared to Damn, his eyes glowing bright red. The Marinette part of Damn was tempted to stop immediately just to piss Flowey off, but decided against it. 

“Why the fuck did you bet your ipad on this?” Felix asked, cocking one eyebrow. Flowey just ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯. 

It was in the middle of all this chaos, that the three C’s returned, one more body than last time accompanying them. Chara expected some sort of huge reaction to them LITERALLY RISING FROM THE GRAVE, but nobody noticed except for Flowey, who after a small gasp, went back to screaming at Damn. 

“So, what’s the first thing you want to eat-”

“CHOCOLATE!” Chara said, cutting Cecil off. He chuckled and walked over to the bar, and ordered a chocolate milkshake from Grillbu. He returned holding one a few minutes later and they graciously accepted it, attempting to down it in one gulp but having to stop for air. Well, that’s another thing they had forgotten about after being dead for so long; they needed to breathe. They took in an experimental breath, inhaling deeply and blowing out as hard as they could. The flimsy plastic straw shifted in the cup, and a grin grew on their face as they started to remember everything they lost the ability to do after they died. They could eat and breathe again. Feel the grass under their feet again. Smell butterscotch pie again.

They were alive again. Free again.

They weren’t sure what they wanted to do first.

Having their own body again wasn’t the same as just stealing Frisk’s. They had a shared thinking space, and were constantly fighting for control. Sometimes they couldn’t focus, barely able to hear themself think over the sound of Frisk’s thoughts. If they did something, touched, something or killed something, they couldn’t feel it. It was always Frisk. After all, it was their body. But this was Chara’s own.

They half expected Frisk to scold them for thinking of killing anyone or anything, but the nagging voice wasn’t there. There was nothing stopping them from doing what they wanted now. Suddenly their excitement turned to rage, thinking of Frisk. Frisk, the perfect little pacifist who NEVER caused any problems, who would NEVER hurt a soul, who NEVER did anything wrong, ONLY CHARA-

Then they noticed the knife in their hand.

They looked down in confusion at the dusty object in their hand. It looked like an ordinary kitchen knife, the kind you’d use to slice vegetables or fruit. Upon further examination they noticed some lightly colored powder on the blade, slightly pink instead of white. They brushed it away, and suddenly it was lost in the dust on the floor.

They determined that the knife must’ve belonged to Chara’s double, the one whose body they were currently borrowing. They wondered if they owed Chara II a thanks, but then pushed away the idea and remembered the knife again.

Remembered they could hold a knife again.

Realized that they could finally get their revenge.

((damn spoon that’s some dark shit thanks spoon ur welcome spoon))

It was a morbid thought, they’d admit that. But with everyone intoxicated at the moment in the same room, all Chara had to do was shut the portals off and they’d be helpless.

Chara could do what they had wished to do for so long. 

“Thanks again! I think I’m gonna go outside and feel the snow again, see ya later!” Chara said, grabbing the chocolate milkshake and making a run for it. Cecil and Carlos watched like proud parents. 

“We did a good thing.” Cecil said with a gentle smile. 

“Yeah, I think so too.” Carlos agreed. 

Back over at the party, Damn, Phipyrus, and Undyne had finally ended their battle. Undyne was victorious, and of course, Brendon and Matpat were singing the song to celebrate. Yes, of course we mean, the Victorious theme song. Thx Kaili. 

“How the hell are you not passed out on the floor right now? You drank so much!” PJ exclaimed, shoving a bottle of water into Damn’s hands as everyone calmed down after the competition. 

“I dunno, I guess I just have a really high alcohol tolerance.” Damn replied with a shrug. While they and Phipyrus were perfectly sober, Undyne was currently attempting to tackle Brendon Urie off the stage while Phipyrus held her back and Brendon chanted ‘FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!’ even though he was the one about to be attacked. PJ nodded, and watched to make sure the adorable fusion drank water to prevent dehydration. After they took a long swig, PJ asked another question he was curious about. “So are you just gonna stay fused all night?” 

“Well, um, I’m not sure. I mean I kinda like staying fused, but Dan doesn’t listen to twenty one pilots and Marinette really wants to go talk to Josh and Tyler so it’s creating some conflict.” Damn explained. 

“Considering this is your first time fused, maybe you shouldn’t go too far with it.” PJ suggested. Damn nodded, the advice making sense, and sent a longing look towards Josh and Tyler. 

“I...I think you’re right.” Damn said, sighing as they got off the bar stool. PJ watched and in a bright light that caught everyone’s attention, Damn unfused, giving everyone back Dan and Marinette. 

Dan and Marinette looked around, as if in a daze for a few seconds, as they readjusted to being a single person again. Then they began to laugh and grinned at each other. 

“That… was actually pretty fun!” Marinette stated.

“Normally I hate fusing but that was pretty great!” Dan seconded, the duo sitting down next to PJ again. 

“Hey! You guys unfused!” Adrien exclaimed in surprise. 

“Ah goddammit PJ! You made me lose my bet!” Jack said, handing a beer to Mark. 

“Now you owe me and Mark some drinks.” PJ said, leaning back on his stool. 

“You mean you made us unfuse for a fucking bet?” Marinette asked, giving PJ stink eye. 

“Wow PJ, and here I thought you cared about us as your friends.” Dan said with a flat expression. They had a stare down, before Dan broke into a grin and everyone began to laugh. 

“Grillbu! Get a round of drinks for everyone here! It’s on Mark!” PJ declared. Grillbu just nodded and poured more alcohol for the very drunk squad, and everyone cheered, not knowing that they were soon about to regret their relaxed attitudes. 

Time passed, and people began to settle down as the night wore thin. Duos made their way to private booths. Cecil and Carlos sat in the corner, where Cecil just played with his boyfriend’s hair and let him talk about the science he didn’t understand. Papyrus had gotten tired, and fallen asleep on Phil, who was sitting in a booth with Dan. Gaster and PJ were talking amicably at the bar, occasionally asking Grillbu questions which he didn’t answer. Sans was still guzzling ketchup at the end of the bar, much to Grillbu’s distaste. Marinette and Adrien had just finished their third arm wrestling competition, where Marinette had won… again. Matpat and Brendon Urie were in the midst of planning the next Panic! At the Disco album, they were considering the name ‘It’s just a theory, a SONG theory’, but then decided it wasn’t long enough. Felix, Jack, and Mark were having a three way… arm wrestling competition. What did you think I was going to say? You have dirty minds, you filthy sinners. ((a/n i blame myself for ruining Fork's innocent mind)) Frisk was refereeing the competition, whistling very loudly every time someone lifted their elbow. Thomas was showing Temmie his vines in the corner. 

*YOU FELT YOUR SINS CRAWLING ON YOUR BACK.

Finally, after Marinette beat Adrien yet again, he gave up. 

“Fine! You win!” He conceded, throwing his arms in the air. “I always forget how strong you are.” 

“You know it!” Marinette said with a wink. wonk. Adrien sighed, and took a sip of water, realizing he should probably lay off the alcohol. 

“So, you and Dan make a pretty good fusion huh?” He asked with a smirk. 

“Yeah, I guess Damn’s pretty cool. I’ve never had fun being fused so that was interesting to experience.” She said with a shrug. Adrien’s cheshire grin grew and he leaned closer to her, his expression full of scheming. 

“You found your fusing partner.” His expression was ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). 

“Um, yeah I guess. Adrien you’re acting a little like a crazy tumblr fangirl. Not that you’re not already one, just why are you acting like it now?” 

“Becauseeeeee…” He drawled, eyebrows dancing. “You and Dan are pretty good friends, huh?” 

“Umm, yeah we are, Adrien what are you getting at?” She asked, getting tired of his shit. 

“You likeeeee himmmm…” He said, drawing the words out for a long time for emphasis. 

“Uh no, honey I’m gay.” She said dryly. 

“You had a crush on me for the longest time.” He pointed out.

“And I regret every second of it.” 

“Soooooo… you mean you wouldn’t want to kiss him at all????” 

“For fuck’s sake cat boy, I don’t like Dan. I’m dating Alya!” 

“But she’s not here right now, is she???” Marinette groaned and had to hold herself back from decking the blonde.

Meanwhile, Phil and Dan were having a very similar conversation at the other side of the bar.

“What if you tried, like, Twenty Øne Piløts themed pickup lines?”

“Phil, I don’t need any! I don’t like her! Besides, isn’t she dating that Alya girl?” He groaned, tired of Phil bombarding him with dating tips he’d learned from Papyrus.

“Oh don’t worry, she won’t be a problem soon enough,” he said in a completely calm voice. “And yeah you do. I’ve known you for seven years, I can tell when you like someone.” Dan’s eyes widened at the incriminating sentence, wondering if ‘angel bean’ was an incorrect description of his best friend.

sin bean

“You didn’t hang out me all last run, how would you know?” Dan asked, still salty about that.

“I noticed when you had a crush on Grillbu for like a week. Plus, I still hung out with you every tuesday at four!” He pointed out.

((a/n dan and grillbu’s ship name is danisonfire))

“Okay, first off, that was a desperate year. And hanging out with me only when your best friend is getting banged by his boyfriend is not a proper friendship!” 

“Oh come on, we had fun on those days!” Phil said. 

“All we did was make spaghetti! Do you know how goddamn sick of spaghetti I am now!?” Dan was being triggered by the mention of spaghetti. 

“You know you love it. Anyway, we’re getting off topic. Since I’m a professional dater now, I’m going to make sure you and Marinette get together. I have a doctorate in dating.” 

“Phil, I may have only gone to university for a year, but I know for a fact that’s not how that works.”

“Yes it does, Paps and I made buttons!” Dan just sighed and let himself fall into the impending existential crisis. About what? Who knows. Not relevant. 

“Well listeners, this was a great time but I think we’re all getting pretty tired now. I don’t recommend traveling through portals while intoxicated so I’ve arranged for everyone to stay here in Snowdin for the night, then we can all return home tomorrow. Dan, Phil, Adrien, and Marinette, you’ll all be staying at Sans and Paps’ house-”

“NO!” Marinette, Dan, and Adrien all screamed. Cecil blinked in surprise. 

“What’s wrong?” Cecil inquired. 

“I AM NOT STAYING WITH CAT BOY AND PUNMASTER64! I DEMAND MY OWN PLACE!” Marinette shouted. 

“NO MARINETTE DON’T LEAVE ME WITH THEM!” Dan pleaded. 

“OKAY, FINE! I DEMAND DAN AND I GET OUR OWN PLACE!” Marinette corrected herself. 

“welp, i’m already paying for literally this whole fucking thing so i might as well get you and dan a hotel room.” Sans said with a sigh. 

“Thank god.” Marinette said with relief. 

“WAIT NO! DON’T MAKE ME STAY WITH MY EX BY MYSELF!” Adrien said desperately. 

“Oh no Adrien, you are definitely staying with Sans, that’s not an option.” Cecil said. 

“you’re sleeping on the goddamn couch, agreste.” Sans said. Adrien winced, and put his head down on the table, hoping the night would go by quickly. 

“YOU CAN COME SLEEP WITH ME AND PHIL IN OUR ROOM!” Papyrus chimed in cheerfully, suddenly awake. 

“Uh, no thanks. I’d rather stay on the couch.” Adrien said with a nod. 

“Well okay then! Anyway, everyone else is also staying in the hotel so you can all head there when you’re ready. Just give your name to the receptionist, it’s all worked out.” 

“maybe i can get mettaton to pay for this.” Sans grumbled to himself, already knowing his tab will have increased exponentially from this night. 

Everyone nodded, and slowly began to filter out of the bar, thanking Grillbu on their way out. The only ones who weren’t very drunk were Dan and Marinette, so they helped the rest of their friends (except PJ they’re still salty at him) stumble through the snow and to the hotel. After everyone left, the only people remaining were Adrien and Sans. When they went to leave, Grillbu stopped them.

“No no no, I know for a fact you aren’t going to pay this fucking tab, so you can at least help me clean up a bit Sans.” Grillbu said. Sans stopped in the doorway, knowing that Grillbu was exactly right, and clenched his hand into a fist. 

“oh come on buddy, you’re working me to the bone.” Sans said, finger gunning at his friend. Grillbu just stared, while Adrien accidentally let out a snort. Sans glared at him, and the blonde’s face instantly smoothed out into a poker face. 

“Um, I could help you clean a bit Sans. I mean I did kinda drink off your tab also.” Adrien offered, feeling guilty for leaving his ex with this mess. Sans stared, tempted to refuse and make the boy go home, but knew it would take forever to clean up this dump on his own.

“fine.” And with that, the two ex’s began to pick up empty beer bottles while their friends climbed into bed, a sense of calm washing over the entire group. Although they had been reluctant at first, everyone knew the reunion party had been a great idea, and knew they would miss their friends after they all went back home. 

But little did they know, a certain child had no intention of letting go just yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #maridan is real
> 
> adrien and phil ship it
> 
> so do we


	13. "Oh... OH SHIT"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uriepat kinda becomes canon and also shit goes down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOOOOOOO PEEPS GET READY FOR THIS SHIT SPOOM AND I HAVE BEEN PLANNING FOR A LONG ASS TIME WOOOOOOOO
> 
> (since like chapter 5 of cracknoir 1)

Adrien picked up bottles in silence, stealing glances at his ex whenever he got the chance. Grillbu stood behind the bar in silence, watching the duo with crossed arms. Sans was pointedly ignoring the blonde, staring anywhere he could but his former lover’s face. Adrien tried not to be hurt about it, but he couldn’t help but sigh at the twinge in his chest whenever Sans’ apathetic gaze reached him. After about twenty minutes of pure of silence, Adrien could barely take it any more and decided to tear the awkward veil of discomfort. 

“Sa-Sans?” Adrien asked hesitantly. Sans glanced up, his gaze narrowing at Adrien’s face. 

“what?” Sans asked, his voice not angry like Adrien expected, just… tired.

“I, um, I just wanted to say that… that I’m sorry for doing a genocide run. It wasn’t right, I didn’t realize I was doing anyone any actual harm. I was just led to believe that, well, it was just pixels on a screen, not actual living people.” Adrien stammered out, casting his eyes towards the floor. For a moment, Sans didn’t react and Adrien wondered if he had heard him, but then Sans stopped his cleaning and turned to the boy. 

“well… i mean, frisk’s done the same thing millions of times over, and i still forgive them every single time, so i can’t really blame you. it was just curiosity i guess, morbid yes, but still just natural human curiosity,” Sans said with a sigh. “it’s fine, i forgive ya, kid.” Adrien squealed louder than when him and Sans had had sex for the first time, a huge grin splitting his face. 

Grillbu had no reaction whatsoever. 

He always won at poker.

“Oh thank you thank you thank you thank you!!!” Adrien yelled, jumping up and down excitedly. Sans winced at his relief, realizing how much pain his ex had been in. 

“yeah yeah no problem… and i’m sorry for lying to you about gaster during the first fic.” Sans said, finally relenting. Adrien nodded, his expression brighter than the sun. 

“Thank you Sans.” He said, nodding gratefully. They stared at each other awkwardly for a few seconds, before Sans coughed and they went back to picking up spoon- i mean trash. (a//n she made me write that) 

(a/n because its fuckin trUE)

Eventually, after another monotonous thirty minutes of cleaning up the bar, which included mopping up Brendon’s spilled beer and vomit, fixing the window Phipyrus broke when he had to grab something from the house along with the one he came back in through, fixing the barstool Undyne broke in half on her leg because she could, sweeping up the spilled temmie flakes Papyrus wasn’t allowed to touch (because they’re LSD. Sans found out the hard way), throwing out bits of cardboard PJ had forgotten to pick up when he tried to make something, untangling the yoyo Marinette had tried to show off with and ultimately ended up breaking a lightbulb with, and wiping up Gaster’s tears and Chara’s disgusting drippy face stuff off the bar, they finally finished cleaning the damn place. (Wow that was a long sentence. Rip.)

“Okay. Now you can leave. I think that covered about half your tab.” Grillbu said without emotion. 

“are you serious? only half?! this place was a fucking mess, we had to touch chara’s drippy face stuff!” Sans protested. Grillbu stared at his friend for a moment.

“Fine. That covers 3/4 of your tab.” The bartender relented, his glasses glinting like in an anime. 

“c’mon buddy chum pal friend buddy pal chum bud friend fella brother amigo pal buddy friend chummy chum chum pal i don’t mean to be rude my friend pal home slice bread slice dawg-”

“Not now Sans.” Adrien interrupted the skeleton, knowing full well where this meme was going. 

“oh, um, sorry bud, got carried away there. anyway, grillbs, how long has it been since i last paid back my tab? not that long, right? two, three weeks?” 

“It’s been 84 years…” Grilby said in a perfect impression of Gaster doing a perfect impression of Rose from Titanic because we all know he should be a voice actor. 

“um, well, i should get adrikins back to the house ‘cause he’s a model and all and he must be tired and-”

“I’m fine actually.” Adriend informed him. 

“kid not now i wanna get out of here!” Sans hissed. “um, so yeah mi amigo, i’ll see you later home dawg and i’ll pay you back then ‘cause i don’t have my wallet on me!”

“No you won’t.” Grillby said in a flat tone. Sans just laughed awkwardly before grabbing Adrien’s arm and pulling the two of them out into the snow. The cold air startled the two back into full soberness, and they began the rather short trek back to the house. 

“So, um, Sans? Are we cool now? Are we homies?” Adrien inquired awkwardly as they shuffled through the cold white powder. 

“if you promise never to use that word again then yeah.” Sans replied. 

“You’re saltier than you were in the last fic.” Adrien commented. 

“blame fork and spoon for that.” Sans gave the authors more side-eye. Fork stuck her tongue out at Sans. And Spoon dabbed. 

“There’s also been a lot more fourth wall breaks than last time, do you think they’ll stop?” Adrien asked. 

“NO!” Spoon replied over their heads in a god-like voice. “HEY SANS WHAT’S GOOD?!” The boys jumped back, staring at the thundering sky/ceiling/roof thing since they’re underground in horror. 

“FUCK YOU SPOON!” Sans shouted back. 

“MAYBE LATER!” Spoon replied. 

“HEY THAT’S MY JOB!” Adrien protested. 

“what.” Sans stated in surprise. Adrien squeaked and blushed like a fucking anime. 

“Never mind!” He quickly said. Sans shrugged, not shrug emoji, just shrugged. There’s a difference people. Then they continued walking the next eight feet and arrived at Sans’ doorstep. Adrien let Sans open the door for him, and strolled into the darkened home. Phil and Papyrus had arrived home earlier, so the ex’s presumed they were already asleep in Paps’ room. 

The living room was dimly lit by a small candle, the flickering orange light creating numerous twisting shadows along the walls, reminiscent of Cecil’s moving tattoos. The air was warm and permeated with the faint scent of tomato sauce. It was exactly how Adrien remembered it. 

“um, so you can sleep on the couch. there's leftover spaghetti in the fridge if you get hungry, but if you actually want something good i have some chips hidden in the bottom drawer.” Sans said as he walked through the door, shuffling his slippered feet along the carpet. 

“Thanks.” Adrien replied, unsure of how to talk to his ex now since they no longer hated each other. 

“uh...i’m gonna go to bed. see you in the morning.” Sans said awkwardly, making his way up the stairs and to his bedroom. Adrien watched his small figure fade into the shadows, and heard the click of the door closing, before he turned back to the soft couch and sighed. 

After situations the blanket and pillow to create a bed, Adrien snuggled in and buried his face in the pillow. His heart leapt as he realized it smelled like Sans. He didn’t know how a skeleton could have a scent, but that’s not relevant. Quickly, he let the exhaustion that had been building in him go, and he fell into a dreamless sleep. 

~  
The next morning, Matpat opened his eyes blearily as he rose into consciousness. He glanced over and saw Brendon Urie passed out on the bed beside him, and it took the YouTuber a moment to recall all that had happened the night before.

Oh yeah, he was now a member of Panic! At the Disco.

Oh, his wife Stephanie was going to love this. 

Mat groggily sat up, stretching as his foggy brain attempted to collect itself. His head pounded, and he squinted against the streetlights shining through the window. 

“Ugh…” He heard Brendon groan behind him. “Oh god I have the worst hangover ever! This is worse than when I made the Drunk History of Fall Out Boy.” 

“Same.” Mat replied. Brendon opened one eye, peering at his friend with curiosity. “Well, uh, not the drunk history part, just the hangover.” He stammered, his words tripping over themselves in his sleepy state. 

“Can you like, go get us some aspirin? My head is killing me.” Brendon requested, shoving his face back in the pillow. 

“Um sure, but where am I supposed to even get aspirin?” Mat inquired, doubting the Underground had a pharmacy.

“Hell if I know. Go ask the lady at the front desk!” Came a muffled reply, Brendon’s hand waving him off. Mat huffed and got up, his vision swimming before steadying out. He hastily pulled his jacket on and went out the door, grateful the elevator was functional because he was sure that if he took the stairs he would pass out. 

Once down in the lobby, Mat went to the front desk which was currently being occupied by none other than a pink-haired sheep woman. She glanced up in surprise as he approached.

“Oh, hello there! Welcome to the MTT Hotel! How can I help you, pumpkin?” she asked him, looking up at him with a sweet smile and big blue eyes. Looking down at her name tag he read the word “BO”, and decided that the name fit her well, being a sheep and all. Seriously Ona. She’s a GODDAMN SHEEP. Mat swore he’d seen her somewhere before, her honey-sweet voice sounding vaguely familiar. Even her name seemed familiar, but he pushed his suspicions aside.

“Uh, hey. Do you by any chance know where I could get some aspirin around here?”

“Aspirin? You mean, the human medicine?” Bo questioned, to which Mat nodded in response. She shook her head slightly, giving him a sympathetic look. “Sorry pumpkin, you might be out of luck. Anything from the surface that ends up down here will be in the dump in Waterfall. It’ll be a miracle if you find some.” She told him, then narrowed her eyes slightly and knit her brows together in confusion.

“Is everything okay?” Mat asked her, his face contorted into a curious expression. Thinking she must’ve been looking at something behind him, he briefly turned around, but everything was normal. When he returned his gaze to her she was shaking her head in confusion, trying to process what she had just said.

“Why did I know aspirin was a human medicine?” Bo wondered aloud, racking her brain for some sort of explanation. Then she gasped, looking up at him with wide eyes.

“WAIT, THIS ISN’T MY FIC!” She practically shouted, everything suddenly coming back to her. She shot up out of her seat, almost running straight out the door but stopping to grab her coat and thank Mat first. “It was nice to meet you, sweetie. Hope you find what you need!” She replied before pushing through the exit.

“Um, thanks then I guess?” said Mat, before turning to leave as well. He walked out into the thick Hotland air, making his way over to where the Riverperson was. It was a short walk, and after playing Undertale so many times (gotta find all the Earthbound references) he knew the way there by heart.

“Tra la la…” sang the Riverperson in a dreamy voice as when he approached them. “Where will we go today?” they asked, and Mat sat down in the boat.

“Waterfall.” he said, getting comfortable. “Close to the dump if it’s possible.” They nodded once, and started to row to the soft blue cave.

“Then we’re off…” they said said, singing softly as they rowed. They quietly mumbled something about an all-knowing being and an anxiety attack, but Mat decided it wasn’t relevant and tuned them out. They pulled up to a dock in Waterfall, a few rooms over from where Mat needed to be. “Tra la la. Come again sometime.” They said as he stepped out of the boat.

“Thank you.” he replied, starting to walk in the direction of the dump. Matpat’s footsteps bounced off the walls, the soft pattering reassuring in the darkened hall. Giant mountains of broken nick-nacks, old electronics, granola bars, and anime were piled around, a musty smell emanating off them. Eventually, after several minutes of walking, Mat came up to a tan dummy. As he approached, the dummy opened it’s eyes and frowned. 

“Who do you think you are, walking into my dump like this?!” The dummy shouted, glaring at the conspiracy theorist. 

“Oh go away, I’m too hungover for this shit.” Mat said, gesturing for the dummy to shoo. The dummy shrieked in indignation, gasping violently as if it had been wounded. But before it could retort, Matpat chucked a granola bar and bolted, leaving the dummy very mad and very confused. 

Mat searched through the giant piles of shit, and after about five minutes of searching through numerous Black Butler box sets, he miraculously came across a full bottle of aspirin. 

“YES!” He exclaimed, holding the bottle triumphantly over his head. A quick check of the expiration date revealed it was perfectly safe for consumption, so the youtuber popped two pills in his mouth and made his way back to the Riverperson. 

Although nothing seemed different this time around, Mat noted that the Riverperson seemed quieter this time around, opting not to add in their usual commentary. The ride was rather peaceful, and within minutes he was back near the hotel. But, just as he went to step out of the boat, Mat noticed strange white dust gathered around the foot of the cloak. 

“What the-” He began, before being cut off by the Riverperson whipping around, pulling their hood off in one fluid motion. Matpat gasped, because instead of the friendly boat driver, it was none other than Chara. 

DAAAAMN HELLA PLOT TWIST.

“Surprise, bitch.” Chara said, their mouth twisted into an evil grin. Before Mat could do anything, Chara pulled off the cloak to reveal a shining knife in their hand. Swiftly, they plunged the deadly weapon into his abdomen, white mixing with red as they slowly pulled it out. 

“Get rekt.” They whispered in an ominous voice. “That’s for the Ness theory.” And with that, they pushed Mat onto the ground and sped away in the boat. How they went so fast in a wooden rowboat, who knows. Maybe dogs or something.

Mat gasped as blood began to pour out of the wound, and in a haze of pain he really regretted taking that aspirin due to their blood thinning. Knowing he needed to get back quickly, he used the powers of his FNAF knowledge, and some stuff he learned from Brendon, to teleport into the hotel lobby. 

At that moment in the lobby, a mini brunch was occurring. 

Dan and Marinette had wandered down for food, and were now having a conversation with Brendon Urie who had finally gotten his ass out of bed. PJ was having an avid conversation with Cecil and Carlos, the couple having walked over to the hotel from their vacation home in the Underground thirty minutes earlier. Felix, Jack, and Mark were stretching their legs while drinking mimosas. Twenty one pilots were providing background music, Tyler currently strumming ‘House of Gold’ on his ukelele with Josh drumming behind him. But everything stopped immediately when Mat appeared in a bloody mess on the floor.

“Oh shit, what the heck happened to you?” Marinette and Dan said in unison, then gave each other confused looks. 

“I’M DYING DAMMIT!” Mat yelled, clutching his bleeding stomach. 

“Oh this is a shame, this carpet is brand new.” Cecil commented with disinterest.

“CECIL! HE’S DYING!” Carlos exclaimed in worry. “WE NEED TO DO SOMETHING!”

“Go, do some, like, science or something.” Cecil said, wanting to return to his conversation with PJ. PJ was just watching the whole affair while checking Twitter, while Felix, Jack, and Mark were taking photos of the whole situation. 

“THAT’S NOT HOW THIS WORKS!” Carlos yelled. 

“NO! MY ONLY OTHER MEMBER OF PANIC!” Brendon yelled, rushing towards his bro. He immediately took Mat’s head and laid it in his lap, watching as his friend began to lose consciousness. Tyler and Josh stopped playing ‘House of Gold’, and without needing to be told, began to play ‘Bohemian Raphsody’. Brendon took in a deep breath, tears pricking at the corners of his eyes as he cradled Mat’s face in his hands. 

Then, they began their last duet.

“I don’t wanna dieeeeee…” Mat and Brendon sang in unison, Brendon stroking Mat’s cheek and brushing away his final tears. 

“Sometimes wish I’d never been born at alllllll…” They continued, Dan and Marinette joining in the background. Mat’s vision began to flicker, his life force draining out of him. With one final sigh, he began to drift into darkness. 

“Carry onnnnnn carry onnnnn…” He whispered, finally shuffling his mortal coil as his eyes fluttered shut. 

(a/n rip uriepat, sorry ShippingTrash)

“Like nothing really mattersssss…” Brendon sang, fully crying now as Mat left this living realm. Cecil finished the snapchat he had been taking, and immediately put it on his story with the caption ‘Hearing Panic! Live for the first time! *heart eyes emoji* *music emoji*’. 

“Oh my god he is actually dead?” PJ asked, finally glancing up from his phone. “I thought this was just another short film.”

“You’re the one who makes the short films, PJ!” Carlos shouted, him and Brendon being the only two actually upset about the situation. 

“Oh. Yeah.” PJ said, before returning to Twitter to send out the tweet ‘RIP Matpat, always loved your theories’. Carlos looked around, shocked by everyone’s calm. Felix, Jack, and Mark were already going to Twitter and Instagram as well to inform their followers of the loss, Jack posting a selfie with Mat and Brendon in the background since all he ever posted was his face. Mark posted a video of their duet, while Felix made a meme about it. Because what else does he do? Finally, Carlos’ patient scientist string snapped. 

“ARE NONE OF YOU UPSET THAT YOUR FRIEND JUST DIED!?” He shouted. 

“Not really, I mean he didn’t contribute much.” Marinette said with a shrug, Dan nodding in agreement. Carlos turned to Brendon, who had already stopped crying and was staring blankly into space. 

“Brendon?” Carlos asked, trying to draw his attention. 

“Shut up, I’m having a vision.” Brendon said, his eyes staring into another realm. Everyone watched with bated breath, before he blinked and returned to reality with a grin. “Matpat’s gonna be fine! I can see the future, don’t worry, he comes back!”

“Goddamit.” Dan and Marinette muttered at the same time. 

“Also a goose is gonna shit on Adrien’s head in Chapter 15.” Brendon continued. 

“Really? I’ll make sure to snapchat it.” Marinette said, checking her battery. 

“Should we go tell Sans, Papyrus, and Phil about this?” Dan inquired. The group looked around at one another, and then looked longingly at the sexy breakfast bar. 

“No, no pastries until we tell Sans about the DEATH (a/n OF A BACHELORRRR) that just happened!” Carlos said, being the only normal responsible one there. Everyone sighed in disappointment, and reluctantly trudged out of the hotel, leaving Mat’s body in the lobby because where else were they going to put it? 

“Shouldn’t we pick up the body?” Mark asked. 

“Eh, I’ll call the body removal crew to come pick it up. They can travel through space and time!” Cecil said, sending a quick text before continuing onto Snowdin.

Meanwhile, Adrien was just waking up in Sans’ house. 

His eyes flickered open, and for a moment he couldn’t remember where he was. All he felt was warm happiness, the smell of spaghetti filling his nostrils. Then he recalled his situation, and sighed as he pulled the blanket off. Sitting up, he heard soft noises coming from the kitchen, and padded into the room with barefeet. 

When he entered through the archway, Adrien was surprised to see Frisk just sitting at the dining table shoveling spaghetti into their mouth. 

“Frisk? What are you doing here? Do you just raid Sans and Papyrus’ house for food all the time?” He asked, frowning in confusion. 

“Yeah. So?” Frisk replied with no emotion as usual. “Chara’s not here to give me shit about it like they normally do, they probably fell asleep at Grillby’s.” Frisk continued. 

“And Sans and Pap are okay with this?” Adrien asked with one brow cocked. 

“Adrien, how many people do you think actually eat Papyrus’ spaghetti? Not a lot. And they ALWAYS have extra, so it’s really no issue for me to eat it. I’m doing them a favor! Also, they got croissants in the fridge.” 

“tHEY FUCKING WHAT?!” Adrien shrieked, rushing to the fridge and opening it up to reveal a plate of cold but delicious croissants. He squealed and grabbed 3.21 croissants, before sitting down beside Frisk to eat. 

They ate in silence for a few minutes, sharing each others amicable company, before they heard footsteps up above. A few seconds later, Phil and Papyrus both blearily wandered into the kitchen, not even acknowledging the two kids eating their food. Phil immediately went for the box of cereal and began to eat out of it, while Papyrus took out yet another plate of spaghetti and began to chow down. Then, Papyrus stopped and looked at Phil curiously. 

“IS THAT MY SPAGHETTI?” He asked, his loud voice calm for once. 

“Yea.” Phil said. 

“DO YOU LOVE IT?! IT’S SPAGHETTI FLAVORED!” Phil frowned and looked at an individual cereal flake with curiosity, realizing it was shaped like a bowl of spaghetti. He nodded and popped it in his mouth, continuing to eat. Then, the duo noticed Adrien and Frisk sitting there. 

“HELLO HUMAN AND CGI!” Papyrus said in greeting. 

“Hey guys.” Phil said in a calmer voice. Adrien and Frisk went ‘hey’ in unison, not looking up from their meals. “You guys sleep well?” 

“Yeah, the couch is surprisingly comfy!” 

“I don’t need to sleep. Or eat. Or breathe.” Frisk said calmly. 

“What the hell, Frisk?” Adrien asked, wondering why the kid would say something like that. Phil gave him stink eye for his language, which he ignored.

“I’ve got a really bad case of video game protagonist atm.” Frisk answered with a shrug. Adrien nodded in understanding. 

A few more minutes passed by calmly, but then without warning, a loud banging was heard from the front door making everyone jump out of their skin, except Paps. ‘Cause, ya know, he doesn’t have skin. Or internal organs. Or morals. Just spaghetti. 

“I WONDER WHO THAT COULD BE?” Papyrus said, not moving to go answer it. In fact, no one wanted to answer it, too tired to get up. 

“OPEN UP GODDAMIT!” Dan shouted from behind the door. 

“Oh, is it Tuesday already?” Phil asked, finally walking towards the door. He opened it, and they were all shocked to see the whole gang there, a small percentage of them looking worried. That small percentage being Carlos. Rip. 

“Hey guys, what’s up?” Phil asked casually, taking another handful from the cereal box. 

“Oh I’ll tell you ‘what’s up’! Matpat is DEAD!” Carlos yelled, pushing his way through. No one minded this rude behavior since Carlos was always a cinnamon roll anyway. 

“Wait what?!” Adrien exclaimed, jumping up from his seat. “Mat’s dead!? How?!”

“We were all having a fine and peaceful breakfast, when all of the sudden Matpat had to just SHOW UP and bleed all over.” Felix explained. 

“Yeah, I think he was stabbed.” Jack continued, looking unconcerned. Adrien gasped as a thought occurred to him. 

“Wait, did you say a stab wound?!” Adrien asked, his phone then ringing as an instagram notification went off. He hastily opened his phone and saw the selfie Jack had taken with Mat’s body, and almost screamed when he noticed one small detail everyone else had overlooked. “Oh...oh my god…”

“What? Is something wrong?” Marinette asked. 

“Is… is that white powder around the wound?” Adrien inquired in a shaky voice. 

“Here let me see that… oh it kinda does.” Cecil said, taking the phone out of Adrien’s hands. Adrien frowned as he scrutinized the wound, something about it seeming eerily familiar. Then, Frisk’s words from earlier made sense. Frisk also came to this realization at the exact same time, looking at each other at the exact same time. 

Frisk’s expression changed from -_- to ^o^

“You have a mouth?” Said everyone in unison. 

“Oh my god…” Adrien muttered while Frisk looked around, screaming for Chara in their head in panic. 

“It’s Chara.” Frisk said, their voice quiet. Everyone looked up, finally starting to realize that this wasn’t a casual thing. Frisk and Adrien stared at each other, and they both knew what to do. 

“We gotta wake up Sans!” They shouted at the same time, pushing past the crowd and up the stairs. They all stared blankly for a moment until Jack, the only other one to ever do a genocide picked up on what was going on. 

“Oh…. oh SHIT!” He gasped, covering his mouth with his hand. Everyone turned to him, their moods becoming more disturbed and unsettled as he started to explain what was going on.

Adrien went to try to open Sans’ door, only to realize that it was locked and mentally kicking himself for not remembering such a thing, with the level of trash that he was. He started rattling the doorknob while Frisk pounded on the wood, the two of them screaming for Sans to wake up.

“holy shit, i’m up, i’m up!” Sans called out finally, groaning as he dragged himself out of bed. “what are you two shouting about? can’t even hear myself think!”

“Chara’s on a genocide! I… I don’t know how they got away from me, I think they have a body!” Frisk cried, showing more emotion than Adrien think he’d ever seen from them. They were like fucking Kristen Stewart most of the time. Remember that meme? Of course not. Back in my day, we didn’t have Shrek is Love or Pepe or Harambe. We had memes like i can haz cheezburger ,and the forever alone guy-

“Sans, they killed Mat! We have to do something!” Adrien interrupted Spoon before she could rant about memes any further. Sans stared blankly at him for a moment, his half-asleep mind not registering what the blonde had said until an awkward amount of time had passed. Then he blinked and gasped. 

“oh shit… oH SHIT! CHARA!” He shouted, racing out of his room in a t-shirt and boxer shorts (who knew he wore something besides the sweatshirt and gym shorts?). “where are they?! WHERE’S PHIL AND PAPYRUS?!” He yelled frantically, his eye flashing blue. 

“Sans it’s okay we’re right here!” Phil called out from below. Sans breath a huge sigh of relief, sagging against the wall. Then he noticed the huge crowd of humans and Cecil in the living room. 

And he was in his fucking underwear. 

What was this, a bad fanfic?

“Oh I remember those underwear! I bought those for you, didn’t I?!” Cecil called out, getting confused looks from everyone else. Except Frisk who had no time for this shit. Marinette debated whether to point out that the boxers looked suspiciously like Peridot’s alien boxers from Steven Universe, but decided against it. 

“cecil… no.” Sans said, facepalming himself. “i’m gonna go put clothes on, then we’re going to find the murderous 9 year old? k?” Adrien and Frisk nodded, heading back down the stairs to let Sans go change. 

The living room was really crowded with 12 people in it, and everyone was grateful Brendon Urie had disappeared again so it wouldn’t be even more uncomfortable. Especially considering he had Matpat’s blood all over him last time they’d checked. Marinette was currently squished into Dan’s chest with Adrien on the other side of her, the blonde’s hand perilously close to her booty. But, her crime fighting partner was being a gentleman, and ignoring this ripe opportunity for some ‘accidental’ ass-grabbing. Not to say she wouldn’t have kicked his ass if he did touch her butt. 

“So… are you all okay if I make another short film out of this? Because it seems like this is going to be an adventure.” PJ asked, currently being pressed in between Felix and Cecil in a sandwich. Marinette and Dan groaned, trying to give him double death glares but only Dan succeeding because Marinette was too short to be seen in the mini-crowd. 

“Yay! Another short film!” Cecil cheered while Dan and Marinette had Vietnam flashbacks. 

“You really think that’s a good idea, mate?” Phil asked, going northern for a moment. 

“Yeah, why not? My last video got a shit ton of views!” PJ exclaimed. Before anyone could point out exactly how bad of an idea this was, Sans opened his door, fully dressed, and walked down the stairs. Everyone went quiet and looked at him. 

“What’s the plan?” Carlos asked. 

“why don’t we just have frisk reset?” Sans suggested, looking at the kid. 

“Um, okay. Everyone say your goodbyes and prepare to lose your memories.” Frisk said. Dan and Marinette glanced worriedly to one another, one pulling out a pen to try and hastily write a message with the other’s number because they didn’t want to lose each other’s friendship. Phil and Papyrus clung to one another, not ready to say goodbye. Jack, Mark, and Felix cried, clutching their high-heeled gogo boots. PJ was trying to film everything for inspiration. 

“Wait does this reset my camera memory?” PJ asked before Frisk could do it. 

“No I don’t think so.”

“Okay then gotta keep filming!” PJ said. Marinette immediately took out her phone, her and Dan quickly trying to explain everything in one video. Adrien just kinda stood awkwardly in the middle of all this, unsure of what to do. Cecil didn’t give a shit, he would remember this anyway and just plan another reunion party.

Frisk looked back at the eclectic group, and pulled up the menu screen only to find…

There was no reset button.

Frisk’s scream shattered the hasty panic that was enveloping the room, and they all glanced to the genderless child to find that their face had gone from ^o^ to :0

“What?! What’s wrong?” Adrien asked, rushing over to the trembling human. 

“I-I-I can’t reset! I’m always able to reset! ALWAYS! Even during a genocide run!” Frisk said, their breathing quickening.

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CAN’T RESET?!” Sans shouted, his eye flashing bright blue and making everyone back the fuck up. 

“I-I mean it’s not working! I try to press the button but it doesn’t work!” Frisk screeched. 

“Then that has to mean there’s someone with higher DT than you…” Adrien pondered aloud. The trio reached the same conclusion all at once, heartbeats speeding up as terror set in.

“Chara. Chara must be human again.” Adrien said in a horrified tone. 

DUN DUN DUNNNNNN (josh dun that is)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHOAH HELLA PLOT TWIST MA DUDE NUDES -Fork
> 
> my creativity shows in the form of sassy comment replies and adrien's comments about sans' dick and fork's shows when she writes the notes
> 
> dude nudes
> 
> 10/10  
> -you know which one of us this is


	14. it's time to move on mari

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group discusses what to do now, and Marinette just can't let go of some things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would say sorry for it being so long since we updated but tbh that's probably a good thing
> 
> BUT OH WELL WE'RE BACK AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO
> 
> But yeah. Spoon was in excruciating pain and I ate empanadas (that's all the explanation y'all are gonna get)

“OH SHIT!” Frisk shrieked at Adrien’s words, completely in a state of terror. The child wasn't prepared for this, in all their many many years of living they had never not been able to reset. They began to hyperventilate, and Papyrus scooped them up in his arms and carried them to the kitchen to calm them down with a plate of spaghetti. 

“Oh shit, oh shit this is bad.” Jack muttered, knowing full well how important the reset button was. 

“Wait, how did Chara even get a body? They're a ghost!” Adrien asked aloud. Cecil’s eyes widened while Carlos let out a small squeak, drawing everyone's attention to them. Carlos immediately looked at the ground with guilt, while Cecil bit his lip awkwardly. 

“what did you do?!” Sans demanded.

“Um… Well…” Carlos stammered, now realizing his mistake.

“Uh, remember the spare body clinic beneath the dentist office?” Cecil asked the skelebro hesitantly. Sans nodded sternly.

“yeah?” 

“Well… We might've taken Chara to it last night and bound them to their double’s body.” Cecil said reluctantly.

“WHAT?!” Sans shrieked. 

“I’M SORRY WE DIDN’T KNOW THEY WOULD TRY TO MURDER EVERYONE!” Carlos yelled, his tone desperate. 

“Do you even know what you've done?!” Adrien shouted. 

“Okay, well it's not our fault because no one told us that they were a sociopath!” Cecil protested. “We thought we were doing a nice thing!”

“oh yeah, a nice thing for them alright,” Sans muttered. “look, before anyone else gets killed, i think we need to get everyone to the portals and back home so frisk and i don't have to worry about saving your asses every five seconds.” The humans glanced sadly to one another, knowing the skeleton was right. 

“But-but what if we don't want to leave?” Phil asked, clinging to Papyrus who was still holding Frisk. 

“phil, you can come back when this whole situation is taken care of, but until then you need to go back to london.” Phil sighed and nodded, letting go of his friend. Sans turned to Marinette and Adrien.

“you guys should also head back to paris, i know you probably didn’t even want to come in the first place-”

“OH HELL NO!” Marinette interrupted. “I am NOT leaving you guys here to get your asses kicked by a 9 year old. In case you’ve forgotten, I’m a LITERAL superhero, this is kinda my job. Anyway, I doubt they can be worse than Manon, she was literally able to control people with her mind.” 

“Well depending on the situation Chara kinda can-”

“kid, be quiet.” Sans said, holding out a hand to stop Frisk from talking. He turned back to Marinette, who was giving him an even stare. “fine, you wanna stay you can stay. we’re gonna need all the help we can get anyway.” 

“I’M STAYING TOO!” Adrien shouted. Sans just sighed, knowing he couldn’t argue with his stubborn ex. 

“okay okay, the cgi kids are staying. anyone else wanna help us fight a demon?” 

“We should get the Winchester brothers in here.” Marinette muttered.

“Unfortunately that’s a no go, they’re on vacation. They told me that last week when they got a demon out of my house, for half-price too!” Cecil said, referring to the Supernatural brothers. “I had a coupon.” He said proudly. Carlos gave his boyfriend an exasperated smile. 

“anyway, so pj, felix, jack, mark, dan, and phil are all leaving right?” Sans asked. Marinette sighed quietly when Dan’s name was said, but she didn’t say anything to protest, knowing it was safer that way.

“Can we keep the shoes?” Felix asked. 

“i don’t fucking care.” Sans said with a shrug. Mark, Jack, and Felix all cheered, clutching their neon gogo boots tightly. 

“Well, wait, do I have to leave?” Dan asked, putting an arm around Marinette having noticed her sadness. 

“No Dan, I don’t wanna go back to London alone!” Phil protested, finally leaving Papyrus’ side for the first time since they reunited. Dan gave him an annoyed look.

“We barely talked for a whole year in the last fic.” He said dryly. 

“How many times do I have to say it, every tuesday at four!” Phil reminded him. 

“FOR FUCK’S SAKE I DON’T GIVE A FLYING SHIT ABOUT EVERY TUESDAY AT FOUR! YOU ONLY HUNG OUT WITH ME THEN BECAUSE YOU HAD NOWHERE ELSE TO GO!” Dan shouted, once again being assaulted by mental images of Papyrus and Mettaton fucking. Phil glanced around awkwardly for a moment, knowing it was the truth. 

“Well we still had fun, didn’t we?” Phil asked, trying to turn the conversation around.

“You and me playing Mario Kart every time isn’t fun at all! Especially when you’re yelling ‘all or nothing’ every five seconds!” Dan argued back. 

“yo, emo’s, i know you got your problems but we have bigger fish to fry, so please, shut up.” Sans said. Undyne suddenly materialized out of thin air, having gotten tips from Brendon on how to manifest, and the living room gained one more member.

“Dammit Sans, how many times do I have to tell you? That’s racist!” Undyne scolded him. 

“oh shit, sorry ‘bout that.” Sans said. “anywayyyyyy, back to the goddamn conversation, who’s leaving and who’s staying in this shit hole?!” 

“I’m staying.” Marinette and Dan said at the same time, glancing at each other in surprise again at their unison. “We’re staying.” They corrected, still speaking together. 

“dan, can you even fight?” Sans asked, raising one browbone. 

“Nope!” Dan replied succinctly. “We’ve fused before, you should know this by now. Dans weapon’s were fucking memes.” Dan said. Sans nodded, but really didn’t care if Dan stayed or not so he didn’t protest.

“I’m staying!” Adrien said.

“Leaving.” The horny trinity said in unison. Sans glanced to Cecil and Carlos, and then snorted, remembering how weird Night Vale was and not even bothering to ask because he knew Cecil was staying.

“Staying.” Brendon whispered, manifesting out of the shadows and then disappearing within seconds. 

“Dammit Brendon!” Undyne exclaimed. 

“Can I film this?” PJ asked. Sans gave him a ‘bitch really?’ look, but then nodded in defeat. “Then I’m staying!” Then everyone looked to Phil, who was the last person to speak.

“Well… um… I don’t wanna leave, especially if Dan’s staying-” Phil began, but was cut off by Sans.

“no, phil, it’s too dangerous. because you spend so much time with papyrus you’ll be a prime target for chara, and the two of you together will be even worse. i’d rather have you somewhere i know you can’t get hurt, so i don’t have to worry about you getting killed.” Sans explained, his tone showing exactly how Phil had become like a second brother to him. Phil gave a longing look to Papyrus, when suddenly his eyes lit up with an idea.

“Wait! Why doesn’t Paps come back to London with me? That way we’ll both be safe while you guys take care of Chara. Then you guys can just come get us!” Phil suggested. Sans nodded, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. 

“hmm, that might actually work. okay, i think we’ll go with that plan. paps, you okay with going to london for a few days?” 

“WELL, I WANT TO HELP CAPTURE THE HUMAN SO I CAN BE A PART OF THE ROYAL GUARD, BUT I DON’T WANT TO LEAVE MY FRIEND PHIL. BOY, I AM CONFLICTED!” Papyrus said. “I AM ALSO VERY TALL AND GREAT AT MAKING SPAGHETTI, BUT ALSO CONFLICTED.” 

“Papyrus, you can still be a part of the royal guard, but I think you should go to London.” Undyne said. “Maybe you can capture Frisk when you get back.” She continued, eyeing the child still in Papyrus’ arms. Frisk glared back with their poker face, and Undyne shivered and had to look away before she got lost in the emotionless pools of their black, soulless, gaze. 

“I CAN?! OH BOY! OKAY THEN, I SHALL GO TO LONDON WITH PHIL! PHIL, DO THEY HAVE SPAGHETTI THERE?!” 

“Oh yeah, they have TONS of different kinds of spaghetti there! We can try all the spaghetti you want!” Phil said cheerfully. Papyrus whooped with excitement, almost dropping Frisk. 

“okay, frisk, you staying?” Sans asked.

“Where the fuck else would I go?” Frisk said rhetorically. Sans shrugged and continued.

“so, let’s see, phil, paps, the horny trinity are all leaving while everyone else is staying. are we forgetting anyone?” As if on cue, Thomas materialized- no just kidding he walked through the door carrying at least four Temmies, one riding on his head. 

“Hey guys gals and nonbinary pals! What’s going on? Are we having brunch?” Frisk finger gunned at Thomas’ use of ‘nonbinary pals’, very glad people like Thomas existed. 

“Thomas! Where have you been?” Jack asked. 

“I’ve been hanging out with the Temmies! They still kept my bedroom in the Tem Shop from last time!” Thomas said cheerfully. 

“Oh, well, considering you’re an actual cinnamon roll I think we need to have you leave. At least until things are safe again.” Adrien said, knowing Thomas would be a prime target for Chara. 

“Wait we’re leaving?! Why?! I’m very confused, what’s going on?” Thomas asked, hugging one of the Temmies he was holding tighter to his chest. 

“Matpat got stabbed, like, an hour ago.” Mark explained. Thomas gasped, horror filling his expression. 

“Oh my god, WHAT?! Mat DIED?!” He asked, his voice filled with shock. 

“Yeah, real shame, rip.” Dan said casually. 

“Who-who killed him?!” Thomas questioned, hugging all his Temmies now. 

“chara, dumb and dumber over here,” Sans said, gesturing to Carlos and Cecil. “thought it would be a FANTABULOUS idea to go get them a body,” He continued, mocking Cecil’s way of speaking. “and so now they’re on a murderous rampage to try and kill everyone. so we were just trying to figure out who we were gonna send back through the portals and who was going to stay and fight.” 

“I’d rather not leave the Temmies alone during this time, especially not during this time of dire need. They need money for colleg!” He said, patting the one on his head. She let out a happy squeak. 

“Um, Thomas, the Temmies will be fine, Chara never attacks them. It’s you we’re worried about.” Marinette tried to explain in a kind tone. 

“Well then I can just go to colleg with the Tems!” He argued. 

“Thomas no!” Everyone said in unison. 

“Thomas yes…” Whispered the Temmie perched atop his head. 

“look, vine guy, i get you like the temmies but i really don’t want another death on my hands. phil and paps are already going to london, i think you should go back to wherever the hell you’re from. at least temporarily, we’ll come get you when it’s safe.” Sans said, really not wanting to deal with a dead viner at the moment. Thomas looked around, and saw no one was agreeing with his want to stay. He sighed, and then steeled his gaze.

“No. I’m staying with the Temmies. They are my people and have made me an honorary Temmie, I can’t leave the tribe. It’s not right. I need to be loyal to my kind.” Thomas said, raising his chin. 

“Thomas you’re not a Temmie.” Felix said. 

“What the fuck did you just fucking say about him, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo. ” The Temmie on top of his head said coldly, it’s black hole gaze boring into Felix’s consciousness, until he felt the world falling out from under him as he was sucked into an eternal void of darkness and terror. Then, Jack and Mark’s arms grabbed his shoulders, anchoring him back to reality. He shivered and looked away from the monster. 

“You know what, I’m leaving. None of you can respect me being a Temmie, so I’m just going to go be with my kind. I’ll be on vine if you need me.” And with that, Thomas teleported out of the room, having learned it from the Temmies. 

“WHY DOES EVERYONE FEEL THE NEED TO FUCKING TELEPORT!?” Undyne shouted in frustration, recalling the countless times Brendon Urie had appeared in her home. 

“umm… okay then, i think that’s everyone. c’mon kiddos, we need to go to the portals.” Sans then led everyone out of the house like ducklings to their mother (yes we are using that analogy again, fuck off) (what you didn’t remember? Well i do. I never forget. Ever. actually i forget a lot of things. -R).

After a very quick shortcut, the gaggle of weirdos was now standing in the very beginning of the game atop Chara’s grave. The delicate golden blooms were gently squashed beneath their feet, worsened even more by the nervous pacing that Sans was doing. 

“carlos, can you open them now? I don’t like phil and paps being out in the open like this.” Sans said, sticking his hands in his pockets. 

“Yeah sure, let me just get my remote out.” Carlos pulled a complicated metal device from his lab coat, and began to fiddle with the many buttons and dials. His tongue stuck out of the corner of his mouth in concentration, frowning as he punched in the correct codes. Then, after a few seconds of unbearable silence, Carlos let out a noise of triumph. 

“Here we go! Last button and then the portal should open up right here…” One more click, and the scientist pointed to a spot right behind them. Everyone turned and stared, waiting for the familiar tearing noise of the universe being partially ripped. But, seconds passed, and nothing occurred. 

The silence grew tense with waiting, everyone hoping as each second went on that the portal would appear just as expected so Phil and Papyrus could get to safety. But nothing happened, and the unstoppable hand of time didn’t cease, ticking on and on as it will for eternity, until the universe implodes on itself and becomes a vast realm of nothingness, any memory of any life at all completely wiped away by the inky blackness of empty. 

“what the shit, carlos?” Sans asked, shattering the icy quiet that had settled in the air. 

“Um, uh, I-I don’t know! That should’ve worked! Hang on, maybe I just pressed a wrong button and opened a portal in Portugal or something.” Carlos said, fiddling with the many dials. Everyone watched with bated breath, and still nothing occurred. Frowning, Carlos flipped the machine over, and hastily unscrewed the back. When the cover popped off, he gasped and gaped in shock, and the group rushed over to see what the scientist was seeing. 

The multitude of gears and electronics that resided in the back of the complex portal opener were still there and mostly intact, but were slowly being eaten away by what looked to be none other than Chara’s drippy face goo.

“What...what is this stuff?” Carlos asked, reaching to touch the dark brown slime. 

“DON’T TOUCH THAT! IT’LL BURN STRAIGHT THROUGH YOUR SKIN!” Adrien shouted, slapping Carlos’ hand away. Cecil glowered at him for touching his boyfriend, but didn’t raise his tentacles to attack. Carlos gave Adrien a confused and frightened look, unsure of why he wasn’t allowed to touch this most scientifically fascinating substance. 

“I had to clean that stuff up last night, that is Chara’s drippy face shit and I think it’s acidic.” Adrien explained, shuddering at the memory of how many paper towels the goop had burned through before he and Sans could finally clean it up. 

“How on earth would that have gotten in there?” Cecil asked, giving the substance a curious look. 

“Are you guys really that stupid? Obviously Chara knew that we would try to leave using the portals, and so they must’ve stolen Carlos’ remote when he wasn’t looking and dripped that goo in the mechanics!” Felix said, running a hand through his now somehow blue hair exasperatedly. Did he dye the night before? Who knows. 

“Hey Felix, when did you dye your hair blue?” PJ asked, noticing the new hue. 

“¯\\_(ツ)_/¯” Was all Felix replied. 

“Well what the fuck are we supposed to do now?” Marinette inquired. 

“uhhhhh… shit hang on give me a minute.” Sans said, trying to solve this puzzle furiously. He frowned, frustration building in him as he thought of all the ways Chara had foiled his plans and/or life in the past. Anger built inside him, and his hands clenched into fists. “GODDAMIT!” He shouted, raising his fist angrily at the hole in the ceiling. Whirling around, he aimed for the wall but missed and ended up punching Felix in the gut. Felix doubled over in pain, groaning yet grateful the short skeleton had missed his groin. 

“Ah shit!” Felix shrieked. 

“oops, sorry mr. pie, i was aiming for the wall.” Sans said with a shrug. “at least i only do one damage!”

“The invincibility frames are off, you know goddamn well that that was like half his fookin’ health!” Jack protested, rubbing his friend’s shoulder comfortingly. 

“Here, have a granola bar!” Adrien shouted, throwing a food item to Felix. But because Adrien was not one of the kool kidz, it ended up hitting the ruler of youtube in the head, making him lose another health point. 

“Fuck you!” Felix shouted, scrambling to pick the food off the ground and quickly began to chow on it. 

“So… what’s the plan now?” Undyne asked, her spear out as she scanned to make sure Chara didn’t sneak attack them. 

“um…” Sans scratched his head as he thought. Then, he snapped his fingers as an idea came to him. “gaster! we’ll get him to scan for dt and we can find chara that way!” 

“That sounds like a good idea. Do you know where he is?” Dan asked. 

“well he should be in the shed where he usually hangs out, so let’s check that out.” Sans said. Everyone nodded in agreement, and Sans led his group of humans and one skeleton and one fish lady through another shortcut, and back into Snowdin. 

Once they arrived, almost as if on instinct (it wasn’t instinct, it was mystic. #fuckvalor) everyone had formed a protective circle around Phil and Papyrus. The group was scanning the area, watching for any sign of the sociopath, determined to protect their most valuable cinnamon rolls. But it wasn’t a long walk before they reached the bunker, Sans using his skeleton key from the first fic to open up the lock. 

“okay, guys, not everyone can fit in this tiny ass bunker so it’s just gonna be me and frisk going down, just wait up here and watch for any sign of the stabby little shit. phil, paps, stay inside the circle.” 

“I LOVE CIRCLES!” Papyrus announced. “AND ALL OTHER SHAPES, ESPECIALLY TRIANGLES!”

“Illuminati confirmed.” Felix, Dan, and Adrien all whispered at the same time, much to Marinette’s distaste. 

“c’mon kiddo, let’s go down.” Sans said, gesturing to the emotionless human. Frisk shrugged and climbed down first, and was quickly followed by the hooded skelebro. 

As the group awaited the return of their kinda leader, they watched the trees intensely, vigilant for any kind of attack. Shadows flickered between the green, snow-covered leaves, shapes running in between the branches. Paranoia began to fill the group, the sound of running footsteps in the distance setting everyone’s teeth on edge. Phil and Papyrus shrunk further into the circle, waiting for what seemed to be an inevitable attack. Tikki and Plagg appeared again for the first time since they’d gotten down there, ready to transform their wielders at a moment's notice. Heartbeats quickened as the noises continued, the tense mood in the air tightening its grip on everyone’s mind. Dan was gripping Marinette’s arm tightly, almost to the point of cutting off her blood circulation, and she gave him a confused look. 

“What the hell, Dan?” She whispered. 

“Trees. I don’t like creepy trees.” He whispered back, glancing around fearfully. 

“Oh for fuck’s sake, tree’s and moths? Really? You have very arbitrary fears.” She sassed. 

“It’s times like these I wish Brendon was here.” Dan said, the nervous energy practically bouncing off of him. 

“Wait, I can summon him!” Marinette said. She cleared her throat, and thought of a Panic! Lyric. “I chimed in- oh, wait, I think we’ve used that one already. Um… I lost a bet to a guy in chiffon skirt!” 

“BUT I MAKE THESE HIGH HEELS WORK!” Brendon finished, manifesting from the air somehow wearing Felix’s high-heeled boots. 

“Hey how the fuck did you steal my boots bro?” Felix complained, looking at his now bare feet. 

“I’m magic.” Brendon replied, wiggling his eyebrows. “Anyway, what’d ya need me for?” 

“You can see the future right?” Marinette questioned.

“Yea?”

“Well can you tell us if Chara is gonna attack in the next five minutes because we’re all very nervous.” 

“Oh, sorry Mari, but I gotta wait for a vision to come to me. I can’t force one.” He said with a shrug. 

“B-but you’re one of the kool kidz!” Adrien mentioned. Brendon just finger gunned.

“Well I can help you protect Phil and Paps for a minute, I’ve got nothing going on since THE LAST FUCKING MEMBER OF MY BAND GOT STABBED!” He said, clearly still salty over Matpat’s untimely death. 

“I wonder if the summoning works with Twenty one pilots?” Marinette muttered. “Eh, it’s worth a shot. You fell alseep in-”

“MY! CAR I DROVE THE WHOLE TIME!” Tyler screamed, randomly appearing with Josh riding in on his moving drums behind him. “Yo Marinette, what’s up?” Tyler asked. 

“Oh, nothing in particular, I just wanted to see if I could summon you.” She said with a grin. Tyler nodded, and then he and Josh just began to play ominous background music to set the mood. All that did was cause Dan to grip Marinette’s arm tighter. 

Another noise from the bushes made everyone whirl around, tensely awaiting the impending attack. But then, a crunch sounded from next to them, and they all turned to see Adrien munching on some astronaut food and throwing the wrappers into the treeline, therefore causing all the scary noises. 

“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME CAT BOY?!” Marinette said, punching his arm. His mouth was full, so he couldn’t respond, but he just shrugged apologetically. “Well, at least we know the noises aren’t from Chara. But we still need to stay on our guard.” She continued. Then, an idea occurred to her. “Wait… if I can summon Twenty one pilots, and Panic! At the Disco, then does that mean I can summon Fall Out Boy?” She wondered aloud. 

“Oh no.” Dan muttered, having PeteTSD (ayyyyyy).

“I think it’s worth a shot.” Jack said. Marinette nodded, figuring why the hell not, and thought of a FOB lyric.

“This ain’t a scene it’s a-”

“GAH DEH ARH REH!” Patrick finished as he appeared out of thin air, and the rest of Fall Out Boy floated in with their instruments behind him. They looked around in confusion for a minute, and Pete and Dan immediately made eye contact. Dan almost peed himself and Pete smiled with joy. 

“Oh hey Dan, how ya doing?” Pete asked with a smirk. 

“I hate you so much…” Dan whispered. Marinette and Phil rubbed his shoulders comfortingly. 

“Hey guys!” Brendon yelled.

“Yo Brendon!” Pete shouted back, waving ferociously even though they were only two feet away from each other. “Do you know where the hell we are?!” 

“It’s the Underground! And these are my buddies, including my best buddy Undyne!” He said, nudging Undyne with his elbow. 

“Touch me again and I’ll rip out your throat.” Undyne growled menacingly. 

“Whoa, just take it easy man.” Drake Parker from Drake and Josh said. 

“I had another band member, but he kinda GOT FUCKING STABBED BY A 9 YEAR OLD!” Brendon yelled. 

“Wait, what happened to Sarah?” Patrick questioned, raising an eyebrow. Brendon just scoffed and crossed his arm, looking away.

“She said she needed room to ‘explore her creativity, whatever the hell that means.” He replied grumpily, and Marinette interrupted before he could continue any further.

“Wait, guys! I can summon emo bands… Does that mean…” She looked to Dan, her eyes glistening with tears of hope. Dan had the same realization and he stared back at her, trying his hardest to keep his demeanor calm while the sixteen year old emo buried deep, deep inside of him screamed and tried to claw its way out.

“Mari, this seems like a really bad-”

“WHEN I WAS!” She cut him off, shouting the lyrics at the top of her lungs. She waited, desperate to hear Gerard Way’s angelic voice to call out back to her, but she was met with only the serene silence of Snowdin, the only sound being the whistle of wind through the trees and Marinette and Dan’s pounding hearts. Marinette wilted, sighing in despair as her tol emo friend moved to rest a hand on her shoulder, looking down at her empathetically.

“It’s time to move on, Marinette.” He said softly, the same dull, pained look in his eyes. She took in a deep breath and nodded, straightening herself out and holding her head high.

“We’ll carry on, we’ll carry on…” She sang proudly, a single tear streaming down her voice. Dan joined in after the second word, knowing every beat of the song by heart. “And though you’re dead and gone believe me,”

“YOur MEmORY WiLL cArRY ONNNNNNN!!” A woman’s voice suddenly screeched out from the woods, causing everyone to jump out of their skin.

“I DON’T HAVE SKIN!” Papyrus reminded Spoon. Oh yeah, I can’t use that analogy anymore. Damn. No, not Damn. Papyrus. 

“Who the hell was that?” Mark asked. 

“I don’t know.” Marinette said, looking around worriedly for the source of the noise. 

“Well you two are the emos, you should know who completed the damn lyric!” Felix said. Dan and Marinette opened their mouths to defend themselves, when the sound of ugly sobbing tore through the trees. They all glanced towards the source, and staying in the circle, they shuffled over to where it was coming from while Fall Out Boy, Twenty one pilots, and Brendon floated beside them. 

After a few seconds of awkwardly walking towards the cries, they came across a young woman curled into a ball in the snow. She had shoulder length black hair, cut rather choppily, along with a black band t-shirt with the name scribbled out with black sharpie. A pair of discarded fishnets could be seen a few feet away from her trembling form. 

“Um… are you okay?” Adrien inquired. 

“N-no… I-I’m not okayyyyy… (I promise).” She whispered in a broken voice. They all kinda stared at her, unsure of what the hell to do, but Dan could recognize the familiar sight of an emo in pain, and so he stepped over to her and laid down beside her, awkwardly patting her head. A few minutes passed, and Adrien took a selfie with everyone while they waited for the girl to stop crying to prove he had friends. Take that, dad! The girl’s sobbing eventually subsided, and she shakily sat up and wiped red tears away, stark in contrast against her porcelain skin. 

“Who the fuk r u?” Felix said in a perfect impression of that one girl from TMPGIS. The girl stared at the eclectic group for a moment, trying not to meet Papyrus’ eyes, which they understood perfectly since they were a pretty weird group tbh. 

“I-I’m…” She winced, as if a painful memory had surfaced. “I’m Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way. Please don’t laugh at my name, I regret it deeply.” She said in a low, mournful tone. Adrien’s eyes widened at the name, horrible memories of fanfiction resurfacing. 

“Oh...oh my god. You… YOU’RE REAL?!” He shouted, pushing his way out of the circle towards her sitting figure. 

“I am, it’s terrible.” Ebony said, hanging her head low. 

“Adrien, you know her?” Marinette questioned, raising her brows. Adrien looked around, trying to see if her unique name sparked any sense of recognition from the squad, but no one seemed to realize who was sitting in front of them. 

“How can none of you know who Ebony is?! Have none of you heard of My Immortal?!” He asked incredulously.

“For the sake of everyone’s sanity, it’s best if we keep it that way.” Ebony said. 

“What the hell are you talking about, Adrien?” PJ asked. Adrien sighed, terrible memories flooding to the surface, and he gave the squad a grave look. 

“My Immortal is the most infamous fanfiction on the entire internet. It’s a… It’s a Harry Potter fanfic, and the star is none other than Miss Ebony sitting before us.” Adrien said, gesturing to the girl curled up in a ball with her knees to her chest. 

“I regret my entire existence.” She whispered. Dan looked away, trying not to make his obvious regret inconspicuous. 

“Well, um, Ebony, why are you here in the Underground?” PJ questioned. 

“I’m a vampire, being out in the sun really isn’t a good idea.” She muttered. The group looked around, unsure of what the hell they were supposed to do now. Did they just leave the former emo here, or should they bring her back to society to possibly get her a normal life? 

“Hey, does anyone we know deal with reforming emos?” Undyne inquired. They all wracked their brains, trying to think of who they could recruit to save this poor vampire. They all came to the same conclusion at the same time.

“ALPHYS!” Everyone shouted at once. 

“Yeah, she’s good at, um, science and stuff. And likes anime! She should totally be able to help Ebony!” Adrien said, trying to figure out why the authors thought Alphys was a good idea. (a//n trust us it’ll make sense later)

“But Carlos is good at science too!” Cecil protested. 

“No. I am not dealing with this.” Carlos said, turning back to fiddling with his still eroding remote. Rip. 

“Oh for fuck’s sake, I’ll take her to Alphys. Don’t die while I’m gone, punks!” Undyne said, lifting Ebony up effortlessly with one arm. Dan gave Undyne a worried look. 

“Holy shit, you’re so strong.” Ebony said in awe. 

“You know it.” Undyne said with a smirk. 

“Be careful with her.” Dan whispered. The only one who heard his plea was Marinette, but she didn’t think much of it and shrugged it off. And with that, she teleported away, taking Ebony with her. 

Suddenly, a trapdoor opening sounded from a few feet behind the squad, and they whirled around to see Sans and Frisk climbing out of the bunker. The two looked confused as to why the whole group was now closer to the trees, and also as to why Undyne had been replaced with Twenty one pilots and Fall Out Boy. 

“um… did we miss something?” Sans asked. 

“You missed a lot.” Marinette said, offering no further explanation than that. 

“So? Did you guys talk to Gaster?” PJ asked. 

“yeah, and he wants to speak with everyone, but adrien’s gotta go.” Sans said, pointing to the blonde. 

“Wait, what?! I don’t wanna leave!” Adrien protested, his voice breaking.

“Get the fuck out of here.” Frisk said in a sweet, high-pitched voice, their left eye twitching. 

“B-but-but-”

“GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY SIGHTS BEFORE I-”

“OKAY I’M GOING!” Adrien shouted, crying as he ran to Grillby’s. Sans gave Frisk a proud look, patting them on the head once. Frisk finger-gunned back. Then, Sans turned around and yelled into the trapdoor.

“YO POPS HE’S GONE, YOU CAN COME UP!” 

“Oh thank god!” They heard a relieved voice yell from below. Gaster climbed up the ladder, his shadowy frame still as intimidating as ever. The gaggle crowded around the scientist, waiting for him to speak. 

“Well, I have good news and bad news.” Gaster said solemnly. 

“Tell us the bad news first.” Phil said from inside the circle of protection. 

“Bad news is, I cannot locate Chara.” The group sighed in defeat. 

“Then what’s the good news?” Jack asked. 

“That little blonde shit finally left.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOU THOUGHT IT COULDN'T GET SHITTIER, WELL YOU WERE WRONG! WE BROUGHT FUCKING EBONY DARK'NESS DEMENTIA RAVEN WAY INTO THIS MOTHERFUCKER!
> 
> Also apparently emo bands can be summoned through lyrics
> 
> Things will get more exciting in the next chapter -Fork
> 
> okay first off all thats a fucking lie this will always be shit
> 
> another lie i am still in excruciating pain and i almost cried eating a goddamn tuna sandwhich
> 
> fork just called me a failiure for spellimg shit wrong but you know what i dont need that kind of negativity in my life


	15. papyrus is a cockblock yet again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WE'VE BEEN WAITING SO LONG TO DO THIS FUCKING SHIP

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello my name is spoon and i am horribly ill
> 
> i fell asleep on fork while she was writing this last night
> 
> so yeah heres this piece of shit that no one asked for
> 
> also i'm writing actual fanfic now haha ha hdh cool go read that itll be up soon #spon

“Hey!” Felix protested, thinking they were talking about him because he’d been stalking Marina Joyce’s twitter the whole time. 

“Not you ya swedish meatball.” Gaster said. Felix put his hand over his chest like he was really offended.

“Damn! I should’ve included you in my roast video.” He said, before proceeding to mutter the navy seal meme in swedish under his breath. Gaster decided not to tell him he was fluent in swedish. PJ patted Felix’s shoulder to calm him down. 

“Wait, what about Damn?” Marinette and Dan asked in unison, having given up long ago at questioning their synchronization. 

“goddamit this chapter’s already a mess.” Sans muttered. “can you all shut the fuck up, please? we kinda have a situation to deal with!” Everyone quieted down, and looked at the short skeleton. 

“okay. thanks. now, since gaster can’t find chara we gotta make another plan. i’m thinking we should have gaster work on fixing the portals with carlos, while i work with frisk to try and upgrade the dt scanner to see if i can get a reading on chara’s location.” The group gave him a dubious look, clearly doubting his ability to work on the DT scanner. “ok, first off, how dare you? how many degrees in quantum physics and advanced mathematics do you have?” He asked, giving everyone a challenging glare. 

“Linda.” Adrien growled under his breath, having suddenly reappeared (no not like brendon, he wasn’t one of the kool kidz). Gaster groaned at his reappearance, but no one else gave a shit. Other than that no one responded.

“yeah, that’s what i thought. so i’m gonna work on that with the kid, while the rest of you all head back to the hotel and sit on your asses and don’t do anything stupid.” Sans ordered. The humans nodded in agreement, except for Adrien who was frowning at the skelebro. 

“It’s just going to be you and Frisk? Doesn’t that seem a little dangerous?” Adrien questioned. “Maybe...maybe I should come with. To guard you and stuff.” Marinette gave the blonde a look of ‘are you shitting me?’, but he ignored her. Sans raised a questioning browbone. 

“you’re protecting us, yet you couldn’t even defeat me in a fight? yeah, i don’t think we need you.” Sans said, still salty about the genocide run. Adrien sighed, looking at the granola bar wrapper covered ground sadly as the familiar feeling of patheticness began to overwhelm him. He tried not to cry, and pictured Plagg calling him a fucking pussy as motivation. 

“But-But, I actually am really good at physics! It’s kinda canon! I mean, mostly fanon, but still kinda canon!” He protested. Sans gave him a surprised look, not expecting the male model to be knowledgeable in the field of quantum physics. He glanced to Marinette for confirmation, and she nodded reluctantly. Sans looked back to his ex, and sighed as he realized the help would be useful.

“fine, you can come along, but i think it’d be better if you suited up.” Sans suggested.

“Oh, I know you all are just dying to see me in the leather again.” Adrien said, going to wink at Sans but then realizing how awkward that was and tried to stop winking but it was too late because his eye was already half-closed so he just kinda shifted his gaze over to the left a bit and accidentally winked at Frisk then forgot to open his again so he just ended up staring at Frisk awkwardly with one eye closed. Frisk didn’t react. They never react. Meanwhile Marinette groaned, shoving her head into Dan’s shoulder at the furry’s flirty comment. 

“Adrien! There’s a child here!” Phil scolded him. 

“I’ve seen Adrien’s tumblr, I’m very desensitized at this point.” Frisk said, completely deadpan. 

“I was talking about Papyrus!” Phil clarified, gesturing to his buddy.

“I AM ALWAYS A GREAT TOPIC OF CONVERSATION!” Paps yelled. 

“Every tuesday at four.” Dan commented dryly.

“okay, guys, do we have a plan worked out? adrien, frisk, and i will go and work on the dt scanner, while gaster and carlos work on repairing the portals and everyone else goes back to the hotel. is that clear?” The group murmured a chorus of ‘yes’s’. “good. cecil, i know you wanna go with carlos, but first you need to escort everyone to the hotel to make sure phil and paps are safe. you can come back later, i know you can take care of yourself because let’s be real, you can be scary as hell. if anything, you’ll just be mistaken for slenderman.” Sans explained, turning to the radio host. 

“Okay, fine, as long as I get to come back!” Cecil agreed reluctantly. Sans nodded, and after a few uncomfortable seconds of everyone just standing there, Sans gestured for them all to start walking. The emo bands that were still there for some fucking reason just stood there as well, until Brendon led all them all to Grillby’s to chillax. Cecil’s tentacles appeared to make the gay radio host look more frightening, and he began to lead them all back to the MTT hotel. So all that was left was Adrien, Frisk, Sans, Carlos, and a very annoyed Gaster. 

“kid, can you like, make yourself useful and transform please?” Sans requested of the blonde. He nodded hastily, and with an angry grumble from Plagg, in a flash of green light the kinky cat boy reappeared. 

“I think Carlos and I should go… somewhere else to work on the portals.” Gaster said, wanting to get away from his son’s ex-boyfriend. “I think we shall head to Alphys’ laboratory.” Carlos just nodded, and the two began to stroll there way to Hotland, leaving Chat Noir, Sans, and Frisk.

“Well… what the fuck do we do now?” Frisk asked.

“let’s head down into the bunker and start working on this machine.” Sans said. And with that, they all headed down into the darkness underneath the house. 

Meanwhile, the other group had safely made it to the MTT hotel, and the Youtubers were quickly realizing that the entirety of the internet thought they were either dead, kidnapped, or having and orgy. 

“I think we should make a video to calm everyone down.” PJ suggested to Felix, Jack, and Mark, since all four of their fandoms were currently going to shit. They were all staying in the presidential suite, courtesy of Mettaton because of how Jack, Mark, and Felix had a deep appreciation for legs. He wanted to keep them around. 

“That sounds like a good idea, anything you had in mind?” Mark asked. PJ so desperately wished they could film a short skit, but unfortunately they did not have many resources and ain’t nobody got time for that. So, instead, Felix suggested they play some stupid game involving electric shock because what else did they do? And so, after a brief call down to the front desk to get an electric shock collar, the quartet began to film their video while coming up with a fake story to explain what was going on. 

At the same time, in Mari and Dan’s hotel room, Dan, Phil, and Marinette were discussing how to handle the Phandom, while Papyrus slept in the other hotel room that belonged to Phil and him. 

“Well, we could just film a quick little video taking quizzes or something!” Phil suggested.

“But I really don’t wanna editttttt….” Dan groaned, already in the browsing position on the bed.

“You guys have to do something, or else the phandom is going to kill someone. And it’s probably going to be Onision.” Marinette pointed out. 

“I don’t give a flying fuck about that guy.” Dan said, still staring at Tumblr.

“But we have to let our audience know we’re okay somehow! And not just with tweets!” Phil said, recalling the Marina Joyce fiasco. They all went quiet as they tried to think of an idea. 

“What if you guys just made a Younow?” Marinette suggested. “I’ll stay outside the camera view to make sure Papyrus doesn’t come barging in, and you guys can just talk to your audience a little bit and make up some bullshit as to what’s going on. No editing required!” 

“Marinette, you are brilliant.” Dan said, pushing his laptop aside. “Phil, you in?” 

“Yeah, sounds good to me!” He quipped. Phil opened his laptop and began to get everything ready for the livestream, while Marinette tried to hide any suspicious stuff from the background. Mainly the giant jars of spaghetti Papyrus insisted they take for ‘survival purposes’. 

“Wait! I need to straighten my hair!” Dan said, running his fingers through his curly tresses. 

“No, leave it, if you keep your hobbit hair everyone will be so distracted that your bs excuse won’t be as noticeable.” Marinette reasoned. Dan sighed, knowing she was right, and left the hair curly. Then Phil got everything set up, and Marinette walked out into the mini living room portion of the hotel room to make sure no crazies got in. Even though she was in the other room however, she could still hear the boy’s voices loud and clear, and just settled in with her sketchbook since she’d seriously been neglecting her passion for fashion. 

“Hey guys, wait is this thing on? Can you guys hear me? No? What about now? What about now? Wait lemme just-”

“Oh my god, Phil, you’re microphone’s off!” Dan pointed out. 

“Oops, okay, I think I got it now. Can you guys hear me? Yes? Okay, great.” Phil said, checking the comments on the livestream. “Hey guys, welcome to the livestream! Today I’m joined by Dan, what a surprise.” 

“Hey guys, yes I know my hair is curly, bloody hell please stop screaming about it.” Dan said as way of introduction. 

“So you’re probably all wondering where we are.” Phil continued. The comments instantly began to fill with ‘WHERE ARE YOU GUYS ARE YOU ALIVE MATPAT DIED, etc.’ Their eyes widened at the passionate response, and realized they hadn’t talked over what the hell their excuse was going to be. 

“Don’t worry, we’re aren’t being held hostage or anything. We’re just… um…” Dan began, but then lost what he was going to say. 

“We are… staying at our friend’s house in Paris! And the reason we couldn’t tell you was… it’s a secret that we can’t give out yet.” Phil said, feeling like a genius for the excuse.

“Yeah, might have something to do with TATINOF, but we can’t tell you.” Dan continued. Marinette was still listening in on the stream in the living room, sketching out a random dress design that was beginning to remind her of a skeleton. Growing angry at the resemblance, she ripped out the paper and crumbled it up, throwing it at the wall. Just as she was about to begin another design, a movement in her peripheral vision caught her eye. Whipping around, she saw nothing other than a goddamn moth making it’s way for the bedroom. Now, normally she would’ve ignored the little fucker, but since the last couple hours had been so very stressful, she didn’t want to take any chances and immediately leapt up to catch it in case it was an akuma. 

For all she knew, it could be an akuma for Dan’s curly hair. 

Vaulting off the chair she had been sitting in, she ran towards the moth, not even paying attention to the fact that it was now inside the bedroom. And before she could gather her senses, next thing she knew, she was standing behind Dan and Phil, fully visible to the camera. 

Whoops. 

The comments exploded like a bomb with ‘WHO IS THAT’, and so the duo turned around to see a frozen Marinette half-reaching out for the moth that was now residing on the wall. Dan noticed the creature, and immediately began screaming. 

“JESUS FUCKING CHRIST ON A BICYCLE IT’S A FUCKING MOTH! GET IT OUT GET IT OUT!” He shouted, jumping into the corner. 

“I’M TRYING!” Marinette replied, leaping onto the bed to catch the bug. After a few more panicked seconds, she was able to pick up the lamp and smash it against the wannabe butterfly. What a poser. 

Once the bug was dead, and Dan had returned to a normal sitting position, Marinette realized how badly she had fucked up. Mainly because the comments were screaming ‘WHY IS THERE SOMEONE IN YOUR ROOM KILLING A MOTH’. 

“Uhhh…” She said, her cheeks turning flaming red and she tried to figure out how to get out of this situation. 

“Um... that’s Marinette, the friend of ours who we’re staying with!” Phil said.

“Oh, did we forget to mention her, oh yeah we’ve known her for a long time.” Dan said, making it worse. 

“It’s been 84 years.” Marinette muttered out of habit. Dan gave her a proud smile at the meme. 

“Marinette, say hi to the viewers!” Phil said awkwardly, trying to brush this off and actually doing a good job of it. 

“Uh, hi guys. Sorry to burst into your livestream and murder a moth.” She said, waving uncomfortably. She realized she was still standing on the bed with a lamp in her hand, so she quickly got down and went to walk out of the room, when Phil called her back.

“Wait, Mari, they want you to stay! Would you mind staying for a few minutes?” he asked. Marinette sighed, thinking this was a terrible idea, but complied and slid down in between Dan and Phil. The comments were rushing with questions like ‘how did you meet dan and phil’ and ‘oh my god you’re really pretty’ and ‘you look a lot like that chick from miraculous ladybug’. At that last comment, Marinette flushed, her mind reeling with ‘oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit’ on repeat. 

“So, um, yeah! Dan and Phil have been staying with me for a few weeks. We met, um…” Marinette couldn’t think of what to say, thankfully Dan had an idea. 

“She was one of the graphic designers for TABINOF!” Dan explained, while Marinette and Phil nodded hastily in agreement. 

“Yeah! I do graphic design among other things, and we all just became really good friends. And then one day they needed to come to Paris so I said they could stay at my place!”

“And the rest is history!” Phil finished. The livestream continued, Marinette now included, and she answered some questions about herself, bullshitted a few and told the truth on others. She was repeatedly told that she looked exactly like Marinette from the french cartoon ‘Miraculous’, but she just brushed it off and joked that she got that a lot. Eventually, the chat calmed down and they continued on like normal, the guys making stuff up to discuss to pretend everything was alright and they weren’t trapped in another universe with monsters. As time went on, Marinette became more relaxed, and at one point out of habit, she rested her head on Dan’s shoulder.

And that’s how everything went to shit.

Phil realized the mistake first, his eyes widening as panic began to set in, knowing his fandom would freak the fuck out at having a random girl within five feet of Dan. But, since they were live, there was nothing he could do, and the comments came pouring in.

‘WHY IS SHE LEANING HER HEAD ON DAN’S SHOULDER?! ARE MARINETTE AND DAN DATING! DID SHE JUST TOUCH HIM WITHOUT CONSENT?! LOOK AT PHIL’S EYES HE’S CLEARLY JEALOUS! OH MY GOD I SHIP IT! FUCK OFF PHAN IS REAL!’ Said dozens upon dozens of comments. So many people captured that moment on Younow using the handy capture a moment feature (#spon #notspon). Marinette and Dan noticed this, and Marinette instantly scrambled away from Dan and straight into Phil. 

‘OH MY GOD I SHIP MARINETTE AND PHIL!’ One singular comment said. Everyone else told them to fuck off and stop harassing the two and assuming they were in a relationship, and then continued to assume either Marinette and Dan were dating or that Phan was real and Marinette was an intruder. 

‘WAIT IS SHE WEARING DAN’S SHIRT?!’ Someone pointed out. Marinette noticed this comment, and her eyes widened, glancing down at the plain black t-shirt she had borrowed from him for pajamas. 

“How did you guys know this was Dan’s?!” She asked incredulously. 

‘BECAUSE IT’S BLACK!’ Everyone screamed. The craziness continued, and the only thing the trio could do was watch as the world burned. Then, one comment caught Marinette’s eye.

‘Wow, black hair and blue eyes, Dan sure has a type’. And that was what sent her over the edge dying of laughter. Phil took that as a good time to end the live stream, and he and Dan said a quick goodbye while Marinette tried to catch her breath. Then, the livestream was over as quick as it had begun, with a lot more shit stirred up. 

“Well… that didn’t go well.” Dan said. 

“At least they know you’re not dead.” Marinette said, trying to make light of the situation. Dan shrugged while Phil looked concerned, but before they could discuss it further, Papyrus burst into the room. 

“I FEEL FULLY RESTED AND BEAUTIFUL! PHIL! WE SHALL GO MAKE SPAGHETTI DOWN IN THE HOTEL KITCHEN!” He shouted, grabbing Phil’s wrist and practically throwing him out the door, and backflipping out the hotel window, leaving Marinette and Dan alone. 

“Goddammit, we better not be paying for this.” Dan said. Marinette just shrugged, remembering how it was all going on Sans’ bill and not really worrying about it. 

“Wait, what time is it even?” Marinette asked, stifling a yawn. 

“I have no idea.” Dan replied, going to check his phone before remembering how Frisk had fucked with time so much it broke all the clocks in the Underground. 

“Well, either way I'm tired,” Marinette continued, rubbing at her eyes. “I think we should go to sleep, just for a little bit.” 

“Agreed.” Dan said as he yawned, his exhaustion from staying up on tumblr the night before catching up to him. Marinette took that as a cue to stand and flop rather ungracefully onto the bed, groaning as she shifted into a more normal position. Dan was about to flop down as well, before realizing it was only one bed, and they would be sharing. Marinette had this realization at the same time as well, her eyes widening as she flipped over to look at her friend.

They locked eyes, an entire conversation occurring silently with the end result ultimately being…

‘Fuck it. We fused we can share a goddamn bed.’

So Dan climbed in beside her, the two of them shifting in position underneath the blankets until they were both comfortable. Thanks to Mettaton’s handy clapper he added, they didn't have to stand up to turn the lights off. But instead of clapping, Marinette had to kick her leg high in the air, and darkness swallowed them whole. Within seconds, they were asleep.

In the meantime, Chat, Sans, and Frisk were remembering a very crucial detail they had all overlooked.

“SHIT WE FORGOT ABOUT TORIEL!” Chat shouted, effectively shattering Sans and Frisk’s eardrums. 

“AH GODDAMMIT, MOM!” Frisk returned, their emotionless expression turning into :0 again. 

“ah shit, the stabby asshole probably got to her.” Sans grumbled. “well, we gotta go find her right now since SOMEBODY can't use their reset anymore!” Sans said, giving a pointed look to Frisk but then Carlos who wasn't even in the room. “c’mon kiddos, we got a goat woman to help.” 

One shortcut later, and the trio was all standing in front of the entrance to Toriel’s home in the Ruins. The cozy home seemed normal on the outside, warm light streaming through the windows and the smell of baked goods and snails permeating the air. But something in the air felt… off. None could put a name to it, but they all knew something was very wrong. 

They walked into the familiar house, and the smell of pie grew stronger. Looking around, they saw no signs of life. The house appeared to be in perfect order, the air was still warm and the lights were still on. The group walked through the living room, seeing Toriel’s reading chair was empty, and then checked the kitchen as well. Toriel was not there either, but a giant ass butterscotch cinnamon pie was sitting there on the counter. Chat squealed, and immediately went to grab a slice when Frisk slapped his hand away. 

“Are you fucking kidding me, cat boy? Toriel could be DEAD!” They said angrily. 

“Yeah, but, the pie maxes out your hp! It could be useful if we run into Chara!” Chat reasoned. Frisk glared at him for a few more seconds, while Sans checked out the rest of the house, and eventually they realized Chat was right and reluctantly let him take a piece of the delicacy. Then, the three all met up in front of the stairs to the Ruins, all fearing what they would find down there. 

“You ready?” Chat asked, the lines on his face tight with worry. 

“yeah.” Sans said, walking down the stairs. The stroll down the corridor to the exit to the Ruins seemed to take much longer than usual, their hearts pounding louder with each passing second. Eventually, they reached the door, and…

There was no Toriel. 

Upon closer inspection, they found a pile of white dust. 

“Oh...oh my god.” Chat breathed quietly. Sans didn’t say anything, just took several heavy steps towards the goat mom’s remains, and dropped down to his knees as he got closer. It was completely quiet, Frisk being the only one chill with this because they’ve murdered her before and weren’t really affected ‘cause they’re an asshole. That’s right Frisk. We’re the only authors who’ll call you out on your shit. 

CHARA DID NOTHING WRONG

After several minutes of mourning, Sans looked up towards the two kids, his expression filled with pain. 

“c’mon… let’s head back to the bunker to keep looking.” 

Meanwhile, Marinette and Dan were not having a restful sleep. 

While Dan had stolen all of the blankets onto his side of the bed, turning himself into a human burrito, Marinette was splayed out like a starfish. Her leg was draped across his body, and her hand smushing his cheek while she snored softly. But then, the cold she was experiencing and the weird touching Dan was experiencing woke them both up, and they groaned in unison. 

“You awake?” Marinette whispered. 

“Get your fucking hand off my face.” Dan said. 

“Get your fucking face off my hand,” Marinette replied drowsily. “You stole all the goddamn blankets, you ass.” 

“Sucks for you, you wanna fite me for them?” He slurred. 

“Ughhh I’m too tired!” She complained. “Just give me a fucking blanket.”

“How about we just fuse instead?” Dan suggested. 

“I don’t feel like dancing right now.” She murmured into her pillow. 

“Ugh fine.” Dan suddenly threw his hand on top of Marinette’s head, practically flopping his body to the other side to face her, and in a bright light they fused into Damn yet again. 

“Ahhh, thank god.” Damn murmured into the night, before drifting back off to sleep. 

The next morning, Damn had unfused sometime within the night with neither of the parties involved waking up. That was why now in the light of the rising sun they couldn’t see because they were trapped Underground, there were coming into consciousness at rather close proximity. 

Marinette awoke first, her blue eyes blinking the sleep blearily out of her eyes. The first thing she felt was a hand wrapped around her abdomen, and she heard the steady noise of someone breathing in and out above her head. Her head rose and fell with the breathing, and it took her a moment to realize she was laying on Dan’s chest. A quick glance saw her fingers were intertwined with his, and with this much knowledge she could assume that the arm around her stomach belong to him as well. Either that or they had a threesome the night before and she had just forgotten about it. She hoped to god it wasn’t Adrien. 

Please. Please not Adrien. 

Dan began to wake as well, and Marinette felt her heart rate spike at the thought of what he might think of the very close position they were in. She felt his breathing quicken as he rose from his slumber, and he began to stir slightly, but not enough to dislodge Marinette from her position on his chest. 

“Erghhh…” He groaned. His eyes flickered open, and Marinette adjusted her head slightly so she could look at his face and actually have a proper conversation with him once he was fully awake. The hand on her stomach shifted slightly, and relief flooded through her as she realized Adrien was not in the bed. 

“What the…?” He began, before realizing who he was cuddling in that moment. His eyes went wide as their gazes met.

“Um… hi?” Marinette said hesitantly. 

“...hi.” Was all Dan responded. “Uhhhh…”

“Ummmm… how did this happen?” Marinette questioned. 

“I have no fucking idea.” Dan responded. Neither of them had moved from their positions, both feeling very comfortable despite their awkwardness. “Should we get up?”

“No, you’re warm and I’m tired.” Marinette mumbled, her eyelids already feeling heavy again. For all she knew, it could be 4 am and she’d have no clue because of how time fucking works or rather doesn’t work in this shithole. 

“Yeah, but, I’m hungry.” Dan complained. As if to prove his point, Marinette felt the rumbling of his stomach from her position on his chest. 

“Go make yourself croissants or something.” She mumbled, smushing her face into his stomach. 

“I don’t know how to make croissants!”

“I don’t fucking know, go make yourself something else then!” 

“Well I can’t get up if you’re literally on top of me.”

“Erghhhh.” Was all Marinette responded. Reluctantly, she managed to push herself off of him, but then he forgot she had his arm wrapped around her and so she twisted and fell back down onto the meme. This only served to make things more awkward, and they both began to sputter random words because they are not socially adept. 

“Oh, um, I’m-I’m sorr-”

“No I’m sorry-”

“Here let me just-”

“I’ll just-” Eventually, after several moments of stuttering, the duo managed to get untangled from one another. Marinette practically fell out of bed because she has no coordination, and started crawling to the kitchen with Dan following behind her. 

They didn’t talk while she began to bake some croissants, for which they conveniently had croissant dough in the kitchenette of the hotel room (thanks Fork), while Dan made coffee, spilling it on himself at least 2.7 times. Once the treats were done, Marinette delivered them out to the dining table with Dan bringing out the coffee cups, and thus began the most uncomfortable meal of their entire lives. 

Nothing was said. Neither wanted to acknowledge the major cuddling session they had been engaged in earlier. But soon the silence became suffocating, and they both knew they had to talk about what was on their mind. So, in a burst of confidence she never would have had with Adrien, Marinette spoke first. 

“Um, Dan? I kinda need to tell you something.” She said softly, her heart feeling as if it was about to hammer out of her chest. Dan looked up in surprise, his eyes widening.

“I kinda need to tell you something too.” He replied. Her heart stuttered and she barely suppressed a squeak of terror from coming out of her. 

“Oh, um, you first!” She said, her confidence going to shit. Dan mentally began to curse himself, wracking his brain on an eloquent way to say what he wanted to say. 

But because he’s a fucking awkward meme, the first thing he thought of was Phil’s advice from Grillby’s several night’s prior.

“Uh, um, my taste in music is your face.” He managed to stammer out. Marinette just stared at him for a moment, her mind trying to comprehend the fact that he just used a stupid ass twenty one pilots pickup line on her. 

“Did… did you just flirt with me?” She asked, tilting her head to one side. 

“I think I did.” Dan replied, shrugging slightly. 

“Well… I don’t think I can trust you.” Marinette said, her mind jumping to another idea. 

“Wait, what?! Why not?!” Dan asked, seriously top pickup could fuck things up this badly. 

“B-b-because twenty one pilots told me not to trust a perfect person!” She managed to spit out. Dan just stared at her blankly for a minute, before they both burst into laughter at their dorkiness. 

“Well you’re the tear in my heart.” Dan said, continuing the bad pickup line game. Marinette giggled, and thought of another one herself. 

“I’ll steal you faster than they stole Tyler’s car radio.” She said with a wink, all hints of nervousness gone. They continued like this for several minutes, the lines getting gradually worse and worse. 

“Okay okay, I got another. I’d rat a tat tat THAT!” Dan said, them having switched from TOP lines to just emo pickup lines in general. Marinette snorted. 

“I have one! The only thing bigger than Brendon Urie’s forehead is my DICK!” She said. (a//n we know we left canon territory many chapters ago and we acknowledge that so just think of this as the Ladybugs and the Bees Marinette but less awkward). Dan and Marinette both doubled over, sides burning as they laughed harder than they had in a long time. 

“It’s not a bad dick, let’s be real.” Dan continued, referencing the Drunk History of Fall Out Boy. 

“You be the good, I’ll be the bad, and we can both be the dirty.” She said with an exaggerated wink. The laughter continued, until it finally hit them just how sexual this joking had become. Marinette’s cheeks flared as well as Dan’s, and they both calmed down and looked at each other, unsure of what to do now. 

“Uhhh…” Marinette said. “Is...is this flirting?” 

“I think that went way further than flirting.”

“Whoops.” She said. It was silent for a moment.

“So, um, is this a thing now?” Dan asked hesitantly, fiddling with his napkin. 

“Um, like, a dating thing?” Marinette inquired, keeping her gaze on the Mettaton-print tablecloth. 

“Uh, I mean, only if you would, like, want it to be.” Dan stammered, also examining the tiny Mettaton’s set against the background of pink cloth. Marinette couldn’t help it when a small smile crossed her face, her blush growing even more. 

“Y-yeah. I think I would like that.” She said quietly. She managed to tear her gaze off the tablecloth, and saw Dan was wearing a similar expression. After another few seconds of silence, Dan got up and walked over to where Marinette was sitting, and just kinda hugged her while she sat. Her smile grew, and before either of them realized what was happening, a bright light engulfed the room, and Damn was left in the place of the couple, a gigantic cheesy ass grin on their face. They glanced down, surprised to see they had fused, and then just shrugged because why not?

“I ship it so much.” Damn whispered to themself. They looked around the room awkwardly, unsure of what to do since Phil and Papyrus weren’t there but not wanting to unfuse, until Dan’s side of the fusion came up with an idea. “Why don’t we-I mean why don’t I go on tumblr?” They said. They went over to Dan’s laptop and opened it, only to see a black screen. Damn groaned as they realized Dan had forgotten to charge it the night before. But then, they recalled that Phil had left his own laptop in the room, and quickly strolled into the bedroom to grab the device. 

Picking up the stickered computer and plopping onto the rather comfortable bed, Damn grinned as they opened the laptop, debating whether to sneak through Phil’s tumblr or not, but ultimately realizing it would be nothing but cat pics probably. But, as soon as the screen flickered to life, Damn’s heart practically stopped when they saw what was displayed in bright green text. 

‘YOUNOW: Broadcasting live!’ 

Phil had left the younow on by accident. 

It had been broadcasting this entire time. 

People were still talking in the chat.

And now they were all seeing Damn’s face. 

‘WHOAH HI THE BROADCAST IS BACK!’ One commenter said. 

‘OH HI WHO ARE YOU?’

‘Are you one of Marinette’s friends?’ 

Damn’s mind began reeling into panic as they realized at least 200 people had seen them, and the number was growing quickly once fans noticed the broadcast had been brought back. They couldn’t turn it off now, too many phandom members had seen their face and had questions. No one could know they were a fusion, fusion just didn’t exist outside of this crazy universe. It would cause way more trouble than it was worth. But what were they supposed to say? What lies could they weave to make a believable tale about who this rather adorable nonbinary person that was using Phil’s laptop was? 

“Oh shit.” Damn said, watching as the number of viewers spiked into the thousands within seconds. Their breathing began to quicken, terror and panic that they had ruined everything beginning to overtake them, before a sense of self-confidence and reassurance flowed over them. Damn assumed the relaxation was due to Marinette, who was used to saving the day under pressure. So, they took a deep breath, and prepared to dig their way out of this younow hole. 

“Um… hi guys.” They said awkwardly, giving a small wave to the camera. “My name is…” Shit, they didn’t have a real name other than Damn. No one would believe their actual name was Damn, no one was fucking named Damn. Why had they even chosen Damn anyway? It was Adrien’s idea, meaning it was a stupid ass name. He wasn’t even one of the kool kidz. 

“M-my name is… Dari?” They said hesitantly, the idea springing to their mind as a mixture of Mari and Dan. “I’m… uh… I’m Marinette’s… COUSIN! Yeah yeah, her cousin!” The comments immediately began to flood in.

‘Oh hi Dari!’

‘YOU’RE SO FUCKING CUTE HOLY SHIT!’

‘YOU LOOK LIKE THE EPITOME OF TUMBLR’

‘Why are you on Phil’s laptop?’

“Uhhhh, the reason I’m on Phil’s laptop is because, um, he said… I could borrow it! Because mine is dead at the moment and I have to work on something! I didn’t-uh-I didn’t realize he had left the younow on!” They managed to stammer out. “I’ll, uh, I’ll just quit the broadcast now-’

‘NO DON’T WE WANT YOU TO STAY!’ Said a ton of comments, stopping Damn from pressing the end broadcast button. They stared warily at the screen, seeing the viewer amount was now in the 20k. After lots of internal debating, they decided a few minutes answering some questions would be better, as they could possibly keep the damage of this fuck up to a minimum. 

“Really? You want me to stay? Um, okay, I can stay for a few minutes. What, uh, what do you guys wanna talk about?” At those words, questions began pouring in, and Damn just quickly picked a few out with their eyes. 

And so of course the first one that stood out to them was very tumblr-esque question.

‘Just so we can know, what are your pronouns because I can’t tell’ One presumed twelve year old said.

“Oh, um, my pronouns are they/them. I’m, ummmm… bigender?” They said with a shrug, figuring it fit since bigender was both male and female and they were technically both male and female. 

(a/n representation)

‘How old are you?’ 

“Uhhhh… shit… uh-” They were what? Two weeks old? How long has this fic been going on? Over a month? “I’m, uh I DON’T LIKE TO GIVE MY AGE ON THE INTERNET!” 

‘You have a british accent, are you from Britain or France?’ 

“Um, I live in Britain but I’m visiting Marinette for the summer.” They explained. 

‘HOLY SHIT YOU’RE SUPER CUTE!’

‘You are like, really attractive’ 

‘What is my sexuality I don’t even know’ Damn began to blush profusely at all the compliments. 

“Thank you guys, really I’m not that cute but I get told that a lot.”

‘NO YOU’RE ADORABLE!’

‘Yeah you kinda look like Dan and Marinette fused together’

‘OMG YOU DO!’ 

“Welp time for me to go!” Damn exclaimed, their eyes widening at the recognition. They hastily clicked the ‘end broadcast’ button before the viewers could protest, and breathed a sigh of relief when the screen went dark. In another flash of light, Damn unfused, leaving two very freaked out emos. Dan and Marinette just stared at each other for a moment, contemplating what had just occurred, before laughter began to rise in their throats. 

Within seconds they were rolling on the floor, having trouble breathing over the noise of their giggles. This entire day had been so weird and full of craziness, and now they had just had a younow while fused. This was most likely going to have major repercussions in the phandom and on the internet in general, creating more questions than they could ever hope to answer, and that was only if they ever managed to get out of this shithole with their lives. But, in that moment, Marinette and Dan only found the humor in the situation, and let their laughter fill the room as their sides began to hurt. 

And so, as if perfectly orchestrated by two authors, (a//n one of which is dying in the corner atm not me tho -fork) (help me im so ill), Marinette and Dan found themselves right next to each other, their faces extremely close. So in a burst of confidence, Marinette leaned forward and kissed her kinda boyfriend? Who knows. Either way, they both they knew trusted each other more than anyone else in the middle of this craziness, and were glad they had each other to lean on when things got too fucking weird. 

But then the moment was ruined by Phil and Papyrus bursting through the front door.

“ARE YOU TWO MAKING SPAGHETTI?! WE HEARD LAUGHTER!” Papyrus shouted. Dan and Mari instantly separated, their cheeks reddening yet again as they saw Phil’s expression of pure joy. 

“ *incoherent screeching and feels noises from phil*” Said Phil, his OTP coming true. “OH MY GOD YOU TWO!” Phil shipped it hard. He couldn’t wait to tell Adrien about this. 

“Oh, um, hi.” Marinette managed to stammer out. 

“HELLO BUG GIRL AND DANISNOTONFIRE! WE HOPE YOU’RE READY, BECAUSE YOU ARE MAKING SPAGHETTI WITH US!” 

u better be ready 4 spaghetti oh god help me im dyingn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER even tho no one fucking reads this: yes this is a crack ship okay we had adrien fuck sans last time if u don't like maridan get over it
> 
> wow fork ur so edgy "get over it"
> 
> fuck off spoon i'm edgier than u'll ever b
> 
> we both know that isn't true my dear
> 
> ...okay maybe so but WHATEVER READERS HAVE FUN W/ MARIDAN AND ANGST WILL BE COMING IN SOME LATER CHAPTESRS IDK NO SPOILER WTF


	16. It's time for that bird to shit on adrien's head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brendon's predictions come true. A ship resails. And Papyrus grows a backbone.
> 
> Ayyyyyyy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're tired as fuck so we hope you appreciate this chapter you plebs
> 
> it's like 2 am and we had homecoming today so we're really tired like we're ready to pass out help us

“Oh remember how I said in chapter 15 Adrien was gonna get shit on by a bird? Well I lied, it’s actually gonna happen in this chapter.” Brendon Urie said, sitting in the MTT restaurant at the table the entire group was currently eating at. 

“Hey guys, I don’t how but I just got shit on by a bird in the lobby!” Adrien announced, strolling towards the table. Everyone looked towards Brendon with surprise, having doubted his precognitive ability until now. He just smirked and leaned back, taking a large sip of his cocktail and giving an exaggerated wink to Dan and Marinette. They both stared at him in confusion. 

Adrien looked at the table, trying to see where he could sit down. Felix, Jack, Mark, and PJ were sitting on one side of the large table, while Dan, Marinette, Phil, and Papyrus were seated on the other side. An open seat was next to Phil, so Adrien shyly sat down next to the youtuber he really should talk to more often since he was one of the few people who didn’t hate him. Brendon was seated at the head of the table, his feet propped up on the Mettaton-printed tablecloth. Twenty one pilots was providing background music as usual, this time accompanied by Fall Out Boy. Cecil was in the corner, scrolling through his tumblr on his phone. 

“Hey Adrien, weren’t you looking for Chara with Sans and Frisk?” PJ asked. 

“Yeah, um, about that, we kinda have something to announce.” Adrien said shyly. “But, uhhhh, I think Sans should tell you.” 

“Wait, what is it, did something bad happen?” Marinette inquired. 

“Kinda.” Adrien squeaked out before pointing to where Sans was huddled in the corner reflecting on his sucky ass life, while Frisk patted his shoulder awkwardly. That just happened to make everyone even more worried, because that was not a fucking answer Adrien like c’mon. He then decided to tell them himself, and turned back to face the group to do so, but Brendon waved a hand before he could. 

The singer’s eyes were glassy, his cocktail still in his hand as he stared at something none of them could see. Everyone noticed his strange silence, and waited for it to finish as they could tell he was having a vision. Then, a second later, he blinked and was back to normal. 

“Ah, I know what it is.” He paused and took a sip of his drink. “Toriel’s dead. They found her dust in the Ruins.” A collective gasp went around the table, everyone looking genuinely surprised. They all turned to Adrien for confirmation. He nodded sadly. 

“Y-yeah, we found her. I mean, I know Chara would’ve killed her no matter what, I just wish we could’ve gotten there in time to save her.” He said mournfully. 

“It’s okay Adrien, there was nothing you could’ve done. It’s not like we knew Chara was going to come back to life, so we couldn’t have prevented this.” Phil said, patting his back comfortingly. Adrien nodded, a single tear slipping down his rosy cheek. 

“Thanks Phil, that makes me feel a bit better.” He said quietly. Phil nodded, and an awkward hush fell over the table. They all gazed at one another, realizing just how fleeting life was and how it could be snuffed out like a flame at any second. Friends looked at friends and partners looked at partners, thinking just how lucky they were to be able to even just exist in the same moment as the other. They all knew they had the threat of death looming over their heads, a small child ready to strike at any second and take them away from this reality, but in that moment…

All of them were just happy to be alive.

But then the moment of serenity and contentment was ruined by a loud voice booming into the restaurant.

“GUESS WHO’S BACK, THEORISTS!” Everyone’s heads whipped around toward the source of the noise, and collectively gasped as they saw a giant, animatronic bear clamber it’s way into the restaurant. 

“MAT!” Brendon yelled, shattering his cocktail glass on the ground as he leapt to his feet. 

“BEEBO!” A voice that sounded like Matpat’s returned, coming from inside the animatronic bear. The two ran towards each other in slow motion, dramatic music playing in the background to accentuate the reunion. Thanks Pete. 

They reached each other and hugged tightly, Brendon not even seeming phased that Mat was now apparently Freddy Fazbear, while everyone else stared in gaping horror. After a few moments of happy reunion, Brendon pulled back and began to sing.

“I, don’t wanna hear you’ve got a boyfriend.” He began, Fall Out Boy and Twenty One Pilots providing the correct background music. 

“Sometimes, you’re better off alone.” Mat continued in perfect harmony. 

“But if you change your mind you know where I am,”

“Yeah, if you change your mind you know where to find me,”

“‘Cause I, don’t ever wanna be your boyfriend.” 

“AND NEVER DID I THINK THAT IIIIIIIII,” The two sang in perfect unison, their angelic voices floating above the group in beautiful harmony. 

“WOULD BE CAUGHT IN THE WAY YOU GOT ME,”

“PUSH THAT OTHER GIRL ASIDE, AND JUST GIVE INNNNNN”

“GIRLS LOVE GIRLS AND BOYS!” They shouted at the top of their lungs. Without thinking, Adrien and Phil adding in the ‘sophisticated! manipulated!’. As the duo sang, Marinette, Dan, PJ, Felix, Jack, and Mark all stared in gaping horror at the terror that was Matpat being literal Freddy Fazbear. Adrien, Phil, and Papyrus didn’t seem to mind however, and were just enjoying the music. Marinette glanced towards Sans, hoping he would do something to stop this madness, and breathed a sigh of relief when she saw he was standing up and walking towards the reunited emo band. 

“okay, what the fuck is going on here?” Sans asked, taking in Mat’s newly robotic form. 

“I’M BACK FROM THE DEAD, NESS!” Mat yelled victoriously. Sans winced at the old name of his, still pissed the theorist had gotten that right. 

“yeah i can see that, but why the hell are you an animatronic bear?” Sans asked. 

“I don’t fucking know, ask Brendon.” Mat said with a ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯. Everyone gazes turned to the singer, who was currently gulping down a beer despite it only being 12 pm. He saw their stares, and looked at them with confusion. 

“Why are you all looking at me? I don’t know everything, ask Mari.” Brendon said, vaguely gesturing to the pigtailed heroine. Everyone’s heads whipped around towards her, and she shrunk back into Dan. 

“Why would I know?! Ask Dan!” She said, looking up at the brunet. 

“Too much responsibility, ask Felix, he’s the King of Youtube after all.” Dan said, pointing to the Swede. 

“Now why the fuck would I know? Ask the other pewdiepie’s.” Green Pewdiepie and Red Pewdiepie looked at each other as they tried to figure it out. 

“Yeah, we got nothing. Why not ask Papyrus?” Mark said, pointing to the skeleton. 

“WHILE I AM GREAT, I HAVE NO IDEAS AND NO LUNGS. BUT PHIL HOPEFULLY HAS BOTH OF THOSE! AT LEAST HE DID LAST TIME I CHECKED!” The groups gaze swiveled to Phil. 

“Yes I have lungs, no I don’t have ideas. What about Sans? He knows a lot!” 

“i’m the one that asked the fucking question.” Sans growled. 

“Guys, why don’t we just ask Cecil? He can break the fourth wall whenever he wants!” PJ said, gesturing to the radio host who was currently looking up party planners for Janice’s upcoming first blood ritual. He glanced up with a surprised noise as everyone’s attention turned to him.

“Huh?” 

“Cecil, do you know why Mat is now an animatronic bear?” PJ inquired. Cecil looked over to Mat, seeing his new form, and nodded slightly. 

“Fork and Spoon were bored so they figured why not?” Cecil explained, before returning to his planning. 

“if i ever meet those two i’m gonna give them a bad time.” Sans said, his voice turning dark as a glower crossed his face. 

mmm yes sgive me a bad time wink wink;)

Fork facepalmed.

*kinkshames into void*

fuck you i am the void

Kinky

“...the fuck?” Sans questioned, seriously starting to question the mental stability of the authors. Seriously, who gave these two internet access? Everyone except Cecil had the same expression on their face, somewhere between concern and confusion for the two girls, and fear once they came to the realization that these two dipshits would be the ones to decide the paths their lives will take.

“Okay, Mat is a bear now, we’ve established that.” Marinette said, redirecting the group’s attention to herself. She turned to him. “Now that you’re back, do you think you could tell us anything that would help us fight Chara? Do you know anything?”

“Excuse me, I just came from the dead. Which, by the way, SUCKED, thanks for asking. And I’m now possessing the body of an animatronic, which also isn’t very fun! So I’d just like some alone time with my fellow band member. Is that too much to ask?!” Mat snapped. 

“it’s fine. please leave. the door’s that way.” Sans deadpanned, pointing to the exit of the restaurant. Brendon and Mat shrugged and made their way out of the room, while Fall Out Boy and Twenty one pilots followed them. 

“Fuck this, we’re doing nothing, I’m gonna go find Chara myself.” Marinette said, transforming in a flash of pink light and starting to walk out the door. 

“No, Mari, wait, it’s dangerous!” Dan called after her. 

“Oh don’t think you’re not coming with me!” She snapped, grabbing Dan’s arm and dragging him next to her. They went to leave, but then Ladybug paused, and turned back to stare at the group. “Yo! Game fuckers and cardboard boy, are you coming with me or not?” The gaming trinity and PJ all glanced around in befuddlement. 

“Do we get a choice in the matter?” PJ asked. 

“Do you think you get a choice?” Ladybug replied back, placing her hand on her hip. The boys frowned, before standing up and reluctantly making their way to join the party. 

“Can I come with?! I’m gonna need some more demon sighting pictures for my scrapbook.” Cecil asked brightly. Ladybug said, and gave a nod, and the probably not human radio host bounded over to join them. Then, with one final glance to the remaining members, they all made their way out and into the wild Underground. 

This just left Sans, Frisk, Adrien, Phil, and Papyrus all looking at each other awkwardly. 

“I’m gonna go back to the lab to see that guy with the cool hair, Sans gimme a shortcut.” Frisk said. Sans sighed, and placed his hand on Frisk’s shoulder, making the child disappear. Spoopy. 

“phil, paps, you guys need to go back to your room. since cecil’s not here I don’t like you guys being down on the main floor.” Sans instructed. Phil and Papyrus sighed, the eternally cheerful duo becoming irritated for the first time ever.

“Look, Sans, we know you mean well, but you can’t tell us what to do all the time.” Phil said, moving to stand by Papyrus. 

“YES, PHIL AND I WANT TO GO LOOK FOR THE NEW HUMAN LIKE EVERYONE ELSE!” Papyrus added. Sans gaped, well he would’ve if his mouth could move, but the effect was still the same. He like, metaphorically gaped, ya know? Either way, Sans gaped in shock, not used to his brother going against his judgement. After all, he was the older brother and Papyrus looked up to him. 

“No, guys you don’t understand. Chara will kill you if you go out there.” Adrien said, his tone dead serious. 

“Then why’d you let everyone else go?” Phil questioned. 

“not relevant.” Sans said. “just trust me guys, if you leave the hotel, chara will kill you. please, stay here, for me as your brother.” Phil huffed and turned to Papyrus, upset that Sans didn’t trust the two of them but knowing he was just being protective. Sans was always like this, and well, if he was really that worried about Chara, maybe they were more powerful than they thought. Phil took a deep breath, thinking the situation through more, and knew that Sans was in the right. He sighed and turned back to his skele-brother.

“Fine, if you’re really that worried, then we’ll stay here.” Phil said, giving Sans a small smile. Sans breathed in relief, looking as if a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Then, another thought occurred to Phil. “Wait, if you’re going out there to find Chara, you need to be careful.”

“YES BROTHER, YOU COULD BE INJURED BY THIS HUMAN IF THEY’RE REALLY AS BAD AS YOU SAY THEY ARE! OR, EVEN WORSE, KILLED!” Papyrus chimed in, worry suddenly clear in his tone. Sans paused to ponder this for a moment, then just shrugged the comment away and gave his brothers his trademark grin.

“nah. i’m not afraid of humans.” he said casually, meaning it for the most part. He knew he could beat Chara, but he wasn’t sure if anyone other than he, Undyne, and hell, maybe even Cecil could. Which was why they needed to find the stabby little shit fast. Phil and Papyrus still weren’t placated by his false confidence, but both nodded hesitantly. 

“....Okay. If you’re sure.” Phil said finally. “We’ll stay at the hotel, but… stay safe.” Sans nodded and the two made their way out of the restaurant and back to their room. This only left Adrien and Sans.

“They’re right, you know?”

“what?” The skeleton turned to face his ex, having forgotten he was still in the room. Adrien shrugged and looked down at his drink, still afraid to meet Sans’ eyes.

“Chara is…. What we’re doing is really dangerous.” He said, twirling his straw with his finger. “We don’t know what could happen, and we all have every right to be worried about each other.” Sans pondered this; he guessed Adrien was right. Chara was unpredictable, and for all any of them knew, they could be dead tomorrow. There was no telling what tragedies or perhaps victories the future held. Unless you were Brendon. That little shit could be way more helpful right now, BUT NO, gotta go hang out with my furry boyfriend. Wait, he used to have a furry boyfriend. Whoops.

“it’s just part of the job, kid. you realize i’ve dealt with chara before, right? just not like this.” Sans pointed out. Adrien nodded slowly, then visibly flinched when he realized that Sans had fought Chara and by extent, fought him before. He had put Sans in this exact position before. In one timeline at least.

“Uh… I’m… still really sorry about that.” Adrien said quietly, still not meeting Sans’ gaze purely out of guilt. The skeleton just shrugged.

“‘s okay, kid, i forgave ya, remember? i can’t really hold that against you forever, and you didn’t really know what you were doing.” He replied, accepting the apology, albeit reluctantly. He wasn’t looking at Adrien either.

“Thanks.”

“no problem.”

By now it was far past lunch hour, and with the majority of the gaggle of weirdos gone the restaurant was mostly empty, save for a few monsters, and the silence was starting to become uncomfortable. Adrien shifted in his seat and finally looked up at Sans, narrowing his eyes slightly when he saw that the skelebro looked… nervous? He appeared to be deep in thought and was rubbing the bones of his fingers together musically, a nervous tick that Adrien had seen him develop from all the bullshit they’d been through.

“frisk can’t reset.”

“No.”

“we really might not make it through this.”

“No.”

“so what’s the point in pretending like we still hate each other?” Sans said, turning to look at Adrien. 

What.

Wh h a t t hfe uck

Adrien blinked in confusion, wondering if he’d heard Sans right. He knew the skelebro didn’t hate him, but was he implying something? Was he implying what Adrien wanted him to be implying?

“I guess… there isn’t one?” He was unsure of how to reply, unsure of what Sans was getting at.

“we might as well just… stay happy while we can.”

OH  
OH OKAY

Adrien GSAPed, his green eyes widening in surprise as he finally picked up on what Sans was implying. He gulped, watching with a wary gaze as Sans slowly made his way over to where the boy was sitting. Despite the fact that he had adamantly denied any romantic feelings towards Sans after their break up, he couldn’t deny how he had missed his ex’s sweet caresses, gentle words, and stolen glances. His heart fluttered in his chest as the anticipation grew. 

Adrien stood up slowly, hope beginning to bubble up in his chest. His breathing quickened, his heart threatening to pound out of his chest. Sans reached out a hand slowly, and Adrien reached back. His fingertips brushed against the cool bone, an involuntary shiver running down his spine as he sucked in a shaky breath. Sans’ hand reached up, and softly cupped Adrien’s cheek. As if on instinct, they leaned towards each other, both closing their eyes as their lips (and lack of lips) met. 

And then they, as the kool kidz called it, ‘repaired a stable and healthy relationship’. 

As they kissed, more thoughts of the entire group’s impending doom began to infiltrate the walls of Adrien’s brain. Before he knew it, hot tears were beginning to trickle down his cheeks, carving pathways through the cave dust caked onto his face. Sans noticed this, and pulled back, his eyes tight with worry. 

“hey, you okay, kid?” He asked, brushing a stray tear aside with his thumb. 

“I-I’m fine.” Adrien hiccuped. Sans gave him a look of ‘bitch really’? The blonde sighed and ran a hand through his hair, breaking eye contact with his newly re-established boyfriend. “Actually, no. I’m just thinking about how much danger we’re all in, and how I don’t want to lose you considering I just got you back.” 

“don’t worry, chaton. if that little asshole lays one finger on you or anyone else here, i will personally send that fucker all the way to the depths of tartarus. they will forever regret the day they fucked with me and my family.”

Meanwhile, Phil and Papyrus were having a rather deep discussion in their room.

“THAT SUCKS!” Papyrus said. “THIS SUCKS! I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY WE CANNOT GO HUNT THE HUMAN LIKE EVERYONE ELSE! I MEAN, IF WE WANT TO GET INTO THE ROYAL GUARD WE HAVE TO BE ABLE TO CAPTURE A HUMAN!”

“Paps, I know you’re frustrated, I am too, but Sans said it would be safest if-”

“I KNOW WHAT SANS SAID BUT HOW DOES HE KNOW WHAT’S SAFEST FOR US? HE’S IN JUST AS MUCH DANGER FROM THIS ‘CHARA’ AS WE ARE, AND YET YOU ARE LETTING HIM GO OUT THERE WITHOUT ANY BACKUP!” Papyrus continued, interrupting Phil. 

“Sans can take care of himself.” Phil reassured his friend.

“WELL SO CAN WE.” Papyrus stated. “LOOK. I KNOW SANS SAYS THIS IS DANGEROUS, BUT WHAT IF… WHAT IF THERE’S STILL SOME GOOD LEFT IN THIS HUMAN? WHAT IF ALL THEY REALLY NEED, IS A GUIDING HAND TO SHOW THEM HOW TO GET ONTO THE PATH OF GOODNESS? WHAT IF ALL THEY NEED IS A WARM BOWL OF SPAGHETTI AND SOME FRIENDS?” Phil looked at his companion with surprise, the words startlingly calm and rational amidst the yelling. What Papyrus had said resonated in Phil, remembering how sad Chara had seemed at Grillby’s. They had looked very lonely, gazing longingly at the french fries in front of them. But he had been too distracted with drinking games to notice, and now they were all paying the price.

“But what if they can’t be saved?” Phil questioned. 

“NO ONE IS BEYOND SAVING! ESPECIALLY NOT FOR THE GREAT PHIL AND PAPYRUS!” Paps declared, pointing his finger to the ceiling dramatically. Phil frowned, the idea turning over and over in his mind endlessly as he weighed the pros and cons. They could both very likely die, and since Frisk didn’t have the reset power, there was a chance they wouldn’t be brought back. But, if they succeeded, they would be able to bring Chara back to the light. After all, they were still a child, and children were not inherently evil, only taught to be evil. 

“I...I don’t think it’s a good idea, but…” Papyrus waited his answer with bated non-breath (since he didn’t have lungs). “If you promise that we’ll be careful, and that we’ll fuse the moment anything frightening happens, then I suppose it would be better to go.” Papyrus’ shout of joy made Phil wince, despite him being used to most of the skeleton’s loud volumes. 

Carefully, the duo creeped their way down the stairs and to the lobby of the hotel, their gazes searching for any sign of Sans. They found nothing but the usual splendor of MTT, and so they quickly crossed the lobby and were out the door in seconds. They traveled to Alphys’ lab, and asked her which way the big group had gone. She told them they decided to explore more of Hotland, so Papyrus decided it would be a logical step to go the other way towards Waterfall, to lessen the chances of them finding out Phil and Papyrus had left the hotel. 

The duo picked their way through waterfall, the rushing water filling their ears with its melodious roar. The echo flowers sent whispers through the air, their hushed words giving Phil goosebumps every time one spoke. He looked over and saw that Papyrus seemed actually… nervous as well. Which was a very rare thing for Papyrus to be. 

The corridor of waterfall darkened, the light becoming dimmer by the second. Phil and Papyrus gasped, and Phil decided what to do. 

“Let’s fuse, it’ll just be safer that way.” 

“OKAY!” Phipyrus reappeared in a burst of light, and he finished navigating the corridor with ease. But, as he was strolling into another bright part of waterfall, he heard a small noise from in front of him. At first, he assumed it was the sound of someone crying, due to its change in frequencies and breaks in between, but then, he realized it wasn’t that at all.

It was the sound of high-pitched laughter. 

There, standing at the exit to the corridor, was a small child of an indistinguishable gender, not too dissimilar from Frisk, clad in a green sweater with a yellow stripe, giggling as they stroked a gleaming knife in their hands. 

They glanced up, saw Phipyrus, and grinned widely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't even fucking know if this is good or not i closed my eyes writing a shit ton of these lines man
> 
> also matpat's back from the fucking dead so that's good, he's just freddy fazbear incarnate (we've been planning that for a long time lol)
> 
> also dun dun dun shit's gonna go down next chapter wooooo scaryyyyy
> 
> and also spoon had like 8 fucking dates to homecoming c'mon man i'm supposed to be your waifu stop cheating on me
> 
> spoon: shut up it's my harem


	17. The Demon that Comes When People Call its Name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now the fun begins =)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Spoon and I got a little carried away with this chapter and actually tried writing
> 
> Here's a violence warning 'cause it gets kinda intense
> 
> This chapter is really dark and kinda graphic so please be warned, if you don't want to read that then we'll provide a summary in the notes at the bottom (though you might miss some important dialogue between Chara and Phipyrus so we don't recommend skipping it)
> 
> (since when does this fic actually have plot wtf)

Chara stood stoically, staring at their new target with piqued curiosity. Phipyrus faced them, head held high and determination clear in his expression. Chara had fought Papyrus before and figured that it was his own bravery shining through, pushing the fusion forward. They knew that Papyrus would be hard to break. But Phil? They hardly knew Phil, had only observed from a distance through Frisk’s eyes. They knew he was kind hearted, energetic, not the kind to pick a fight. Papyrus was the same. Good intentions and good morals. A pacifist.

Those were the most fun.

A wide grin played across their face, their eyes unnaturally wide and full of manic. Phipyrus dared not feel any fear, no. That was losing. He remembered that he was the greatest being in the universe, obviously, and nothing could harm him. “HUMAN!” He called out to them, channeling his confidence into his words. “FROM WHAT I CAN SEE, YOUR LIFE DOES NOT SEEM TO BE GOING DOWN A GOOD PATH. BUT I BELIEVE YOU CAN CHANGE, AND I HAVE COME TO OFFER PHIL AND PAPYRUS’ SUPPORT AND GUIDANCE.”

Chara cackled. Oh, these two were really something. Good thing Chara always loved a challenge. The center of his chest lit up, illuminating the green and white soul within and indicating the start of a battle. “So Phipyrus, I see you have finally gotten tired of being a slave to your pathetic excuse for a brother.” They asked mockingly, tilting their head to the side and completely disregarding the fusion’s introduction. 

“NONSENSE! I’M NOT A SLAVE, SANS JUST WORRIES ABOUT ME!” Phipyrus attempted to explain. Chara laughed again, the sound harsh and grating against his ears. 

“Oh, how funny. It’s almost as if you think he cares about you. What a shame he doesn’t trust you.” Chara continued, their eyes twinkling. 

“OF COURSE HE TRUSTS ME! I AM BOTH OF HIS BROTHERS!” He declared proudly. 

“Oh, no. I wasn’t talking about Sans’ brother." The child said, a their mouth twisting into a satisfied smile when they saw the confusion on Phipyrus’ face.

“EXPLAIN YOURSELF.” He demanded.

“I said, I was not talking about Papyrus. You both know he cares about Papyrus. But since when has Phil been the other brother?” Chara asked, false curiosity in their voice.

“PHIL HAS ALWAYS BEEN HIS BROTHER! HE IS PART OF THEIR FAMILY NOW.” Phipyrus replied, an uneasy feeling growing inside of him. This is definitely not how he had expected this encounter to go, but part of being a hero was being prepared for the unexpected. He did his best not to let it the discomfort show, but Chara was impossible to fool.

“‘Always been’? Would you care to elaborate on that?” Chara’s voice had turned darker, having taken a more cruel and sharp edge to it. “How long has Sans been calling you his brother, Phil?” Having been tethered to Frisk for so long, they been able to analyze the different behaviors, the different personalities of practically every monster in the underground. They knew every moral, every ideal, and every weakness of almost anyone Frisk talked to, having meet them in the closest way possible to firsthand. Chara had long since mastered the art of manipulating others to get the reaction they wanted, and they knew exactly the words to twist Phipyrus right around their fingers. 

“...A FEW HOURS AGO HE SAID IT. HE SAID TO STAY FOR HIM, AS THEIR BROTHER.” He argued. Chara was wrong, of course Chara was wrong. This was nothing more than cheating, just a cheap tactic to try to get Phipyrus to stoop to their level. But he wasn’t going to fight, he wasn’t going to play dirty. He was staying determined.

“But if he really cared about you, he would have said it sooner, don’t you think? This merely sounded like an attempt to make you stay in the hotel where he wanted you.” Chara tittered. 

A wave of panic crashed over Phipyrus, swallowing up his confidence and drowning the positive voice inside his head. One word from the sentence sticking out more than the rest of them. 

Hotel. 

Chara knew where they were staying.

They had known this whole time.

And he had just played right into their hands.

“THAT’S… THAT’S NOT TRUE! THE THREE OF THEM HAVE LIVED TOGETHER FOR A YEAR NOW! PHIL IS JUST AS MUCH OF SANS’ FAMILY AS PAPYRUS IS!” He stuttered, bottling up the sudden fear for his friends he was feeling and focusing on what was happening right then. 

“But what does ‘family’ even mean? I wouldn’t have a clue…” they began, shedding a bit of light on their past. “The only family I ever had was Asriel, and he’s been dead for longer than the two of you have been breathing. All I know is that you put a lot of faith in someone, before you can call them your family. But… faith is easy to fake. That comedian never had any reason to believe in Phil.”

“I… I DON’T… OF COURSE HE BELIEVES IN PHIL! YOU ARE LYING!”

“Are you sure about that? I see even Papyrus’ faith is waning, why else would you have fused before you confronted me?” Phipyrus paused at that. Chara was right about one thing; whenever they were in a dangerous situation, Phil and Papyrus fused. Phil always relied on Papyrus for his strength, his high HP, his bravery-

No. NO.

Phil didn’t rely on Papyrus, they relied on each other. Chara was standing here calling them nothing, and maybe they were right, not unless the two of them were together. All that mattered to the manic child was combat, of course. They were only picking on Phil for his lack of the physical strength Papyrus was blessed with. But of course, that didn’t matter. Chara was twisted to the point that violence was all that mattered to them. But Phil was strong on the inside; he was unbelievably intelligent, hardworking, creative, forgiving. So what if his HP wasn’t as high as Chara’s? They only got to that point by killing. Power never meant worth, and these two meant the world to each other.

“I DON’T WANT TO FIGHT, CHARA. I AM NOT GOING TO FIGHT YOU!”

“I do.” They said, flashing a maniac smile at him. “Here, I’ll even give you first hit. After all, I have the advantage, I’m not bogged down by someone weaker than me.” They spread their arms out to the side, reminiscent of a cross, leaving their chest wide open for Phipyrus to strike.

“I SAID I AM NOT HERE TO FIGHT YOU! I AM GOING TO HELP!” Phipyrus insisted, adrenaline and determination rushing through his veins. He stood tall, no longer with false confidence, ready to face whatever horrors Chara was going to throw at them.

“There is no backing out of a fight! In this world, it’s kill or be killed. IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN KILL OR BE KILLED.” Their voice deepened as they screamed the words that had so long ago been burned into their brain, now more of a commandment they wouldn’t dare break than a threat, spat at them every other second. Their eyes darkened and an unidentifiable substance that could only be described as thick, black goo began to pour out of every orifice on their face. Before Phipyrus could react in any way, Chara lunged at him, the knife glinting in the low light of the nearby crystals as they aimed it towards his chest. He yelped and ducked out of the way, barely avoiding the sharpened blade in time.

“So this is how you want to play, huh?” They inquired, tilting their head and allowing more of the dark muck to drizzle out of their eyes and mouth. Phipyrus tried not to gag, wondering how this was possible. Their physical form shouldn’t be able to do anything like that, and there’s definitely no scientific explanation for why Chara seemed to be oozing blackness. He wondered what had happened, what had fucked them up so badly that they’d become this corrupt. Standing before them was not a child, no; nothing about this behavior was juvenile. It was clear now to Phipyrus that whoever Chara had been, whoever Asriel had grown to care about, who Asriel gave his life for, had been dead for a long, long time. This… this wasn’t Chara anymore. This wasn’t even human anymore.

This was a demon.

And there was no hope for saving it.

It smirked devilishly and leapt again, using Phipyrus’ momentary weakness to it’s advantage and slicing through the flesh of his arm. Bright red beads of life began to leak out from the scratch, running down to his fingertips and onto the dark grass in a steady flow, indicating that the cut had been dangerously deep. He gasped and clasped his hand down over the wound, the sharp aching of where the blade had struck enough to blur his vision a bit. The blood was falling fast, but that wouldn’t stop him. He wasn’t losing.

The two continued their game of cat and mouse for several minutes, with Phipyrus barely missing the demon’s attack each time it attempted to plunge it’s weapon deep into his body. But as time went on, Phipyrus’ seemingly endless amount of energy began to wane, and the blood loss was really starting to take a toll on his vision and perception.

“PLEASE HUMAN, I DO NOT WANT TO FIGHT. I KNOW THERE IS STILL GOOD LEFT INSIDE OF YOUR HEART, NO ONE IS BEYOND HOPE!” He pleaded in between gasps for air, not even believing his own words, not anymore. While Phipyrus was dripping with sweat, muscles shaky and aching with fatigue, the demon seemed to be in perfect condition, not one hair out of place. It was borderline terrifying how easily combat came to it, how it had been desensitized to the point that their brutal fight with Phipyrus had no affect on it, physically or emotionally. It stared at him blankly for a moment then choked once, before breaking out in hysterical laughter. It was even clearer now that this thing had far surpassed insanity.

Phipyrus watched in confusion as it struggled to breathe, peals of laughter reverberating off the cave walls as it attempted to regain its bearings. After their choking subsided, it inhaled deeply, brushing tears from it’s flushed cheeks. It’s eyes glittered, as much as they could with such a soulless gaze, as it smiled brighter than any star in the sky. 

“Oh sweet Phipyrus, I’ve been beyond hope for a long time. Didn’t anyone tell you?” It said, twirling the knife in its hand once, and moving towards him tauntingly slowly, wanting to draw out the seconds before predator took down prey, to draw out the emotions and the terror for as long as possible. This was a game, after all. And Chara was going to enjoy every second of it.

“I WILL NOT TO FIGHT YOU!” Phipyrus yelled, feeling his resolve slipping away as each second passed. He straightened up, full of fury and fighting hard against his tired limbs and getting ready to dodge another hit.

“That goal is pointless, I’m surprised you haven’t given in yet. You’ve already proven to me that you’re weak, giving in every single time Phil wants to fuse.” A flash of anger surged through Phipyrus, and his hands balled into fists, clenching so hard his knuckles started to whiten and his fingernails dug into the flesh of his palms, his right one still damp with blood. “You know he only drags you down, Papyrus. You could be so much stronger, yet you let some weak human practically make your decisions for you.” It laughed again, the sound like nails dragging down a chalkboard painfully slowly. Rage began to boil in Phipyrus’ chest, a sudden urge to wipe that smile off of the demon’s face crashing into him like a tidal wave. 

He was determined to show Chara that they were wrong.

He was determined to prove that both halves of him were just as important as the other.

He was filled with DETERMINATION.

Phipyrus felt the determination coursing through his veins as heavily as his blood, giving him new life as the substance in his body increased rapidly. His fury blinded him from his morals, and, without thinking, he drew a bone up out of the ground and shot it at Chara’s head at lightning speed.

The demon danced out of the way with ease, the attack crashing into the wall behind it and crumbling into dust. Phipyrus’ fury was replaced with shame the instant the bone disappeared from sight, guilty after breaking his decree of not fighting. Chara let out a cheer of triumph, beaming madly as it turned back towards the fusion. But, instead of speaking, it just continued to grin, their expression screaming self-satisfaction. 

Phipyrus frowned, confused as to why it wasn't gloating about finally breaking him, when a feeling of numbness began to grow in his legs. 

Glancing down, Phipyrus screamed at the sight before him.

He was melting. 

“WHAT IS HAPPENING?!” He asked, gaping in horror as his legs slowly lost their form, turning into pools of thick, pink liquid. Chara barked out a laugh, slowly beginning to make its way towards him. 

“Oh dear Phipyrus, the truth of the matter is, you simply became too determined. The thing is, monsters' bodies don’t have enough physical matter to hold high concentrations of determination. Since you are half human, half monster, you were able to hold more than most monsters would. But as your determination grew, it eventually became too much for your body to bear, and now you’re losing what physicality you had.” Phipyrus gasped as Chara ran a finger through the melted goo of his body, bringing it to it’s face to examine it with a closer eye. “Simply put, you brought this upon yourself.”

Chara stood up from where it was knelt in front of him.“Well, I suppose that’s it for us, Phipyrus. It was a good time, but all good things must come to an end...” it said, wiping its hands on its shorts and turning to leave.

Then it paused, seeming to consider something. “Heh, how the tables have turned. Now it’s Papyrus dragging Phil down.” And with that, the demon walked away, its laughter echoing off the walls as it disappeared into the darkness. 

As soon as it was gone, a blindingly bright flash of light lit up the room as Phil and Papyrus separated. Phil groaned, blood still pouring steadily out of the wound on his arm. It took him a moment to get his bearings, his mind a frazzled mess of disjointed memories and vestiges of fear, until his thoughts were straightened out again. 

Phil gasped and looked at his legs, only to see they were perfectly fine and solid, just as they had been before. He breathed a sigh of relief, before panic seized his heart yet again as he remembered the other half of his fusion. 

“Papyrus!” He called out weakly, body feeling numb from the blood loss. With a huff, he heaved himself onto his side to see where his best friend had gone. 

He was not prepared for the traumatizing sight that was sitting beside him.

Papyrus grinned at Phil like nothing was wrong, no hint of fear or pain in his expression. He looked exactly like he normally did when he waited for Phil to wake up in the mornings. But a quick glance towards the lower half of his body revealed all was not the same. Papyrus’ legs had disappeared into a puddle of sticky white goo, and his torso was quickly following. 

“IT-IT IS OKAY PHIL! I WILL...I will be fine.” For the first time in all of their time together, Papyrus’ voice had lowered to a normal volume. The sound was jarring and almost unsettling, hearing the usual excitement draining out of his brother’s voice and quickly being replaced with weakness. Before Phil could utter a sorrowful response however, thundering footsteps sounded from behind them. 

“Oh-OH MY GOD!” A mortified female voice called out from behind Phil. He winced as he craned his neck to see Ladybug, her hands to her mouth as she took in the scene in front of her. The rest of the group behind her, Dan, PJ, Felix, Jack, Mark, and Cecil all had the same expressions of horror on their faces. 

“What the bloody hell happened?!” Dan shouted, immediately rushing to Phil’s side and dropping to his knees.

“I fucked up. I fucked up really badly.” Phil said, his voice hoarse and his head spinning. The others all kneeled down around the two of them, their faces etched with worry. 

“We gotta get Sans over here like RIGHT NOW!” Ladybug said, pulling out her cell phone to call the skeleton in a panic.

“Guys, help Papyrus. Please, help him!” Phil cried desperately when Dan and PJ started investigating the gash on his arm, attempting to push them away. 

“We’re doing everything we can, just try not to move too much.” PJ said, fishing in his jacket pocket for something to use as a makeshift bandage. Phil glanced over to Papyrus again, and saw Cecil holding his hand over Papyrus’ arm, his eyes shut tightly in concentration and his tattoos dancing quickly along his arms. His lips were moving but with barely any sound coming out, muttering some kind of incantation. Phil had no idea what the radio host was doing, but it had slowed the melting down by a little bit. 

“Sans! Thank god! We’re in Waterfall, you need to get here NOW… Sans… Sans! SHUT UP AND GET YOUR ASS OVER, HERE PHIL AND PAPYRUS ARE HURT!” Ladybug’s pleading stopped and Phil heard her phone drop. Ladybug rushed back over to the group, her face suddenly appearing in front of Phil yet again. 

“He hung up on me. I’m pretty sure he’s on his way.” She explained. Dan and PJ nodded, and PJ glanced around and saw Felix sitting there, having no idea what to do. 

“Felix! Put your hand here and press down, we have to slow down the bleeding!” He directed, grabbing Felix’s hand and covering the wound. Felix nodded and shifted his focus to the task at hand, while Phil’s vision began to darken. PJ stood up, examining what everyone else was doing. 

Jack and Mark were sitting by Papyrus, whispering placating words in an attempt to soothe the kind skeleton as his body melted away. Ladybug was on the phone again, and it sounded like she was talking to Carlos from her yelling about science. She simultaneously tried to calm Dan down, keeping an arm wrapped around her boyfriend’s shoulders as she tried to ease him out of what looked to be the start of a panic attack. Cecil was still holding onto Papyrus and murmuring a spell of some sorts, his tattoos moving rapidly along his arms as his third eye began to glow. 

Then, more footsteps sounded and PJ turned around to see Sans and Adrien running towards the group, but they stopped dead in their tracks when they saw the gory scene before them. 

“WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?!” Adrien shouted, grabbing his hair as he drunk in what was going on. Sans meanwhile, had stopped cold and was staring blankly at the melting form of Papyrus, the light completely gone from his eyes. 

“I don’t know! We just got here and found Phil and Papyrus like this!” PJ explained hastily. “We were just walking around Hotland when Brendon called Marinette and told her that we needed to get to Waterfall, and so we did and we found them.” Sans blinked a few times, seemingly having zoned out what was being said. 

He didn’t say a word. Rather, Sans just walked over to Papyrus, knelt down beside the melting form of his brother, and took his hand in his own. 

“it’s okay paps, it’s gonna be okay. i’m here now and it’s all gonna be fine.” Sans spoke softly, his voice low and shaky. 

“I’m sorry, Sans, but we couldn’t do it. Phil and I weren’t able to save the human after all.” Papyrus replied weakly, sorrow clear in his voice as he choked on his own words. Sans shushed him, stroking his brother’s bony palm comfortingly with his thumb. 

“it’s okay bro, you did good. you did the best you could do and that’s all that matters.” Sans said in a reassuring tone. It was quiet for a moment, but then a small gasp made everyone turn around to face Adrien, who was holding something in his hand, a shocked look on his face.

It was none other, than a slice of butterscotch-cinnamon pie.

“wh- where did you get that?!” Sans demanded, momentarily pulling away from Papyrus to get a better look at the dessert.

“I-I forgot I had it! I grabbed it when we were in Toriel’s house and just kept it!” Sans stared blankly at the pastry, his thoughts reeling as he felt a hundred different emotions at once. Everyone was silent, waiting for Sans to make the judgement as to what they did with the pie.

“Give it to Phil!” The shrill voice of Papyrus demanded. Everyone’s heads whipped around to look at the skeleton, his mouth set in a strict line. 

“No, give it to Papyrus!” Phil retorted, his voice barely a whisper as he faded in and out of consciousness. 

Sans looked between his two brothers, his mind racing as he was presented with a choice. The logical side of his brain was screaming about how it was too late for Papyrus, and nothing they did would help him survive, but Phil could still get through this. But the emotional side of his brain was screaming about how Phil was a human and therefore stronger, and that Papyrus could survive if they fed him the healing ambrosia that was Toriel’s pie. 

Cecil spoke before he could make a decision however.

“Sans. You can’t give Papyrus the pie, it won’t do any good. I used my abilities to keep him here for as long as I could, but there’s nothing more I can do. I’m sorry.” Sans looked at Papyrus’ body and saw that it was melting at a much greater rate, pink liquid spilling out from his torso like blood. 

Sans sighed, knowing the radio host was right. He squeezed Papyrus’ hand again, and began to talk to his brother in as calm a way as possible.

“it’s okay paps, it’s gonna be fine. you’ll see. frisk can fix it. frisk can fix everything, they’re just going to rese-” Sans stopped, the realization hitting him like a truck. Frisk couldn’t reset. That there was an almost indefinite chance Papyrus wasn’t going to be brought back to life through time travel, like Sans always relied on him to be. 

This might be the last time he ever saw his brother alive.

Sans glanced down, tears welling up in his eye sockets as he drunk in his brother’s face one last time. Papyrus looked as if he wanted to ask something, confused as to why his brother’s demeanor had changed so quickly, but he never got the chance.

Sans’ arms were suddenly covered in pink goo. 

It was completely silent. Everyone stared in shock, unsure of what to do as Sans sat in a puddle of his brother’s remains. Sans didn’t react, instead just looked at his now-empty hands blankly. 

The ever present hand of time ticked on and on. Although individuals may feel affected by time, time never felt affected by individuals. It was the only constant in the universe. Always there. Always present. Never stopping and never going backwards. Well, not anymore at least. 

Eventually, Sans slowly started to come back to reality. He heard the soft sobs of those around him, but didn’t care. He turned to face Adrien at a snail’s pace, it was almost as if he was too weak to move anymore. He was still holding the plate of butterscotch cinnamon pie. Numbly, he took the plate in his hands, and shifted to face Phil, who had gone deathly pale. His breathing was labored as his life force poured out of his arm, catching between Felix’s fingers as he still tried to stop the blood flow that had gone from a river, to just a trickle.

Sans reached out a shaky hand and grabbed Phil’s shoulder, gently shaking him awake. Phil opened his eyes blearily, only half-conscious as he looked at Sans. 

“phil, you need to eat this.” Sans said, his voice deathly low. 

“N-no, give it t-to P-papyrus.” Phil said, his voice barely a whisper now. Sans frowned, and shoved the pie closer. 

“phil. eat it. you’re going to die if you don’t.” This wasn’t a question. 

“No, you need to give it to Paps. I-I’ll be fine.” Phil said, continuing to protest. 

“IT’S TOO LATE FOR PAPS, HE’S GONE! HE’S DEAD! YOU BETTER EAT THIS GODDAMN PIE BECAUSE I DON’T WANT TO LOSE BOTH MY BROTHERS IN ONE DAY!” 

Phil blinked, and glanced over to the puddle of goo where Papyrus used to be. 

He looked to the pie, and nodded slowly. Sans felt a huge wave of relief flow over him, and he helped Phil sit up to eat the pie. 

Reluctantly, he took bite after bite of the pie, and everyone watched as the color returned to his cheeks and the wound on his arm closed itself up. Phil just looked around once he was healed, and stared at the puddle of pink. Sans looked over as well, and noticed Papyrus’ red scarf laying in the center of the liquid. Slowly, he stood up and stepped over to it, picking the fabric up with gentle hands. 

He turned it over in his hands several times, watching as the liquid dripped off of it and onto the dark grass. Sans turned to where Phil was sitting, and reached a hand out towards him. Phil took it, and the skeleton pulled his adopted brother up onto his feet. With a shaky hand, he gestured for Phil to bend down. In one swift motion, he wrapped the scarf around Phil’s neck.

“don’t you dare blame yourself for this, phil. it’s not your fault, it's never your fault.” Sans said in a low voice, before proceeding to walk back the way he came, wanting nothing more than to be alone. 

The rest of the group shared sad looks, some crying some not, and followed Sans through the corridors, and forward through this journey which had taken a much darker turn than they ever could have thought possible.

No one was filled with determination.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dun dun dun  
> another bites the dust!
> 
> ahahahahahah dust ;)
> 
> Summary: Basically Phipyrus fights Chara and becomes too determined and ends up melting as a result of his half-monster body not being able to hold the determination (like Undyne the Undying). Phil and Papyrus unfuse and the rest of the group finds them, Papyrus dies in Sans' arms and Sans makes Phil eat the butterscotch cinnamon pie to heal him. Then Sans gives Phil Papyrus' scarf and it's just a really feelsy thing like I legit upset Spoon
> 
> WHY DID WE SUDDENLY ADD ANGST TO THIS, I DON'T KNOW EITHER WAY YOU'RE WELCOME
> 
> guys im legit so upset about about this what the fuckmnwfme in the ass dammit reach


	18. i almost wish this chapter was canon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the non-canonical totally obligatory Halloween chapter of Cracknoir! Since we didn't feel like writing the actual fic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What are you talking about we totally published this on Halloween we totally weren't late hahahaha oops
> 
> Hope y'all motherfuckers enjoy this shitfest

The scene begins on a dark stage, with heavy red drapes being pulled back by an unseen force. From the shadows, a man who is not short or tall, who is not fat or thin, and has a full head of hair, steps out onto the stage. This could be the description of many different people, but we’re talking about none other, than fucking Cecil Gershwin Palmer.

Cecil steps up to a microphone that appeared out of nowhere, and begins to speak, looking directly at you. Yes, you. The reader. He is talking to you.

 “Ladies, gentlemen, people of other genders, angels that don’t exist, Temmies, and sentient slabs of meat, I welcome you to Chapter 18 of Cracknoir. Now, you’re probably wondering, ‘Cecil, what the fuck is going on?’ Well dear reader, I am talking to you now, from a place that does not exist. It is a blank limbo our dear authors Fork and Spoon made up. This does not have a space in reality. And that is because, this, is going to be a non-canonical chapter of Cracknoir. Anything that occurs in this chapter, will not be related to the storyline in any way, meaning we now have Papyrus back, at least for this chapter.”

 In the distance, a faint ‘HELL YEAH!’ could be heard.

 “No one will remember what happens in this chapter, except for myself, my sweet and beautiful Carlos, and probably Brendon. Who knows. Anyway, let’s leave this limbo and get on with the chapter!”

 ~

 “So Marinette, Halloween party at your place tonight right?” Adrien asked Marinette over the phone, a toothbrush in one hand even though he wasn’t brushing his teeth. He was brushing Sans’ teeth, who was lying seductively on Adrien’s bed back in Miraculous Paris. How did they get there? This is non-canonical remember, it doesn’t matter.

“Wait, what? When did we agree to that?” Marinette asked, brushing her hair trying to remember how she got back in her room. She could’ve sworn she was just in the Underground, but for some reason she wasn’t confused or worried.

“Idk, Cecil just sent out a mass text a few minutes ago saying party at your place at 8:02. Ya know, since it’s Halloween and all.” Adrien said, now beginning to paint his own nails with bright red polish.

“I didn’t get the text!”

“Whoops.” Said Cecil like five blocks away at a hotel.

Marinette groaned, looking around her room and surprised to find it was perfectly clean. Thanks Spoon and Fork. She sighed, having a weird feeling she had no choice in this matter. “Fine! Be at my house whenever the hell Cecil said.” She heard Adrien cheer, and the phone abruptly hung up. Sighing again, she stood up and began to make her way downstairs to ask her parents if she could have a party. She hoped they didn’t realize she had been gone for like five months.

But, when she got to the bottom of the stairs, her mouth gaped open when she saw none other than Phil, Papyrus, and Dan all being fed croissants by her mother at her kitchen table.

“Hi sweetie! We met your friends and they’re very nice!” Her mother said kindly, handing Papyrus a glass of water.

“How the hell did you guys get here?” Marinette asked, one eyebrow raised.

“I have no fucking clue, I’m just glad I’m not alone with these two.” Dan said, shrugging and taking a bite of some chocolate pastry.

“I DO NOT KNOW EITHER, ALL I KNOW IS THIS IS SOME DELICIOUS SPAGHETTI!” Papyrus said, holding up a croissant. Everyone decided not to correct him, while Phil gave him an encouraging pat on the back.

“Oh, and we already heard about the party you’re going to hold tonight, dear. That’s perfectly fine, and we hope you have fun, your mother and I were going to go out and stay at a hotel for our anniversary anyway, so it all works out!” Her father said, walking in the room carrying another tray of sweets.

“Your anniversary isn’t on Halloween though.” Marinette pointed out.

“It is now!” Tom Dupain said. He took his wife by the arm, handing Sabine her parasol. Sabine smiled and kissed her husband on the cheek, and the couple bid farewell to Marinette, Dan, Phil, and Papyrus, and left the house. It was silent for a moment, Marinette not knowing what to say now. She had no idea how the hell they got to her city, but apparently they were out of the Underground. Cool.

“THEY WERE NICE!” Papyrus commented, grabbing a pink macaron from the tray her father had left.

“Yeah, they are, thanks…” Marinette said, staring at the ground and contemplating her existence.

“Are you okay?” Dan asked, wondering if he should hand her a macaron.

“No, I’m not okayyyyyy (I promise).” Marinette whispered, referencing the MCR song.

“Well, since the party is going to happen in a few hours, how about we help get your house ready!” Phil suggested cheerfully.

“Um, okay. Thanks Phil!”

*cue a decorating montage with music provided by Fall Out Boy and Twenty One Pilots who randomly appeared out of nowhere as usual*

A few hours later, and the group was all done decorating Marinette’s house for the Halloween party. Smiling to herself, Marinette glanced towards the clock and gasped when she saw it was already 7:50.

“Oh my god! We don’t even have our costumes yet!” Marinette shrieked.

“Actually, Cecil gave us these before we left! He said he picked out costumes for all of us and told us not to look at them until we were ready to put them on. Here’s yours Marinette!” Phil said, handing Marinette a black plastic bag. She glanced inside, and saw a white shirt and some blue pants folded neatly, along with a pair of almost knee high black boots.

“Hmm, I pray to god Cecil chose decent costumes for all of us,” Marinette muttered. “I’m gonna go to my room to change, the bathroom’s over there so you guys can take turns.” Marinette said, gesturing vaguely to the bathroom door. They nodded and Marinette made her way up to her room, and pulled on the costume.

It was a long sleeve white shirt with a collar, the sleeves stitched so that they were rolled up to quarter-length. There were blue pants that only went to her mid-calf, with a red sash tied around the waist. The black boots perfectly covered the rest of her leg, and Marinette was trying to think of who on earth she was supposed to be.

Looking in the bag again to make sure she hadn’t missed anything, Marinette saw a small piece of paper. Pulling it out, she saw a note written in very messy handwriting, the red ink looking suspiciously like blood.

‘Marinette, your costume is Prince Eric from The Little Mermaid. Sorry the writing is messy, writing utensils are illegal so I had to make my own.  
Love, Cecil’

Marinette smiled, thinking her costume actually wasn’t that bad. But why would she be Prince Eric of all people? Why not make her a more well-known figure-  
Oh.

Dan.

Knowing Cecil, Dan was probably stuck wearing an Ariel costume.

Feeling bad for Dan, Marinette finished getting ready and headed downstairs, and saw the three boys waiting in the living and she almost screamed.

Firstly, her prediction about Dan was right, as he was indeed wearing an Ariel costume. It was just a little… different than she had expected. As poor Dan was wearing a green mini skirt with a scale pattern on it and fishnet stockings underneath, a long red wig with luxurious waves, a white crop top with purple seashells over the chest, white converse, and… nerd glasses.

Dan met her eyes, and she could see the pain in his gaze.

“Kill me.” He whispered. Phil patted his back, and Marinette glanced over to see the other guys’s costumes.

Phil was clearly intended to look like Snow White, and she figured it made sense since he had black hair, but the dress itself was much… shorter than in the movie. Phil’s dress only came down to his mid-thigh, and the poor boy was also stuck wearing thigh-high white socks, and red glittering high heels. A red bow was pinned in his hair as well, and Marinette could also clearly see the pain in his eyes.

Papyrus seemed to be the only one happy with his costume. He was very clearly meant to be Rapunzel, the long blonde wig that went down to his hip being a dead giveaway. The skeleton was clad in a very short dress similar to Phil’s, the color scheme purple and pink rather than yellow, blue, and red. He was wearing very tall high heels as well, the shoes seemingly made of pure gold.

“I FINALLY HAVE FLOWING HAIR!” Papyrus shouted, flipping his hair over his shoulder dramatically.

“Of course you would get the normal costume!” Dan protested, gesturing to Marinette’s prince attire.

“Yeah, I guess I got pretty lucky in that respect.” Marinette said, trying to hide her giggles. She glanced at the clock, and gasped when she saw it was exactly 8:02pm.

And, as if someone didn’t get the memo that you’re not supposed to show up to the party exactly on time, the doorbell rang.

Marinette ran downstairs and opened the door to her bakery, her joyous mood instantly disappearing when she saw the two people standing at her door.

Adrien was dressed in a perfect replica of her Ladybug suit, mask, spots, earrings and all. The familiar yoyo hung at his hip, and Marinette couldn’t believe he had that. Craning her neck, Marinette tried to see the figure standing behind the blonde, but only saw a flash of black.

“Hi Marinette! Nice Prince Eric costume!” Adrien quipped cheerfully.

“Uh, thanks. Why are you dressed as me?” She asked, one eyebrow raised.

“Oh, um, Cecil gave it to me!” Adrien stuttered, his eyes flickering around nervously.

“kid, stop trying to lie, that thing’s been in your closet for two years now.” She heard the familiar voice of Sans say behind the boy. Marinette heard Sans sigh, and almost burst into laughter when he stepped out into her line of vision.

The skeleton was dressed in an exact leather replica of Adrien’s Chat Noir costume. Cat ears and all. The leather was stretched awkwardly over his short skeleton body, each of his bones outlined prominently through the black fabric. Suffice to say, he did not look very happy with his costume.

Fuck you Cecil.

“O-oh my god! S-sans! I l-love your costume!” Marinette said, gasping as she tried to contain her laughs.

“can it bugaboobs,” Sans snapped. “just take us upstairs.” Nodding, Marinette continued to laugh her head off as she led the skeleton and the blonde up the stairs and into the living room. When they reached the three guys, Dan gave Adrien and Sans a look that said, ‘if you laugh, I will literally murder you.’ Sans responded with a look that said, ‘if you laugh, you will have a bad time.’

The doorbell rang again, and Marinette rushed downstairs to answer the door. Next, there was the four gamer bros, who were dressed as the kids from Stranger Things. PJ was Mike, Felix was Eleven (pink dress, blue jacket, blonde wig and all), Jack was Dustin, and Mark was Will. Marinette let them in, and waited for the next people to arrive.

A few minutes after the gamer bros had all gone upstairs, a woman Marinette faintly recognized walked forward, accompanied by none other than Chara. The woman was a terrifying version of the Other Mother from Coraline, and Chara seemed to be playing the little girl Coraline herself.

“Hi Marinette! We haven’t met before, but I’m Marzia! Chara and Felix were telling me all about what’s going on with you guys, and it sounds really cool! It’s really nice to meet you!” Marzia said, her voice high-pitched and lilting with an Italian accent. Marinette stared for a moment, unsure of how to handle a normal person having been surrounded by the gaggle of weirdos for so long. She didn’t even pay attention to the fact that Chara was there as well. She quickly regained her bearings though, and a genuine grin grew across her face as she opened the door for the two of them to walk in.

“Oh my god! Hi! It’s super nice to meet you! I love your Youtube channel by the way!” Marinette said, showing the duo where to go. Marzia smiled, her beauty making her seem literally radiant despite the terrifying monster costume she had on. Then, Marinette waited for the next person to show up.

Pretty quickly, Undyne, Alphys, and Ebony D’arkness Dementia Raven Way came to the door. Undyne and Ebony were dressed as Hikaru and Kaoru, and Alphys was dressed as Haruhi, all from the anime Ouran High School Host Club.

“I LOVE Ouran! Awesome costumes!” Marinette said. The girls thanked her and she led them upstairs, where the party was actually beginning to look like a party. But, they still needed music.

How convenient that the next guest to show up was the entirety of Fall Out Boy, who were dressed as My Chemical Romance (Black Parade era).

“How dare you…” Marinette hissed, not wanting to be reminded of the death of her favorite band. Pete Wentz laughed, and Marinette just pointed to the stairs, trying to get her inner emo under control. As soon as they entered the party room, Marinette heard a faint scream, which she presumed was Ebony.

Rip Ebony.

Then, Twenty One Pilots showed up, with Tyler dressed as Josh with red hair spray and fake earrings, and Josh dressed as Tyler with a beanie and black paint on his hands and neck. Marinette high-fived them on their way in.

Marinette screamed with joy when Thomas showed up, dressed in full Stevonnie cosplay, with several Temmies parading behind him, each one colored in accordance with one of the gems. Marinette complimented his costume multiple times, and he thanked her even more. After they were done squealing, Thomas went upstairs with his army of Temmies, and Marinette was left waiting again.

Grillby showed up in a Guy Fieri shirt with the Guy Fieri glasses. That’s all that needs to be said. It was amazing. Marinette fist-bumped him on his way in.

Gaster was right behind Grillby, dressed as the Eleventh Doctor. Marinette was surprised by this choice, but figured it made sense considering Gaster was into time travel and such. He didn’t even say anything to her, just pushed his way past and into the party room, where Marinette could now hear music pouring down from. Thanks Pete.

Then, shocking everyone including Marinette, Toriel showed up with Flowey and Frisk in tow.

“Hello my child, I believe your name was Marinette, correct?” Toriel said kindly, a gentle grin on her face. The wonderful goat mom was dressed in a Fairy Godmother dress, and looked as amazing as ever.

“Y-yes, it is! It’s awesome to see you again, Toriel! Hey Frisk!” It took Marinette a moment, but she realized the giant yellow petals surrounding Frisk’s head were in imitation of Flowey, and Flowey did not seemed pleased with their costume.

“‘Sup.” They said. Marinette turned to Flowey, and almost screamed when she saw the flower’s face had transformed into a perfect replica of Zoella’s. He was even wearing a blonde wig.

“OH GOD!” She shrieked, before taking a deep breath to calm herself. “Flowey, uh, that costume is very… interesting?” She tried. Flowey scoffed.

“Whatever bug brain, I just wanna go upstairs and see Chara!” He said, his voice a perfect imitation of Zoella’s. Marinette shivered and directed them where they all needed to go, and went back to stand by the door. As they entered the room, Marinette heard a voice shout,

“OH FUCK YEAH! MOM YOU’RE ALIVE!” She recognized it as Adrien’s voice and sighed.

Nearing the end, Marinette watched as Brendon Urie and an animatronic walked to the door.

“Really?” Marinette asked, ready to smack Brendon for wearing a Ladybug costume. Brendon laughed, and shook his head no.

“Nah, I just wanted to mess with you.” He snapped his fingers and the Ladybug costume disappeared, being replaced instead with a Harley Quinn costume, Suicide Squad version. She had to admit, he made those high heels work.

“At least you get to change your costume.” Matpat’s voice grumbled from the animatronic, which had been changed from Freddy Fazbear to Freddy Fazbear in a Circus Baby from Sister Location costume. How the fuck did that look? You decide. “I’m still stuck in an animatronic body man! C’mon!” Brendon patted his back reassuringly, and the duo headed upstairs. *pats the matpat*

And last but certainly not least, Cecil and Carlos walked to the door. Cecil was dressed in full Sailor Moon cosplay, with Carlos accompanying him as Tuxedo Mask.

“Hi Marinette! Did you like your costume?” Cecil asked excitedly.

“Compared to some of the other ones I’ve seen, yeah I like it a lot. But I think you’re gonna have some upset people upstairs.” Marinette said, thinking of Dan and Sans.

“Oh they’ll get over it! It’s Halloween, everyone has to wear silly costumes!” Cecil said. “Actually, except for me. As you can probably tell, my costume is a serious cosplay of Sailor Moon from the original anime, Pretty Soldier Sailor Moon!” He said, gesturing to his boots. Carlos just smiled and nodded, proud of his boyfriend for his cosplay. Marinette let them in, and walked upstairs with them to see that the party was now in full swing.

“Yo Marinette! This party is great, but, I think we need more people!” Brendon said, a beer in hand even though Marinette didn’t have any beer at her house. Marinette watched, slightly worried, as Brendon stared at the ceiling, closed his eyes in concentration, and snapped his fingers.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, every single kid (except Chloe and Sabrina) in Marinette’s class appeared in her home.

“Brendon what the fuck did you just do?” Marinette asked, seeing her classmates just join in the party without confusion as to how they just appeared there.

“I teleported them all here!” Brendon said proudly. He took another swig of his beer and walked off before Marinette could ask anything else. She looked around, trying to find Dan amidst this chaos (which really shouldn’t have been that hard since he was over 6 feet tall and wearing a bright red wig). Instead, she ran right into the girl she forgot she was dating, Alya.

“Hey Mari, haven’t seen you in a while, sweetie!” Alya said, slinging her arm around her ‘girlfriend’ and kissing her on the cheek. She was decked out in a full Ladybug costume, which didn’t even surprise Marinette.

Oh fuck.

“Oh, hey Alya… Yeah, long time no see. Sorry, I've just been…. BUSY! FIGHTING A DEMON!” She managed to stutter out. Alya chuckled, shaking her head good naturedly.

“Hun, your excuses may have worked on Adrien but they don’t work on me. I’m presuming wherever you’ve been has something to do with all these youtubers, band members, and video game characters that are here. If you don’t wanna tell me, that’s fine, I just wanna know how long you’re gonna be gone next time you disappear.” Marinette’s cheeks turned bright red, wondering how she could’ve forgotten that Alya was extremely smart and would not have let this craziness slide.

“Uh, well you see, the thing is I don’t really know-”

“Oh Marinette, there you are!” Dan broke in inconveniently, adjusting his wig as he strolled over to where Alya still had her arm around Marinette. Dan stopped when he noticed this, his eyes widening as he quickly put the pieces together in his mind.

Marinette had a girlfriend at the end of cracknoir 1.

That girl lived in Miraculous Paris.

There was a girl acting flirty with Marinette now.

Fuck.

“Whoah! Dan Howell’s here?! Mari, you didn’t tell me you were friends with Dan Howell!” Alya said, her eyes brightening in excitement.

“Uh, yeah, friends. Yep. Totally.” Marinette stammered, her cheeks becoming a worrying shade of crimson. “Dan… this is Alya… my girlfriend…” She said rather awkwardly. Alya gave Marinette a confused look.

“Oh, um, hi.” Dan greeted with an awkward wave. It was silent for a moment as Marinette internally panicked, wondering how the hell she was going to get herself out of this situation. After going over dozens of options in her brain at once, Marinette realized her only option was to tell the truth.

“Alya… we need to talk.” Marinette said quietly.

“Ooo that’s never a good start to a sentence.” Alya commented.

“Uh, should I leave or…?” Dan asked, unsure of how Marinette wanted this confession to go.

“No, you need to stay here.” Dan nodded, and Marinette took a deep breath, feeling Alya’s gaze bore into her. “You see… the thing is… the place we’ve been… I kinda thought we weren’t gonna get out of there for a long time.” Alya nodded along. “So Dan and I kinda… uhhhh… well…” Alya’s eyes widened as she picked up on what Marinette was trying to say.

“Oh. I get it.” Alya said, her tone unreadable. Marinette winced, preparing for the explosion.

But it never came. Instead, Marinette gasped when Alya smiled and looked at both of them.

“Don’t worry babe, I’d leave me for Dan Howell too. I totally understand. He’s pretty hot.” Alya said with a smirk.

“Oh, um, thanks?” Dan said awkwardly. Alya winked and mouthed ‘dan is on fire’, and Dan didn’t know how to react, so he just did a peace sign.

“Anyway, I’ve been cheating on you with Nino ever since you left so it’s chill.” Alya said.

“Oh okay then, where is he now?” Marinette asked.

“Cheating on me with Adrien.” Alya said, jerking her head to where Nino was talking with Adrien, grasping the blonde’s butt rather firmly. Adrien was blushing and had his arm around Nino, and the two were talking to Alix and Kim. Glancing over, they saw Sans making out with Toriel in the corner. So it was a rather equal cheating circle.

“Wait. If Marinette is cheating on you with me, and you're cheating on Marinette with Nino, and Adrien is cheating on Sans with Nino, and Sans is cheating on Adrien with Toriel, who's she cheating on?” Dan wondered aloud, out of breath by the end of the sentence.

“Well, I don't think Toriel and Asgore ever legally broke up, so…” Brendon chimed in with a ‘haven't you people ever heard of closing the goddamn door.’ “And I don't think Asgore’s cheating on anyone. Poor dude.” They all nodded in understanding.

“So Dan, you’re then cheating on Phil, right?” Alya asked. Dan sighed and rolled his eyes.

“No, for the last fucking time Phil and I are not dating!” Dan exclaimed exasperatedly.

“Mmm hmm.” Alya hummed with a smirk. “So then Phil’s cheating on you with Papyrus, Papyrus is cheating on Phil with Mettaton, and Mettaton is cheating on himself.” Alya figured out.

“Nothing turns me on more than me having sex with myself.” Mettaton announced in the corner, dressed like Jagged Stone. Jagged Stone, who was dressed as Mettaton, was standing a few feet away and pretending not to take notice of the metrosexual robot man.

“Polyamory is so cool!” The redhead said with a grin. “Speaking of which…” She stepped closer to Dan and slid an arm around his shoulders, a smirk playing across her face. He shifted uncomfortably and looked to Marinette for help, but all she could do was stare.

“I… Uh…” Dan stuttered. The poor meme was too awkward to respond, but Alya got the hint and pulled away.

“Oh, that’s fine. I’m gonna go find Phil.” She announced and turned to leave, but stopped to give Marinette a seductive eyebrow wiggle. “I’ll be seeing you later.” And then Alya was lost in the crowd of costume-clad weirdos.

“Ladies, gentlemen, people of other genders, angels that don’t exist, Temmies, and sentient slabs of meat.” Came a deep, velvety voice through the speakers. Wait, when the FUCK did Marinette get speakers? “It is time for the obligatory Halloween Karaoke contest!” Cecil announced, and paused for everyone to cheer. No one except Adrien did.

“AW FUCK YEAH! I LOVE KARAOKE!!” He cheered, fist bumping the air. Toriel shot him a disapproving glare and covered Frisk’s ears. He withered under her gaze.

“That’s great, Adrien!” Cecil said in an overly cheerful tone. “Now, you’ve been put into teams chosen by a sentient flying circus with four eyes thousands of years prior to this very event. First up, we have Panic! at the Disco, AKA (that means ‘also known as’, I’m hip with the kids) Brendon and Circus baby!”

“I HAVE A NAME, YOU KNOW!” Circus Baby said grumpily, folding his arms. Brendon gave him a reassuring back pat, a staple of this fic as Fork just pointed out. *pats the matpat*

“So, what song will you two be performing this lovely evening?” Cecil inquired.

“I'm thinking-” Mat started but was shushed by Brendon.

“Don't speak, I already know, babe.” He said with a wink. “We’re gonna be singing Emperor’s New Clothes since it's Halloween.” He announced. And suddenly, the Brendon they knew was gone, as he turned into the demon from the Emperor’s New Clothes music video. Including the horns, grey skin, bright eyes, and even the fangs.

And he was still wearing the Harley Quinn outfit as well.

Everyone there had to admit, those super tight spandex short shorts framed his ass quite nicely, despite the fact that he looked slightly terrifying.

The two got up on the stage, and the music for the song began to blast through Marinette’s new speakers.

“Welcome to the end of eras,” Brendon began.

“Ice has melted back to life.” Matpat continued from inside the animatronic bear. They sang beautifully together, harmonizing in perfect pitch as their rich voices wrapped around everyone like velvet. As they performed, everyone found themselves both terrified and strangely attracted to Demon Harley Quinn Brendon.

Soon enough, the song was over, and Cecil announced the next pair. This time, it was Thomas Sanders with a Temmie, and he sang the Steven Universe theme song (of course). After that, Dan and Marinette were forced to go up and opted to sing their anthem, ‘The Sound of Silence’ aka ‘Hello Darkness my old friend.’ Cecil then decided to give a weather report, which earned a standing ovation. Afterwards, Chara and Flowey were up and Chara just sang a rather obscure death metal song. Toriel did not approve,but was proud of her dear children anyway, giving them each a hug before they were lost in the crowd again.

Then, they were nearing the end, and Cecil announced that Adrien and Frisk were up next. Adrien instantly knew what song he wanted to sing, and reverently whispered the title into Frisk’s ear.

“Dude seriously? You really wanna do that?” Frisk asked with a raised brow.

“Yeah!” Adrien said, bouncing up and down excitedly. Frisk sighed and nodded their head in agreement, and Adrien cheered. They whispered the song title to Nino who had taken over DJing, and the two went up.

The soft notes of a piano began to filter through, and Sans instantly hated his life as he recognized the tune of ‘Secret Garden’. Aka the Flowerfell AU anthem.

“He said: Oh Mary, contrary, how does your garden grow?” The two began in unison.

“Come with me, and you'll be, the seventh maid in a row.” They continued. Everyone was enraptured by the meaningful lyrics, and didn't notice Sans beginning to cry in the corner.

“My answer, was laughter, soft as I lowered my head. You're too late, I'm afraid, this flower’s already dead.” Adrien and Frisk continued the song, the delicate melody flowing over everyone’s ears like cool water. By the end, they all felt calm and slightly saddened by the depressing lyrics, but Sans was full on sobbing. 

The group cheered and Adrien and Frisk bowed, but then gasped as Sans stumbled over, tears streaming down over his leather mask and his cheekbones, and grabbed Frisk by the shoulders.

“i’m so sorry kid! i didn't mean to let you die in that au, you know i didn't!” He sobbed, holding them tightly to his chest. Frisk stiffened and awkwardly hugged back, honestly not phased at all since they had technically been responsible for Sans’ own death hundreds of times over. Whoops.

“Uhh… Sans? Could you maybe let go? You're crushing me.” The child muttered, but he didn't budge. Adrien ended up having to use a crowbar to pry the two apart. You think that's metaphorical, huh? Well this is cracknoir, nothing makes sense here.

After that whole traumatizing situation was settled, Cecil announced that Fall Out Boy would be going next. Since they already had their instruments (‘cause when do they not), they decided to just perform a song, and so they decided to be assholes and performed Welcome to the Black Parade by My Chemical Romance, whom they dressed as. Ebony cried. She cried a lot. So did Dan and Marinette. But Ebony cried exponentially more.

A few more songs came and went, and finally they were at the end.

“Now, we have saved the best for last. Going up next will be… The Stranger Things Kids!” Everyone applauded in confusion, and it took the Gamer Bros a moment to realize Cecil was talking about them and not the actual kids from Stranger Things. Jack, Mark, Felix, and PJ all gave each other serious looks, and huddled in a circle to discuss what song they would perform.

Some seconds of deliberation passed, and then PJ went up to tell Nino the song. Nino snorted with laughter, and eagerly nodded, pulling up the music on his laptop. The bros all went up to the front of the room, each grabbing a microphone that had appeared out of nowhere. Thanks Cecil.

The music began, and Marinette considered jumping out the window.

“You’re insecure, don’t know what for.” PJ was the one to start the One Direction song, as they all got into position.

“You’re turning heads when you walk through the do-o-or!” Jack continued, running a hand through his bright green hair.

“Don’t need makeup, to cover up, being the way that you are enough!” Felix chimed in, still wearing his complete Eleven costume.

“Everyone else in the room can see it! Everyone else but youuuuu!” Mark broke in, posing sexually and pointing at Flowey dramatically.

“BABY YOU LIGHT UP MY WORLD LIKE NOBODY ELSE!” They all shouted in unison, their voices surprisingly not as horrible as the lyrics they were screaming. “THE WAY THAT YOU FLIP YOUR HAIR GETS ME OVERWHELMED! BUT WHEN YOU SMILE AT THE GROUND IT AIN’T HARD TO TELL!”

“YOU DON’T KNOW, OH OH, YOU DON’T KNOW YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL!” Dan was singing along the entire time. Marinette wondered if she could hang herself with Halloween streamers.

After what felt like twelve pages, the song finally ended and the Gamer bros stepped down, having received a standing ovation from only Cecil. Cecil then wiped a tear from his cheek, and stepped up to the stage again to give his final speech.

“WHAT AN EMOTIONAL PERFORMANCE!” Cecil exclaimed dramatically.

“This wig is itchy and I want to die.” Dan said, still in the hipster Ariel costume.

“Sameeeeeee.” Like five people said in response.

“Anyway moving on. Now the time has come, for us all to return to the real, well, canonical world.”

“oh goddammit. i knew this was gonna happen.” Sans said, shuffling over to where Papyrus was running his fingers through his wig.

“What do you mean canonical?” Jack asked.

“I would explain, but then again none of you are gonna remember this and I don’t feel like telling you all.” Cecil said.

“i’ll remember it.” Sans said saltily.

“Like I was saying,” Cecil continued. “The party is coming to a close, and it is time for us to say goodbye to one another, as none of you, except a certain few, will remember that this ever happened. After I finish speaking, everything will go black and we’ll be back in canonical cracknoir. Things will be very different there. Someone cover Papyrus’ ears please.” The radio host requested. Phil obliged and Papyrus didn’t protest. “Papyrus will be dead, Chara will be alive again and trying to kill us all,”

“Wow fuck you too, I didn’t actually wanna kill anybody.” Chara grumbled to themself.

“Then why are you murdering us all!” Mark shouted.

 

“rE̼̖͈͇͔͓̳̎̀͠V̷̭̥̝̮̉̇̅ͩ̈̾̆͡E̜̝̥͈̟̊̎ͩ͐ͪ͗̀̕ͅN̙͕̞̘̬͌͑͑ͧ̓G͋̏̍ͨͯ̈ͨ͊̚҉͏̺͎̞̫͙͎͘E̹͈̠͔͉͒̋̽͛͞͝” They growled.

(lol foreshadowing hehehe)

“AS I WAS SAYING,” Cecil yelled, startling everyone back to attention. “Things are going to be really difficult and really sad, so I just wanted to say how grateful I was that we got to celebrate this joyous holiday together, even if we didn’t get to sacrifice anyone tonight.” He said, glaring at Adrien. Adrien shrunk back and curled up against Nino.

“WAIT! CAN I COME WITH YOU GUYS?!” Alya asked at the top of her lungs.

“Uh, I have no problem with it, but you’re gonna have to ask Brendon.” Cecil said, pointing to forehead man himself. The demon forehead man was currently chugging a beer with animatronic Matpat, and when he saw everyone staring at them, he said,

“Idk, ask Prince Eric.” He said, pointing to Marinette.

“NO WE ARE NOT DOING THIS AGAIN!” Sans shouted, his eye blazing blue and making everyone backed da fuck up. “NO ALYA YOU CAN’T COME!”

“Too late, tentacle man already said yes.” Alya said, gesturing to Cecil who was giving her a thumbs up. She looped her arm through Marzia’s, and pulled the girl forward. “My new girlfriend’s coming too!”

“Wait, I thought you were dating Marinette, Dan, and Nino?” Phil questioned, giving the redhead a confused look.

“Well, you see, I’m dating Marinette, Nino, Dan, Marzia, you, Spoon, Fork, Cecil, Carlos, all the gamer bros, the majority of my school class-” All the school kids turned and winked at her. “Probably Mettaton, Frisk, Chara, Toriel, Sans, Seven, Ebony, Alphys, Undyne, Fall Out Boy, Brendon, Twenty One Pilots, Circus Baby-”

“THAT’S NOT MY NAME!”

“And… um, am I forgetting someone?” Alya inquired, looking around at her partners.

“You forgot me!” Adrien said, a bright smile on his face. Alya sighed and looked away.

“Uh, sorry hon, I’m not dating you.” Alya said as gently as she could manage. Adrien went and cried in the corner while Frisk reassuringly patted his back.

“OOOOOO BURNNNNNN!” Felix shouted, now guzzling a bottle of vodka.

“Okay, so is everyone okay with Alya and Marzia coming back with us?” Cecil inquired of the group.

“I mean we’re all apparently dating her so it’d be kinda rude to leave her.” PJ pointed out. Everyone nodded in agreement.

“Wait, she’s not dating Flowey!” Jack said, pointing to the pissed off flower in the corner in a shoe who still looked like Zoella. Alya whipped around and her face turned into an irl version of the ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°).

“Oh I’m gonna fix that!” Alya said, shoving past her other partners to get to the terrified looking flower.

“OH FUCK NO!” Flowey shouted.

“Okay time for us to go!” Cecil said, trying to get the group back on topic.

“WAIT CAN I SAY GOODBYE TO MCR ONE LAST TIME?!” Ebony cried, looking to Fall Out Boy.

“Don’t worry, you’ll see us in the Underground.” Patrick said.

“Peace.” Pete Wentz said, and the entirety of Fall Out Boy just faded away into the dark holes of reality that we never see.

“THIS HAS DRAGGED ON LONG ENOUGH BYE PAPYRUS LET’S GO!” Cecil shouted, and pointed to Carlos who, before anyone could stop him, pressed a button on a different remote (not the portals, haha avoiding that plot hole) and sent all of them back into the reality they all so desperately wished to escape.

Except Brendon, the laws of the universe don’t apply to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a kudos to join Alya's harem
> 
> or ya can join mine ya know i'm here too  
> reese does most of the writing and the notes im jsut kinda here in the corner like ohahi and occaisonally steal the notes section so like... i dont know where im going with this join my harem we'll have cake and fuck


	19. a lesson in procrastination

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fuck
> 
> so peppercorn died and
> 
> here's a funeral

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we took way too fucking long to write this chapter because p r o c r a s t i n a t i o n
> 
> We gave up at the end hope u enjoy the part we tried on

Feet dragged along the ground like blocks of cinder as the group made their way back to the hotel. Everyone’s heart felt like it was made of lead, a heavy and painful reminder of the tragedy that had occurred. Damp cheeks dried in the cool cave air, bloodshot eyes gazing at the grass, not focusing on any one thing.

 

The slow march eventually made it back to the hotel, but missing the presence of Sans. He had taken a shortcut somewhere along the way, and didn't tell anyone where he was going. 

 

No one wanted to ask.

 

The group stood silently in the lobby, glancing to one another as they tried to figure out what to do now. Jack, Mark, and Felix gave Phil comforting pats on the shoulder, before stepping in the elevator to go up to their room. PJ waited a moment longer, giving Phil a quick hug, before joining the trinity behind the closing doors. 

 

“I'm gonna… I'm gonna go find Carlos. Adrien, why don't you come with me?” Cecil suggested, his third eye blinking slowly. Adrien looked at him in mild surprise, and spared a sympathetic glance at Phil. 

 

“Yeah… sure.” Adrien said, following the radio host out of the building. That left only Marinette, Dan, and Phil standing in the center of the hotel lobby. It was awkwardly quiet, no one quite sure of what to say. 

 

“Phil? Do you wanna come up to our room and just… hang out for a little bit?” Marinette asked after a bit. Phil didn't respond at first, just continued to stare at the ground while he tugged at the red scarf on his neck. Then, he looked up and saw the couple staring at him with worried expressions, and he looked back down.

 

“No, I’d rather not… I just kinda wanna be alone right now.” He mumbled, scuffing the marble floor with his shoe. 

 

“Oh, yeah, of course. Well then… just let us know if you need anything, okay? We’ll be in our room.” Phil nodded but didn't say anything, he just walked towards the already open elevator and stepped inside, pressing the button with a glazed look in his eyes. The electric doors slid close, leaving Marinette and Dan as the only humans on the floor. 

 

Marinette turned to Dan, who hadn’t said a word since the whole situation had occurred almost an hour ago. He was just staring at his shoes, not reacting to anything going on around him. 

 

“Dan? Do you wanna go back up to the room?” She inquired. He didn’t respond, so she just grabbed his hand and led him to the elevators, and into their shared hotel room. She led him over to the couch and sat him down, and attempted to talk to him again.

 

“Hey, you wanna talk?” She asked. Dan just shook his head slowly, eyes blank and staring at nothing in particular. Marinette figured he must’ve been in shock. “That’s okay then, we don’t have to talk.” She sat down beside him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, just trying to be there as his friend instead of a girlfriend for the moment. He still didn’t move and Marinette sighed in defeat, resting her head against his shoulder.

 

“We’re gonna get out of here, Dan. We were against all odds the first time too, and we still made it home.” She said softly, sincerely believing what she was saying. Good things weren’t supposed to happen to bad people, right? Not in the end at least. And the two of them definitely hadn’t done anything bad enough to deserve this.

 

But Papyrus was a good person.

 

He didn’t deserve to die at the hands of a demon, nobody deserved that. Papyrus was never cruel, never cowardly, only ever a friend. Kind hearted, energetic, not the kind to pick a fight. Good intentions and good morals. A pacifist.

 

But now was not the time for resentment.

 

Dan eventually gave into Marinette’s comfort, shifting to sit closer to her and hiding his face in her hair. Because in that moment, getting lost in her was easier than getting lost in thought. Thinking is destructive, it’s far too easy to turn thoughts into weapons.

 

The two stayed like that, safe in each other’s arms, emotionally if not physically. They both knew they weren’t: that they might never be. Chara knew where they were hiding, Brendon had later explained, since nobody was going to question Phil about it. For the moment, nobody was expecting anything of Phil. Nobody expected him to speak, to do anything if he didn’t want to. Right now, everyone just needed him to rest. For all of their sakes.

 

Meanwhile, Cecil was leading Adrien exactly where he needed to go.

 

“Are we going to talk to Carlos?” Adrien asked in a soft voice as they walked towards Snowdin.

 

“I am, you aren’t. I’m taking you where you’re needed.” Cecil said ambiguously. Adrien gulped, wondering what the non-human radio host could have in mind, but followed him through the Underground. They passed through Hotland and Cecil walked down to the Riverboat, and whispered their destination. The Riverperson nodded and they took off, and landed at the stop in Snowdin. Adrien continued to follow the enigmatic man, shivering slightly in the chilly winter air, as they backtracked all the way through Snowdin. After a long time of walking, they began to approach the door to the Ruins, and Adrien finally realized where they were headed.

 

Crouched at the imposing purple door, was a small figure in a blue hoodie. He was staring intently at the door, and as they got closer Adrien realized Sans was talking. 

 

“knock knock?” Sans said, pausing for a moment as if waiting for someone to say ‘who’s there’. 

 

“old lady.” He continued, despite the fact that there was no response. 

 

“i didn’t know you could yodel.” His last words were more of a whisper, and tears began to fill in his eyes as he realized his boyfriend was pretending he was talking to Toriel. Cecil and Adrien walked closer, and when Sans heard their footsteps, his head whipped around, his eye blazing bright blue and face contorted with rage. His expression melted into one of surprise as soon as he realized who it was, and he just sighed. 

 

“sorry guys, i thought…” He trailed off, not finishing his sentence before turning around back to the door. “why are you here? i just want to be alone.” Adrien’s mouth went dry at that question, looking to Cecil because he honestly didn’t know why they were here. If Sans wanted to be alone, shouldn’t they grant him that?

 

“Well, looks like I’ll be going. See you two later…” Cecil said, turning around and taking a few steps away before teleporting to wherever he needed to go. Probably Carlos. Adrien gaped, having forgotten the radio host was capable of teleportation, and wondered why the hell he had walked them all through the Underground. 

 

Adrien was gonna have some words with Fork and Spoon later.

 

(a//n no he’s not lol)

 

Then, he turned back to the hunched over skeleton, and slowly sat down next to him. 

 

“Do you wanna… do you wanna talk?” Adrien asked quietly, reaching out to touch Sans’ shoulder but then stopping himself. 

 

“no.” Was all he replied. Adrien was quiet, biting his lip nervously as he wondered why the fuck Cecil would bring him here. Then, an idea popped in his mind. He may not be able to bring Papyrus back to life, but he could help Sans take his mind off of it. 

 

“Hey… Can I tell a joke?” Adrien suggested, speaking softly. After a few moments Sans shrugged, and reluctantly agreed. 

 

“....okay.”

 

“What's the difference between me and a mosquito?” Sans furrowed his brow bone. 

 

“kid, what the fuck is a mosquito?”

 

“....never mind.” It was quiet for another moment, before Sans spoke.

 

“knock knock.”

 

They stayed like that for hours on end, passing bad jokes back and forth to keep their minds off of the earlier events that had transpired. As much as he hated to admit it, Cecil bringing Adrien to him was probably the best thing his old high school friend could’ve done. Adrien was kind and caring, and always knew how to cheer Sans up. And even if things wouldn’t be okay, at least not for a long time, Sans was able to take his mind off of it, just for a little bit.

 

The rest of the day passed by rather uneventfully. The gamer bros (including PJ he’s also a gamer bro) played video games to keep their mind off of things, Cecil worked with Gaster, Carlos, and Frisk in an attempt to fix the portals, Marinette and Dan watched anime on Dan’s laptop, and no one saw Phil leave his room, but he went to go stay with Mettaton so they could mourn their loss together. 

 

No one came out of their rooms the next day, and by the time it was noon, it seemed it was going to remain that way. But, without warning, every single person in the cracknoir group, was taken from their cozy beds, and teleported to one of Snowdin’s many ice fields. 

 

“What the shit?!” Marinette yelled as she suddenly manifested in the middle of Snowdin several feet in the air, gravity quickly going to work and making her fall flat on her ass in the snow. She glanced around in confusion, and saw everyone else also on their asses and equally confused. Next to her, Dan was muttering a curse word as he tried to stand. 

 

Looking forward, Marinette saw Brendon Urie standing in front of the whole group, clad in a tuxedo with Twenty One Pilots and Fall Out Boy standing in the background, their instruments absent for once. And Matpat, still an animatronic bear, was also there and standing next to Brendon.

 

“Ladies, gentlemen, Frisk,” Brendon began, “We are gathered here today, to celebrate the life, of our dear friend, Papaya.” Tyler Joseph leaned over and whispered something in Brendon’s ear. “Oh yeah, Papyrus, sorry ‘bout that.” Marinette managed to pull herself to her feet, and helped Dan up beside her. Glancing down, she balked when she realized she and Dan were still in their pajamas, having just binge-watched anime all morning long. But then, she looked up and saw everyone else, besides Brendon and Cecil, were wearing their pajamas too, and she felt a little better. 

 

Except Carlos, who was wearing his ‘sleep lab coat’ and Thomas who was wearing a temmie sweater. 

 

“What the fuck just happened?” Mark asked, a game controller still in his hand. 

 

“I teleported you all here so that we could have a service for Paprika.” Brendon explained.

 

“And you couldn’t have given us a little heads up?” Undyne questioned with a snarl, angrily gesturing to her pajamas which happened to just be boxer shorts and a tank top.

 

“Eh, didn’t feel like it.” Was all Brendon replied. 

 

“wait, why are you holding the service for papyrus? you didn’t even know his name!” Sans snapped, a small flicker of blue sparking in his eye. Brendon held his hands up in surrender, and took a step back.

 

“Look, I know I didn’t really know Paparazzo that well, but I know he meant a lot to all of you, and I thought he should at least have a proper funeral.” Everyone gazed at Brendon blankly for a moment, surprised at the sincerity in his words. 

 

“Wait, Papyrus died!?” Thomas yelled, horror written all over his expression. 

 

“Oh shit, I knew we forgot to tell someone.” PJ muttered. He cleared his throat, and Thomas looked at him. “Yes, he did. Yesterday Chara attacked Phipyrus and while Phil survived… Papyrus wasn’t so lucky.” He explained in his most gentle tone. Thomas gasped, and held the Temmie in his arms tighter. Then Thomas glanced over to Phil.

 

“I’m so sorry Phil, I had no idea.” 

 

“Thank you, and it’s okay, I know you didn’t know.” Phil said quietly. It was then everyone noticed the thing Phil was holding in his arms, and gave him perplexed looks.

 

“Uh, Phil, why the hell do you have Mettaton’s leg in your arms?” Dan inquired. Phil’s eyes widened and looked at the leg in surprise, as if he had forgotten it was there in the first place. 

 

“Well, um-”

 

“Hang on, sorry Phil, I forgot about Mett.” Brendon said. And with a snap of his fingers, a one-legged Mettaton appeared in the air next to Phil, and fell to the ground with a clunk. 

 

“Ow! What happened? Where am I?!” Mettaton said in his usual dramatic voice, looking around at the group wildly. 

 

“Brendon is holding a funeral for Papyrus, and so he brought us all here.” Phil answered in a soft voice. Mettaton’s expression instantly turned somber, and his gaze turned towards the ground.

 

“Oh. Okay then.” Was all the robot replied. 

 

“That still doesn’t answer the question, Phil, what the hell were you and Mettaton doing?” Dan asked again, when it seemed no one would answer. 

 

“Oh! Yeah! Well Mettaton and I were hanging out and his leg fell off so I was trying to help him reattach it.” Phil explained quickly. Mettaton nodded to corroborate. 

 

“Uh… okay then.” Felix commented, looking confused. 

 

“Can we get on with the freaking funeral people?! I’m not wearing a tux for no reason!” Brendon shouted, trying to garner everyone’s attention again. They all quieted down, and looked back to the godly forehead man. “Thank you. Now, as I was saying, we are all gathered here today, to celebrate the life of pumpkin spice latte- oh shit wait we forgot someone!” 

 

Noises of confusion sounded from everyone as they glanced to one another, trying to figure out who among their ranks was missing. Everyone was there, not one person that was a main character of this fic was missing. Brendon snapped his fingers, and suddenly a boy with tomato red hair, bright golden eyes framed with yellow glasses, and a laptop appeared next to Marinette. There was another boy underneath the device, sitting cross-legged on the ground and holding it up with his head like a makeshift table. 

 

“EYYYYY SEVEN!” Brendon yelled. The boy glanced up from the computer, and looked around with befuddlement, before groaning and rolling his eyes at Brendon.

 

“Really Beebo? You had to teleport me to your weird sex party or whatever this is right now?” Seven asked in annoyance. Dan’s eyes widened when he recognized the red haired boy but he kept quiet, not wanting anyone to know he was spending his spare time crying over Otome dating simulators. 

 

((a/n yes i CRIED in Zen’s route sue me))

 

The small boy who's mess of bleach blonde hair was currently being used as a tabletop shifted uncomfortably, and Seven pulled the laptop away so he could stand up. The boy blinked twice and looked around, examining the eclectic group carefully. A bewildered expression grew on his face when he saw Sans, even more so when he saw the boy standing next to him. Adrien and Yoosung made eye contact and in the exact same moment, and suddenly couldn't tear their gazes away from each other. 

 

“There… There are TWO OF THEM?!” Gaster finally burst out after several minutes of uncomfortable silence. Adrien made his way over to Yoosung, his eyes widening as he approached his clone. Yoosung took a step forward and met him in the middle, and the cat boy brought a hand up to cup his cheek. 

 

“...brother?” He asked quietly, breaking the serene stillness filling the cave. Yoosung gulped, blinking tears out of his eyes and grinning up at the other. Adrien was much taller than Yoosung and the height difference was a little awkward, but it didn't matter to them in that moment. 

 

“Rika… I missed you.”

 

“I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD YOOSUNG, NOT EVERYONE YOU MEET IS RIKA!” A clearly distraught voice belonging to a woman nobody in the gaggle of weirdos recognized screamed out, practically shattering everyone's eardrums like America shattered everyone's dreams this week. The girl looked to be around the same age as the rest of the group, maybe in her twenties, and was accompanied by four more people, including the homosexual Korean equivalent of Christian Grey, a seemingly-blind tumblr aesthetic boy struggling to maneuver around the cave, some human AU Mettaton with granny hair and a rat tail gazing into a mirror, and a Phandom member. 

 

“Hey guys! Long time no see!” Brendon said, the tone in his voice too chipper given the current situation. V smiled and nodded in agreement. “Sorry about the random teleport, we needed you guys at the funeral here.”

 

((a/n read that paragraph again))

 

“Wait- funeral? Who died?” Zen asked suddenly, shock and concern clear in his voice as he threw his mirror aside. 

 

“Phil and Sans’ brother, Ph. D Pepper. Rip” Seven informed him, not looking up from his computer screen. He was typing something furiously into his program, barely paying attention to his surroundings. Nobody really knew where Seven had gotten this information, but he seemed to be a self-aware character anyway. Sans and Phil exchanged exasperated glances and sighed, and Phil buried his face further into Mettaton’s arm. 

 

“Oh, HELLO.” Alya said in an overly flirtatious voice, eyeing MC up and down. She winked and the group spun around, not having noticed her before, and saw her standing with Marzia. 

 

“How are you- you know what? Not even gonna ask.” Marinette said, throwing her arms up in the air in defeat. Her best friend’s (girlfriend’s?) sudden appearance wasn't the strangest thing she’d ever seen, and she didn't bat an eye when Alya made her way over to, as the kool kidz call it, ‘pick up chicks’. MC didn't seem to mind too much, secretly having wanted a girl’s route for a long time, but Zen didn't seem to approve.

 

“You can talk to your new friend, MC.” He said, trying not to make his jealousy obvious. He failed miserably. “I know you've only got eyes for me.” Then he realized his mistake. 

 

“Okay, soooo… Everyone's here, can we start the funeral now?” Dan asked, still using every bit of self control he had left not to stare at the Mystic Messenger characters. Brendon quickly nodded, and prepared to speak again. 

 

“We are gathered here today, to celebrate the life of our dear friend, pizza pockets-”

 

“papyrus-”

 

“OUR DEAR FRIEND PAPYRUS,” Brendon shouted, correcting himself again. “Who was killed by a homicidal 9 year old thanks to these dumbasses.” Brendon jerked his thumb at Cecil and Carlos who looked at the ground in shame. Everyone groaned, wishing they could have at least a semi-serious funeral since someone literally died. Seven sighed and closed his laptop, knowing Portabello Mushroom deserved better than this.

 

“Oh goddammit Brendon let me do it.” Seven said, shoving Brendon out of the way and back over to Matpat. The singer didn’t complain, instead just huffed and straightened his jacket. Seven stood in front of the mic and pushed his hair out of his face, and took a deep breath before continuing the procession.

 

“Ladies, gentlemen, those without gender, we are gathered here today to celebrate the life of someone who was near and dear to all of our hearts. Papyrus was a brave monster, one who always believed in the goodness of others, even at the very end. He was beloved by all, always cheerful and kind, and was especially loved by those closest to him.” Everyone glanced to where Sans, Phil, and Mettaton were standing, and saw they were all staring at the ground sadly. “Although Papyrus’ death was unjust, his faith in others never wavered. Now that he is gone, that responsibility falls to us. We must remember that no matter how horrible a person might seem, there is always good in them. Today we have Papyrus’ partner and his brothers with us, and so if anyone would like to say some words, you are welcome to.” Seven said, gesturing to the two monsters and the british boy. 

 

((fork just made that whole thing up on the spot isn't she talented she's great))

 

Sans looked up in surprise, obviously not expecting to have all the attention turn to him. He huffed, knowing he was in no place to give the sort of speech an amazing brother like Papyrus deserved, and so he just shook his head and looked to Phil and Mettaton, letting them decide which one of them went up first. Mettaton, who was used to being in the spotlight, stepped up first, straightening himself out and holding his head high. 

 

“Papyrus was-” he began, his voice breaking on the third syllable, as all his previous confidence shattered. He realized his cheekbones were wet and brushed at them, careful not to let himself rust. “Papyrus was… So important to all of us.”

 

He gave a beautiful, thoughtful, heart-wrenching speech, that we're not going to tell you since we've been procrastinating it for too fucking long and we need to get this chapter up. 

 

It's been 84 years. 

 

here we are, two weeks later finally writing again

 

k so funeral went good

 

we are done writing this shit goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So to explain why we haven't this bullshit in like a month Spoon and I started a super awesome rp together and that's been taking up all our fucking time plus goddamn finals are happening so yea it's not like any of u care lol this is just an entire shitpost
> 
> the rp is
> 
> sO gay
> 
> is good is good -spoonoos


	20. the creepypasta chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> we let adrien write this one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so.... we were reading spongebob creepypasta when this happened. 
> 
> are we still avoiding papyrus's death? yes. is that a bad thing? probably. 
> 
> who fuckin cares no one reads this 
> 
> we don't

_There is no prophecy for this chapter. It is devoid of plot, containing nothing other than Adrien’s bullshit._

Hello readers, my name is Adrien Agreste. In this blog post I am going to tell you all a terrifying story, one that has haunted my dreams since about an hour ago when it first started. I am writing this to document my struggles and spread my story so that others won't make the same mistakes I did. Read at your own risk. 

Okay, so, it started this morning when I woke up. I brushed my blonde hair and put on my favorite blue shirt and jeans and cat ears. I was also wearing a green necklace that matched my eyes but not the girly kind of necklace because I am a boy (I think). Then went to the video game store in the underground. My boyfriend’s (yes I am bisexual so if you have a problem with that you can get out) bro had just gotten killed by a demon child so I was trying to drown my sadness in video games like I always do, since I'm depressed. Once I got inside, I went to the very back of the store, and when I was looking at one of the shelves, I saw a button. Then like a dumbass I pressed it and a secret shelf opened. I was so surprised. 

It had a game for a really old Nintendo system nobody plays anymore, but the label was scratched off. The only thing on it was a skull written in sharpie. I instantly shuddered when I saw it. It was so creepy, but so cool. I knew I had to buy it, or the curiosity was going to drive me insane. 

So I brought it to the guy at the counter. At first, he was normal, even though he was kinda fat. But that's not bad though, being fat is fine. Then suddenly I'm pretty sure his eyes turned red, like a tomato or something. And he said “good luck” in a really, really deep voice. But then when I turned around and looked again he was gone. 

So I got in my car. It's a red Ferrari with diamonds on the dashboard and it's got leather seats and it's washed every single day so it's very shiny. My dad is super rich so that's how I can afford it. I'm a model, by the way. But I don't really like to brag about it so I'll just keep telling the story. When I got in I put the game on the seat next to me, and while I was driving I swear I saw the box move. And then, I felt like someone was watching me from that seat. Like the game was looking at me. It was like it was staring into my soul or something. I was so creeped out.

So I got home and got out my old Nintendo system and I plugged it into the TV. Then I turned it on and put the game in. At first, when the screen popped up, it started glitching and my tv made the weirdest sound ever and then it restarted. When I turned it back on, everything was just red like blood, and then it switched to the game screen. I gasped loudly when I saw it was the rare Pokemon game Pokemon Z that got banned because the guy who made it got arrested for murder or something. (Author's note- I looked it up and he actually never got arrested he's still on the run somewhere… 0-0)

So the game started, and the first character I saw was Professor Oak. But for some reason his eyes looked super realistic and were also red and bloodshot. And, there was blood all over him, probably from kids or Pokemon. I shuddered in fear and went to talk to him. He said his name was Professor Poison Oak. Then, something truly terrifying happened. 

He looked at the screen, only he wasn't just looking at the screen. His eyes met mine. He was looking at me and his smile was twisted when he asked in a distorted voice “Are you a boy or a girl?” But there were no options for me to click to answer. Then he said, “Oh! Never mind. You must be a little girl.” And I screamed. “HOW DOES HE KNOW?!”

Then he said let's go get a starter Pokemon so I went to go get a starter Pokemon. But what I saw made me sick. There were two Pokemon there that were super glitched, and the only thing that was there was static and a big red X. But in the middle there was a Pikachu, no ordinary Pikachu. His eyes were torn out and his hands had blood on them. I figured I had no choice and picked him, and suddenly he looked at me and made a terrible noise. It sounded like this: ((YouTube link)) It scared me so much I almost started crying, but I didn't because I don't cry. 

Then, the pikachu got added to my pokedex, but instead of the usual name it just said ‘???’. When I looked at the stats everything said 666. Which, in case you didn't know, is satan’s phone number, and since I'm bi that's really bad. That’s like, double hell for me. 

So then I continued the game, and I spawned in lavender town but with different. I listened closely and realized with a gasp what it. I knew the tune, but it was backwards, I realized the song that was playing was none other than Cotton Eyed Joe. “.og eh did erehw ,morf emoc eh did erehW” said the song. But it was also the sound of an orbeez being cut by hot knife. It gave me chillis. 

Then I saw Ash who's name was the same because that's already edgy. Ash said “you will die in three days, Adrien Agreste” in a perfect impression of Gaster doing a perfect impression of Keemstar. I screamed and dropped the Nintendo, and the screen turned black. 

Terrified, I ran to Sans. That's my boyfriend in case you forgot. Yeah the one from undertale. I'm a pretty lucky kat. ;) so I said, “SANS HELP ME I ACCIDENTALLY BOUGHT A HAUNTED POKÉMON GAME AND I THINK IM GOING TO DIE IN THREE DAYS WHAT SHOULD I DO.” And Sans said,

“fork and spoon, this is getting pretty fucking pathetic. this is your new chapter?” And then Fork said, “fuck you Sans you’re gonna be the first to die at the hands of the vengeful ghost adrien summoned accidentally from the pits of hell.”

*phantom of the opera plays*

And then he dropped dead. It sucked. I started crying. Again.

So I ran to my best friend Marinette. She is a bluenette with a shoulder length hair in pigtails and blue eyes. She with wearing a mcr t shirt with fishnets but probably only because Ebony wanted her too. I told her what was wrong, but she just flipped me off so I left. Dan did the same thing.

So I went to the only person I could. The only one who could help me in my dire time of need. The one with all the power of the universe.

Brendon Urie. 

I took in a deep breath, and shouted “SHE WANTS TO DANCE LIKE UMA THURMAN-”

“AND I CAN’T GET YOU OUT OF MY HEAD!” Pete Wentz finished as he suddenly appeared out of thin air midair and fell down to the ground in front of me like a true falling boy. 

And that's when I realized, I don't know shit about emo music. 

So I went back to Marinette and was going to ask her to sing a panic song for me (yes I know that's not how u say panic but I'm doing it the grammatically correct way because I have standards people) 

She told me to fuck off and I cried a bit and she felt bad so then she sang a panic song for me to summon Beebo.

“CLIMBING OUT THE BACK DOOR DIDN’T LEAVE A MARK-” She began. 

“No one knows it’s you Miss Jackson yeah yeah what do y’all want?” Brendon finished as he walked out of the dark forest with nothing on except for a shower cap and some bubbles around his private parts. I screamed and hid my face in Marinette’s shoulder, but she punched me in the left tit. I don’t even have tits. I’m a boy. I think. Professor Poison Oak didn’t think so. I don’t know how she did it. 

I’m now having an identity crisis. 

While I had this identity crisis Marinette explained the situation to Brendon who still didn’t put clothes on. Marinette wasn’t phased. She’d seen the Girls/Girls/Boys music video. After explaining everything to him Brendon stared long and hard at me for a moment before letting out a humongous laugh. 

“YOU’RE FUCKED BROSEPH!” Brendon shouted, letting out a maniacal laugh. 

“W-What do you mean? Am I going to die?” I asked, tears in my green eyes. 

“Yeah, you will. Sorry ‘bout that. Shouldn’t have been a dumbass.” 

“You’re fucked now, kitty boy.” Marinette muttered under her breath, making me want to cry again but I didn’t. 

“Is there anything I can do?!” I shouted my voice cracking a little bit making Marinette laugh at me. “I don’t want to die!” Brendon thought for a moment.

“Well, there is one person who might be able to fix this, although we don’t say his name anymore, let alone summon him from the depths of the Underworld. But, desperate times call for desperate housewives.” Brendon said before realizing his mistake. “Or, shit, I meant measures. Desperate measures. Though I could get some desperate housewives up here if y’all wanted. That’d be fun.”

“Brendon, you have a wife. And an animatronic bear boyfriend. There will be no housewives.” Marinette said, crossing her arms looking angry. 

“What? Alya’s allowed to have polyamory and I’m not?! This is reverse racism!” Brendon argued, still not wearing clothes except for the bubbles shielding his private parts from my innocent eyes. 

“The laws of consent don’t apply to Alya.” Marinette reminded him matter of factly. 

“Anyway,” Brendon said, remembering I was going to die if we didn’t do something. “This person is a dark, powerful creature. His name strikes fear into the hearts of many. I fear what will happen when he returns, and if he will bring the world down with him. There is no telling what will happen. Please, Adrien, think about what you’re asking me to do. You are asking me to rip apart the very fabric of the universe. The existence of the entire world is being put on the line here. Are. You. Sure?” 

“Who is it?” I asked, holding my breath and clenching my fists so my hands wouldn’t shake. 

“It’s fucking Ryan Ross, isn’t it?” Marinette asked. 

Beebo screamod.

“YOU CAN’T SAY HIS NAME OUT LOUD!” Brendon screamed, looking really really scared. I shrunk back into Marinette so she would protect me with her big, strong, muscley, arms. She pushed me away and I almost fell into a pit but because of my cat-like reflexes I didn’t. 

“Okay, so how do we summon Ryan Ross?” Marinette wondered curiously. 

“Same way we summon any emo. It’s really not that hard, Mari. Get with the program.” Brendon explained with a scoff and a sassy roll of his chocolate brown eyes. 

“Alright then.” Marinette said determinedly. “Don’t you know that those watermelon smiles just can’t ripen underwater-” 

“THE MEN ALL PLAYED ALONG TO MARCHING DRUMS!” Ryan Ross shouted as he suddenly appeared out of a dark, scary, creepy, wavy, black hole. Brendon gsasped as he saw Ryan and immediately hid behind Marinette, his face contorted into rage as he glared at Ryan from over her shoulder. Ryan was smiling really big, and was wearing a really cool outfit. [spoon write this later][no fuck you]

“Ryan? Can you help me? I don’t wanna die, I’m too young and beautiful. So many girls would be so upset. And so would Sans. But he’s dead. So I guess not.” I begged and pleaded with the mystical being Ryan Ross. 

“Wait Sans is dead?” Marinette asked curiously with big wide bluebell eyes. 

“Yeah, he is.” I said sadly with a single tear trailing down my cheek. 

“It’s about fucking time.” Marinette muttered. That made me mad. She was always so mean to my boyfriend. She’s probably homophobic or something. I turned back to Ryan Ross. 

“Yeah Adrien! I’d love to help you break The Death Curse of Pokemon Z™!” Ryan said happily with a great big smile. He didn’t seem scary like Brendon said. In fact, he seemed happy. 

Too happy.

“But, I’m gonna need some help if I wanna break this curse for you!” Ryan cheered, looking to Brendon with a knowing grin. “Brendon? Beebo? Will you sing a duet with me?” 

“No.” Brendon said before vanishing into a poof of thin air. 

“What do we do now?!” I shrieked. Ryan Ross looked at the spot where Brendon had stood, looking disappointed. 

“Can we just get, like, Pete Wentz to sing or some shit? Like does it have to be your ex-boyfriend?” I looked at her confused. Ex-boyfriend? What was she talking about? Ryan seemed to know.

“No, Pete won't work. But you will, Marinette.” Ryan said seriously.

“No way am I joining you off brand gay Beatles fucks!” 

“Do you want Adrien to die?” Ryan asked with raised eyebrows. 

“It's my dream.” Marinette said meanly. Then I cried again. She stared at me and then sighed. “Fine! I'll sing with you! But only because I need this dumbass to fight Chara with me.” 

“]5x[  
?eoJ eyE-nottoC ,morf emoc uoy did erehW  
?og uoy did erehw ,morf emoc uoy did erehW  
oga emit gnol a deirram neeb d'I  
eoJ eyE-nottoC rof neeb t'ndah ti fI

eoJ eyE-nottoC fo esuac' nem ylno tfel dnA  
wonk dluow ydobon os yawa nar lla yehT  
tnes ,nekorb ,lleH ot saw slrig eht fo straeh ehT  
tnew eh reverehw retsasid thguorb eH

]2x[  
?eoJ eyE-nottoC ,morf emoc uoy did erehW  
?og uoy did erehw ,morf emoc uoy did erehW  
oga emit gnol a deirram neeb d'I  
eoJ eyE-nottoC rof neeb t'ndah ti fI

eoJ eyE-nottoC fo esuac' nem ylno tfel dnA  
wonk dluow ydobon os yawa nar lla yehT  
tnes ,nekorb ,lleH ot saw slrig eht fo straeh ehT  
tnew eh reverehw retsasid thguorb eH

]6x[  
?eoJ eyE-nottoC ,morf emoc uoy did erehW  
?og uoy did erehw ,morf emoc uoy did erehW  
oga emit gnol a deirram neeb d'I  
eoJ eyE-nottoC rof neeb t'ndah ti fI” Marinette sang while Ryan made the orbeez noise. 

Then, I waited for something to happen. It never did.

“So, did it work?” I asked quietly hoping I wouldn't die after they had finished their duet. 

“Yup! You're cured!” Ryan said with a smile.

“Is Sans back from the dead?” I asked with tears in my eyes thinking of my loving boyfriend because I'm a bisexual and if you're homophobic frick off it's not a mental illness. Then Ryan disappeared. 

“Welp. I did my part. I'm gonna go play Dark Souls.” Marinette said before she transformed into Ladybug and nyoomed away on her yoyo. 

I thought it was over. I thought I was fine. 

But then, 3 days later, it happened.

I was laying in my bed crying myself to sleep like I do every night cuz I'm depressed when suddenly I heard a loud bang come from the corner of the room in the dark creepy shadows.

I gasped and looked over, and saw a pair of blood red demon eyes staring at me from the darkness. I shivered in fear. 

“W-Who are you?” I asked in a high but still manly voice. 

“Hey geys rinshara here from rinshara on YouTube thanks for following my insta I’m 18 brother of Paulina rodrigues aka pika girl I am taken by the best.” Said demonblade18. 

“You're going to die now. Because of Pokémon Z.” demonblade18 said and then I died.

Send this to 10 of your friends or else demonblade18 will be in your bed tonight and you will die like I did true story.

~

As Adrien finished typing, his hands still shaking on the keyboard, thundering footsteps sounded behind him. Whipping around, Adrien looked to see who it was, his heart pounding out of his chest. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw it was only Sans.

“kid, what the fuck are you writing?” Sans asked as he approached.

“SANS! YOU’RE ALIVE!” Adrien shouted, launching himself into his boyfriend’s arms.

“sadly.” Sans said, hugging him back before glancing towards Adrien’s computer screen. “what the hell is this?”

“My story! It's really creepy, right?! Fork and Spoon said I could write the next chapter!”

Sans stared at the computer screen, debating whether or not to point out that none of this bullshit actually happened, but just shrugged. “it's probably better than the two of them writing it. good job, kid. let's go to grillby’s.”

And then they lived happily ever after. Or so they thought. Until they went to Grillby’s and saw none other than the guy who had sold him the Pokémon Z game at GameStop. 

Upon closer inspection, he realized this man was also Keemstar. 

“Why the hell are you here, Keemstar?” Adrien asked.

“I'm here for your soul, Adrien Agreste.” Adrien began to cry as Keemstar held up the copy of Pokémon Z and took the blonde’s soul. 

After Adrien was dead for the second time that night, Marinette and Cecil ran into the room. When Marinette saw the scene before her, Adrien’s lifeless corpse on the ground with Keemstar devouring his soul and Sans off to the side holding the Pokémon Z game, she knew what she had to do.

Launching herself at the skeleton, she proceeded to kick the cartridge out of his hands and out the window it went. 

“Aw Marinette! Why did you do that to my old Pokémon game?!” Cecil asked, looking very sad. 

“It had to be done.” Marinette said, before cartwheeling out of the room. 

“so… you made the game?” Sans asked Keemstar. 

“Yup! And he murdered those children too!” Cecil supplied helpfully. Sans nodded and looked at Adrien’s dead body, and gaster blasted Keemstar out of existence.

Good riddance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you know how close we've come to orphaning this?
> 
> very, very close.

**Author's Note:**

> oh look...! the note that's on the bottom of every chapter! GET YO SHIT TOGETHER AO3


End file.
